Should I complain? Consultant & my weight.

[fatmumsclub]

Iv just had my 17 week app with the consultant (female) and when I left I felt like utter sh*t.

The first thing she said was 'we have a few things we need to go over, your overweight but I don't need to tell you that do I' as if to say, you can see your fat cant you! 🥴 then it went from there the whole focus was on how fat I am and how it is going to effect the pregnancy! Asking me if I was this overweight with DD! Which I was and then telling me how I had diabetes last time because of my weight and thats why I had a haemorrhage** to. So basically telling me everything that went 'wrong' last time was my fault because I am overweight then asked me if my blood pressure was high last pregnancy and when I said no it was fine she looked shocked and proceeded to tell me how my weight could lead to pre eclampsia!!

The thing is, I know I am overweight but there is a way of speaking to people!! you know like a human being! Iv never been made to feel like that in my entire life! None of the midwives I have seen have been overly concerned, they can hear baby's heartbeat fine and see him on a scan easily through all my 'mountains of fat!' So why was she such a cow🤦🏻‍♀️

Iv also name changed for this as it is quite embarrassing !!

Fat people are allowed to find rudeness upsetting well seemingly not, given fatttness is all about an individual being lazy, greedy and stupid, it seems we need it all pointing out as rudely as possible so we'll understand what awful people /mothers we are and not have any more children until we're still like the acceptable parents

It's shocking that a consultant would tell patients such tripe.

Yes, weight may be an additional risk factor for GD and whatever else has been mentioned in this thread (SIDS [which no-one really knows the cause of, we should add], high BP, pre-eclampsia [the risk of which goes down with a second pregnancy]), but weight is not a shown cause of this. Hence why there are millions of women like me with a BMI on the lower side of healthy who have high BP in pregnancy (like me with my first) or shoulder dystocia (like me with my second). Others might develop GD without clear risk factors or pre-eclampsia. Whereas the fat women sitting next to them in the waiting room, who 'should' get these things, are perfectly alright.
If all consultants worked in such a shoddy way, all thin people would die from issues that could be diagnosed but aren't, 'because they're not thin people conditions'. Thank God some people still do their jobs properly. My mother's family are all thin, yet a sizeable number of them have diabetes. My grandfather from father's side was thin, yet had high BP, as had his wife's, my grandmother's, sister as well as heart failure.

Putting every problem down to weight is utter tosh and consultants (should) know that.

What should the OP do, by the way? Diet? Not a good thing in pregnancy. Other than merely eating healthily (if possible with morning sickness), which is not going to lead to massive weight loss, OP can't do anything, so the consultant could have been more helpful by keeping 'the talk' for 36 weeks, when the OP can start planning for after pregnancy.

kikibo that is nonsense a sensible reduced sugar/slow release carb diet will definately reduce the risk of GD and if OP does develop it help control it. Controlling weight gain in pregnancy (especially in obese mothers) is linked to better infant and maternal outcomes. Now is wxactly the right time to mention it, not at 36 weeks !

Depending on height a BMI of 31 can be about half a stone more than one of 29. Posting such incredibly offensive vitriol at the OP about her supposedly enormous morbidly obese self when she might be a stomach upset away from being not obese at all is ludicrous. As is telling anyone they are a terrible parent for their weight.

Yes, some of the OP’s issues are made more likely by obesity. But correlation does not equal causation. PP haemorrhage can be caused by several things, and it’s not firmly proved that obesity is one of them. Other factors are just as likely so by ignoring those and saying it’s obesity, you risk not managing labour in a way that minimises the risk.

This is from the study I am part of the panel for. Any overweight women becoming anxious and upset from reading some of the frankly disgusting posts on here should look at their material as it’s clinically accurate and reassuring.

www.tommys.org/our-organisation/research-by-pregnancy-complication/obesity/how-does-obesity-affect-blood

While eating lower GI and sugar foods will definitely help you manage GD, it won’t stop it developing in the first place. It’s pancreatic function in pregnancy and some women will get it severely and need medication whatever they eat whereas others will have slightly elevated levels and manage it perfectly well with slight adjustments to diet.

Sorry OP but you have said you know you're overweight and happy with it..and the consultant said 'you're overweight, but I don't need to tell you that' so basically the consultant is just saying what you already know. Stating a fact.

This might sound harsh, but some women have absolutely no option to change their life to help their baby. For example women with health issues and having to take strong painkillers like morphine. Just to get through the day. Having absolutely no choice. There are many other factors that women can't do anything about while carrying their baby.

You can change. You can do something about it. Eating healthy. It's simple. It's not about what you want anymore, it's about your baby.

Then once your little beautiful baby arrives, you can then go back to eating what you want and being overweight again, if that's what you want.

Why should the NHS tiptoe around the situation. It's costs the NHS millions every year people being overweight. They don't tiptoe around smokers, so why should they tiptoe around people who are obese?!

What would a complaint look like, what would be the expected outcome? Would you require an apology?

@hopefulhalf

I think you'll find diet does nothing to the development of diabetes ( in general and GD in particular). As another PP rightly pointed out.

Management, on the other hand, can be done with diet alone ( if it's not too bad).

And another thought: did said consultant actually ask what the OP's diet was like?

We also don't know about her diet now, so how can some PPs be harping on about healthy eating?

I personally gain quite a lot in pregnancy (15 kg with each), yet lose it all after.
First pregnancy was the first time in years I had eaten 3 square meals a day. So I gained 2.5 kg one month early on. Ob tells me off and says to leave the biscuits alone. I couldn't even look at biscuits without feeling my stomach turn! Anything greasy or artificially sugary (as opposed to fruit) just didn't appeal to me, so I didn't touch it. HCPs shouldn't make assumptions based on conjecture. Some people are large because they are genetically predisposed or because of other issues they have no control over, so telling them off is unreasonable. They're not all binge eaters.

The OP has said she binge eats 🤷‍♀️
She is happy being overweight..but why should the NHS be scared to be honest with someone?
Some people need bluntness to change their ways.

Sorry but it shouldn't be so accepted in our society to be overweight. Unless you have health issues then there is absolutely no need for it.
The average woman in the UK is a size 16..it's not healthy, especially when your pregnant. Even then once you have had your baby, you need to look after yourself for your baby.

The NHS are struggling as it is. Like a poster said, the cost obese people have on the NHS in phenomenal! I think they should be blunt.

I kinda agree. It's irresponsible to get pregnant when you are a smoker, or an alcoholic or drug addict. It's the same with obesity. You can lessen the risks but not by keeping head in the sand and not listening when Dr gives advice. There are ways to safely reduce during pregnancy, but only if woman is open to them

I don't get why it's so bad for a doctor to point out the obvious and address medical concerns regarding you being overweight and pregnant?

You want to report her for doing her job because she hurt your delicate feelings by stating the truth?

Being obese does put a pregnancy at higher risk of complications, pretending it doesn't to spare someone's feelings does them no good.

Very upsetting- some medical staff have no tact and don't realise that the way they say things doesn't actually help people lose weight...

However it's something you can definitely DEFINITELY fix. It can be a fun challenge- have you looked up the planetary diet? That can also be an amazing focus. Prove to her that you can do it.

I was convinced there was something wrong with after don g every diet going and never losing any weight whilst breastfeeding. The doctor ran lots of tests and when the results came back he said to me. I’m really sorry but you’re just fat.
It really helped me. I needed to hear it. I don’t about the tone of voice but I’m actually glad the doctor told me. It’s the only thing that worked to motivate me off lose it. Maybe your doctor was meaning once baby is here you should have a look at your overall health. It’s not about you knowing because deep down I’m pretty sure most fat people know but certainly in my case no one except my doctor was upfront enough to help me. Everyone else was busy saying things like oh you’ve just had a baby blah blah. Just my opinion obviously.

I hate to say it but it's her job to tell you the truth. The risks of being overweight are real. Same as smoking and drinking, I imagine she would approach these the same way.

If the doctor had said "smoking is really bad for you but I don't need to tell you that do i" would you have been as offended? Like many have said it's just factual and whilst it's not nice to hear perhaps it's what people need to hear because your health is so important especially when pregnant.

I understand it's not nice to be spoken to in a way that you're probably not used to as often doctors are far more direct than friends and family for example but I would just focus on eating really healthy foods, go for plenty of walks and keep your weight gain to a minimum and then you shouldn't have too much too worry about afterwards.

Good luck!

I'm not convinced the dr was rude if you actually are overweight.

I dont believe the dr was rude. Obesity is a huge problem in our health service and it contributes to the strain on the NHS. Most people can can prevent themselves becoming obese or lose the weight but they choose not to. That's not the fault of your consultant. It must be so frustrating having to deal with patients that simply dont want to listen and worse yet dont seem to care the risk they but another life under.

People always talk about their right to things but very often dont want to take responsibility.

What fluffyjumper said.

I’ve just been to see my consultant today, hopefully for the last time before baby is born. I told her I wouldn’t like her job - having to spell out to people that smoking, taking drugs, drinking alcohol or being overweight/obese is bad for them. She said that she’s amazed by the amount of ignorance she encounters on a daily basis. She said that some people understand the gravity of their actions and do their best to change their habits for the sake of their baby but others bury their heads in the sand and go against all advice given. She said sometimes it strikes her as a rebellion thing ‘oh that consultant told me I needed stop eating crap so I’ll show her and get a pizza on the way home.’

I can see why it’s frustrating for them and I say this as someone whose on a high risk pathway thanks to BP issues caused by extra weight.

I’ve read a few nasty comments on this thread one of the worst being that all fat people are lazy. I have a high BMI, late 30’s. Up until probably 8/9 years ago I would of been in a healthy range. I lost 3 family members in a short space of time and it ruined my family & my whole outlook on life. I didn’t really care about myself anymore. I then lost a baby last year. Anxiety has riddled through me ever since. I find it hard to concentrate and focus on anything and it feels like I have brain fog 24/7, worrying about stupid things like do people like me and I’m am I going to die soon too. I lost my way completely. Im an emotional anxious eater and don’t think before I put things in my gob but I don’t exactly eat takeaways all week. I definitely didn’t exercise enough throughout the week but at weekends I try and get out for walks with my family and I can say safely that I can still run up and down the stairs without getting out of breath. I’m also rarely at the doctors. I’m not a lazy slob but my mind hasn’t been right ever since. Mental health issues can turn you to food, alcohol and drugs and many other things - I’m not particularly proud but mines been food. I’ve never done drugs and gave up smoking ages ago. The NHS are amazing and have been completely honest with me which I have taken on board, I’ve been shocked a few times but it’s what I needed and they draw just doing their jobs. The support they have given me is second to none and i’m not a fat lazy slob that’s taken it for granted. I’ve attended every session they have offered me. Recently and since my 12&20 week scans , I’ve been eating better, I’ve been walking more & I feel like I’ve got my mojo back because now I’m doing it for a little person inside me! That has pushed me and I will continue to do so. I understand a lot of the points raised here so please don’t think I’m also ‘I’m denial’ or ‘making excuses’ - but please let’s not forget peoples circumstances are all different ❤️

She said "your overweight but I don't need to tell you that do I'" and here you've said "I KNOW I am overweight and need to lose around 2 stone to be in a healthy BMI". So you want to complain about her ... being right?

She's a medical professional and it her job to tell you the consequences being overweight can have on your current, and past, pregnancies. I'm sorry you felt upset but it doesn't sound like there is anyway she could have addressed the topic without you feeling upset.

Saying that you felt like "punching her in the mouth" is horrendous.

I think the just had a bad bedside manner and were warning you of what could happen due to being a little heavier.

Op clearly none of us were there so didn't hear her tone of voice. You say she was rude. But you also say you're not sensitive about your weight and happy being fat. Both of which I am unsure is actually true based on your posting style here. It comes across you are indeed very sensitive about your weight.

So this then begs the question, is this just your sensitivity or was she in fact rude. I don't think any of us can answer this, because as said, it's clear you're sensitive about being told you're over weight and it's clear you're not happy to be fat at all, even though you're saying rhe opposite.

In fact if you were as happy as you make out about you being overweight when she said it, instead of being fucked off, you'd be more likely to respond with yes I am and I'm incredibly happy about it, as you're telling us you are.

Her name isn't Pat is it? She sounds just like my midwife who was just as awful about my weight. Phone up, request a new midwife and tell them why. I did and I have the nicest midwife now x