Public transport: a rant

[lazycat]

I am pregnant and HUGE. Why is it that hardly anyone lets me sit down on busses? I get on the bus and the people in seats often turn away or deliberately crane their necks out of the window, or start concentrating on their books intently, leaving me to be thrown around the bus and have my bump bumped by people pushing past... grrr!

I've got nothing against old lefties

I agree the world would be a much nicer place if people tried to look out for each other rather than just always putting themselves first.

I do think upbringing has got a lot to do with it. My DP is brilliant at getting up for other people on the tube etc and he puts it down to having it drummed into him by his parents.

On a slightly different note, I was on a bus in Elgin once and got up to offer a very pregnant woman my seat - it was standing room only. She turned to me and said "I'm pregnant not disabled thank you".

So I sat back down again

Hear hear about more announcements from station staff/drivers about giving up seats for pregnant women / the elderly, etc. Those pull down seats at the end of the aisles by the doors are supposed to be used primarily by those in most need of a seat - why isn't that pushed more?
I've only got a little bump at the moment, but when people have given up their seats for me on the tube they have nearly always been middle-aged / elderly men. How sad it is that other women are nearly always so damn oblivious.

That really annoys me. If I dont want a seat I'm always really nice about it and say "thank you, that's really kind of you but I'm only going a few stops" or whatever. Being rude just makes people feel like maybe they shouldn't offer their seat to preggers women in future.

I am now 22 weeks - not huge but clearly have a pregnant bump. So far I have been offered a seat just once, despite taking the tube to and from work each day (Central line). It was a young guy.

I am not so big that I really can't stand up, so I feel embarassed asking for a seat.

The bit that still gives me a giggle though are the number of people who look at your belly and then close their eyes. One night on the Central line every single person in the row had their eyes shut!

Seriously, I'm thinking of getting some kind of petition going! Maybe London Underground of TfL should introduce fines for people who refuse to get out of priority seats for people who need it. Or am I being angry, irrational, pregnant lady on a soap box

AAAArgh, London is becoming dog eat dog for pregnant women isn't it ? What gets on my nerves is when people see you on the tube and ignore you and pretend they didn't see you. Women are the worse culprits I have to say.
I asked some young people to move on the bus today and found them very accomodating !!
My friend with a baby says it is better when you have a child in tow- people suddenly become quite reasonable.
Outside of London- it's a different story have to say, I have been offered seats, been offered quicker places in queues and in toilets !!!

Everyone says to me I should ask people to stand up, but I feel I shouldn't have to ask. Why should I feel awkward and embarrassed? I've found women ok usually, esp ones in the mid 20s to mid 30s range. I guess they're of childbearing age and think "Oh I hope someone stands up for me when I'm pg" Young guys are usually ok too, I find older women and men really bad though. Men in their 40s and 50s just stare at you as if to say "well you wanted equality!"

Hey Mrs Mar,
You and I seem to follow each other on threads !!
You've been lucky I think. I have found the opposite- It's the older generation who appear to be the kindest !!

ah, missbumpy, we wouldn't have crossed paths as I rarely left the house before 9.30 or the office before 6 or so.

PBirdy, it's not really about size. I actually felt more anxious about standing before I started to show, I'm not suggesting people should have given me their seat without being asked at that point...

And Alfie, I haven't noticed it's so much better with a child in tow - I've travelled a few times with dp carrying baby, and the difference is that I ask people to give him a seat (now I'm not pg I will stand, that's fine) - but that's not even at rush hour or on a weekday.

As I said before most of the kind ones have been female, but generally older ones - I have also met some total bitches. And don't get me started on the use of ipods as a means of ignoring others.

Think it is a manners thing and you can see it starting sometimes - I was on a bus yesterday and a little boy kept whacking the head of an old lady in front of him (not on purpose, but just because he was mucking about holding onto her seat) - not surprisingly, she asked him not to - and he kept doing it. And his mum said nothing just looked at old lady as if to say 'what's your problem'. I despair....

On a more positive note though - I also got the central line from Bank to Bond Street yesterday (and I agree, it's generally populated with poorly sighted people, have although I've been reasonably lucky, bizarrely until relatively recently now I'm very visibly pregnant). Wasn't too fussed about getting a seat as it was quite hot and I wasn't going far, so easier to stand and get the air from the window....but a young guy (early 20s) got on stop after me, loudly asked if I was ok or should he bully someone into giving me their seat and then, when I said actually I was fine but thanked him, proceeded to speak at great length about how disgusting it was that people didnt' offer seats automatically.

It was great! Needless to say, all those sitting suddenly became very sleepy.....

Amusing tube story...

Travelling in with my best freind who had been staying with us on a very crowded Piccadilly line. Was stading at the corner of the seats, 27 weeks gone and VERY OBVIOUSLY pregnant (I'm quite petite and hence have looked huge for ages).

It was very hot and cramped and BF - said "right I'm getting you a seat!" I askd her not to, as we were only 2 stops from Finsbury Park where it usually empties out a bit and I'd probably get one then.

Lo and behold, we arrive at Finsbury Park and the young girl sitting on the end seat (almost directly in front of me) get's up to get off. and the smartly-suited bloke who had been standing next to us ? so closely he was practically resting his newspaper on my bump ? sat in it!

BF was furious (I am, by now, resigned to this sort of thing happening...) and yells at him "I DON'T THINK SO! CAN'T YOU SEE A PREGNANT LADY WHEN SHE'S RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU? DON'T YOU THINK SHE MAY NEED THIS SEAT MORE THAN YOU?"

BF is then joined by two 'hoodies' who have been standing next to us (swearing about football etc.) who chip in at high volume "YEAH THAT'S FING DISGUSTING, NOT LETTING A PREGNANT LADY SIT DOWN" & "SOME PEOPLE OUGHT TO BE FING ASHAMED OF THEMSELVES" "YEAH F*ING OUT OF ORDER, MAN" etc etc.

By which time the whole carriage is observing the scene (suffice to say all those sitting in seats also not budging) and staring at the bloke, who mutters a half hearted apology and reluctantly gets up.

Cue hoodie "THAT'S A BIT MORE F*ING LIKE IT"

I love it when unexpected people surprise you...

I was massively embarassed, (being easily so) but, much as I ahte to create a scene, kind of wish my ballsy mate and two hoodie defenders were always with me on the tube...

DB
xx

the image of very sleepy people makes me laugh. I can't wait to get a visible bump. I shall stand in front of healthy-looking people and eyeball them into feeling ashamed

I've been lurking, reading this thread with some amusement and sympathy.

Whenever I spotted someone who was pregnant, I always tried to give them my seat.

However, I am now in a dilemma of being 8 weeks pregnant myself... I am suffering from ms, lightheadedness and all the rest of it, but obviously am not showing yet. When a very obviously pregnant lady gets on my train, do I get up and offer her my seat, with the possibility of me then fainting/throwing up? Or do I sit tight and hope and pray that someone else spots her and gives up their seat?

I like your hoodie friends, designer.

A while back, LUL were doing badges for pregnant women that you could wear to make it clear you were pregnant and would like a seat, thanks very much. No idea if it worked or not, though.

I'm at the same stage as you, Ceylon. I can't read on the tube any more and other people's perfume smells make me light-headed. Unless I feel fine I don't give up my seat - I'm too scared of fainting.

If people can ignore a bump, they'll pretend not to see a badge

McE - I had one of those badges - was quite helpful early on, when people might be having the "is she just a bit porky?" dilemma. Always wore it on my bag though - couldn't bring myself to pin it to my ample bosom...

Now though, I find it doen't make much different - at 32 weeks, if my huge and very obvious bump doesn't do it, a badge certainly won't...

Those in early stages?

I wouldn't get up unless the lady is really quite big - then she may well need it more than you - no matter how rough you feel. I know that nowadays I'm VERY unsteady on my feet with very bad back/hip pain and find the heat extremely difficult...

It's a question of assessing need - if she looks fine, and you feel awful, stay put, however, if she's red in the face, sweating and huge then you might want to consider it...

But that's just my opinion - but then I don't know how bad you're feeling!?

DB
xx

I commuted until 34 weeks. In sarf london, on trains between kingston and waterloo it is most often the 40ish men that offer their seats up, clearly they have been beaten into submission at home!
On the victoria line its the young women in business suits that are the worst, once a bloke met my eye, got up and in leapt city woman. Nice.
Having said that, i can count on one hand the number of times i had to stand for a significant time between 20 and 34 weeks, i was very pleasantly surprised at peoples manners, all be it helped by strategic bump rubbing and sighing when necessary.

I think it's tricky in early stages - I'm now 34 + 6 but have yet to feel as rough as I did in first 12 weeks when I didn't get a seat, so sympathise. I suppose the best way to do it is to tackle it head on, say to the pregnant lady that you'd like to offer your seat but you're pregnant yourself and suffering with MS (or similar!) and, hopefully, she'll realise why you can't! And hopefully someone else will hear and give up their seat.

Although I appreciate you may not feel comfortable doing this - I probably wouldn't have!!

I think Lacking's right - I felt pretty grotty throughout my pregnancy but tired and sicky from the point when it dawned on me, (about 6 weeks). But also, I was anxious about being knocked around then, and I didn't show for ever and ever. But I was denied seats by plenty of people who couldn't possibly have been pregnant (on account of gender or very young age).

I must say I had a very different experience to many of you on the tube (Northern Line) going to work every day last year. I showed really early on (I've a small build and didn't put weight on anywhere else) and from about 16 weeks, I very, very rarely had to stand. Would agree with those who have said that it's often quite scarey young men who offer the seats, and other young women who'll merrily shove you out of the way on the quest for the last free seat in the carriage...

My method from about 26 wks when I just got too exhausted having to stand the 20 mins to aldgate was to stand with bump showing next to seats. If no one responded after I'd counted to 10 (mentally) I would say "would you mind letting me sit down?". If that failed, I'd tap one on the shoulder and repeat the question adding because I'm ... months pregnant. Never failed.

Only 3 people voluntarily offered me a seat 2/3 were middle aged women.

On my last day before mat leave the carriage was packed and on met lines the seats are set back. So I tapped a guy on the shoulder and asked him if he'd let me through to the seats. He said there aren't any. I said I know but I'm 9 months pregnant and need to sit down. He started yelling at me for not making it obvious!! Everyone tried to ignore him and a woman quickly gave me her seat and tried to argue with him but gave up on the grounds that he was a nutter. Nearly had me in tears.

With a buggy someone has always offered to help on tubes but rarely on buses - bar the spiky many piercings guy.

My friend used the northern line - Bank to Hendon. Hardly anyone ever offered her a seat. When I'd go with her I'd ask people to give up seats for both of us. She always looked way more pregnant than me even though 3 wks less.