Public transport: a rant

[lazycat]

I am pregnant and HUGE. Why is it that hardly anyone lets me sit down on busses? I get on the bus and the people in seats often turn away or deliberately crane their necks out of the window, or start concentrating on their books intently, leaving me to be thrown around the bus and have my bump bumped by people pushing past... grrr!

I was on a train coming home from work and it was my last day as going on maternity leave so must have been about 36 weeks gone.
No-one got up to give me a seat and I had a load of bags as well, seen a man looking round in complete disbelief at everyone before he jumped up and gave me his seat.
He was foreign (not sure from where), maybe its only us lot that are so inconsiderate of other people.
Had a lot of this as travelled the train twice a day to work, can't believe the selfishness of some people its actually quite hurful.

And i've only ever turned down a seat very politely.

The French are not very forthcoming with seats either tbh....

Thankfully I have never had to travel on public transport when pregnant, so no personal experience. However I have been among workmates when this conversation took place, and some men stated that they wouldn't offer their seat because women are always saying they are equal and don't want to be treated differently!, and women (even mothers) said things like "oh, we are all tired after a long day, she shouldn't be working if she can't keep up"!

I would offer a seat if the woman was very obviously pregnant, but would be terrified of offering it to a fat woman by accident, and being abused.

It's kind of depressing that they are handing out Baby on Board stickers for pregnant women to wear on public transport.

I guess people are so afraid of giving offence and some people so quick to take it that it can be a bit of a minefield out there.

There again, I have on occasion offered seats to young women of my own age who were carrying a lot of shopping bags or who just looked tired or hot and they've accepted them gratefully without thinking I was accusing them of being fat or disabled or old.

Leaving a heavily pregnant woman standing while you are seated is just extraordinary (if you are young and fit and capable of standing).

There does seem to be a particular (and worryingly prevalent) strain of misogyny that believes that if women want to be treated as equals they have no right to courtesy, even when pregnant, as getting pregnant was "their choice". I'm guessing this is the justification behind someone telling dassie she wasn't sick

I think the only thing any of us can do is being as considerate as possible ourselves, ask when we really need a seat and nobody's offering, step in when someone else really needs a seat and we don't have one to offer and nobody's offering, and bring up our own kids to have good manners.

I've had mixed reactions when I've offered my seat to pg people or those with prams, bags and babies, most accept gratefully, the scenario I remember though is the rude cow who looed at me as though I was a freak because I DARED offer her a seat (she was pg and holding a child) saying "I don't need your seat" the attitude was nasty to say the least. Although, when I was 10 weeks pg and just about fainted on the train and had to sit on the floor, no one offered me a seat even though I was obviously in distress. Its just plain rude and inconsiderate. I agree that it's more about the damage you can do to your bump if thrown about or slammed into rather than needing a seat due to tiredness.....

A week before I gave birth, I got on a crowded bus with my mother-in-law after a shopping trip. She announced loudly: "It's an absolute DISGRACE that none of you people will let a heavily pregnant woman sit down! I don't know WHAT this country is coming to!"

Cue several sheepish young men offering me their seats...

I love my MIL.

I give up my seat if I see a pregnant woman standing - I've been there myself and know what it feels like. Women are more likely to give you a seat than men even though having had children we all have varicose veins etc! There seems to be loads of pregnant ladies on the buses/tubes at the moment.

some brave woman got on the tube with her buggy - it wasn't packed the difficulty she had was going up the stairs ( loads of them) at the station. so as she was bumping up the stiars backwards - able fit, young men in suits just shoved past her.

i said rather loudly and pointedly "i'll help you with that if you want?"

bugger me if a nice man didn't come along ( thank fuck) and help with buggy carrying.

I heard a wwoman on the train from victoria going south ( very packed) saying to her daughter " i don't know if i can stand up all the way" - she wasn't old - maybe 50's but i can stand up all the way - its a fecking pain in the arse - and tbh once past east croydon usually get a seat

so i offered her my seat.

the abject rudeness in London constantly amases me

dont live in london, and whilst i was pg i couldnt sit on bus that was any where near full i passed out everytime, and if the bus smelt i was sick too!
now i get on bus with my 13mo dd she can stand and waddles well and when pl do offer they expect you to hand over your child no way! i quickly mastered the art of getting my self baby pushchair shopping on bus that doesnt kneel! when i get offered help i now say yes could you put my money in please although had broody 15yo insist he put my pushchair on for me last week!
When she was smaller we got the trian to see my sister i asked at th st for help getting on off she said ask on the platform, asked on the platform yes ok train came they didnt help did it myself on train told ticket guy getting off ... need some help please he said ok will be back was left waiting.
And i give up my seat for ppl who need it more than me, offer ton help with buggies bags, if on the odd occasion we get kneeling bus if someone gets on lots shopping sleeping child i fold my pushchair down because im able too.

Agere with Dassie that young (25 or younger) men seem to be the most likely to give up their seats, and it seems that the scarier they look the more likely it is!
I've had half a carriage full of people try to give me thier seats on the tube, so miracles to happen!

do happen!

Oh dear...my spelling!!

Stare at someone next time that'll make them move.My dc's and my dp have always done this and my dd is only 7.It seems bad manners are the only ones taught these days

Incidentally, when I was offered a seat despite not being pregnant, I gratefully accepted because I didn't like to admit I obviously just looked fat. Then I had to spend the rest of the journey patting my tummy as though I might be, so that the people who'd kindly given up their seats weren't embarassed either!

I travelled on the Tube every weekday up until 38 weeks pg, and from the day my bump became visible I never stood for more than a stop or so, and never had to ask.

I think there were a couple of reasons:

1. (Just luck this) My bump was very visible because I stayed the same shape everywhere else;
2. You have to position yourself correctly - forget who said this, but people looking at newspapers or listening to iPods mostly don`t look up. So I made darn sure I was standing right in front of the long banks of seats rather than near the doors. I also strap hung, unbuttoning any jacket etc, standing sideways on and sticking the bump right out. Eventually someone always noticed

Was also profuse in my thanks when offers came, so anyone around took note and hopefully passed it along the next time they noticed a pg woman.

On the one occasion someone pushed past me to get to a seat, an older guy spoke to her pretty sharply and she had to get up again.

Maybe the District and Circle lines have nicer commuters?

I have recently adopted a new seating strategy on the tube. Given that I am blatantly obviously now pregnant (33 weeks) if I am not offered a seat (and to be fair I often am now) I ask the person seated in the orange stickered priority seat very politely if they wouldn't mind vacating it. Nobody has yet refused or argued.

Having said that yesterday a woman in a priority seat looked at my belly and then dliberately looked down into her paper. I asked her if she wouldn't mind moving and she did get up but saying "oh sorry I didn't see you". Erm, yes you did love.

I have a feeling that people use the admittedly very stupid reaction of a tiny minority of pregnant women who choose to aggressively and rudely refuse the offer of seats as an excuse just to be ignorant themselves.

I've had various experiences on the bus everyday - most days I'll get a seat but I did have to stand the whole way into work about a month ago (am now 35 weeks). The bus was full of young couples and businessmen and I glared at them one by one but they all just looked away!! Even the bus driver asked me if no-one was giving me a seat!! I don't envy all of you ladies down in London using the tube everyday though - it sounds hellish.

Yesterday, I almost felt obliged to get up and give my seat to an elderly lady as no-one else was budging.

Anyway, my solution to the problem is to tell people that I'm prone to fainting at the moment and if I pass out on the bus, they'd all have to get off while they waited for the paramedics, so we'd all be delayed!!

I've just finished work and am 36 weeks pg. Agree with Moorhen that on the district line never had to go more than a stop or 2 to get a seat from pretty much 12 weeks onwards.(Have big, prominent bump) Whenever noone stood up, someone else standing (male or female) would usually say very loudly- shall I get someone to give you a seat- and that normally got several offers.
Never stand near the doors, push yourself right into the middle of as many seats as possible! The other day 4 out of the 8 middle seats had pregnant women in them...

In praise of the French....

Hubbie and I took a trip to Paris when I was 8 months pregnant. People were wonderful - never had to stand on the Metro with people of both sexes (including teenagers) offering me seats.

I was also let to the front of queues for toilets, in restaurants and at the Louvre was fetched out of the queue by a most concerned security guard and escorted to the ticket office.

So different from my experiences on the daily commute to and from Barnsley.

Why are hoodies so nice to pregnant ladies? Seems odd dontcha think?

I'm using the Victoria line daily and getting offered a seat about half the time. I'm not that big yet though, and only feel rubbish in the evening not the morning. Very embarassing situation this week though, when a wobbly old man who looked like he had probably served in two world wars staggered to his feet and offered me his seat. Cue everyone else in carriage to retreat into their i-pods/ Metros and refuse to make eye contact, especially the fit young whippersnappers in the priority seats. I was feeling OK-ish and tried to politely decline, but he was incredibly insistent (in a way that men in their mid-eighties often are!)- so I end up taking his seat and he has to strap hang for five more stops. Not sure what the etiquette is on this one, but it certainly didn't feel right.

When i was 7 months pregnant with a huge bump and travelling on the circle line, i actually gave my seat to a very heavily pregnant lady who looked as if she could go into labour at any minute!!

She was so appreciative but to be honest, i felt faint and my spd was playing havoc. However, i couldn't possibly have allowed any of the young, athletic looking youngsters to offer their seat to me could i???

At around 8 months also on the Victoria line northbound towards home, I was offered a seat by a woman with a baby on her lap! Fortunately when I said thanks but you need it the guy opposite was shamed into giving up his seat.

Up to 7 months I wasn't particularly big, and it was actually in the early stages I felt most panicky about having to stand and being jostled. My partner did tell a few people who glared at me that I was pregnant.

I noticed that 9 times out of 10 the kindest people were women in their 50s, the others (and I can still remember generally who really did) included a bloke with a partner who looked to be pregnant herself (so presumably sympathised). The worst for leaving me to stand even late in pregnancy were the football fans - I live between the Arsenal and Spurs grounds and it was horrible on match nights.