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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

help what surname do i use

27 replies

hayley2u · 16/07/2007 14:15

hi i really need advice on surnames.I am xpecting my first daughter in next 8 weeks and dont know who s surmame to use ine or my partners. we have decided to call our baby lucy short for lucinda.i already have a son fro previous relationship he has my surname lawrenson as does my partner his son has his surname. so what should i do
lucinda lawrenson
or
lucinda sunderland
or mixture of both
lucinda sunderland lawrenson.
please help dont no what to do.
we are not married therfore members of my family are teling e to kep m name then change it if married to his

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krispie · 16/07/2007 14:20

i agree, keep your name, then change it to his if you marry.

if you give lucy HIS name, it's a complete PITA to change it back to yours but very easy the other way round. God knows why

also - nice for your two to have the same surname.

bigknickersbigknockers · 16/07/2007 14:23

this is exactly the reason why myself and DH got married when i was 5 mths pg. I didnt want DS to have my surname because I still had my ex Hs name at the time and I didnt want DS to have his fathers name unless we got married. I am not keen on using both parents surnames together either. I would use your surname if you have no plans/intentoins to get married.

Original poster

hayley2u · 16/07/2007 14:24

i know thats what i thought just did not want him to feel lft out. i want lawrenson as i want both to have same name. do u fink i should put his name like a mddle name or just wait till he gets me dowhe aisle ha

OP posts:

SanetJvv · 16/07/2007 14:25

lucinda lawrenson sunderland
then she will have both het mothers and her fathers surnames and if you get married you wont have to change it.

LoveMyGirls · 16/07/2007 14:27

Wait til you get down that aisle if you really want to be married anytime soon, i changed mine and dd1's name to the saME OF MY DP'S as i was due our baby shortly afterwards now dd2 is almost 2 and he has no intention of getting married - says whats the point and we cant afford it.

Ellbell · 16/07/2007 14:27

Hello. I am married but have kept my maiden name. My dds have their dad's name, but my surname as an additional middle name (i.e. they are called Babybell Thingummy MySurname DHSurname, and are known in RL as Babybell DHSurname). I'd give your dd your surname as her 'proper' surname, and your dp's name as a middle name. Then she/you can choose at some point in the future to go double-barrelled if you want to.

JoMa · 16/07/2007 14:28

I gave ds1 both our names as I didn't want him to not have my surname, but also wanted him to have his dad's name. We have just changed it because he's old enough to understand and he now has just his dad's surname. ds2 has my name.

notanotherone · 16/07/2007 14:31

We gave my dd my dp's name and but stuck my surname as an extra middle name. It helped my ds who has same surname as me feel that his sister is connected to him. we have since got married and I have kept my maiden name. It is all a bit messy, but it works. It is funny having dc with different surnames though!

Original poster

hayley2u · 16/07/2007 14:32

its so hard is nt it. if i kep my name that will be her proper surname think
lucy lawrenson
and maybe just put sunderland(his surname )as a middle name.
its great hearing your opinions it really does help as so confused about it.

OP posts:

RubyRioja · 16/07/2007 14:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ScoobyDooooo · 16/07/2007 14:35

We are not married & have 2 children they both have dp's surname.

RGPargy · 16/07/2007 14:41

My DS had his father's surname but when DS was 3 we split up and i knew the right thing to do in our circumstances was to change his name by deed poll to mine. Not a hassle at all.

I am expecting baby number 2 at the end of November and will give this one it's dad's surname too. Just a personal preference really!

Original poster

hayley2u · 16/07/2007 14:42

they are our real names.my son is jack lawrenson so want my daughter and his to go together but i was not with sons dad wen chose his surnmae so that was easy mine ha

OP posts:

kerioke · 16/07/2007 14:59

Hi hayley.. it is a dilemma isnt it? ive been through the same thing myself... my first child was born 7 years ago and i gave him his dads name.. we went on to split and he refused to let me change my sons name.

years later i met my current partner and this time i wasnt having any of it! but he felt very hurt by this... after speaking to my local registrar i discovered that if i used both names, BUT put mine first i could later 'drop' my partners name is desired (though this would never be the case as i am happy for our son, and this baby to be to have both our names).

As a result of these finding my first sons dad agreed to let me add my name to his as well. so now both boys have thier mums name followed byt here dads... phew sorry it was so long winded but hard to explain the pro's and con's in one sentence.

in brief by having both names, both parties are happy and feel involved and baby will have the stability of both mum and dads names.

Original poster

hayley2u · 16/07/2007 15:13

thanks kerioke
im glad my son has my surname, what a pain of ur x not to let u change it. that would be what id be scared off. i mayuse his name as a silent middle name and if we do get married then change them,. why cant things b so much easier. x

OP posts:

Tanee58 · 16/07/2007 15:19

My daughter was given my maiden name as a middle name. She has her father's name as her surname. We got divorced, and I have a new partner - so now we have three surnames in this household, but I still use my ex-married name when dealing with dd's school to save confusion there. Some people have said I should just revert to my maiden name for all purposes, but people seem able to relate more easily to me in the context of dd, when I use the same surname .. such is conventionality...

tess01 · 16/07/2007 16:15

hi hayley, personally i would have your partners surname to be the offical name on birth cert, but for lucy to be known by your surname, this is so both children are known by the same surname. But the name change will be straight forward if/when you get married

This is how i dealt with a similar situation

aikigypsy · 16/07/2007 17:59

I'm in a similar situation, and I think we've decided to use my surname (much, much easier to spell that DP's, for one thing). Our relationship is relatively new, and I figure that if we do decide to get married later, we can do name-changes then if we want to.

Idreamofdaleks · 16/07/2007 18:04

keep your name.
you will probably have most contact with the school etc so it is easier if your name matches your childs. And if you ever split, again it's easiest if your child has your name as they would probably live with you.

This is not the traditional approach but it is the pragmatic one and I did this myself - it has worked well.

Lucinda is a sweet name!

funkimummy · 16/07/2007 18:21

Hi,

When my DS was born, we were 4 months off our wedding and so chose DH's surname. I didn't know this but apparently by law if you aren't married the child is meant to take the mothers name. If you then get married, your DD will have to be adopted by her own natural father in order to be able to use his surname.

I thought it was rather a lot of effort, so we stuck with DH's surname as previously mentioned. The registrar said it was perfectly OK.

Congrats on your impending arrival!

Eaglebird · 16/07/2007 18:22

Me & DP aren't married & I'm 26 weeks pg.
I didn't fancy the baby having a double-barrelled surname, as it would be too much of a mouthful.
We talked about the baby having his surname, and having my dad's first name as a middle name (if it's a boy), or my mother's first name as a middle name (if it's a girl). This way there'll still be links to my family in the baby's name.
However, after reading through a baby name book, I've found that my surname can also be used as a given name, so now I'm thinking of giving the baby my surname as a middle name,and using DP's surname as the baby's surname.
Maybe I should just ask DP to marry me, which would simplify things

mad4girls · 16/07/2007 19:06

hi hayley
mines complicated but please read

i have dd1 from first relationship and we split when pregnant so she had my name (he didnt get a say) by the time dd2 came along i had married her dad and changed all our names to my married name

im now on to number 3 and my exH went long ago im now divorced, and me and children have gone back to my maiden for this one reason as i wanted all my children to have the same name and me to have the same name as my dc, (its bad enough they have differnt dads with out diffrerent names as well)

it was made clear to dp before i got pregnant it would have my name, for a start cant see him getting down on one knee with me hes still married to his wife a long story, but unless he makes the effort to at least get divorced, it will be having my name. someone suggested to me to have double barrel But it doesnt work
Powdrill-Powley or the other way round there just too similar, might add as a middle name it only seems fair.

but id go with your own name like someone else said its very to change if you do get married but if you give lo his name now and god forbid you split you need his permission to change it to anything else, so its easier if you just start with yours from the beggining imo

sillysillysally · 16/07/2007 22:00

I sympathise too. I was keen for ds to have my partner's name as I felt that I didn't want people assuming he wasn't my partner's son. Silly reason but i don't regret it.

katelyle · 16/07/2007 22:19

I am not married. I use my name, dp uses his, dcs are hyphenated. I have never has any problems or difficulties with this - why not do the same?

BTW,even if I was married, I wouldn't change my name - you don't have to , you know!

WinnieThePooh · 16/07/2007 22:23

DP and I are not married DD1 has his surname and my surname as a second middle name. DD2 is due in 12 weeks time will be the same.

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