To find out if a boy or girl? Thoughts!

[MegCharlotte]

Hello!

I'm 16 weeks pregnant and up until now have always thought I'd keep the sex of the baby a surprise... but more recently I am leaning towards finding out! I have a couple of close friends who are pregnant and either know or will find out, and I like the idea of feeling more of a bond when knowing what it is. Also it helps when buying/decorating. But then I've also heard how lovely it is to have a surprise...

What are people's thoughts/experiences?

Thanks! :)

With my 1st we didn’t find out and it was a lovely surprise and added some excitement to the pregnancy with people guessing. With my second we found out the main reason been to prepare my dd that she was going to have a baby brother.

We have found out and it feels more real now and I'm a planner so want to have nursery set up for our girl.

I loved the idea of not knowing but am terrible at surprises and my DP wanted to know so we found out! I'm now 39 weeks and pleased we did, I don't think DP would have had the same bond with the pregnancy without knowing what we were having. Also, we are so excited to know what our little girl will be like, what she will look like, what her personality will be etc so there is such a lot to look forward to apart from finding out the gender. I can totally see it would be amazing to find out at the birth though!

Oh, and also preparing for a little girl is something my Mum and I have really bonded over which I didn't expect but it's been lovely

I waited. It was so nice when the midwife lifted the baby up to see/find out it was a boy.

To me, finding out early is bit like opening your Christmas present early. Still nice but not as special as on the day itself.

I'm 13w and had the harmony test the other day- we're finding out. I asked the consultant if many people didn't find out and he said with first baby it's about 50:50, then with subsequent babies it's more like 70-80% do want to know. That's still a big chunk of people who loved the surprise so much they wanted it again though!

Personally I can't wait to find out. I'm not into overt gendered stuff, but I would like to decorate their room slightly differently depending on the sex and might treat myself to a pink hood on the pram if it's a girl! If you're leaning towards finding out I think meeting them and seeing their face for the first time is a special enough moment without needing the surprise of finding out what sex they are as well. My DSis knew the sex with with both her babies and even as only their doting aunty it was still a very happy and exciting time when they were born- so please don't think you'll 'spoil' anything if you do go that way. Congratulations!

I found out and I'm pleased I did but it made no different to how we prepared or what we bought. Everything is gender neutral.

I found out with my first, but not the next two. Not finding out is SO much nicer. Finding out after the hard slog of birth is nice, and makes the announcement to family/siblings more exciting. It means you get to pick out two names, it means you don't go overboard on stereotypes which is the biggest positive imo. There are so many lovely nursery themes and clothes in white/grey/rainbow/red/yellow/green/pastels/mustards/orange. We had lots of lovely scandi brands, cloud print, frogs/giraffes/elephants, rainbow block muslins etc gifts, and gorgeous neutral coloured hand knits rather than the awful sea of pink or blue gifts you get when people know in advance. And I really don't think knowing helps with bonding at all. It means you are more likely to bond with an imaginary child. With my last baby I actually didn't look to see what sex they were for a good 10 minutes, it was just the baby I'd been waiting for and loved regardless. There is something magical about that.

I didn’t find out with either of my and if I have anymore I won’t find out neither! I LOVED not knowing and finding out when the surgeon held them up over the screen so I could see (2 sections).

Oh and I bonded just fine! The thing that annoyed me most was people saying I wouldn’t be able to be organised without knowing!!! Bollocks! I was just as organised as anyone else I just had no intention of going down the blue/pink route I prefer neutral colours!

I found out both of mine. I just couldn't wait. For my second I promised myself I would DEFINITELY wait for the suprise but I just HAD to know. Always wish I'd kept as a surprise. It's something to look forward to after all the hard work!

I'm a little horrified that PP said they knew what their personality would be like because they knew they were having a girl. Seriously, are our personalities the same just because we all have vaginas? Heaven help those kids who turn out to be gay, or don't identify as their assigned gender, or just don't like whatever gender appropriate activities their parents had been dreaming of since before they were born.

That's actually the main reason that we aren't finding out. I want to bond with my baby, not a stereotype based on their genitals.

Sorry, that turned into quite the rant. I realise that not all parents to be do it for those reasons.

Before our viability scan at 6+6 we decided that, if it was a singleton pregnancy, we wouldn’t find out and would go with all gender neutral colour scheme (which fits my nursery theme anyway) but, if we found out it’s twins - which is it - we would find out as there is so much more preparation to go through. We have decided we will probably book a private scan around 18 weeks to find out but we don’t intend on telling anyone else so it will be our thing. We have already chosen 4 names (2 of each just in case) and decided which are our first and second choices - and we’re not planning on telling our family what they are either!!

I’m also 16 weeks and we are definitely not going to find out. Biggest surprise of your life! I like the PP’s analogy of opening Christmas present early.

Each to their own though - most of my friends found out because “they just HAD to know”

@ChaosMoon I didn't spot the post where someone said they knew her personality? (Unless I've missed it...) I think the poster meant they could get excited and wonder about her personality and still have lots to be surprised by despite knowing the sex. So you can know the sex of the baby but still have lots of 'I wonder if she will be funny like you or introverted like me' revealing the sec doesn't mean there's any less excitement or guessing games to be had.

FWIW I kept my pregnancy a surprise and I 10000% recommend it I loved going through the labour (long gruelling and traumatic) and having that moment of 'who has been in there' and also the added drama of telling people

I read it as the PP said just because she found out the sex doesn't mean she'll have no surprises, because the personality etc will be a surprise as she grows. Maybe we should be less quick to jump down people's throats.

I hope that's the case @Luckyduck88 and maybe I'm missing it in my sleep deprived state. I just know quite a few people who have been disappointed by finding out they're having one sex or the other. You see it on here quite often - and I fail to see why either would be a problem unless you had some very stereotypical views on gender. I just think that's really sad, and more than a little dangerous.

Sorry, that should have said "maybe I'm misreading it", not missing it.

@ChaosMoon I think you misunderstood what PP meant about personality... she was saying that she is excited to find out about what the personality will be like and other things after the birth as they grow up, so finding out the sex isn't everything. I don't think she meant that finding out it's a girl means she knows the personality, I think she meant the exact opposite!

I found out and I've enjoyed it! I don't think it's helped me bond with the baby as such, but it's helped the pregnancy feel more real to me! Although since I found out it's a boy, everyone keeps saying things like "what did you hope you would have?"... umm a healthy baby? or "oh didn't you want a girl?"... nope, just a healthy baby please! Those kind of comments are annoying, and especially my sister and husband keep going on about how they wanted it to be a girl. I think those kind of comments make it annoying to find out, but you could find out and not tell anyone! But overall, I think if I ever get pregnant again I will find out again.

@ChaosMoon sorry someone else said the same about the personality thing as I was typing my post!

We didn’t find out - we wanted a baby. It didn’t matter to us whether it was a girl or boy. Decorating the nursery and buying clothes was irrelevant as I hate gender colour clothes.

There is no "right way"
I had a tricky time with previous pregnancies and finding out really helped me bond as I felt quite detatched until that point
We didnt tell anyone though
Second pregnancy I saw DS penis on the screen anyway

I was going to keep it a secret then at the 12 week scan we found out we had twins and one had not made it. So DP and I decided we needed a little "pick me up" and asked at the 20 weeks scan.

For me it's a surprise when you find out and when they are born the surprise is not ruined because you actually get to meet them.

We also asked on our second. Well I did. DP couldn't make the scan.

We weren't going to find out but then started calling the bump "he" alot (just a feeling it was a boy). As this continued we thought we best find out as, try as we might, we kept referring to the bump as Male. Turns out she was a girl, we didn't really care either way but were glad to know so could call her the correct pronoun!

I was happy not to know, but we had NIPT testing done privately so had the chance to find out sex at 11 weeks as part of that. DH was really keen to know so we did, and I am really glad we do know now (15+1).

I was sure it would be a boy and we are having a girl. We are delighted either way but I am surprised how much I like knowing!