To find out if a boy or girl? Thoughts!

[MegCharlotte]

Hello!

I'm 16 weeks pregnant and up until now have always thought I'd keep the sex of the baby a surprise... but more recently I am leaning towards finding out! I have a couple of close friends who are pregnant and either know or will find out, and I like the idea of feeling more of a bond when knowing what it is. Also it helps when buying/decorating. But then I've also heard how lovely it is to have a surprise...

What are people's thoughts/experiences?

Thanks! :)

If you do decide to find out I would wait a little longer than going private at 16 weeks
We had a sex scan at 16+1 and was told boy, fast forward to our 20 week we was told actually its a little girl, this has been confirmed by 3 sonographers now!

Didn't find out first time, the surprise was tremendous! Loved not knowing. Did find out the second time, more for practical reasons as I wanted to know if a whole new wardrobe of clothes would be needed. However did make the finding out special by doing an extremely tacky (but great fun) gender reveal.

I found out both times. I regarded the sex as a piece of information that was available to me about my baby, alongside the various screening test results, measurements etc. I don’t think it especially affected my bond with the baby and it made no difference to purchases that we made before the birth. That’s really it.

I wanted to find out with DS but DH didn't so we didn't and in the end I loved the surprise and ringing people and saying you've got a grandson/nephew etc.

This time round we have reversed roles and DH wanted to know and I didn't. After a 6 year battle to get pregnant again I don't care either way as long as it's a baby!!

DS is nearly 8 and also wanted to know but we've told him he can be the one to tell people the news this time.

I have also noticed sympathetic head tilts from people when we say we don't know, (nearly 21 weeks) as they assume we asked but the baby was in wrong position. In a recent poll by a private clinic near us only 11% of people were team yellow

I’m currently having this discussion with DH about our 2nd baby. We find out next week and have already told people we are going to find out but DH now said he doesn’t want anyone to know as it’s not their business. Plus he didn’t want certain family members buying stereotypical gifts. We didn’t know with the first but seeming as we now have a loft full of girls clothes and a nephew with clothes to donate, we want to plan ahead. Unsure what to tell people now when they ask because they will know that we know

Wow I didn't expect so many responses! Obviously a very emotive and personal choice.

For me it's less about bonding or buying certain clothes/decor etc. I guess it's just the excitement and visualizing how the future might look (although that's pretty pointless as a baby/child/person is defined much more than their sex!) I also don't feel very pregnant right now, and I thought it might make it more real..

But thank you all for the insights, it's still left me on the fence, so I'll probably let my OH decide... he's team surprise! But we have a few more weeks before the 20 week scan to decide for sure..!

Just to add as well, we LOVED the surprise with the first. We had no idea for a boys name so when she came out, I exclaimed “it’s a Maisy!” Highly recommend surprise for first

It’s definately personal choice though people seem to feel quite strongly either way. We didn’t find it with DS and we haven’t found out with this pregnancy (though should find out when he or she makes an appearance in 2 weeks!!!). I quite like the guessing, one week I’m convinced it’s a girl and the next a boy and it makes no difference for getting prepared (we’re totally sorted! Nursery, clothes, names the lot!).

I don’t think it ruins the surprise, it’s still a surprise it’s just people choose to get the surprise earlier, nothing wrong with that!

One of the biggest things for me is that it definitely saved me money as I often see things and think oh if I was having a little boy I would get that, and I’d have way more than I needed! So it’s good from that perspective.

Saying all that though, One thing that really does piss me off (though could be pregnancy hormones!) is the people who seem to think they can bond more with their baby because they know what’s between its legs! What a load of shit! I already have a strong bond with this baby and did with DS. You’re connected to them, you feel them moving, you worry about them, you think about them all the time, it makes absolutely no difference if you know if they’re a girl or a boy. I find it quite offensive that people might think that their bond is better because they’ve brought a pink tutu and call them by their name and I’ve brought a plain white Baby grow and call them baby.

I waited to find out, and would definitely wait again for any future children. There are so few good surprises in life, and I honestly can't think of a better surprise to wait for, than finding out after the challenge of labour, what the gender of the baby is. But I was definitely in the minority amongst by friends, in terms of not finding out, so I think it's more usual to find out these days.

Congrats on your pregnancy!

I’ve just had my boy 2 weeks ago & didn’t find out the sex of baby though was tempted! It was a great surprise when he came out and I’m so glad we left it to be a surprise 😍 an incentive to breathe baby out 😆

I'm on the fence! First two pregnancies, I didn't find out and had surprises at birth. However, I had 2 very traumatic births and don't remember feeling anything about what sex they were, I was just relieved they were ok. With baby number 3, I am with a new partner, and along with my 2 girls, we agreed we really wanted to find out! So the 4 of us went to a private scan, and when the sonographer pointed out a little willy, it was such an emotional moment! We had tears and laughter and hugs and it felt so special. And I love knowing.
I still think though, that with a first pregnancy at least, a surprise is nice. But I have no regrets at all about finding out. I'm really glad we did.

@ChocolateChipMuffin2016, I am one of the people who felt more bonded to my pregnancies after knowing boy or girl. I know a lot of people who have had late losses, and it made me afraid to want my babies too much. Once I knew their sexes, they had names, and I felt like I could talk about them as someone real to me. I don't think (I really hope) that the folks saying they felt better bonded are saying your bond is lessjust that for them, knowing helped. I know it was that way for me; being able to name my babies made me feel more comfortable with the babies as actual people. I also know it isn't that way for everyonemy SIL didn't find out with her first, and she is the ultimate mum--just different strokes for different folks

I didn't with my first two and did with my last. Don't find out. It's much more special not knowing until the birth.

I love not knowing and we won't be finding out with this one either.
We decorated in neutrals first time round and loved being able to tell everyone once she was born.
I think I'd also panic that if I knew and it was wrong, I'd have already made a subconscious connection to that gender and then be disappointed even though I don't care at all what we have.
I think it's each to their own though. When we had dd the sonographer told us that he found most people tend to find out these days so was quite excited that we weren't.
Also I don't think you know if it helps you bond or not as once you know, you don't go through the alternative so you can't really compare.
Just make a gut decision and roll with it.

When my own children were born, the only way to know for sure was by having an amnio test, which I did not need or want because having already had several mcs, I was not prepared to risk the pregnancies. So we had a lovely surprise each time.
When dgs arrived, our ds and DIL had chosen not to know in advance and are both completely determined that when/if dc2 comes along, they will choose to keep it a surprise again. For me, there was nothing to compare with the moment when the midwife told us we had a son , although the moment when that son called to let us know we had a grandson cones pretty close!

@ThanksItHasPockets that's how feel! Just more information about my baby I can have. I found with #1 and will find out with #2. It won't change our 'preparation' but I want to know everything I can.
Plenty of surprises at birth, what they look like, if they have hair (and what colour) their temperament, how the labour/section goes. I don't see that sex needs to kept until then

Incidentally, on the subject of ‘specialness’: I was fortunate with my first pregnancy to be under the care of King’s, whose scanning equipment and expertise are world-class. After doing all of the necessary checks and ensuring that we wanted to know the sex, the sonographer showed us our baby’s ovaries. We learnt our daughter’s sex by seeing the site of the cells already in existence which might one day, if she chooses and is able to conceive, become our grandchildren. That was pretty flipping special.

I'm team surprise. It was the best bit of labour (though that's not a massive competition I suppose )

ThanksItHasPockets that's amazing! I got a bit choked reading that!

I just found out and honestly feel like it's ruined the rest of my pregnancy, I now don't feel like I have anything to look forward to. (It's been a pretty shitty pregnancy so far with hg) but by finding out the sex I've taken all surprise out of it and now just wanting it to fly by and be done with.
Also I agree with pp saying not finding out has nothing to do with bonding, I just can't seem to bond with something I still see as imaginary.

@avacadooo
Oh no please don't feel like that, you'll have so many surprises to look forward to (what it looks like etc) I think either way, whether you find out or not, the most important thing is that you have a healthy and happy baby... and once it becomes real and doesn't feel imaginary anymore, the hard work of pregnancy/labour will make it worthwhile (or at least that what I tell myself when I'm puking all day!)
I hope you feel happier soon xx

Oh no please dont feel like that! What are you having and when are you due? Can you take yourself shopping and buy something lovely for your new arrival?