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Original poster

Do you ever recover from tearing?

64 replies

Moorhen · 10/07/2007 18:06

Am 39+3 and just spent afternoon with my friend and her 18-month-old. Naturally we talked about birth - she had a smallish baby, only 6lbs, but 3rd degree tearing.

She said she's still not right, and some things including s*x are uncomfortable. But she seems to accept that this is completely normal and nothing can be done.

Am now even more apprehensive and somewhat upset. Is this true?

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rebelmum1 · 10/07/2007 18:09

did she tear or was she snipped? as i understand it tearing heals much
better.

PrettyCandles · 10/07/2007 18:16

IME something can be done, and she doesn't have to accept it.

I had a fairly bad 2nd degree tear with my first child and needed masses of stitches. I didn't heal properly and was in constant discomfort and sometimes pain. Certainly sex was pretty much impossible! I had several unsuccessful cauterisations, and at 8m had the stitches completely re-done under a GA. It made a huge difference. It was not perfect, I still had a little discomfort during sex and at other times, but I was no longer constantly uncomfortable and troubled by it. When my 2nd child was born I tore again along the scar - again a 2nd degree tear, but not quite as bad. This time I healed without any difficulties, and the new trauma seemed to have re-arranged me, because I no longer had any discomfort whatsoever, and sex was completely pain-free.

So, IME, you don't need to just accept it. It is perfectly possible that it can be treated.

HTH

walbert · 10/07/2007 18:17

I had a 3 tear, had to have poo next day, couldn't help it, think it was the thinnest poo ever!!! , but don't worry, things felp a bit 'tight' or if i had poo (that topic again!) things felt like they were pulling, although no painful, just odd, but after about 3 or 4 months everything seemed to settle. don't worry about it, it's not painful when its healing, just feels odd (like when poorly joints feel odd in cold weather!) Hope that helps!

peanutbear · 10/07/2007 18:18

I had a 3rd partial 4 degree tear with my first child

I think it depends on the surgeon that sews you back up but I did go on to have 2 more chidren and didnt tear at all with my third

It happens for lots of reasons and its not common place from what I understand but it does take time to heal

PurpleLostPrincess · 10/07/2007 19:32

I had an episiotamy (sp?) with my first and tore along my scar with my second. When I tore, I tore upwards and (sorry if TMI) my clitoris is completely broken as such. I was devastated at the time and looked into having surgery but the GP said it might affect my libido so I decided against it.

I do feel slightly conscious of it now, especially when DH and I got married (2nd husband) but he doesn't mind at all and it hasn't affected our sex life in any way.

I'm a little worried about what will happen this time but not sure if there's anything I can do to prevent it...

What is the difference between 1st, 2nd and 3rd degree tearing btw, which is worse?

puffling · 10/07/2007 19:37

I had a 3rd degree tear. I think it was sewn up very well as I've never had a problem since. The only thing I notice is that tampax fall down and feel uncomfortable more often, but that might just be due to giving birth.

mummyto2littleprincess · 10/07/2007 19:43

they had to cut me i was fine after

moopymoo · 10/07/2007 19:47

i had epis with ds1, tore with ds3. am fine if a little, er, less snug...its not the best bit of child birth, thats for sure.. a good midwife can go someway to protecting the perinium. and may i mention perineal massage? sposed to help. enjoy .. seriously, you will have your baby soon, the gruesome stuff preoccupied me at this stage

RuthT · 10/07/2007 19:53

PurpleLostPrincess - the higher the number the worse the tear.

I had a real problem post dd1, was sewn up after an episeotomy (not sure what level of cut) and sex still hurt after 1, 1.5 years - now it seems okay. i did go to a consultant who said I was physically fine and suggested it may be mental. Which to be honest I ignored - it was real and only at certain angles iyswim.

Rebelmum is right - tearing is better.

Even having gone through it once tbh I it would not worry me now as 1. it really is only an issue for a small %age of women 2. it has healed itself 3. there is something you can do about it if it continues to be an issue.

MrsMar · 11/07/2007 13:54

If tearing heals better than cutting, why do they cut you? I appreciate sometimes they need to get the baby out pretty quickly so a cut is the only way, but I did read or hear (or something) somewhere that if the midwife sees you're about to tear they cut you. Did I get that wrong? Surely they'd just let you tear?

PrettyCandles · 11/07/2007 13:58

With ds1 the mw said that I was bleeding in a way that showed that I was tearing internally (ie vagina, rather than perineum) and that she wanted to do an episiotomy as that would minimise the internal damage. I gave permission, but ds's head came out before she had a chance to do anything. Hence extensive tear inside and out.

BikeBug · 11/07/2007 14:00

I thought they cut rather than let tear because you can guarentee the severity of a cut, but no way can you tell that a tear will only be a minor tear... So cutting with slower healing versus possibility of a really severe tear. I had an episiotomy, am very glad it wasn't a 2nd degree or worse tear.

bookthief · 11/07/2007 14:10

An episiotomy is basically the same as a 2nd degree tear in terms of damage I think.

I had an episiotomy and recovered easily and quickly. I imagine it would have been a similar situation with a tear of the same degree. I consented to the episiotomy because I was having trouble delivering ds's head and needed that little extra bit of help. It really was ok so try not to worry if that's possible.

3rd/4th degree tears are uncommon and they will perform an episiotomy if they think a bad tear is likely (don't know how they know though).

MrsMar · 11/07/2007 14:17

If you are asked if you want an episiotomy, do they offer/give you some kind of pain killer or are you so numb from all the other stretching pain that you don't notice the cut? Sorry for all the q's, it's something I'm quite apprehensive of, I'm going to try perineal massage to try and avoid/reduce the risk of tearing/cutting.

pirategirl · 11/07/2007 14:20

sorry I cant say from my exp that tearing is better at all.

For a start it is not controlled, and there is no way to predict in which direction one is going to tear in.

Had a 2nd/3rd degree, yet tore up by my clitoris too. I would have much prefered a cut to ease baby's head. Unfortunately i put do not cut me on my birth plan, as I was under the asumption it would cause less damage.

i also tore all over the labia, my baby was 6lb too.

Sarahjct · 11/07/2007 14:23

OMG I think I want to cry This all sounds horrendous...

(13+6 with legs tightly crossed!)

Chattyhan · 11/07/2007 14:24

I had a 2nd degree tear which healed well and after a week of tenderness i had no discomfort - no problems since. I did think having the stitches done was the most painful bit of childbirth! I tried perenial massage but i still tore - maybe i didn't do it enough! but i found it very difficult to do with such a big bump and won't bother this time.

FioFioJane · 11/07/2007 14:24

I had a tear and it healed fine

bookthief · 11/07/2007 14:28

you know what MrsMar, I honestly can't remember and it was only 8 months ago! I believe that yes, they do use a local anaesthetic but after 2.5 hours of pushing I can't imagine I'd have really cared that much.

Pirategirl, your tear sounds awful . Apparently the size of the baby is no prediction of whether you will experience perineal trauma of any degree since the relevant measurement is the baby's head circumference and that doesn't really differ by a huge amount.

FioFioJane · 11/07/2007 14:29

mrsmar they give you a local anasetic (sp?) you cant feel anything

pirategirl · 11/07/2007 14:29

Just want to say, i know its all sounding scary, BUT, i truly wish I had hadmore knowledge, and had heardof more women's exp, b4 i went to have my baby.

I had PTSD from the shock that this could happen to your nether regions, and this was despite reading anything I could get my mitts on.

Everyone is different, you areprobably going to hear some of the worst expereinces, on here, as itis quite an emotive subject.

Yet as Chatty said, she had a bad exp with the stiches, whereas I can honsetly say i felt nothing when I was stitched.

I had gas an air, and they gave me a few jabs done there to numb me. I was quite happy to be stitched.

Forearmed is forewarned imo. Keep as upright as you can, if you can. If it helps, my birth exp was also disadvantaged by having SPD, and a crap midwife. Many many women have a good birth. good luck.

PurpleLostPrincess · 11/07/2007 16:03

pirategirl, I just wanted to say how reassuring it is to hear that somebody has had a similar experience to me! Up to now, I had been slightly hesitant about saying where I'd torn etc but then as we all know, dignity goes out the window with childbirth .

Also, I completely back up everything else you said

MrsMar · 11/07/2007 16:04

Thanks Fio!

And thanks Pirategirl for the advice, I'm pretty nervous about the whole thing tbh and currently veering very much towards the epidural side of things, but as you say, forewarned is forearmed. My friend from school who was the first to have a baby out of our group of friends told us all never, NEVER have a look at your bits afterwards. For years afterwards! She cried for days, and she had a pretty straightforward birth (had episiotomy and ventouse but all healed fine)

cupcake78 · 11/07/2007 16:27

This is the one thing that really scares me about having my baby.

I have asked friends both male and female if there is a difference afterwards and they have all said not really and that it will be ok.

I am really worried about it and it had never occured to me that anything other than the perinuium may tear. Is there anything that actually works to prevent it - positions etc. Massage is getting more and more impossible as my bump is getting in the way and it is becoming more and more difficult. Not sure on how DH would take to being asked to help.

lulumama · 11/07/2007 16:33

not everyone tears!

a tear is better than a cut, as once the skin is cut, it can just keep tearing as the baby is born, but with a tear, it can be less extensive

there are things you can try

as the head crowns, listen to the midwife, and pant, and try to control delivery if possible...the midwife can guard the perineum if neccesary....and putting your own hands down onto the head, and the perineum, can instinctively slow the birth, and lessen the risk of tearing

water birth supports the perineum, and being on all fours, or a supported squat, can take pressure off the perineum, and reduce the risk

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