To NOT take maternity leave.. WWYD?

[Mol5]

Bare with me..

I work from home 24/7 but I am not self-employed.
I work for a USA based company and I have a home office in the UK.
I am an employee and would qualify for mat pay from the company if I chose it but I am the high earner in our household and we would be really effected by the reduction/loss of my wage.

So I am debating whether or not I need to actually take maternity leave. Obviously I am expecting to have a few weeks scheduled off work but no more than maybe 4-6 weeks then return to work 'full time', from my at home office.

Instead I've suggested my husband to take shared parental leave and give him the chance to be at home with me and DC1 for the first few months.

I've mentioned this to a couple of friends and family and they seem to be mortified at the idea, but I don't really see a negative difference to me being at home not working on mat pay, or me being at home with a laptop open answering emails intermittently and getting paid a full wage..

This will be our first baby so I guess I might be being very naive in what I will need to do.

WWYD? Any advice?

Thanks!

Actually I think that sounds ok.

If your husband can be at home too I actually think it makes sense. You can't look after a brand new baby and do a full time job but if he is there too, why not! Then you can look at other children care options when he goes back.

No reason why you can't do this, but you need to factor in how you may be affected physically and emotionally by giving birth. It's not always the walk in the park some people might have you believe.

Depends on your birth, baby and support from husband I would say.

If your going to have 4-6 weeks off after baby born and then go back to work (from home) if your husband is there maybe it will be fine. Will probably depend on your role for your company.

So your husband would be able to look after baby while you work? No way could I have worked and looked after baby!

Are you planning on breastfeeding / expressing breastmilk? That can be incredibly time consuming.

Also bear in mind you are likely to be exhausted - can your job be done on very little sleep?

If you have the self discipline to actually work despite the distraction of your partner and child in the house then I don't see why not. But I personally wouldn't have that level of self discipline. I would have found it hard to handover after a number of weeks of being primary carer, so I'd consider whether your partner can take shared parental leave in parallel to you from the start so that he is already 'up to speed'.

If you are planning to feed breast milk then I'd recommend a hospital grade pump so that you are not spending every non working hour expressing! (I don't think it would be realistic to breastfeed during your working day as it would take so much time).

I think that’s fine and it’s the same length of maternity leave women often get in America so your company would see it as normal.

I think a lot depends on the birth, your feeding choices and the baby. With my eldest I had a horrific birth (a traumatic c section and huge PPH) and I was in pain and felt unwell for months. I also breastfed and she cluster fed from about 2pm every day.

My youngest it may have been possible. That section was much better and he didn't cluster feed. Still would have been exhausting though.

I think it sounds utterly miserable but doable if your DH is at home full time.

I have many US colleagues who've taken very short mat leave for financial reasons and I feel nothing but sadness for them if I'm honest so unless you really have to for financial reasons I wouldn't plan it that way

Answering emails intermittently whilst being paid a full time wage.

Umm, if you are being paid for a full time job should you not actually be doing it?

I have a 7 week old, and trust me when I say there's NO chance I would be able to work from home yet. My boy is good, too! (Sleeps 4 hours at a time at night, fairly content baby) however he has good days and bad days, and often I spend the good days treasuring cuddles or getting out the house to recover from a bad day! Bad days I literally won't get anything achieved except feeding changing and soothing him. I feel you are being naive, unfortunately.

I also study for a degree only part time and I struggle to find 14-16 uninterrupted hours - my parents have him so I can do it for a few hours at a time.

These early weeks and months are for bonding and cherishing how little they are, you may regret prioritising work. People are differently motivated though so no problem is this isn't an issue for you as such, but it was a factor in my choice as to when to go back

I suppose it's fine but is your job really a high earning job that just involves occasionally answering an email? If yes what job is it and how can I apply

Please read up about attachment issues - your baby is going to need you.

A friend did something similar as her dream
job came up and she felt it was a once in a lifetime opportunity for her and financially it made a massive difference to the family finances. Her children are now adults and she has no regrets.

Nix the baby will have Dad, or doesn’t that count ?

It's doable - you can do any thing you put your mind too. But with my first I was surprised how long it took me to recover physically and emotionally and they first 6 weeks were horrible. I had a new born baby, I was in pain from labour, I was exhausted and my baby wasn't feeding so we had health visitors checking him every two days.
The last 3 months of my maternity leave were amazing, he was on solids, crawling and had am amazing personality. I started to go out to groups and made lots of friends dnd going back to work was horrible but very necessary

Honestly?

I think deciding this before you're a mother is naive at best. You have absolutely no idea how you're going to feel physically or emotionally.

You've no idea how baby is going to be either. Some babies will be fine with this others won't cope well at all.

Google "fourth trimester" too

Is dh going to be looking after baby at home with you also working at home?
How big is your house? Because I can see it being very distracting baby crying or even just nearby while you're trying to work. It's NOT the same as being able to ignore another persons baby crying, there's an emotional attachment that is (or should be) very strong.

Are you planning on the baby going into formal childcare after your husbands paternity leave ends? How old would baby be at this point? Lots of formal childcare places aren't set up for/won't take very young babies.

Especially if the set up is one where other children are also being cared for, because very young babies need pretty much 24/7 care and it's virtually impossible to care for other children adequately in a professional setting if caring for a very young baby.

I speak as someone with a lot of experience in childcare including as a nanny and childminder.

A nanny is one option but I would advise you use one that you KNOW has experience of very young babies and that tends to be older nannies, because in recent years it's become much less common for mothers to return to work while the babies are still very young.

Older + more experienced = more expensive too.

Even in group care arrangements fees for younger babies tend to be higher too BECAUSE there's more input required and it can mean they're unable to take on additional older children and the loss of those fees needs to be balanced.

And again I personally would recommend a provider with proven experience (not all childcare providers are equal, even with regulation there's a huge difference in quality)

Have you considered all of this? Have you checked into possible providers and fees?

Even purely from a financial perspective I can easily see you being lucky to break even.

@butteredghost beat me to it, what is this job that only requires sending a few emails?

It's torture trying to work while bouncing a grizzly baby on your knee. So somebody needs to be at home full time with the baby, but I don't think it matters if it's your husband or you (unless breastfeeding, when you do need to be available). You might get an amazing bonny baby that sleeps for years but you can't know that in advance, so prepare for having a velcro baby and you won't go wrong. Make sure to give yourself time to get over the physical trial of labour and in case you need any interventions. Good luck.

You have to legally take 2 weeks maternity leave (4 if a factory worker), apart from that, the amount of leave you take is up to you.

My first fed every 3 hours for the first six weeks, and took an hour to feed, so only 2 hours break / sleep at a time at night time. If you’re bottle feeding you might get more of a break between feeds.

Thanks for your replies and advice from those who have been kind enough to offer legitimate, kindly worded, thought provoking responses. I will definitely have more of a think about the potentially harder aspects.

My job is of course more than the odd email but I didn't think the nature of work was relevant.. I am a European Director within professional sport and have the luxury of reasonably making my own daily work diary across time zones.

I can work from anywhere so I guess I just presumed no matter what I was doing, including feeding baby, I can reply to an email from my phone or laptop beside me. I would be at home with baby 24/7 and not missing anything at all, but also Dad is there to help if I need to take a call etc.

Why are your friends mortified for you? Do you mean embarrassed by that word? What's it got to do with them? Weird reaction. Why would they be embarrassed?
I think breast feeding could take up more time than you think. Otherwise sounds good.

This that @graphista said

Google "fourth trimester" too

Is dh going to be looking after baby at home with you also working at home?
How big is your house? Because I can see it being very distracting baby crying or even just nearby while you're trying to work. It's NOT the same as being able to ignore another persons baby crying, there's an emotional attachment that is (or should be) very strong.

I found it incredibly hard work in those first few months with both of mine. Had my husband been working from home I’d have found it very hard not to rely on him to give me a break from a screaming baby, make sure I could drink a hot drink, make me lunch etc. The mother-child bond is very different and there have been times when I have nearly shoved my DH out of the way trying to get to my baby when they have been distressed. It’s just natural instinct.
You may be able to make it work but it’s impossible to know until that baby is with you.

I'm on maternity leave and no, it wouldn't work for me. I also work from home and DD will still be going to nursery when maternity leave is over.

You will be tired beyond everything you've ever known and your every waking thought is them - I just don't feel that you will be able to be in the same house be able to just leave DH too it. I say this as someone who has an 'easy' baby.

I probably would have thought the same as you prior to maternity leave and thought it was possible but I now couldn't disagree more.

You won't have any time for fun or to eat, so you won't need the money. Take the time off.