My body....

[TequilaMockingburd]

29 weeks, 45 years old and am obviously delighted to have come this far .... but:

I have hairs on my tummy- all over
My belly button has popped out and is an odd pigmented brown colour
I can’t see my feet let alone shave any bit of me
I have heartburn every minute of every day
And today was out of breath eating a bloody yoghurt!

When does the glowing bit happen?

37 weeks here with my 2nd and admiring the dribble around the neck of my nightie after an early evening nap which turned into a missed-the-whole-evening one. Wide awake now at almost midnight of course.

Swollen ankles, dodgy belly, hairy everything, indigestion and double chin are hindering glow somewhat, but on the plus side my hair is quite glossy and my sister cut my toenails at the weekend.

In my last week at work and at the 'I can't believe you're still going, you're HUGE!' comments stage, perks me right up Awaiting last minute giant stretch marks for extra jazz.

OMG. So, somehow I failed to put together that my Mr Tumnus legs, Dennis Healey eyebrows, Freddie Mercury moustache and lustrous head hair would also be happening... elsewhere.

I've never been big on grooming my muff (never had a bikini wax!) and when it disappeared from sight below my bump a while ago I more or less forgot about it, til I came to bed last night in just a T-shirt (too hot) and DP yelped, "It's down to your knees, like you've got a tail!"

I went and stood on a chair to look in the bathroom mirror. It is not a tail. It is Dumbledore's beard.

Oh this is cheering me up no end. It’s my 50th birthday next week and I was feeling all sad about never being pregnant again but now I remember how awful it was!!

Glad the misererable pregnant ladies can be of service!

Yup agree with the majority of this. 29 weeks with my first. People at work have complemented me on my glow. Wtf. I'm spotty. I'm white and pale from feeling sick ALL THE LIVE LONG DAY. People have stopped reassuring me that I'll feel better by 12 weeks, or better in the second trimester. Now they just do a sympathetic head tilt....

I feel ya!! Pregnancy glow is the biggest con going.

I had HG from week 5 until 18 (started on the first day of my honeymoon 🙄). Now 25 weeks and still being sick 2-3 times a day but just in the morning now with the occasional overnight boking sesh. Haven't had a decent night's sleep since week 4, in bed by 8:30 most nights, tummy covered in hair, unattractive burping ALL THE TIME, weird sore hiccups that come in 3s then stop, headaches, hip and back pain, nausea in the mornings and evenings, smells still turn me... I'm sure there's more.

Then I look at Instagram and see these amazing looking pregnant women - WTF?!

I can't wait for baby to be here and to never do this ever again (first and last).

Amazing thread. I'm 30+4, still waiting on the glow. It's got to be a con.
Still struggling with morning sickness, the other day I had a particularly horrendous bout of retching and wet myself at the same time. Delightful.
Also had to have my tummy waxed.
At least we're all in the same boat x

18 plus weeks with baby number 4 and I feel disgusting

exhausted, fatter than ive ever been, im sure there's cellulite on my ankles. My nipples look like lorry wheelnuts, my hair is lank and shit, ive developed the driest most sensitive skin and and have now developed SPD over night, FUCK THIS.

Well... now I’m thinking about starting a Real Mums of Instagram page @weebean.... I think I joined the same group as you and it’s thoroughly depressing... all glowy, shiny hair free tums, lounging in loungewear and watering vibrant houseplants! InstaSCAM

YES @TequilaMockingburd!! All for Real Mum's of Instagram! For a start it's surely so uncomfortable to be posing in some of the clothes/nightwear they wear! Also, I've only managed (a bit of) make up once since Christmas Day (for future SIL's hen party), how do they look so perfect?! And my houseplants all died months ago...

Forgot about the wetting myself when I'm being sick, it's gone from being the odd thing to being a pretty regular occurrence (thanks Tena Lady btw)

Hi, I’ve just found out I am pregnant and understand that I am going to go through some huge changes / challenges but have to say some of these posts have put a huge smile on my face.... thanks for sharing .... can’t wait to join in discussions... or maybe not ... doing fab ladies 👍🏻

14+5 with dc5 and now have a cough which makes me pee......

This thread is great, thank you, OP!

My contribution is what I am calling 'gorilla tits' - didn't realise how they would actually change colour. Nipples are pale pink with a dark brown outline and then very brown all over the boob area too. They were saggy to start with but now remind me of a gorilla. I did have something white coming out of one nipple but it fell off in the bath 🤢

Don't get me started on the vaginal discharge...

This is my absolute favourite post, the replies have made me laugh out loud after being awake since 3am with hip and knee pain plus upset tum. I'm 17+6 and have been waiting for the glow, hoping it might get better... 😂

@burritofan dumbledores beard 😂

No glowing for me either at 28 weeks with my first at the age of 38. Gestational diabetes, farting when walking (then panicking and randomly standing still in front of a bunch of people), skin tags galore, fuzzy tummy, strapped feet and knees and currently in hospital on my third drip, IV load of antibiotics and off my face on tramadol because of a virus. To be honest I’m quite happy though and everything had a lovely fuzzy edge to it...

Today I am wearing a stripy dress and caught a glimpse of myself in a shop window...FFS, my arse is the same size as my bump - Stripes are bad.

I have a lovely spot on my chin - also visible in the shop window and I am waddling.

Myleene Klass looks good though - I may have to stop following her on Instascam

28+6, baby number 2.

I don't have heart burn.

I do have nausea, fainting, low blood pressure, vulval variscocities, piles, a fat arse, spotty face and greasy hair. I'm fucking knackered and have awful spd. Oh and i sometimes piss myself.

I am never doing this again.

So I’m only 6w today with second baby. Currently in that awful wait, post miscarriages, to get past 12w. This post has really made me laugh. Thank you ladies for sharing the wonderful reality of pregnancy! Utterly hilarious. X

Evening all...just updating as I saunter into the 34th week.... still not fecking glowing!

Piles though.... Jeeezo....literally the worst. I can feel them move when I waddle!

As you were!

No glow here either. 26 weeks with dc2.

I feel fat heavy exhausted run down exhausted achey snotty hungry sleepy bit sick. But no glowing.

Bump is not huge (although I feel enormous). And I have had a relatively easy time so far - no sickness etc. But I am so sick of being pregnant

I’m sick of feeling breathless when I walk up the bloody stairs. I’m sick of feeling judged when I’m at the gym. I’m sick of maternity clothes.

I’m getting a bikini wax next week (needs must) and am desperate to have a g&t.

Ds is exhausting. He’s 18 months, super chirpy happy and a ball of energy. He also has a cold or something at present so is very clingy and wants picking up all the time. Which I physically can’t do. 😪

I just want to be me again. Non preggo me. I’m never doing this again. Two is enough. Nope.

Ememem.... gym and bikini wax, I salute you!

tequila the bikini wax may be a mistake...I’m sure it’ll hurt. But I cba to do anything myself. So short term pain...and it’ll be sorted.

The gym is a staple for me anyway and I feel mentally better for going. I’m not allowed to do anything remotely sweat inducing which I was doing.