Elcs twins - will I "miss out" on birth?

[Cosmogirl86]

I am currently 12 weeks with twins and although it's early, I'm considering birth options.

I am considering an elective cesarean as the risk of assisted birth and medical intervention is much higher with twins. There is also a possibility the first baby could be born vaginally and then an emergency section required for second.

What I'm worried about is missing out. I'm aware that probably seems silly. But having an appointment scheduled in advance means that I miss the anticipation of the final weeks, wondering when they will arrive. I also wonder if I'll regret not having the experience of natural birth. Due to my circumstances, this is likely to be my only pregnancy.

Am I being silly? Will I regret an elective section?

^go and read the infertility boards for 5 mins. It really is ridiculous to feel you've 'missed out' because you didn't have some idealised version of birth. Makes me bloody angry tbh.

I don't need to read the fertility boards as I lived through infertility as previously stated
I've lost pregnancies, had failed ivf, spent more than I can afford and was literally about to give up after five years when this cycle worked.

My expectations and experiences are my own. I am so grateful, as previously stated, and I stated I'll always do what's best for the children. But there's no point being mad because I asked for opinions on how other women feel about elcs - as you have seen from previous posts, I'm not the only person who experiences regret

I had two planned CS, first for breech and second because I was hoping for VBAC but went to term and beyond and baby wasn’t making any moves, so decided to have another ELCS.

I do slightly feel I missed out on the whole waking up at night with contractions experience. But my first couldn’t have been safely delivered normally anyway. CS recovery is no walk in the park though!

Not you op!

OP I completely understand your feelings. I've not had twins, but I always hoped for vaginal births. I had long labours, but manageable with a TENS and gas & air. I did hypno-birthing and although painful, I felt as if baby and I were working as a team. I felt them moving through me and it was incredible. I know it sounds 'happy clappy' (which I'm not at all), but it was a wonderful life experience for me.

HOWEVER, if at any moment there was a risk I would have had no hesitation to have a section and wouldn't consider myself a failure or less of a woman. Birth is such a personal experience and it's normal to have an idea in your head of how you'd like it to go. No one should minimise those feelings. If you're very keen to try vaginal, it's worth discussing. You have rights to say what you want, as long as babies are in no danger. There is a book called 'Positive Birth' which I found useful. Wishing you a healthy pregnancy and safe delivery of your babies.

I think you’re projecting some of your feelings about the conception of your twins onto their births. Do you think you’re worrying about ‘missing out’ on the birth experience because you didn’t become pregnant via a traditional route?

^go and read the infertility boards for 5 mins. It really is ridiculous to feel you've 'missed out' because you didn't have some idealised version of birth. Makes me bloody angry tbh

Already familiar, but thanks for your suggestion

It’s not a race to the bottom. It’s not about who’s had it worse. It’s about acknowledging your feelings and letting them go.

Someone always has it worse. But doesn’t mean we should dismiss or get angry because other people are upset because women in africa don’t have the option of csections or whatever.

CS is much harder on the mother's body and with a longer recovery time but its probably safer for the babies. Elective CS a lot less traumatic than an emergency CS. And you can make plans and arrange support for after the birth, get as much as you possibly can.

You are less likely to suffer ongoing incontinence issues after the birth which is horribly common after a vaginal birth.
Plenty of upsides to a planned CS, just focus on them.

I had an emergency CS and was HUGELY RELIEVED not to have to deliver vaginally, certainly do not feel that I missed out. The typical CS pouch/overhang I could do without though.

I would try to focus on enjoying your pregnancy and planning for when the babies have arrived rather than dwelling on alternative realities. You are just as likely to regret a vaginal birth as a CS just for different reasons.

Lots of people prefer planned CS because it seems more "in control". That didn't appeal to me, but I think OP might like that.

I've been puzzling over whether there is a not-proper way to give birth. That poor woman who gave birth up a tree. Or prisoners handcuffed to beds. Those could be called improper childbirth.

I guess Catholic church opposes IVF as a kind of "improper"; but they don't oppose CS. They might argue against artificial wombs outside any sort of human body, I imagine.

My other thought, I guess nobody wants humour, but honestly... by the time DD gives birth the risk balance & options will be so different from what I had. Plus she's a teenager right now who knows the answer to everything. As if she'd want to hear my childbirth advice. Ha!

Congratulations on your pregnancy OP!
I had an ‘elective’ CS with DS1 - nothing elective about it though really, I was devastated when I was told I needed a CS. I’d researched hypnobirthing and read lots of books, went to special classes etc and had this idea in my head of the amazing natural labour experience I wanted, and being told I had to have a CS made me feel like a failure. I thought I’d be missing out on something amazing.
Fast forward a few weeks though and I felt completely differently. knowing exactly when my baby would be born was a huge weight off my shoulders! I felt much more prepared. My whole experience was very calm and very positive. There was pain afterwards but it was managed well.
Ultimately no one can know if you personally will feel like you have missed out on anything by going with an ELCS. For me though, I strongly believed I would feel like that and I didn’t, at all. What comes after the birth is so huge and life altering that in my case it completely over shadowed how my son actually entered the world!
I hope that all goes well whatever you decide xx

Hi @Cosmogirl86 - I understand how you feel as I have a friend who felt the same with her DS - she had to have a ELCS due to the placenta being in the way - and she had a tinge of regret about it and worried about not having done it 'properly' for a wee while afterwards. I honestly don't think she thinks about it much now though, so I think the feeling will fade or reduce as living life with your precious babies takes up your thoughts rather than how they come into the world.

I have a DS5 who was natural delivery; but not ideal (he was back to back and I needed episiostomy, forceps and was prepped for emcs in case) so I know that it's slightly different for me as I have been through it and know it's really not the be all and end all - all I cared about was getting him out safely...

I am now (after 4 years TTC, 3MC and 7 IVF transfers) currently 7.5w pregnant with twins and while I don't want to be jumping ahead yet as I know too well how it can go wrong still at this stage, I have actually been thinking that one way to keep me from worrying so much about these babies arriving safely is to have an ELCS. I found pushing out one baby HARD and the idea of doing 2 at once is terrifying for me, so I'm actually thinking the opposite to you....! but I do appreciate that it's easy for me to say as I have been through labour so I know it can go shittily but that in the grand scale of things it doesn't matter, you just want your babies safe. Have you been advised to have CS or is it just an option you are considering? X

Yes it's a life experience, but the important bit - getting your squishy baby, you get either way. The bits you miss out on are basically hours (or days) of agony from contractions, injuries which can sometimes be life changing, and a bucket load of unpredictability etc. You miss the painful bits, and get the nice bits instead.

There is no 'proper' way to do childbirth - anything where you both come out alive is a success. If you/baby aren't permanently injured or traumatised by it, then it's a roaring success.

I was offered a c section but chose to have a VB. It was very straight forward (unlike my previous labor) and it meant I could drive and get around ok straight after which I was really keen to do having a 2 yr old too. Down side is my pelvic floor is in a poor state. I can understand the missing out aspect despite what other people say, I think women who've dad ECS get a bit defensive about it.

Tricky did u have twins?

I have twins. I choose a cs for exactly the reasons in you op. I had to fight a little to get it signed off but I wasn't budging. I've never regretted it for a moment. Recovery was swift and painless too

@hollowvictory yes

I'm seeing my consultant soon to get some advice. Thank you so much for all the opinions ladies!

If anyone is worried that a section is too easy, I was in hospital for a month after mine had a further operation and then had a tube attached to a machine coming out of my tummy for 2 weeks. Not easy being ill when you've 2 babies in nicu. But I'd still choose c section over vb for the sake of the babies.

We’re all different as previous responses suggest but I have no regrets about my caesareans. The first one wasn’t planned but was calm (failed induction which was awful, never had a contraction) and the second was planned. They were very positive calm experiences and all the theatre staff were lovely. I have some great photos of my youngest being lifted out. We had skin to skin straight away (after initial checks). It was great. Of course I don’t have a vaginal birth experience to compare to but the births of my children were incredibly special and I wouldn’t swap those experiences even if I could.

Just seen the defensive comment above. I don’t think I’m defensive. I wouldn’t slate someone else’s birth experience. I can only talk about my own.

I think discussing with your consultant is the best idea, everyone is different and you can get misleading advice on hear. There's a comment easier where the poster says despite having a really bad time with a cs they'd choose that option agsin for the sake of the babies??? Cs is no safer than vb for the twins. Hope it goes well what ever you go for!

My consultant advised Cs was safer than vb for twins (may not be the case for single babies, I don't know) . One on 210 vb twin births result in 'mechanical difficulties' getting the 2nd twin out and they don't make it alive was what he said. On that basis I chose Cs (but ended up with emergency Cs anyway).
Different consultants may give dif advice, you can only go on the info available to you at the time of making a decision.

I had an elcs on medical advice (well, compulsion really, as my consultant refused to deliver by any other method in my circs (prem delivery due to iugr)). Tbh I do feel like I missed out a bit and as that was my only delivery (also ivf) there won't be another chance. Having waited so long, I really, really wanted to push the baby out myself, but obviously getting her here safely was the most important thing. Time is a great healer in terms of processing my feelings around the delivery, as it is with most things.

Mine was fairly straightforward but I will never forget the pain of being stitched up after an episiotomy, peeing blood into a bedpan that night then being made to do it again as I hadn't done enough, pooing with stitches, trying to sit and breastfeed with a bruised undercarriage. It was actually quite traumatic and you are very much expected to just suck it up like vaginal birth recovery is not a thing.

To be fair you’re expected to suck it up like Caesarian recovery isn’t a thing either.