Family/friends when is it safe to meet baby

[YummyMummy2019]

Hi ladies,

So I'll be honest I'm slightly - a lot - OCD. And I'm always careful about germs etc.

My question is how soon do you all let people visit your newborn?

My husband wants at least his two week paternity to be just us - aside from the midwife visits. And allow as much bonding as possible as it's such a short time he's off work. Which I think is fair!

But I'm considering even extending until 6 week jabs. Is this OTT? He's due in March and I don't want people coughing and touching his face or kissing his little face etc spreading things!

Gosh, I will have family and friends visit me in hospital once I have the baby. I have always visited my nieces and nephews and friends babies in the weeks after it.
I get that you want to be careful but that seems really extreme to me.

I agree with PP. My parents would be devastated if I didn’t let them see baby until days/weeks after birth! I totally get the concern but waiting weeks seems a bit extreme to me.

My family would have been devastated if I'd made them wait a fortnight to meet their grandchildren!

Just get them to wash their hands, it's fine.

You also might be bored shitless after two weeks and need some adult conversation.

Are you going to want people to be part of his life later? Buying Christmas presents, sharing your excite myment over milestones, babysitting? Because if you do, locking them out for 6 weeks is unlikely to help.
You don't need to have mass gatherings at your house, and definitely ask sick people to stay away, but will it be so terrible to have grandparents over? They're no more likely to be ill than your DH is, after all - and you may find that you really value having someone around for company once he's back at work. Congratulations and hope all goes well!

As soon as possible. Babies belong in families, not bubbles. Ask people to wash their hands, or provide anti bac gel.

A sterile environment isn't really the best, your baby needs to be exposed to some germs in order to develop their own immune system.
Plus I think you'll go stir crazy..... what will you do for 4 weeks on your own in the house? Presumably if no one can visit that means you won't be going anywhere like the supermarket, coffee shops etc?

Bloody hell. I know some people can be odd about HAVING to see the baby straight away, as if their newborness wears off after a few days, but I think that’s a bit excessive, especially for close family.

My parents and PIL meeting dd at hospital on the day she was born is one of my happiest memories. Especially after the birth, when I wanted my own mum as well.

I know not everyone has family that’s supportive and respects boundaries, but under normal circumstances I’d be very hurt not to be able to meet my grandchild for so long.

Obviously it's up to you and I'm all for new parents taking the time they need to recover from birth, get feeding established, bond etc but 6 weeks is a very long time around the house with a newborn! My parents, in-laws and siblings would have been gutted and I'd have gone mad without others around to hold the baby for a bit, be adult company, tidy up, make teas etc. And then there's getting out of the house - presumably if you want no visits from family you're not planning on going anywhere with people during that 6 weeks either?

It's up to you at the end of the day, but yes I think it's OTT. Unless you have issues with overbearing family, etc. then I can't imagine not letting grandparents, siblings etc. meet the new baby for six weeks. I'm due in two weeks and my parents will meet the baby the day she arrives! It's one of the things I'm looking forward to most.

Don't let your own anxieties about germs influence your child's and your relationships with the people who are important in your life. And presumably you won't be staying inside the house for six weeks solidly anyway?!

I’m not often one to say this but in this case I think it’s relevant, this level of anxiety and restricting normal life due to worrying about germs (outside of an immunosuppressed situation) isn’t normal. You should speak to your GP about getting some counselling to help you reset you perspective. If you have OCD you aren’t managing it well.

Yes very very OTT.
Babies do not need to be put in a little bubble and not socialised until after their jabs- they're not puppies.
My family would be devastated if I did this- also- I really appreciated their help in the days/weeks after giving birth.

^speaking as someone who does have OCD btw.

That's mad. Your with the baby 24/7 you aren't going have have issues with bonding. I had visitors at the hospital. I don't get this whole "not having visitors because of germs nonsense" get them to wash their hands before holding baby it's not hard. Believe me your gonna want to see other human beings after one week of being cooped up.

I didn’t go out much for the first six weeks because I’d had a c section. Grandparents and aunties and uncles came and met him at the hospital, then we had a few days at home just us. After that we only arranged visitors for a few people at a time, no massive groups. And we just asked people to wash their hands, although most people did that automatically to be fair.

Immediately is safe.

You will completely alienate your families if you wait 6 weeks.

Even waiting two weeks can irrevocably ruin your relationships.

Grandparents want to visit grandchildren and there’s no reason why they shouldn’t.

You risk hurting everyone else terribly.

Your baby your rules. But if you say ‘no visitors for 6 weeks’ you may find that when you open your doors, no one wants to come... be prepared for zero interest later as a result, and at a point where you may really need a hand!

My Mum was in the labour ward with me and DH - she was the 2nd person to hold DD. All people have to do is to wash their hands - they are no dirtier than you and your DH are .

I get the two weeks, in some cultures they have the mum and baby alone for longer, and you're husband wants it to be just the three of you, if you're happy with that, then go for it. Maybe slowly introduce your baby to family/ friends afterwards? See how you feel. At the end of the day, it's your family

Remember your breast milk will protect them against most common bugs. I think having a little anti bac hand gel could help.

OP what do you think people with older children do when they have babies? Do you think they send the older DC off to be decontaminated everytime they come home? Or just send them off completely until the baby is “safe” to be around germs?

Honestly just carry on with normal life, go to the shop, go to the park, go for walks, visit people, meet friends for coffee, go out for dinner with your husband. Outside of traumatic births or surgery there really is no need to opt out of normal life to bond with your baby. You’ll bond perfectly well!

You can't keep your baby in a bubble... won't do them any good...

safe? Unless the baby is ill, from day 1.

Don't keep people at arms length, I believe that babies need and thrive in extended families. You'll be wanting these people to babysit before you know it!

Enjoy your baby, OP.

6 weeks? You will go insane. Do you not even plan to go out the house? I loved going out for walks with mine when they were little. I would have spontaneously combusted with boredom being alone indoors for 6 weeks.

Babies are generally robust little souls and can cope with day to day interactions with people. In fact it is good for their immune systems.

My in laws, mother, sister ad brother in law came to the hospital, my dad met the baby a couple of days after (his choice as he wanted to let me rest). I was accused of being very over the top with cleanliness by some when DS was tiny-i asked that people washed their hands before holding him for a few weeks and no-one couldhis his face organs except me and DH (it is only us still who I allow to kiss his mouth).

In the kindest way, I think you're being over the top. Baby groups will be full of snotty children, you'll need go go to the shops or for walks. It's not going to do you any good to be cooped up for 6 weeks. Baby will have someone your immunity and if you do decide breastfeed,even if its just colostrum this will help.

Obviously anyone with illness should wait until they're better to meet baby l