Family/friends when is it safe to meet baby

[YummyMummy2019]

Hi ladies,

So I'll be honest I'm slightly - a lot - OCD. And I'm always careful about germs etc.

My question is how soon do you all let people visit your newborn?

My husband wants at least his two week paternity to be just us - aside from the midwife visits. And allow as much bonding as possible as it's such a short time he's off work. Which I think is fair!

But I'm considering even extending until 6 week jabs. Is this OTT? He's due in March and I don't want people coughing and touching his face or kissing his little face etc spreading things!

If it wasn't safe for people to visit new born babies, hospitals wouldn't allow family to visit on maternity wards.

Or rather if it wasn’t safe for people to visit newborn babies the human race wouldn’t exist!

See how you feel when your baby is born. I was so excited and proud that I couldn't wait for everybody to meet my baby. If you want to wait a little longer then wait. We had lots of visitors and no illness until a cold at 7 months. I think that cold came via his primary school age step-siblings anyway!

@ILoveMaxiBondi very true.

I was just reinforcing the "visitor" point

I can completely understand how you feel, the amount of cases these days you see of tiny new babies who have gotten ill from one little kiss is so awful.
I had to stay in with my LO as she was in an incubator for a few days and although it was lovely that everyone wanted to come and see her in the hospital, it was also very overwhelming and extremely difficult trying to suit everyone and keep everyone happy, allowing different sides of the family equal time etc. Especially when out time with her out of the incubator was so limited as it was, it was really difficult, we eventually said no more visitors. This being because of her being so fragile and worrying of germs too.
When she was home I made a point of leaving antibacterial hand sanitiser in every room of the house in clear sight so visitors just knew to use it before touching her. I'd also make comments about recent articles I'd seen where people had kissed babies and they had gotten ill to warn them off doing that too. It gets easier, I no longer panic too much about germs and to be fair people just get used to it, knowing to use the hand sanitiser before touching her. I would try to allow visitors though as it can be really hard for family members who are just desperate to see them and love them too but only close, immediate family members and only if and when you are comfortable. Just don't push everyone away too much!

with the greatest respect you and your husband are being ridiculous. You dont bond with you baby less because you have visitors- and which of the following do you think your visitors have (which they wont transfer after 6 week jabs):
diphtheria; tetanus; whooping cough (pertussis); polio; Haemophilus influenzae type b, known as Hib, a bacterial infection that can cause severe pneumonia or meningitis in young children; and hepatitis B

You have every right to limit the number of visitors if you feel overwhelmed and need some space, but dont cut yourself from people for fear of germs.

I wouldnt have people with colds round, or a ragging coldsores- but that wouldnt change after 6 weeks. Also i dont actually recall any of my visitors kissing my child, just holding and cooing

Why not play it by ear and see how you feel after baby is born?

2 weeks seems reasonable to me but if you're not ready after that then hopefully your family will understand. Some people want time to settle in to their new life. Everyone's different.

Just be sure that you've managed everyone's expectations!

Well I will be the only one then.
We had no visits whatsoever for 2 weeks, apart from HVs.
Best decision ever.
After that we said we were opened to short visits. I think MIL came for week 6, my mum at 12 weeks, friends after that. My Sister at 10 weeks
We saw local friends at baby groups.
DC is loved and nobody was "devastated", they have their lives and a child is forever, not the tiny days.
I am not one to put others before my baby.

Do whatever you want. If people want to be dramatic is their choice.

Obviously you may be very different, but if dh & I had been holed up alone with ds1 for the first 2 weeks of his life we would have gone out of our minds with boredom.

Showing off the baby was great! Talking to other people and sharing stories about babies and having them say how gorgeous ds1 was and bringing us food and cute presents for ds1 was great!

Having other people to take ds1 for a bit while I went for a shower/a lie down/had something to eat/a nice chat was great!

Going out for coffee and for walks to the park with ds1 and dh when he was on paternity leave was brilliant!

Honestly, I think you'll find 14 straight days of bonding loses its shine after a while. You'll want some fresh air and a change of scene.

Also, if you're not that fussed about visitors, getting load of them over with in the confines of hospital visiting hours is really useful (caveat: depends on your birth experience of course, and I know lots of people leave very quickly).

with the greatest respect you and your husband are being ridiculous. You dont bond with you baby less because you have visitors-
I respectfully disagree. Newborn mammals are not programmed to understand much more than mum and dad.
I can't stand parading and passing newborns around like dolls.

I can't stand parading and passing newborns around like dolls.

Yes but Plane there is a happy medium.

@Happyandshiney that is true

planespotting its not parading, its your sister/brother popping in with a bunch of flowers, making you a cuppa and meeting their new family member. You dont need to have everyone come at once but shutting yourself off I dont think is particularly healthy.

planespotting your mum didnt meet your baby until week 12?

Sometimes you do have to point out the obvious. My FIL turned up unannounced the other day with a stinking cold which he has now passed onto me at 38 weeks pregnant.
If he did that when I had the baby I would be very angry! I think quick initial visits with close family are fine and then it's up to you when people come over.
I would be concerned that the OCD would get worse for you though as you wouldn't be challenging it. It may be something you should get some help for before the baby arrives for your own well-being.

Yes @OnlyFoolsnMothers, she lives abroad.
And even if she didn't, we are all different and I am guessing the OP wants a range of opinions.

Honestly? As someone with dx contamination OCD that first seriously flared immediately after having dd PLEASE speak to your midwife about maternal mh support & possibly GP too.

Also, the longer you leave it to deal with a situation that triggers your anxiety the harder it will be. You'll likely just keep trying to find another reason not to let people near baby.

That's not healthy for either of you.

I really struggled especially when dd became mobile which tied right in with the "everything gets shoved in their gob" stage! Carpet fluff, buttons, spiders!

Please don't try to struggle alone as I did.

I am not one to put others before my baby.

A genuine, non-goady question, plane: what was the benefit to your baby of this approach?

@ThanksItHasPockets which approach? Putting him first?

I believe in putting babies first too. I think that means making them part of a family as soon as possible. Assuming the family is a normal, nice group of people. And I see no harm in letting a baby give other people pleasure. How does it harm a baby to be a bit of a super-dolly sometimes? They thrive on love and cuddles.

@planespotting

I can understand the potential benefits to the new parents of no visitors for the first two weeks, especially after a difficult birth.

I’m curious to understand how it benefited your baby not to meet any extended family until they were six weeks old.

When you say you're slightly/a lot Ocd, is it something you've had help for? The post natal period can exacerbate pre existing mental health conditions so it might be worth speaking to your midwife about your anxieties.

As far as your concerns go, it's perfectly safe for people to meet a newborn baby. I'd just play it by ear really. Waiting 2/6/8 weeks seems like a long time - are you honestly planning on just sitting around the house for all that time?! I'd feel stifled. I was in hospital for 2 weeks after having my first baby and even then I had the odd trip outside to stretch my legs and get some fresh air.
We've always had visitors straight away with both kids and it hasn't affected our bond with them. It is of course, your decision but don't let the ocd be the deciding factor.

We had no visitors for just over a week so that i could recover in peace from my c section. Im not one for letting people see me when I'm not well and i made it clear early on it was non negotiable. We loved that time just getting to know him and so many people applauded us for that decision

However as soon as i felt up to it we invited family to visit and it was about my privacy nothing else. I agree that you need to talk to someone about your OCD