Family/friends when is it safe to meet baby

[YummyMummy2019]

Hi ladies,

So I'll be honest I'm slightly - a lot - OCD. And I'm always careful about germs etc.

My question is how soon do you all let people visit your newborn?

My husband wants at least his two week paternity to be just us - aside from the midwife visits. And allow as much bonding as possible as it's such a short time he's off work. Which I think is fair!

But I'm considering even extending until 6 week jabs. Is this OTT? He's due in March and I don't want people coughing and touching his face or kissing his little face etc spreading things!

DD was very fragile having been early and in NNiCU. We had some rules around what we could and couldn't do. Even with that, Family visited within days of her getting home.

You'll be worried, of course you will. But the risks to any healthy newborn are low.

It's safe right away, but it's personal choice.

We didn't have anyone to visit for over a week because we didn't want to.

OP, in the kindest possible way this does not sound healthy. You can of course ask people to wash their hands before holding the baby, and not to touch their face or kiss them, but shutting yourself away from friends and family for six weeks will leave you feeling isolated with no benefit to your baby. Are you receiving help and treatment for your OCD?

Exposure to the world builds their immune system. It's a good thing.

My baby was prem and in nicu. She could only have visits from grandparents and parents there but as soon as she was out family and friends came to see her. If people have a cold it's fine to ask them to stay away until it's gone.

First jabs are at 8 weeks btw

6 weeks is just crackers
As is 2 weeks

I always think each yo their own but that's just excessive and will cause discord with family members.

Maybe get some support for your anxiety

I didn't want visitors for the first week but that was nothing to do with any worries about safety etc, more that we just wanted a bit of space from nightmare relatives!

Not sure I really get alleged safety concerns. Someone told me it was too early to take my baby outside when I took her for a walk (think she was 6 days old) and I don't get it - babies need to develop their immune systems and it wasn't that cold. Bizarre.

Several people have already addressed your anxiety so I won't say more on that, just about the vaccinations.

1. the first lot are at 8 weeks, not 6. That's a long time to keep grandparents etc away, and you'll be very isolated. My parents and PiL were hugely helpful and supportive in those first few weeks.

2. they only protect against those specific bugs, not general every day coughs and colds which visitors are far more likely to bring. So unless someone has diphtheria or similar, keeping them away till your baby's been immunised will make no difference.

I took my 2nd to DC1’s primary school to watch her assembly the day after she was born!
Imagine what she exposed to there with all her little friends being introduced too!

The first set of jabs isn't until 8 weeks which is even longer! Plus then the immunity takes a while to build up over the course of the next few sets of jabs.
Doesn't make any sense to wait until the first set of jabs, and you can't possibly wait until 4 months without seeing anyone, or after the MMR (12-13months!)

This seems rather OTT. We will have close family visiting straight away, and I am so excited about those lovely moments. As for more distant family and friends, I think we will wait a week or so before inviting people over so that we can get used to being a family of three. When DH goes back to work after paternity leave I would go crackers without visitors or going out the house. It’s personal preference but I think it sounds a bit extreme OP.

My parents visited the day after and DH's parents I think the day after that. If they were ill they obviously wouldn't have come. I think any time is fine. Try not to worry.

DS3 was born at 5:40 am and by 2pm we were out shopping for girlie clothes!

I'm sorry, op, I know it must be difficult for you, but I think your close family and friends will be very hurt if you as good as say to them that they are too germ-ridden to meet their grandchild/niece/nephew until he/she's been vaccinated! Midwives aren't germ-free either. All they'll do is wash/anti-bac their hands like everyone else can do. As pp have said, it's healthy to be exposed to some germs to build up immunity.

My babies had visitors as soon as they were born. They need to bond with wider family, too, imo. Like others, I too would have felt very isolated on my own for a month with a tiny baby. I'm sure you can arrange it so that you don't have wall-to-wall visitors, and your dh will have plenty of time to bond, if he's on paternity leave for a fortnight.

My DP and PIL came to the hospital to meet my DD within hours of birth. The second time my DB and SIL visited within hours too. Both my DD survived the onslaught!

Your parents will be devastated if you exclude them, even during the first couple of weeks. By all means manage visits, so that they're only short, but don't exclude your closest family completely. You can ask that they thoroughly wash hands before holding your DS, and no kissing on the hands or face, but other than that your baby will be fine.

I went shopping with a day old baby. I appreciate I was lucky with no serious injuries or section but normal life goes on. You don't need to be holed up and exalted from afar if all goes well with your delivery.

6 weeks is crazy. All three of mine have met family straight away. My 2 week old does the school and pre school run with me every day out of necessity.
When we got home with DD2 (6 hours post birth) my mum, dad, dad’s partner, MIL, FIL and DD2 were waiting at the house. She has the most robust immune system of any child I know, she gets about one cold a year!

And we took DD1 for a pub lunch at less than 24 hours old!

2 weeks is completely bonkers; 6 weeks even more so.

You know tht exposure to germs is right and normal, right? You will go crazy if you don’t see anyone for 6 weeks and it is not the best thing for your baby.

I would have hated people coming to visit me in hospital but maybe a week at home alone, tops. Babies need to be around people and germs, that's how they build their immune system

I took DC2 with me to Asda at 36 hours old, BF him wandering around the cereal aisle (see the irony there?)

As long as baby is warm enough, get them wrapped up and out of the house

Have you sought any help for your OCD tendencies? (No, I'm not being sarcastic, this can potentially be passed onto your little one through learned behaviour)

If it wasn't safe for people to visit new born babies, hospitals wouldn't allow family to visit on maternity wards.

I understand that you might want to stay in your little bubble of you, your DH and DS for 2 weeks, but why? Would you not like to see you parents, parents in law, siblings, etc visit your new little family and fall in love with your son too?

When DH and I have children, I know we will have family and friends queueing up to visit our baby and us. People just want to share in your happiness, why would you want to exclude them? Just have it on your terms. Ask people not just to drop by as you'll be establishing your new routine.
Ask people to wash their hands/use sanitiser before holding him
Ask people not to kiss his face

I would be concerned that if you asked people to stay away until he is 6 weeks, people will be reluctant to visit or get involved as you have excluded them for so long. And it will come to the day where there could be an emergency and you need someone to look after your DS, and they won't want to. Will you then complain that family don't want to be involved?

Why risk it at 6 weeks? I’d wait until they’re 21 at least.

OP in the nicest possible way this is a mental plan. It will do your mental health no good not to leavevthe house for six weeks, and you will alienate your DPs and PILs if you refuse to let them meet the baby.

A few simple rules will allow you to share the joy with your family.

Shoes and coats off at the door
Wash hands
No sick people or people with sick children

Baby needs some germs to build their immunity and your breast milk will protect them until they have their jabs

I also visited my best friend’s 32 weeker in hospital at 2 days old, at her invitation. Washed my hands thoroughly obviously.

I know people who did this, when they finally opened their doors, no one came.