What is the biggest advice you would give to your pre-baby self?

[Marghe87]

In retrospect, would you give yourself any advice with regards to TTC, pregnancy and handling a new born baby and all the other changes in life?

1. to lose weight and get fitter before ttc
2. to think a lot more carefully about what I wanted to happen to my career post-dc

That's about it.

Don't listen too much to well meaning advice from others.

People's situations are different. Have the courage to do what you think is right.

This applies to length of time taken to conceive, how your pregnancy progresses, birth experience, recovery, how baby sleeps/feeds and so on.

(I'm not discounting others' views on this post by the way! What I mean is, my advice to myself in retrospect would simply be 'Don't listen too much to others'.)

Don’t take a whole year maternity leave. It will fuck up your career and take a long time to claw it back.

Actually read up a bit about looking after a baby and don’t believe you will know everything instinctively - you won’t, you big gobshite.

Don't get anaemic.

Sleep. For the love of God sleep. Have whole days in bed just dossing about. And nap.

Don’t take a whole year maternity leave. It will fuck up your career and take a long time to claw it back.

I’m currently deciding how long to take... my DH agrees with you and deep down I think I know he’s right. I suppose I have to decide how much I care...!

@CocoMadwoman and @Buddytheelf85 interestingly mine would be the opposite - take as much maternity leave as you can, you'll never forgive yourself for going back so early and missing out on that valuable time with your baby. Work is only work.

(I appreciate the above depends on different peoples situations, it's just what I'd tell myself).

@MollyHuaCha 100% would tell myself the exact same thing. I've only got to the pregnancy progresses stage but if the advise so far is anything to go by... ugh

dont worry about the bloody house work the first month with your LO- and the white rug in the nursery...perhaps rethink that one!

Don't be afraid to put your foot down regarding your boundaries and your dc. They are your child, not extended families and you get to raise them and care for them how you see fit. Other people's feelings don't matter as much as those two things.

Breastfeeding hurts like a bastard (or other can) and it is not your fault if you don't manage it. Being induced /csection can make it ten times harder to get going because it takes longer for milk to come in.

Milk coming in also hurts like a motherfucker. And you can't even take any bloody painkillers for it.

COMPARISON IS THE THEIF OF JOY.
This applies to the lot of it, conceiving, labour, milestones, pregnancy, the whole shebang. Don't compare, just crack on with it in the manner that you feel is best.

Look after your back. Back pain is not in the least bit funny.

If you loath the newborn stage, even if the baby is very much planned etc, you are not a failure. If you love it that's great.

Don't be afraid of calpol. If they are sick /teething and it seems to make them fall asleep, it's not. They are just already knackered and no longer in so much pain that they can't sleep.

With that being said, it's a total myth that newborns just sleep. Some do. Mine didn't. (still doesn't and he's 5 now)

Get yourself one of those insulated mugs if you like hot drinks. Total game changer.

If you find going out every day too tough, don't go out every day. If you find it helps you, do it.

It's not as hard as it sounds because the good bits make the hard bits not so tough.

The thing is, I wouldn’t have taken my own advice at the time! My baby was everything. I didn’t even feel ready to go back after a year.

Hindsight is 20/20 vision, I guess.

Stomp your feet and demand anti-sickness meds earlier. Take the anti depressants sooner.

Do not trust your employer.

Stomp your feet and demand anti-sickness meds earlier. Take the anti depressants sooner.

Do not trust your employer.

I'd say work isn't life! I was so poorly for the first 28w of pregnancy and just kept pushing myself with 13hr shifts on my feet until I had a bleed and thought my baby might die. Yes I worked extremely hard at uni then working my way up to my position but honestly work really doesn't matter!! A happy healthy family does!

Don't be disheartened if your birth doesnt go exactly as you hoped. I wanted a water birth without drugs but ended up with an EMCS because of an unusual and serious complication. Wish I had paid more attention to the c section parts of my NCT class! And in fact my c section was great.

@CocoMadwoman interesting as many people would say the opposite! What is an "acceptable" mat leave you reckon?

@Marghe87 only you can really answer this by looking at your own situation but pros cons list will help...
A few questions to ask yourself:
Have you worked hard for many years to get to your current position? Is it relatively hard to get new roles at your level or move upwards?
Can you afford to take the cut in salary? Would it be worth going back if you need to pay for childcare costs?
Is it an option to go back part time?
Can you see yourself being able to juggle the job & family life at the same time? - is it a stressful job with lots of responsibility?

Hope it works out for you

@Busyfool I have to and want to work. I think it's sad that women still feel like they have to choose between working and having kids.
To me, keeping my job going is very important in the long run. Not just for career reasons but also to be able to sustain my family, buy a house, pay into my pension etc.

I wish I could tell my pre baby self that the choices I made regarding my children's fathers would come back to bite me on the bum.

I’d say ‘don’t bother about finding the exact right eco-friendly paint shade for the nursery, just upgrade the washer instead. You’ll be doing far more laundry in the coming years than you thought humanly possible!’

Also, ‘go private’ and avoid years of trauma from a horrible birth in a horrible clinic with horrible staff. Sell the car if you have to. But that’s likely just me. My SIL had a baby privately this year, and I had a little cry to myself afterwards at how much help she was given. I may as well have been in an army MASH hospital with mine, while she gave birth in a glam hotel with lovely (trained, well paid) professionals.

I wish I could have told myself that I shouldn't think about going back to work after 4 months just because my Director is hounding me - look for a new job, the 2 hour commute isn't realistic and I will want to spend more time with my DS.

Don't listen to the hypno-birthers - you are not a failure nor will you have done anything wrong just because you didnt manage to breath your baby out.

Keep fit and watch what you eat - just because youre BFing doesnt mean weight will fall off you (stop using that as an excuse to eat all the cakes!)

Wait a bit longer, save some money, go travelling, establish your career.

Also, when you have the baby you're going to do just fine. Please dont spend so much time believing your doing a shit job!

don't be so anxious

allow other people 'in'

also, if you are very ahead of actually having a baby, think about where you live - I would love to be closer to family, and having no family help can be very difficult sometimes.

And think about your job and going back.