No one tells you that...

[letsdothis123]

Currently 35 weeks and am really feeling it. Pregnancy is SO HARD. Lol. I keep making myself chuckle about the funny but awful things that no one tells you.

I thought we could cheer each other up with our 'no one tells you that...'.

My start.

No one tells you that wiping your bum becomes an Olympic sport.

GO GO GO

The head midwife will bring lots of students to your bedside to see the brilliant example of hyper pigment you display across your face because I'm not sensitive about that at all

You'll think you can't possibly get much bigger at 30 weeks. And then you do. And some bloke in a shop will tell you you're like a 'ship in full sail' and a homeless guy in town will ask if you're Dawn French. True story. But to be fair, I was absolutely HUGE, like a juggernaut.

I had no clue that i would bleed so much, there was a huge puddle on the floor under the bed that i gave birth on.

They put me in a wheelchair to take me to a bath so i could wash my bits after the birth (didnt know that would happen either) .. when i reached under to splash my lady bits i was like wtf .. i have never felt it swollen before .. so so swollen, it was like i had grown balls through pushing so hard.

oh and no one tells you that:

• you will lose your memory and the ability to string together a sentence.

@foreverthe2ww2 I seem to say everything the wrong way round now. And I'll say things like look it's a long pause whilst I can't think of the word.

My nose was terrible in pregnancy, blocked, gunky, bloody and it carried on for ages after whilst breastfeeding. I actually thought I was really ill with some nose illness, and then I stopped breastfeeding and it's fine !

Yet I'm still trying again to have another one !

Ugly, ugly nipples
(That don't ever fully return to 'normal')

Also, in the first few hours / day after giving birth it's not possible to hold your farts in.
So I discovered that.. after my DH had invited people to visit us and newborn at the hospital. V embarrassing.

No one told me i'd have lightening crotch ALOT! Made me cry out. That I would feel like I had a broken rib

That you will cry getting out of bed if you have SPD and you will feel like your bits are being electrocuted when your baby engages and headbuts your cervix.

YY to skin tags and piles!

I got both around the same time (initially thought the skin tag was a spot "down there" until I took a mirror to it and was like WTF) went to Google one after the other and read up that it's common in pregnancy and thought "well fucking thankyou for not telling me this shit beforehand so I could at least have a vague idea of what I was in for rather than be caught off guard".

I might have cried.

@TwittleBee not sure if you're still PG from your post but when I had the nighttime leg cramps DPs friend who's a physio told me to get out of bed put both feet flat on the ground and sort of lean forward and stretch my calves (that's where the pain was) whilst keeping my hands locked behind my back.

It made it a lot more manageable.

@anappleandtwentysevenbiscuits

crazy isnt it, i sound like i could be fluent in Chinese at times, total scrambled brain.

no one told me how easily I would literally cry over silly little things like pouring 2 ounces more milk in my cereal

I'm glad a few people mentioned rage, I always have the rage when pregnant, totally irrational rage. I even sent a rage fuelled email to one of the company directors at work before people knew I was pregnant, fortunately it's very out of character so I wasn't fired (he gave me a hug instead!)!

Another one, I didn't know that the hormone surges in labour can make you vomit constantly! Only found that out after the waters had broken, contractions had started and wondered wtf was going on! Midwife mentioned it! Oh the fun!

I’ve got the rage right now and the poor (debatable) midwife has just copped for it. As per my appointment card I went off for my 24 week visit to the midwife. I’ve looked at said appointment card a few times but just figured that the time was written in an odd way. I took it that my appointment was on 22nd Jan @ 4/40pm

So I turn up, DH in tow as he wants to hear the heartbeats only for the midwife to say that I should have been there at 9.30am. When I produced the card she said oh no that’s not the time that means you’re 24 weeks gone (out of 40 weeks) the midwife who booked that appointment had forgotten to put the time on.

Omg rage city!! I have never actually met my midwife yet, every appointment she is either in sick, on holiday or on training.

Days like today I really wish I could have a very large drink 🍷

The knitting needle up the arse feeling.
The clicky rib cage when you lay on your side that feels like they have overlapped.
The clicky jaw when you chew.
Waking in the night choking on your own spit.
God, yes the heartburn and the cramp.
Falling asleep as normal but then waking up at 2:30 am and being unable to go back to sleep every day for two months.
The tension headaches.
The gnawing hunger that comes out of nowhere and makes you feel sick.
The hip pain that I still get two years on whenever it is cold or I am ill.
Just how good has and air is and how silly it might make you despite the pain.
That you may well end up stuck on your back like a stranded beatle. On more than one occasion.

And the moles. I look like a fucking Dalmatian.

• Yes to moles appearing! awful and unexpected and havent gone
• Sleep being so uncomfortable, peddling like a stuck beetle trying to roll over
• Amazing intrusive comments by strangers on the size of my bump. I lied about when i was due in the end.
• horrendous heartburn
• not being able to get down to the floor to play with dc1 without 5 mins of manoeuvring and a lot of grunting
• finding driving over potholes/ speedbumps excruciating by the end. Whilst driving home after having dc by emcs dh went over a speedbump too fast - i started crying

but there were some positives

• i LOVED feeling kicks and rolls when pregnant and feel so sad ill never experience that again
• luscious non greasy pregnancy hair
• bigger boobs were a bonus for me

Omg I’ve just remembered another one. Please please tell me I am not alone with this.. it’s quite gross.........

Sweaty vagina

Mine is more “goopy” @Georgeofthejungle

HTH

Spd
Heartburn
Skin tags
The uncomfortable contortionist acts required to shave legs, clip toe nails etc.
Currently 35 weeks

The crying...the baby brain ...the "i cant make a decision about which colour pen i want to use".....

Normal....not depressed just very baby brain and after i do laugh how stupidly irrational i am!!

Ask me a question and i literally cannot make a decsion anymore....Normally i am THE most sure person you will meet (and stubborn).... this baby has reduced my brain to mush!!!!

3.5 weeks to go..... thank god.... and im still working. they dispair!!

The no sleep thing becomes a thing before baby is even here...

Your sinuses can become so blocked you need to sleep with a basin and olbus oil at night...

How much feeling the baby inside you reassures you....

Thanks to someone up thread I got rid of my skin tag earlier! Painless, quick - nail clippers. Amazing.

Constipation, nipples like spaceships, struggling with holding wind in, hairy belly, constantly tired, never ending discharge, back like it's going to snap.

My baby is healthy though and for that I'm so grateful ❤

That at 19 weeks (I look further on than that, putting it down to placenta placement) you may need to pre plan your daily walking so you don't pay for it with broken hips later. E.g. (sorry I can't go to Sainsbury's and get the shopping as I'm taking the dog out for 45 mins, or sorry I can't walk to your house because I will have gone up a hill earlier that day).

That every person in the world compares your pregnancy to theirs and won't believe what you say about your own body

Heartburn

How good your sense of smell gets

Round ligament pain