No one tells you that...

[letsdothis123]

Currently 35 weeks and am really feeling it. Pregnancy is SO HARD. Lol. I keep making myself chuckle about the funny but awful things that no one tells you.

I thought we could cheer each other up with our 'no one tells you that...'.

My start.

No one tells you that wiping your bum becomes an Olympic sport.

GO GO GO

Came on to say the same PatMustard! Don't know why DH keeps asking why I go back to bed without underwear on cos the answer is always the same.

That you dream the most horrible/disturbing/vivid dreams of your life

Ahhh, I’ve got PUPPS too, just on my bump. I literally want to rip my skin off

Doctor gave me piriton, awful stuff. Felt hideous all next day despite taking it at night time as directed.

That shaving your legs becomes a military operation!

Becoming super overprotective of my bump was another one for me! I nearly murdered some man in Aldi because he accidentally bumped into me with his trolly... I shouted at him and then had to apologise becasue I was so mortified with myself!

Ohh and getting stuck in the bath!
I had to ring my mum to come rescue me... by this point I was a crying turtle on its back kind of mess!

Thank god I've had my little boy and it's all over with 😂
Good luck the rest of you ladies still pregnant XX

Oh yes, PUPPS is hellish! How long have you got to go?

I’m 40+2 so not too long.

I’ve had it for nearly 2 weeks now.

Cross fingers it happens soon - it really does start to get better as soon as the baby arrives sexnotgender

Omg @doodle really?? Carrying twins now

That you use your DCs toddler step to climb into bed because you don't want to spilt your crotch 🤣😫

That you will become unbelievably snotty/ nasally/ phlegmy/ want to hack your insides up every morning feels like I have a constant cold! Because of said blocked sinuses have to sleep with my mouth open cue dribbling mess !

Thanks chocolatebrazilnut it’s driving me bonkers.

@bellajay yes on the drool thing!

That you have to ask your DH to trim your bits because you can't see or reach it so don't realise that you have been looking like a 70's porn star for weeks....

That you're expected to be a contortionist from 34 wks to do perineum massage every day which you then forget to do most days because your knackered

That giving birth bruises your vulva.
Thinking about it, it seems obvious that it will bruise due to the trauma. Thing is, I didn't think about it and nobody told me

No one tells you that you genuinely practice your breathing techniques whilst on the loo; due to having the biggest poos of your entire life!

That you pee in a pot next to the bed at night because you can't make it to the downstairs bathroom in time and your partner has to wash it out everyday because it makes you gag! And he gets the lucky job of keeping me trim down there because I can't reach! 😳😂 (32 weeks)

Pregnancy Rhinitis. Permanent runny nose for four months.

Yes!!! The rhinitis!!! Fuck off will you snotty sniffles?!

That you dream as if you’ve taken acid. But simultaneously can’t sleep.

Needing to pee in the night then immediately after being so thirsty you absolutely have to drink a bucket of water and thus start the cycle all over again.

Gigantor boobs.

No one told me about pgp. Didn't expect to have to walk with crutches from 28 weeks and not be able to leave the house (because parking isn't near to where you want to go!!!) from 31 weeks. Oh and that crutches can cause trapped nerves or n your hands!!!

I can't wait to be able to walk to the shop (10 min walk)!!!!

That after the second birth you will need two pairs of knickers to support your stomach, which will feel like it needs a wheelbarrow to carry it. (Big babies here.)

Heartburn. Fucking heartburn. When drinking water burnt my throat and I couldn’t eat for a day I got a prescription which is helping. And when I mention it to anyone who’s been pregnant they nod knowingly and say “oh yes, that was the worst”.

How painful coughing can be. I’ve had two gross colds/coughs and felt like my belly was going to split in half.

I agree with the being sick and weeing at the same time. I used to have to strip off if i knew i was going to hoy. Not always convenient when your already late for work!

Not being able to get comfy in bed, so going to sit on the sofa, dosing off and having your 'supportive' partner wake you up to tell you to go 'lie down in bed youll comfier' -_-

Not having to shave my legs for months because it stopped growing!! (Not all the things they dont tell you are bad)

That you do infact remember what it feels like when your pushing the baby out. (I admit you try and block out the pain memory but 3 weeks later I can still describe it vivadly)

That lightening vagina feeling.. FML.

That my kitchen cupboard has more tablets and creams for things than the pharmacy (4 different anti sickness tablets, stuff for thrush, piles and 3 different things for constipation, iron tablets and more!)

The blood! During child birth. I didn’t expect to see so much blood. A lot of blood!

The heartburn every time you bend over. Say goodbye to shaving.

That you might break your toilet seat because you weigh a tonne and you have to rock on to the side to be able to reach (actually happened )

@georgeofthejungle Omg!! Thank god im not alone on toilet seat one!
Had an irrational fear everytime id sit on a toilet, any toilet, it would collapse beneath me

That by the end you won’t even be able to roll over in bed comfortably.

That you will sweat bucketloads after giving birth and blame it on the plastic mattresses in the hospital only to discover it’s normal when you’re postnatal.

That the weight stops melting off after about four weeks even if you’re breastfeeding.

That being a mum is HARD! But amazing and totally worth it, and every week gets easier and more enjoyable.