The etiquette of baby showers

[gimmeadoughnut123]

Just after some opinions. I would like a baby shower as it's very rare I manage to get all of my friends together and it would be a nice way to do so before baby arrives.

Question 1 - is it weird to throw it myself? I would just do something low key at home in the garden. I don't want to put it on my best friend as she found planning my hen party quite stressful and has a lot going on sorting out a mortgage. I could chat to my Mum about organising it if she would like to, and I can always give her a hand. But then I've also been told it's rude to ask people to organise them.

2 - I'm due in June so would have the shower in April. Is January too early to send invites? My friends live hectic lives so would probably prefer advance notice, so it was in their diaries.

3 - one of the reasons I was considering doing it myself is that I really hate baby shower games like pin the dummy on the baby or whatever. So I could avoid any of that and just have a nice get together.

What do you think?

We had the baby shower in our house, invites sent 3 months in advance and no games. Just a nice chance for family to meet friends and see other children and babies

Someone usually plans a shower on for you. Why don't you just invite your mates for tea, muchies and a pre-baby catch up?

Yes it's weird. You're basically asking for presents for yourself.

It is a bit weird to throw a baby shower yourself but no reason why you can’t throw a gathering for all your friends anytime

I wouldn’t call it s baby shower. Just have a meet up, maybe based around afternoon tea or another meal.

Don’t have a shower you through yourself. Have a pre baby get together fine. But showers are grabby and naff. Not a chance to see friends but a chance to be the centre of attention and get lots of gifts.
Can you tell I hate them?!

And make it clear you’re not expecting presents.

Just throw a party. You don’t need an excuse. And it definitely doesn’t have to be as naff as a baby shower.?

Just have a party. Don't call it a baby shower. They are rubbish.

Why do people view baby showers as naff, out of curiosity? I was planning on afternoon tea in the garden with some things for the kids to do etc. Is it because you look like you are asking for gifts? Which wouldn't be the case - if people wouldn't buy a gift for the baby when it was born I certainly wouldn't expect them to feel under pressure to buy anything just because they've been invited to something.
When I have attended family members baby showers I have just given a small token gift as they know that I will get something once baby has arrived.

I am throwing my own baby due in April and I am doing the second week of Feb.

I'm hosting a mini meal and because all my friends live in random parts of the UK. They are staying the weekend so basically it's just a weekend gathering. From Friday night to Sunday afternoon.

I didn't even think about the presents etc that was not the aim of the gathering. Its more like a shit this is the last time I will be baby free let's celebrate one more time before baby duties consume my life.

People will say oh baby showers are the spawn of Satan, but remember it's down to you how you want to make it. Hope you have fun x

Yes just do it. And tell people you're not at all expecting gifts and just want a nice get together. In fact maybe don't call it a shower - just call it a get together in the calm before the storm. You can then add sort of like a baby "shower" but no gifts.

The problem is that if anyone is familiar with the original tradition, "shower" literally refers to the verb, ie shower the person with gifts. I know it doesn't really have that connotation in the UK, but that's why people find it grabby.

They are grabby. You end up having to buy 2 presents for people who already have everything anyway.

Just have a party and don't mention the word baby shower.

I had an afternoon tea at a hotel intended on arranging myself as a pre baby get together rather than a baby shower but my friends insisted they took over and it turned into a full blown shower. I made a point of telling everyone invited there’s no need for a gift at all and the fact they’re coming was enough plus they had to pay £22 per person for their afternoon tea so I really was insistent on no gifts but some did anyway.
A friend did some games but nothing too stupid. It wasn’t over the top and was lovely. My due date is this Friday and we had the shower first week of December mainly because of Christmas

Just do it, my friend arranged her own and I didn't think anything of it..
Nothing wrong with sending invites out early!

I didn't even think about the presents etc that was not the aim of the gathering. Its more like a shit this is the last time I will be baby free let's celebrate one more time before baby duties consume my life.

This is what I mean and one of the reasons I would like to get everyone together.

The problem is that if anyone is familiar with the original tradition, "shower" literally refers to the verb, ie shower the person with gifts.

I didn't know this! I always wondered what the shower bit was about.

You end up having to buy 2 presents for people who already have everything anyway.

Why would you have to buy 2 gifts?

One for the shower and one for when the baby comes.

Just do it and don't worry and think about it too much. Those who want to come will come and it will be glorious gathering 😊👌

I don't like baby showers and wouldn't attend one if one was held for me, but if I really couldn't avoid a friends' I would definitely feel obliged to bring a gift. If it's called a 'shower' the point is to bring a gift. Then another gift is customary when you come round to meet the baby for the first time. If you don't want gifts, call it something else.

One for the shower and one for when the baby comes.

Maybe I'm the only person in the world that doesn't do this. I go with one or the other. Or a very small token gift at the baby shower with a note to say they will get something more special when they are born.
In the same way, I wouldn't do a present for baby shower, birth, and christening.

You buy a gift for the shower and then another once baby is born.

Just have a party. Do not call it a baby shower. Don't ask for or expect gifts.

You might not do it but plenty of people feel social expectations dictate that they do. Just have a normal party.

Just have a party. Do not call it a baby shower. Don't ask for or expect gifts.

That's probably what I will do based on all the reactions here. The next question is whether anyone turns up to an afternoon tea if it isn't labelled a baby shower, as I will be the only one of my friends not to have had one, so they will probably expect one later down the line. Unless I just say that this is in replacement of a baby shower so they know they don't have to expect 2 meet ups!

I don’t see why people think they are grabby, all of the baby showers I have been invited to I would have bought them a present regardless as they are close friends? Unless someone is inviting loads of people they barely know, in which case as adults people can decline! I’m doing similar, my friends are spread out over the country due to university and moving for work etc- not calling it a shower but a chance to have some lunch together and catch up before the mayhem begins!

I think it sounds like a lovely idea to throw a gathering before the baby is born and really does it matter if you call it a shower or a gathering. Your still asking people to come and celebrate with you and they needn’t bring present if they don’t want.