DH refusing to have private gender scan

[JingleDells]

Just that really. We can have a private gender scan on 8th February or one with the NHS on the 12th March. It's £45 and as I'm announcing at 16 weeks it would be nice to know the gender and everything first. He is point blank refusing as it's pointless when the NHS tell us for free.. I just don't understand why he's being such an arse about it. I'm paying. We're finding out anyway and he knows it'll help me relax and bond with baby. AIBU?

I mean I kind of agree with him but if you're paying for it just do it.
You don't need his permission

The NHS will tell you for free but the private clinic will tell you sooner, so if those extra 5 weeks of knowing are worth £45 to you, just go ahead and do it. He can wait at home if he likes?

Why would knowing gender help you relax and bond with your baby?

Have you previous issues in pregnancy that are worrying you?

If you're paying then he can't really complain about the cost of it. It's your money to spend as you see fit.

Does your trust tell gender many won't, but you dont need his permission just go on your own

I had a private gender scan and it was a very different, much more relaxed experience to the 20 week abnormality scan. I'd go anyway. He can come or not come.

How can he stop you? OK it should be a discussion but I'm a bit about him presuming to be able to ban you from having something done to your body with your money

Also do you know for sure your trust will tell you the sex? It's our trust's policy not to so you have to pay regardless if you want to know.

Just a word of warning, my gender scans at 16 weeks was wrong! It's still very early for a certain answer...

And does he realise that the 20 week scan is not a gender scan, it's an anomoly scan?

My husband was also about spending money to find out something we would find out for free a few weeks later, but the 16w private scan was such a lovely, relaxed experience for both of us and we got some really nice photos. Personally I felt it helped me bond with the abstract concept of being pregnant, and make some of the negative pregnancy experiences easier to cope with. The 20w scan by comparison was very clinical (as the primary aim is to see any anomalies) and I'm glad I didn't wait until that one to find out.

You're not having a gender scan with the NHS, that's not what it's for OP. The hospital might not tell you or baby might not be playing ball. Book one if you want to, he can't forbid it.

I had a private scan as I was desperate to know what gender was.
The NHS scan they never told us unless we asked. In which they weren't even sure.

Private scan was more relaxed, more comforting and all in all, we got the answer we wanted.

NHS scabs are always so rushed, impersonal and I find them a bit rough with me.

YANBU

your money, you crack on

Just do it. You don't need his permission.

I didn't take my husband to my gender scan at 17 w, not because he was against it or didn't want to go but just because the scanning place was miles away, and we didn't want to drag our toddler there.

Go and do it, and then ask him afterwards if he wants to know now or wait until the NHS scan at 20w.

I had a private sex scan because I wanted to know the sex of the baby earlier. It was a nice experience, and for me, worth the £35 I paid.

The anomaly scan is a medical appointment, where the sonographer will tell you if they have time and can see clearly, and hospital policy allows them to. It absolutely isn’t a priority for them and they won’t give a shiny shit about making it a nice fluffy experience. I spent most of both my 20 week scans holding my breath in case any issues were spotted.

With our first they couldn't tell us the sex on the anomaly scan as she was laying awkwardly. For the second it was obvious but only because of the angle he was at. They won't go out of the way to find out sex for you on the NHS one as that isn't the purpose of the scan (and some trusts won't tell you).

It's your body and your money so if you want a private one go for it.

We waited for the NHS 20 week scan and, as directed by the signs in the waiting room, asked at the start if we could be told. The sonographer agreed, but at the end she said she’d forgotten to look! So we ended up paying for the private scan anyway, I’m so glad we did because it was a lovely, calm experience, with a spa-like atmosphere: soft lighting, candles, gentle music etc. If I was having another I’d definitely have a private 16 week scan.

We're finding out anyway and he knows it'll help me relax and bond with baby.

^Relax and bond with the baby? What a load of tosh

Relax and bond with the baby? What a load of tosh

Bit rude, greendale. Those aren’t exactly unrealistic reasons for wanting to know the sex.

Go ahead and do it, it's your body your choice! I've just had one done at 16 weeks and found out he's a little boy! I'm so glad I got an early scan rather than wait another 4 weeks! Especially with having a little one already I've now got extra time to prepare for all the things a little boy needs! Congratulations! X

@greendale17 not really "a load of tosh" .... those are the exact reasons why I found out the sex earlier. Remember we are all human and all have different thoughts and feelings...perhaps it wouldn't help you bond and relax but for others is would. Not really a need to be so rude....

OP just go for it :) we found out at 16 weeks and were so glad we did!!

We waited because the build up was fun and didn't really want to spend money on a scan for something we would eventually find out q month later.

Sex, it's sex ffs, not gender. A scan doesn't tell you if they like pink and fluffy or blue and trains.

Yes, yes, the NHS might call it a gender scan too, but it's not.

Rant over. Hope the situation resolves for you.

@greendale17 Yes it will help me relax and bond with the baby after years of infertility and miscarriage I'm on fucking eggshells and nothing feels real to me and I think having a name for the baby and knowing more of what to expect will help me relax. If you've got nothing to contribute other than judgement please eff off.