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Pregnancy

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Original poster

I don’t want people to know when I go into labour - am I the only one?

92 replies

Ohdofeckoffdear · 06/12/2018 20:20

I’m only 30 weeks so plenty of time but I was talking with my DH about the birth and he wants to tell his parents when I go into labour (like when I’m actually in the hospital). I don’t really like this idea and I’m not sure why? I don’t see the point in telling people other than to say the baby is here.

I’ve asked him to not tell my parents when I go into labour which he will respect I just don’t see why anyone should know really.

Am I weird?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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riddles26 · 10/12/2018 10:38

Depends on your in laws. We told both sets of parents when I went into labour both times but we had asked them not to come to hospital until we told them we were ready and trusted them to follow our wishes.

We are extremely fortunate that we have brilliant relationships with them all and they respect our choices. We understood their excitement at being grandparents for the first time and said we would update regularly and call them to come as soon as possible. More importantly, they understood how unpredictable it could be and that we would want to have the initial bonding alone, get cleaned up etc before they came meet us.

SoyDora · 10/12/2018 10:45

I think you can have an excellent relationship with your parents and in laws (we do) and still want to keep it quiet. For me, labour was a very private thing and I instinctively just wanted it to be me and DH who knew what was going on. There was absolutely no danger of any of them turning up at the hospital (closest parent lived 150 miles away) but i didn’t want to feel at any point like we needed to private updates etc.
All our parents were happy with this, and were just excited to hear the news of the birth when it came. There’s nothing any of them could have done while I was in labour anyway.

SoyDora · 10/12/2018 10:45

*provide, not private

JustWingingLifeAsUsual · 10/12/2018 10:47

I was the same. I didn't tell anyone when my c section was (planned as he was breach). It was just me and my husband who went and once he was born and we was home, then I messaged my closest family members and friends and told them the news :)

swizzells2003 · 10/12/2018 11:02

I felt the same, I didn't want anyone to know - I just felt like I couldn't stand them all looking at me and waiting. Told DH this, when I actually went into labour he was going to call his mum but thankfully we had a lovely midwife who talked him out of it saying how excited they would be if he called to say that the baby was her ...... thankfully he followed that and we only called family once my DS was born

ittooshallpass · 10/12/2018 11:30

I didn't want anyone to know. Only one GP alive on each side. Both lived 3 hours away. Neither were told until way after... My 'D'M met my DD when she was 2 weeks old, when I was ready... but thats a whole other thread. Neither GP has ever babysat or offered to help in any way. Fine with me!

OP, do what you feel comfortable with. We don't all have rosy families and GPs who have our best interests at heart.

bonbonours · 10/12/2018 12:48

I didn't tell my family until dd1 was born, and was really glad the next day when I saw prospective grandparents to someone else's baby hanging around anxiously in the Labour ward waiting room, hearing screams and groans.

Dd2 was born at home at night and my mum was staying with us to look after dd1 so she did know but she stayed upstairs out of the way until after she was born.

Ds was born at hospital and mum looked after the girls so she did know but we didn't update her until he was born.

Like everyone else on the thread I agree it's totally up to you and there is no reason to tell even your own mum unless you want to.

HAB86 · 10/12/2018 17:56

Going against the grain but was happy for our parents and siblings to know. We have a very good relationships though and I was happy to give updates. My husband just put the our phones to one side once we got close to the end and updated them after once we’d had bonding time and things had settled down. I couldn’t wait for our close family to know I was so chuffed with our baby!

SoyDora · 10/12/2018 18:14

Also couldn’t wait for our family to know about the baby... when they were born.
Not wanting them to know had nothing to do with closeness to our family. We are extremely close. People react differently to being in labour, and I reacted by retreating into myself and wanting privacy.

MrsL2016 · 10/12/2018 20:49

I agree that I couldn't wait to tell family but everyone differs in what and how much information they expect to receive. I remember my SIL giving birth and we received unsolicited updates from the PIL almost hourly. Not what my DH and so wanted at all.

BikeRunSki · 10/12/2018 20:54

It never crossed my mind to tell anyone other than DH.

DS cane in the middle of the night anyway. First contraction 11.30pm, DS born at 6.30 am, never occurred to me to ring someone at that time. With dd, the only other person who knew, was the person looking after DS.

Mamawingingit1234 · 10/12/2018 23:20

I read this awhile ago ...
community.babycenter.com/post/a25798437/the_best_of_delivery_room_dramas

Original poster

Ohdofeckoffdear · 13/12/2018 18:05

Thanks all. I spoke to my OH about it this evening and now he’s sulking with me

I don’t think it helps that I can’t articulate exactly why I don’t want people to know but because I said no to it I’m spoiling his fun. Also means I supposedly don’t like his parents so I caved and said fine tell them then but he’s being a martyr about it so.

I just don’t get why they need to know

OP posts:

Original poster

Ohdofeckoffdear · 13/12/2018 18:08

Incidentally he’s the one that’s saying no visitors for the first week (including my parents and his) so
I don’t understand where this attitude has come from.

Apparently he wanted to get his Mum involved in the scans but I wouldn’t let him (don’t even recall having that conversation with him) and she’s had 4 kids so I can’t see why she would want/need to be at a scan.

OP posts:

LadyOfTheFlowers · 13/12/2018 18:12

I felt the exact same when I had mine

anniehm · 13/12/2018 18:12

Pre social media it wasn't common - I certainly didn't tell my mil, but today people seem to be live posting as it happens - one acquaintance literally updated her cm dilated! Do whatever you feel comfortable with.

TheBubGrower · 13/12/2018 23:21

annie that's so bizarre! I literally have never seen anyone announcing they are in labour on social media (aside from Robbie Williams 🤣). Telling your family/ friends is one thing, but announcing it to the whole of Facebook I'd say is very very unusual

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