Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

I don’t want people to know when I go into labour - am I the only one?

92 replies

Ohdofeckoffdear · 06/12/2018 20:20

I’m only 30 weeks so plenty of time but I was talking with my DH about the birth and he wants to tell his parents when I go into labour (like when I’m actually in the hospital). I don’t really like this idea and I’m not sure why? I don’t see the point in telling people other than to say the baby is here.

I’ve asked him to not tell my parents when I go into labour which he will respect I just don’t see why anyone should know really.

Am I weird?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

dirtystinkyrats · 07/12/2018 18:08

I would leave options open. With DC1 I had a long and difficult labour ending with an emcs which in the end was probably about as traumatising for DH as it was for me although in different ways. Keeping my Mum and MIL updated helped give him something to do when I was taken into theatre and then again during the long wait after they kicked him out to sew me up. However neither are crazy people and would not turn up unannounced.

The other thing is if you have been in labour a long time you may want someone to come fairly quickly to let your DH go home and sleep. If you have any sort of complication you will want someone with you as much as possible as midwives etc in post natal wards just don't have time to help.

BeanBagLady · 07/12/2018 18:19

I definitely didn't want anyone to know. I felt very private and didn't want to be observed or watched, even from afar by text. No 'performance measuring' at all. I just wanted to be in my zone.

I didn't want anyone updating, or calling or texting to find out, and I didn't want Mum worrying - knowing that she was worrying felt like pressure.

My Mum rang and I was 9cm and spoke to her in the phone without telling her I was in labour

TheBubGrower · 07/12/2018 22:30

Ha, with my first my PIL told me a few weeks before I was due that they were planning on travelling to the hospital (from where they live, 90 minutes away) and would hang around outside until my son was born. Reason being that they wanted to be around to support my OH if he needed it as they "knew" he might find it "overwhelming"!! I told my OH in no uncertain terms that he had to tell his parents to back the fuck off, and if he thought he could leave my side at any point because it was "overwhelming for him" then he needed to have a word with himself. As it was he was amazing and wouldn't have dreamed of leaving my side to go and see his overbearing parents. They were also told not to come anywhere near the hospital until invited. I couldn't think of anything worse than having them there ready to meet the baby straight away after a 50 hour labour when i was a total wreck and bleeding like a tap! I'm currently nearing my due date with my second and this time round we're going to need them on standby to look after my son, which I'm dreading to be honest. I don't want them near me when I'm labouring. Might have to get my OH to hand him over to them on the driveway 🤣

It's your labour so it's up to you. We chose to let parents know once i was in established labour but they knew not to contact us again and just wait for more news. I also made sure my OH had his phone stored away in a bag during labour so he couldn't be distracted by messages etc.

Bramble88 · 08/12/2018 09:33

Nope!! I feel the same. I think GP's would bring too much drama, and i just want it to be DH and me.

Verytired40 · 08/12/2018 11:01

I had a planned C-section and didn't tell anyone which day it was. I think I would have felt the same if I'd have been in labour. Well within your rights to insist on your privacy at such a personal time. X

GrumpyMummy123 · 08/12/2018 13:09

I did let a few people know when 1st went into labour, but it ended up being long & complicated and I wasn't in a state to be messaging, it was about 2 days later I actually updated anyone (apart from parents who DH told). I wish I'd not told anyone who didn't need to know I was going in, as I'd had a million messages from everyone I'd ever known it seemed checking how it was going and then had to explain to everyone!

Touchmybum · 08/12/2018 13:15

I find this attitude depressingly precious. Naturally grandparents are excited and anxious. It brings a wry smile to my face to see how gps are then on call for second babies; it's ok to 'use' them when required. I've had 3 babies all by c/section and I would have loved for my mum and dad to be there when I was wheeled back up from theatre!! I couldn't wait to share my babies with them!

Trust me there will be plenty of time for just the three of you, on cold January nights when the little monkey won't sleep and you are dying for someone to take over!!

53rdWay · 08/12/2018 13:45

I couldn't wait to share my babies with their grandparents either, but I still didn't want my husband sharing real-time updates on my cervical dilation with them.

TheSubtleKnifeAndFork · 08/12/2018 15:28

Totally normal!

Unfortunately with my first we were due to meet up with our parents on the day I had to go into hospital... and we didn't want to lie (or alarm them) so they kind of knew it was happening, or at least something was... I remember being disappointed that it wasn't a secret/between me and DH. Although neither are particularly the types to pester (my MIL perhaps a little bit but not in an OTT way) and my labour was quick.

This time we need childcare for DC1 so they'll know again that things are happening! Wouldn't really be the way I would want it in an ideal world but it is what it is...

The important thing is that my DH fully accepted my rights to keep things private, as should yours.

SoyDora · 08/12/2018 15:32

I couldn't wait to share my babies with their grandparents either, but I still didn't want my husband sharing real-time updates on my cervical dilation with them

Yes, this. My parents and in laws wouldn’t have been able to come to the hospital anyway (all lived a long way away) but as soon as the baby was born I was more than happy to share them with the grandparents as soon as humanely possible. But what I didn’t want was DH feeling obliged to give updates while I was in the throes of labour, or parents worrying if/when it went on for a while. Labour is a very very private thing, how is it ‘precious’ to want it to stay private?

BeanBagLady · 08/12/2018 15:35

TouchMyBum: for me it was nothing to do with being ‘precious’. Privacy, and not being overlooked even from afar by text, were as muchnoart if my birthing instincts and staying upright and the breathing techniques I used.

You wanted your parents and ILs there, that’s great. What matters is the woman at the heart of the birthing process. Support each other and not criticise, perhaps?

Scubalubs87 · 08/12/2018 15:56

I didn’t want to tell anyone either. My family, in particular, have very flimsy boundaries and I couldn’t be entirely sure that they wouldn’t rock up to the hospital. They can be quite suffocating in their love. In actuality, I early laboured all day on my own at home and only told my husband that things were happening when he got home. Then everything happens quite quickly from there and baby was born at 2.30am. I didn’t even send a message to my family until around 8am as I just didn’t want our little bubble burst just yet. What followed was a phone call which sound like there was a hysterical crying chipmunk at the other end and my family rocking up to the hospital before they were invited just as I was finally managing to get some sleep. Don’t tell people if you don’t want to. Protect your little bubble for as long as you need.

Iswallowtoothpaste · 08/12/2018 16:06

My parents didn’t know when I went into labour but my MIL did as we lived next door to her! SIL also ended up finding out as we had DSD with us (and her mother wouldn’t answer the phone) so DSD had to stay with them.

To be honest, I’m of a similar mind set. The less people who know you’re in labour the better.

E20mom · 08/12/2018 16:08

I felt exactly the same. So we told no one. Not weird at all just personal choice.

Celticlassie · 08/12/2018 16:13

I told my mum but we didn't tell anyone else till DD arrived safely. I was in labour for 35 hours so there'd have been a lot of people waiting a looooong time for news.

Will tell my mum again for DC2 as she'll have to babysit DD!

HJWT · 08/12/2018 16:26

I didn't tell anyone!! They would of been st the hospital if I had ! NO THANKS

sirmione16 · 08/12/2018 17:56

I'm the same (33 weeks here) one because I don't want my OH on the phone every 5 minutes keeping people up to date, and I myself don't want the ignorant people calling or texting or "checking up". Christ it's gonna be hard enough, everyone else can shut up and let me focus on bringing the human into this world

DogMamma · 08/12/2018 18:08

i think the consensus is most keep it private, a little off topic, and kind of back onto it,

in short I need a surrogate, you should of heard the ruckus when I told my side of the family (gran, mum sisters) we would not be telling anyone when we found one, or that the procedure was done until after the 12 week scan (which is the norm when people concived naturally isn't it?) Jesus you could swear I had just tortured their cat or told them i was a murderer!
then it was even worse when I said I wouldn't be informing them of due date or when she went into labour, and i would also want at least 4/5 days just DH, DSS and I to bond and adjust!
apparently we are selfish for denying them !!!! DH family completely understood, what is it with immediate family when it comes to births (and weddings) thinking they have this birth/blood right to be involved?

OP as a previous poster mentioned i would ask why DH wats to inform them is it for a little bit of support because he is fretting or is it just because he wants them to know and go fromt here. x

Welshmum16 · 08/12/2018 18:36

First time we didn't tell anyone and that's how I wanted it, this time due to one child we had to arrange child care which was with his parents so they were aware this time but couldn't change that.
But I was annoyed when DH rang his customers to cancel his work (I was in latent labour for 3 days and he didn't want to leave me) and told them that I was in labour when I told him NOT to tell them.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 08/12/2018 20:31

Why tell them? They're only likely to be on tenterhooks - that is unless they're the types who are pushing to be in the delivery room when you emphatically don't want them.

I didn't want to know with dd until it was all over - I'd only have been in a terrible tizz. It's not as if she wanted me there (I'd never have wanted my mother either) - she only wanted her dh.

Whyislarryhappy · 09/12/2018 14:41

Did this with been the my 2 DC!
1st time went Hosp 2 days before dd, he came 1 day early. Phoned family after I'd woken up from my nice sleep in Hosp!
2nd time, 6 days overdue went to my dads house to collect a present for baby, had twinges but didn't say anything until drive home too my dp we have to go Hosp now. She was born the next day. I was discharged same day so rang people once home

ChanklyBore · 09/12/2018 14:53

It is perfectly possible to maintain your privacy and dignity in pregnancy and birth.

It is absolutely OK to maintain your normal boundaries, and if those don’t involve discussion of intimate processes on a normal day, nor should they on the day you give birth.

I did not tell anyone I was in labour. Not even when I had an older child around because it was my second baby. For my first child, I was annoyed that having done all the hard work I didn’t get to bear the good news to family and friends because I was busy with the aftermath of birth. So for my second child I declared it my turn to share the information, to call my family and friends, and my DH’s, to tell them myself. I really enjoyed just lying there in my bed with my baby ringing people up.If I had another I would do the same thing.

Hummingbirdy79 · 09/12/2018 16:33

No not weird at all! I was the same when I had my daughter. I wanted it to be just us without everyone rushing up the hospital to watch me give birth!!

Abimoo · 09/12/2018 22:02

Not weird at all. I didn't tell anyone. The first everyone knew was about 2 hours after she arrived. Your labour, your choice

SecondTimeCharm · 10/12/2018 10:14

I wish I hadn’t the first time - my parents drove 4 hours down and ended up waiting overnight in reception after my induction and total labour lasted a good... 36 hours and DH was glued to my side so couldn’t give them the keys to our house!

plus my PIL were ridiculous and badgering poor DH for constant updates. Far from providing him support they actively stressed him out by calling the delivery suite demanding updates. I was so pissed off!

This time no one will know except my mum who will be staying with us already to look after DD

Flip

1 2 3 4