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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

I don’t want people to know when I go into labour - am I the only one?

92 replies

Ohdofeckoffdear · 06/12/2018 20:20

I’m only 30 weeks so plenty of time but I was talking with my DH about the birth and he wants to tell his parents when I go into labour (like when I’m actually in the hospital). I don’t really like this idea and I’m not sure why? I don’t see the point in telling people other than to say the baby is here.

I’ve asked him to not tell my parents when I go into labour which he will respect I just don’t see why anyone should know really.

Am I weird?

OP posts:

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Ohyesiam · 06/12/2018 20:49

I think that in labour it’s teally important for you to “ clear the decks” on as many levels as possible.
If not telling people will lighten the mental load for you , go for it.

dancingbee · 06/12/2018 21:20

Was just having this conversation yesterday with my mum telling me that I must tell her when I go into labour. Absolutely no way in hell. She is a huge worrier and will just be really anxious and want updates. If she doesn't hear I wouldn't be surprised if she turned up to the hospital. I've said there's no way I'm telling anyone and I want it to be private between me and DH. She had a full blown strop and told me I'm being unreasonable and my decision not to tell her is weird 🙄. Glad to see that it's not just me and people want to keep it private. I don't want to have to worry about my phone and updating people. Do what's best for you!

mortifiedmama · 06/12/2018 22:32

Nope. We didn't tell anyone (except a neighbor who was feeding the cats!). I'm glad. I didn't want DH thinking he had to update people or people trying to get in touch.

We'll have to tell someone this time as DS will need looking after. I'm dreading it! The only person we could ask is my mum and she's the last person I want knowing I'm in labour (though the first I'd tell once baby is here).

I'd ask him why and what good he thinks it'll achieve. Tell him you want him focused on you and baby and ask whether he'll feel he has to answer the phone or text them and what he'd do if God forbid something goes wrong.

PennyMordauntsLadyBrain · 07/12/2018 00:45

DH told both sets of parents and my twin sister- he updated them by WhatsApp every few hours and gave them a ring when dd finally appeared.

Our families both have normal boundaries though, and wouldn’t have rocked up to the hospital with a sleeping bag to stake out the waiting room.

Gogreen · 07/12/2018 00:49

If you tell people they do this strange thing and turn up!! Even though your labouring.....for the love of god don’t do that and just wait to the baby is here so you can scream the hospital down in peace without remarks along the line off...”wow really I could hear you screaming from Africa”

No one needs that shit

DramaAlpaca · 07/12/2018 00:51

I felt the same. I'm glad my DC were born pre social media as I'd have found people knowing very stressful. I rang my DM when I went into labour with DC1, but nobody else knew until after the birth. With DC2 just SIL knew as she came to look after DC1. And with DC3 we just told a friend who'd volunteered to look after DC1 & DC2 during my home birth.

AussieMum28 · 07/12/2018 07:08

I would have completely agreed with you a week ago! What I would say is from my experience this past week, I don't think it's so cute and dry. I went into labour at 33+5 last Saturday. Hubby called his parents who drove 2 hours to get to us. Normally I wouldn't have wanted anyone there but I'm so glad they were, because poor Hubby was in desperate need of support and I just couldn't give him anything! So they were there for him, which then helped him be there for me! I know was situation certainly wasn't 'normal' but I would suggest asking why he wants to tell them. If it's just to share to news, maybe not, but if he feels like he'll need the support, it might be something to discuss/comprise on. X

Branleuse · 07/12/2018 07:11

Understandable. I had really primal urges in my last two labours to just not tell anyone at all, hide away and do unassisted. Of course i didnt go through with it, but i do think if you dont need their help for childcare etc, then just follow your instincts.

GaraMedouar · 07/12/2018 07:24

Don't tell! For my first baby my exH phoned both sets of parents. My DM made my dad drive her to the hospital after I'd specifically said I didn't want her to come. Made me so stressed. She say down the hall waiting, the long hours! Then insisted on coming in to see me and the baby in the middle of the night before i went to the ward.

For baby2 she had to know as she was looking after DC1 but at least she couldn't come to the hospital!

For baby3 I had a home birth and didn't tell DM at all. I envisaged her camping outside the front door. Just phoned her the next day with the news after a peaceful sleep . She means well but is rather smothering.

Original poster

Ohdofeckoffdear · 07/12/2018 07:44

Thanks all!

I feel bad in “stopping him” telling his parents as he probably sees it as a nice thing to do and thinks he’ll need support while I’m in labour but it just doesn’t sit comfortably with me and I can’t articulate why exactly.

I mean I don’t really want him to be constantly on his phone during the labour and I don’t want him to run off and tell people as soon as ye baby is born. I want our time as a new family.

We said we’d wait and see on the day but I’ve got such a guilt complex.

OP posts:

SoyDora · 07/12/2018 07:45

I told DH that there were no circumstances in which FIL needed to know the state of my cervix.

user1499173618 · 07/12/2018 07:45

Giving birth is not a spectator sport. All mothers deserve privacy, protection and a complete absence of external pressure when giving birth.

Tfoot75 · 07/12/2018 07:50

I think wait and see is the best option, as if it goes on a while you might need to let people know. I was worried about this as well, but in the end laboured overnight and dd1 born next morning before anyone had noticed (family all live nearby). Dd2 most of the family ended up knowing but only for a couple of hours before dd2 arrived, and as far as I know there wasn’t any texting during my labour.

Worieddd · 07/12/2018 08:11

Same! Everybody can know when baby arrives

Merrz · 07/12/2018 09:24

Same here, i don't want anyone to know until baby is here.
From a family point of view though they might not want to know. My SIL had a very long and difficult labour/birth. She told her mum when she went into hospital, won't go into all the in's and outs but it was all very traumatic and her DH was left holding the baby while SIL got whipped off for emergency surgery. He didn't know what was going on so couldn't up-date her mum. Her mum was therefore sitting at home worried sick, wondering what on earth was going on and she said in hindsight she would of preferred not to know that that she was even in labour.

Nothisispatrick · 07/12/2018 09:33

We told people only when we were at the hospital in the labour room. It was the middle of the night and everyone lives far away so it’s not like anyone could come anyway. It had already been two days of labour at home and we hadn’t told anyone.

kayakingmum · 07/12/2018 10:50

I didnt want to tell people other than my partner I had gone into labour. My family knew anyway because I didn't respond to texts and phone calls and I was over due.

GobbyMcGobshite · 07/12/2018 11:01

I didn't tell anyone either

NotyourMummynotyourmilk · 07/12/2018 12:13

You are all right ladies, as an expectant first time grandmother, if I knew when my DD went into labour I would be either there or on the phone constantly, like my DSiL is incapable of telling me as soon as the baby is born.

53rdWay · 07/12/2018 13:10

You're not weird. My DH told his and mine both when I went into labour with our first, told them we were going into hospital and would call with an update when there was news. Then turned off his phone. Turned it back on 8 hours later after DD was born to an avalanche of "what's happening now??" "do you have an ETA for baby yet?" messages, and telling him off for not replying. Next time they can wait!

witchy89 · 07/12/2018 13:27

I feel the same way and have said to my partner that I won't know how I feel until it happens! My sister wanted to know if she was going to be there with me at the birth (which in theory I like the idea of) but I have told her that I won't know until it actually starts to happen. I think I will probably want to be on my own and to just 'get on with it'. Perhaps you and your partner could read a few books about labour and why it's important for the mother's wishes to be respected and how it aids the process? So he can understand it more! I've just finished reading the 'positive birthing book' and it's got a really good bit about men being the 'guards' of your oxytocin and how they need to do everything they can to make sure you are not disturbed or put under pressure!

adoggymum · 07/12/2018 13:37

Definitely not weird! Can you imagine the texts demanding updates and wanting to visit etc once you've just given birth? Sounds awful.

I would probably just tell my mum (as I'd want her there) and leave other people out until the baby's arrived. Then arrange for people to come visit/go visit them at later dates. Definitely not just after giving birth!

I think it's your choice as you're the one going through it all physically and mentally.

adoggymum · 07/12/2018 13:37

Definitely not weird! Can you imagine the texts demanding updates and wanting to visit etc once you've just given birth? Sounds awful.

I think it's your choice as you're the one going through it all physically and mentally.

Newtothiskindathing · 07/12/2018 13:39

I felt exactly the same. Its quite an intimate thing for people to know I always just imagined them thinking of you physically in labour which isn't the nicest thought!

Fairylightsparkle · 07/12/2018 13:40

We didn't tell anyone with number one, and only told pils with number 2 because they were in call to look after dd. You don't have to tell anyone until you are ready, and probably when it happens it will be the last thing on your mind.

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