AIBU to be annoyed at how genderist even baby clothing is?

[Monipop84]

We are over the moon to be expecting our fist child, a little girl, in April :) Complicit the Black Friday sales, I have been doing a bit of online shopping over the weekend. I am amazed by how many websites still have baby (infant!) clothing divided into "boys" and "girls" categories, which I honestly find ridiculous. Why should a Peter Rabbit babygro be for boys only? Or a space babygro? There are a few "gender neutral" shops out there (Mori makes good stuff) but they are so expensive. To be clear, I am not ostracising the odd pink top or cute shirt, but I am keen on raising my little girl without many stereotypes and I am seeing that so much of girl stuff is still so twee and frilly and has terrible slogans on it.

My Daughter had a mix of clothes, firstly I did buy all pink girly bits, but by six months she was in more neutral stuff. She's now six and (the only girl!) on the football team, likewise she also does ballet and gymnastics. I've had some very well meant comments 'oh, isn't it nice to see a girl playing football', and some less well meant ones 'she's a girl, and will let the team down' In earshot of her. If she prefers football to Barbies, she's playing football (she's asked for a new kit and boots for Christmas!). I wouldn't say I'm raising her as 'gender neutral' specifically, but why should we plop our kids into certain 'boxes'. If you want to dress her in blue go for it, lets face it DD walks out onto the pitch in full Man Utd kit (and I'm fairly sure that should be the only reason I'm chastised...!)

We started buying clothes from during TTC (stupid I know but was my odd way of coping with it taking so long) and so wouldn't have known the sex (still don't as only 7 weeks) but have bought some lovely stuff from M&Co, beautifully bright clothes. I find ASDA & Tescos (at least where I live) to have only dull grey and white gender-neutral clothing

Either way this baby will also be wearing DS' clothes. We bought pretty gender-neutral things for him anyway

@mollysmammy I wouldn't say I'm raising her as 'gender neutral' specifically, but why should we plop our kids into certain 'boxes'

This is the thing. I think it's futile to aim for a gender-neutral upbringing - as your daughter is already discovering, she is going to be judged on her sex/gender, for better or worse, and this is something she must learn to live with and challenge. We can't ignore that the gender binary exists; we need to prepare our kids - boys and girls - to understand that it does not have to hold them back.

I don't want a gender-neutral child per se, because I want them to be proud of their sex. I do want gender-neutral clothes, which they can just get on with life in, and which don't reinforce those constant messages about what they can/can't and should/shouldn't do.

Very irritating indeed.
My dd wears superhero t-shirts, dinosaurs socks, sleepsuits with rockets on, vests with blue bears on, and boys tracksuit bottoms too!

We also dont raise ours to be ‘neutral.’ They are boys, there’s nothing wrong or better about that. They also need to be aware of their bodies in an age appropriate way.

We just try not to shove them in a narrow stereotype box of ‘you can only dress/act/be like this.’ So we have a house full of dinosaur/lego/small cars (as I did as a child) but ds1 wanted a doll for his birthday so a doll he got. And he likes playing with it and taking care of it.

I dont think that’s anything too out there? It’s just letting them be a kid. I was a young kid in the seventies and early eighties and I had similar toys and I don’t ever remember wearing pink. It was lego all the way chez bowl.

they are now designed so that it is almost impossible to use them for the other sex without inviting adverse comment.

I agree - this is a perceptive point, and a depressing one.

Totally agree.

I have a 1 year old DD, and like a PP said I shop in both the boys’ and girls’ sections for her. My chosen aesthetic for her is “exploded crayon factory” so I gravitate towards bright colours regardless of what part of the store they’re in.

She is constantly being mistaken for a boy by strangers and when they ask her name and find out she’s a girl, they get embarrassed like I’d be really offended that they misgendered my 13 month old!

It is so annoying! It is fine in a shop as you can see what’s on offer but online it takes twice as long to shop as I have to go through boys and girls sections. My DD loves pink yes, but also loves dinosaurs and trucks!

Also agree on the sludge description for boys stuff.

I’m expecting a boy this time so I’ve started to pay much more attention to what’s on offer. Some shops like Next and H&M have some bright stuff, but this really tails off after age 5 or so so pre-teen boys are left with grey, navy and brown. Conversely, I’ve found that the colour palettes in the girls section are far more varied.

Supermarkets and Primark are the worst for the pink/blue divide. Everything from socks to comforters and muslins are really obviously gendered.

My dd had the odd neutral or "boys" item. She coped. As did we. As did the family.
It's annoying that they can be hard to find but not that difficult or expensive.

Oh for goodness sake. When did we become such a nation of snowflakes and neutral nutters?
I’m expecting my first baby in April too, a little boy, and he will be dressed in blue, as boyish as possible until he is old enough to make the decision for himself.
If you want to put your girl in boys clothes or vice versa then fine, but don’t expect everyone else to have to buy “neutral” clothing just because you’re not happy!

"When did we become such a nation of snowflakes and neutral nutters? "

When did we become such a nation of obsessive genderist followers? That's a more interesting question.

I find it interesting that the reaction to even just questioning it is to cry "snowflake" which is of course the harshest criticism these days. Baby clothes really really don't have a "gender". Unnecessarily categorising things into boys/girls, including colours, patterns, motifs, themes, styling etc etc does harm to boys and girls. The recent BBC documentary about gender stereotypes in primary school aged children showed the issues that this causes. If you disagree that it causes harm, then explain why and discuss the evidence for it. But shouting the popular "snowflake" insult at people who want to discuss it is just daft.

And "gender neutral" doesn't mean neutral colours. It means all colours for all children. How anyone could object to that is fascinating.

Oh for goodness sake. When did we become such a nation of snowflakes and neutral nutters?

Didn't realise that wanting to dress my son in yellow or red made me a nutter.

Thanks for the heads up though

I don't think anyone wants to buy specifically 'neutral' clothing.

But sometimes you just want a plain red or blue babygrow or t-shirt.

Instead of sludge colours for boys and frilly pink sequins for the girls.

It's not too much to ask to have some choice.

@AssassinatedBeauty

When did we become such a nation of obsessive genderist followers? That's a more interesting question.

I couldn't have explained it better myself!

Who cares, just buy what you want. My son was in baby(girl) tights when it was cold and my dds wear clothes from the boys section sometimes.
One of my Dds had a Peter rabbit themed nursery as a baby too.
Don't make a big deal out of it just buy what you want.

I just choose the clothes I like regardless of what "section" they are in. I have a total addiction for baby dungarees and fortunately most of these are quite neutral. X

Don't make a big deal out of it just buy what you want.

That's the point- there's very little choice of reasonably priced baby clothes that aren't either covered in cars and trucks or frills and princess crowns.

No one is saying this stuff should be banned, but it would just be nice to have the option of getting some bright, non-pink/blue basics without having to shell out for Polarn Y Pryet or some other scandi brand.

The issue is, for me and others on this thread, is that baby clothes are so gender-coded in mainstream shops that you don't get a choice. Things are either pink/purple/frilly or blue/grey/brown/sludge with the motifs/patterns/themes also divided by gender.

Some shops do sometimes do a better selection but it requires hunting around. I reject the vast majority of all the clothing in the high street shops and supermarkets because it's all so strictly divided.

Just buy your clothes from a different 'category'.

I begin to have a modicum of support when clothes no longer fit the different sexes because of cut to a gender i.e. hips or bust.

I agree - you can just try and try and buy from a different category.

Not all retailers seem to play along with this. I am frequently foiled because the otherwise suitable garment on it has a slogan printed on that makes it unusable. E.g. Mummy's little man etc etc

I 100% agree that heavily "gendered" baby clothes are annoying!

I find John Lewis excellent for clothes generally - they have fun and unusual prints that aren't targeted one was or another. Also good for vest multipacks in bright colours.

Boots also quite good in this regard.

Boy & Bird is also a good little independent shop making beautiful clothes in lovely unusual fabrics.

I popped into M&S the other day with the intention of getting a few new bits for unborn baby (second child, sex unknown) and it was so depressing - one rack of girl stuff, one of boys... then in the middle a white bit of "neutral" stuff. How bloody boring! Needless to say I didn't bother buying anything.

I can recommend John Lewis for lovely prints on bedding too. We have grandchildren (boys and girls) to visit. All of them love the animal prints!

@TheSubtleKnifeAndFork we've actually had the opposite experience at M&S, finding loads of cute gender neutral stuff in the past few months, even pastel ones that are suitable for both genders. We don't know what we're having, but we generally like wildlife animal prints and dinosaurs (two parents grown up with Jurassic Park...). That is, when the prints aren't combined with gender stereotyping slogans and baby blue and pink. Most of the things we've picked are actually from "boys" sections from supermarkets to avoid the frills and to get some brighter colours. In some shops, it's like pink is for girls and all other colours for boys! Although it sounds like some shops have the other extreme, with only blue and gray boy clothes.

@Kay1314 - that's interesting about M&S. Maybe it depends on the store. My local one is quite small.

Actually this thread has made me remember something from when I was a child at primary school. My mum bought me some quite distinctive jeans from the "boys" section of a shop. I absolutely loved them. Wore them excitedly to school and it so happened that a boy in my class had the same jeans. So I got picked on and then didn't want to wear the jeans anymore.

Hardly the end of the world, nor did it scar me for life (although it is quite a vivid memory!) - but if there was no boys / girls clothes division then it wouldn't have happened. And it made me self conscious about wearing clothes that I liked because they "weren't for girls". How sad!

I just don't see that gendering children - through clothing or toys (or anything else) - is ever beneficial to them, and so don't understand why we (society) do it. It doesn't add anything to children's lives to teach them that anything is out of bounds due to their biological sex. Surely it just feeds into the gender stereotypes that are unhelpful in adult life too. Clothing is just a tiny part of that, obviously, but that doesn't mean it is totally unimportant and isn't worth discussing. IMO of course.