Mother in law doesn’t want us to tell the family we are pregnant

[Julia124]

So we told our mother in law last week that we are expecting, I had my 12 week scan that day and we told her straight after. He reaction was to cry and cry and say that we wouldn’t be able to do it etc. Which I’m still pretty hurt by. A week on she’s asked us not to announce the pregnancy to the rest of his family until she’s had times to come to terms with it. I don’t know if it’s just pregnancy hormones but I’m so annoyed about it. It’s our first child and I’m excited and want to be able to discuss it but she wants us to stay silent. Am I overreacting? Should we be giving her more time to adjust until we tell other people?

Go home - you don't need this kind of rubbish.

Honestly you need to leave. Your DP shouldn't be entertaining this shit. You now have a life time of this woman you need to be laying the ground rules now and that kind of behaviour is not acceptable

Is she quite young to be a grandma? Does she think she's too young? I bet that's what it is - she's moved a step up the seniority ladder to grandma-hood!

I suspect she just thinks you are too young and have rushed into it a bit quickly if you are both early 20s and together only a year.

She shouldn’t be ignoring you, but maybe she is just concerned about the speed your relationship is moving at.

Congratulations on your pregnancy! Enjoy this special time!

OP, you MIL soinds just like mine. DP told her we are expecting our s cons baby and she called him an idiot and hasn’t once mentioned the pregnancy to me. The first time I seen her was to collect DD after school and she didn’t even let me in the house!

It hurts to hell, so really feel for you. A baby is a blessing and you and your DP should enjoy it!

Don’t tolerate this OP! Honestly, what you accept now sets the tone for the rest of your relationship. If you let her bully you now that she it, that’s the standard set. Don’t allow it. Leave now. You’re an adult woman, leave, and announce your pregnancy to whoever the hell you want. She doesn’t have to like it.

She has not said one word to me since I’ve been here and is completely ignoring me

Well what has DP said to her about her ignoring you?

@onceuponatimeinamerica In my early twenties I owned a house by 22, had a management job, was married and was pregnant and had my son at 23....I don't consider early 20s too young.

OP, to me, it simply sounds like she's being a bit possessive over her son growing up so has lashed out a little.

My step mum and my dad told us time and time again how stupid we were, we would never cope, could wave good bye to our social lives, did we know there were other options available?! Crazy! They finally spent some time with our son when he was 18 months old and told us what a great job we were doing and how proud we should be of ourselves. They've seen him once in the last year, he's now 2.5! Some people just have no real interest in being involved in watching other people's lives change because for whatever reason, it's not the way they would have done it!

And some people just aren't accepting of their children growing up! I'd be annoyed if I were you, but also think "ah well, we are happy, she can join us on the happy wagon when she's ready" and just do your thing, announcing to whoever you want! Congratulations. X

Absolutely not on!

It’s your news and you share it however and with whoever you want.

Tell everyone then play her at her own game and ignore her.

Congratulations

You poor thing. Ive never heard such rubbish. It’s your baby, your news. Your decision. Is she usually like this. I’d be so insulted. I feel insulted for you and I’m definately not hormonal. My dm called everyone even though we asked her not to prior to 12 weeks. We hadn’t even told our other children. Why do they spoil things sometimes? Tell the world and enjoy it x

Congratulations- it definitely has nothing to do with your MIL when you announce your good news. You can tell who you want when you want. Sounds like it would be better if you avoided her for a while.

I hope you have both left ......

Yes what has DP said to her?
It’s a very odd response. You’re obviously fairly young and haven’t been together for that long. Her response seems totally OTT. Has she ever been “off” before? Or has she always acted like she liked you?
Not that it’s up to her who her son dates/lives with.

Congrats on your pregnancy!!!! I second ignoring your boyfriend's mum and tell absolutely everyone and anyone who will listen. What a selfish woman.

@Babyno2mamabear I didn’t say I agree with the ‘MIL’ that OP is too young but it wouldn’t be an unusual thought process.

There was a very long thread only a couple of weeks ago where the OP was substantially older and her parents felt she was rushing into an engagement. I tend to think an engagement/marriage is easier to get out of than parenthood. If a child of mine went from meeting someone to setting up home and having a baby in under a year, I probably would have some concerns. At that point, most people are still getting to know each other. You just have to look at the relationships board.

Sounds like my MIL.
She said to me very frantically "well can't you get rid of it?!" Then when her husband said no it's up to her, it's her body, she downed some booze and pissed off out the house for 15 minutes.

Needless to say, 5 years on and we haven't spoken to her since two years ago!!

Mil assumed getting pregnant was my mistake.
She snubbed ds and backed away.
Nc for nearly 4 years now.
She told my dh as a teen she didn't want to be a dgm.
And boy did she mean it.
She mil are purely batshit ime.

I think some parents find it hard to let go of the control.
They have basically controlled their kids for years and now they are doing things differently to how they would like.
This is my only thinking in it.
My MIL put a pregnancy announcement on social media as soon as me and DH sent her the scan picture. We were still in the hospital waiting for the next part of our appointment. I couldn't believe it and she basically got to share our news for us. It doesn't take away how much we love our DS and the fact we have a healthy and happy baby, but I was gutted at the time and still feel a bit better about it.
We're now 15 weeks pregnant with DC2 and find out the sex next week, she doesn't want to know. But literally every body else has been asking. DH says when running after a 15mo and 15 weeks pregnant I shouldn't be stressing about dropping the he/she in front of MIL incase it upsets her. But I will be worried and stressed, I just hope someone else tells her before I see her so at least it's not my fault when she finds out!

Tell whoever you want to! Honestly, this is your happy time and you don’t want to give her a second thought!

She sounds like a narcissist.

I knew my DH was 'the one' after 3 dates. When you know, you know! We've been together 7 years now, married for 4.5. I don't think you're too young or haven't been together long enough. I'm 35 and which I had been pregnant younger, I was healthier then.

My MIL is a total bitch. I met her 3 weeks in to my relationship as DH took me home (3.5 hrs away) to meet her. She told me I was prolly a one night stand!!! Because men who just want to have sex with you, take you home to meet their mother!

I've been polite and kind and ignorned her mean spirit for 7 years. Don't be me. You can't change someone who treats you like that. Stand up for yourself now!!! I have had a mc previously, MIL did express sorry at the time but then called DH to say it wasn't a big deal, she had heard many women had mc's. I was 11 weeks, I had contractions and had to push. He said ' It felt pretty awful when we were in hospital thanks!?!'

In this pregnancy she says things like 'Well I suppose it must be viable now'. Viable!!!

I have been practicing asserting myself. I've used phrases like 'It's best not to argue with a pregnant woman' when she tries to tell me what to do.

I wish I'd put her in her place years ago.

I think you need to assert yourself quite strongly here and make her realise that she needs to be playing ball if she doesn't want to miss out on her grandchild. What is your DP doing about MIL?

A very odd reaction for a soon to be grandmother, what planet is she on?
I would feel hurt by that, I'm sure you both are. Maybe she thinks it is all happening too fast but still, support is what you need, not tears and criticism.

Congratulations!

(Oh and by the way, only one of you is pregnant. There's no 'we' in pregnancy, the female becomes pregnant. You are both expecting a baby though.)

Good luck and congrats 💐

She obviously doesn't like you much and is disappointed for whatever reason.

My dm was when my dB's GF was pregnant at 21. His life took a different turn. She hid it though.