Anyone got any funny pregnancy/childbirth stories???!!!!!

[barney2]

So has anyone got anything funny to tell the rest of us about pregnancy & childbirth?!!

When I was expecting my first child my dh and I did the usual hospital tour thingy...y'know the going around the maternity dept - being completely envious at all the new Mum's sat there with their new babies wishing it were me...etc etc.

Anyway the midwife took the group of us expectant Mums with our partners into the various parts of the dept and we went into this scary looking delivery room - the one where you go for the final pushing phase and where the tools and equipment are kept for ventouse, forceps etc.

The midwife picked up the chart showing everyone what 10cms looked like and my delightful 'trying to be interested' dh piped up...'oh, I thought it was 10inches not 10cms....' I could have died on the spot. Everyone laughed at him and if I could have thrown him out of the maternity dept there and then I would've done. I've never let him forget it.

We were then showed what a pair of forceps look like...they're not the most attractive item of equipment and fortunately I didn't need them BUT my dh again comments 'oh, I'm sure I've got something like that in the garage at home'.

Anyway I'm sure there's others out there with funny stories. Admittedly mine aren't that funny but we still smile about them now, 9 yrs later and two children later!

My friend's baby was delivered by a Dr.Love

Yummy too by all accounts!!

Dr Love eh? Blimey!

My first was delivered by this lovely young man called 'Jeremy'....and he was gorgeous. How on earth these gorgeous young men want to deliver babies is beyond me! I was in such a state delivering my 9lb 5oz baby girl - I'd been in labour for so long - not a pretty sight at all but looking at him through my legs kept me pushing!!

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a lady on the April 2007 thread gave birth in the car

the fact that dh was cutting bubble wrap (for me to give birth on) when I delivered ds2 still amuses me, as does his "yes I know" to my "i'm having the baby", he then looked at me, saw the head hanging out and totally freaked.

So did you deliver on bubble wrap??!!!

no, he was in the process of cutting it when I delivered (v quick labour). its like the shower curtain thing, presumably with sheets on top, we never got there

When my sis gave birth to one of her dc the midwife brought a tv into the room for her DH to watch and just as she was wanting to push he turned to her and said "look, your favourite program's on"

When I was in the final stages of labour with my first dd my dh declared he was hungry so the mw sent him down to the canteen and off he went....ravenous as always and just as I was about to start pushing he re-appeared and told me all about what he'd had to eat...chips with gravy!!...whilst that might sound appetising for some it didn't sound it to me whilst in full-blown labour! Cheers pal!

After I'd had my 2nd dd, which was during the early hours of the morning, I was placed onto the ward and I was sat there in the comfy armchair they give you (y'know the ones your bum gets stuck on if you're a bit sweaty and you have to peel yourself off?!) and my dh fell asleep in the bed and I had to keep prodding him because he was snoring so loudly! I'm sure everyone thought that was me snoring....as if! I was too happy to have just given birth and couldn't sleep a wink!

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Oh I'm glad I wasn't in that lift!!

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Midwife thought dp was my dad.

Oh how I laughed!

eldest daughter asking my MIL if she could come and see the hole in mummys tummy where the baby came out!

I was just about to start pushing when the receptionist stuck her head round the door and said someone was here to see me was it ok to let them in. Luckily it was my Mum and I was really pleased to see her, but it was just the casual way the receptionist stuck her head in and said "you've got a visitor, is it alright if they come in?".

When i was close to giving birth to dd1, dp had popped outside the hospital to put some more money in the meter. The midwife had disappeared somewhere and lonely i was left with nothing but gas and air listening to the fire alarm going off.(thankfully it didn't bother me as i was high on gas and air)
I didn't know until later but dp had not been allowed back into the building for some time whilst the fire crew checked it was all safe! Thankfully they didn't need to check in my room .

To this day i have no idea if the midwife had vacated the building during the alarm or not.

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When my second was born I had a fairly quick and straightforward labour. Didn't see the midwife much during labour as she was run off her feet and could see that we were doing ok.

Once I felt the time had come, I sent DH off to get her, she took one look at me and said we had to move to the delivery room ASAP.

I managed to waddle down the corridor and then had to clambour up on a table (gave birth in France, they are v. old fashioned it's all tables and stirrups). Sheesh, I can tell you, getting up on that blardy table with contractions coming thick and fast was the hardest thing imaginable.

So, made it up, midwife started to check how things were looking and then said 'whoopsy you've still got your underpants on!'. She then suggested that I GET BACK DOWN AND TAKE THEM OFF!

If I hadn't been in late labour I would have PMSL did she really think after all the superhuman effort I was going anywhere. So I said 'cut them off women, this is a delivery room, you must have some cutting implements around surely' she then said to me 'oh what a shame, they're such nice pants'!!!

At this point I was thinking if she didn't snip em off quick smart they were going to be my baby's first view of the world.

Pants were duly cut baby was born about 2 mins later.

there was a hilarious thread on this a few months back - rofl! Was just thinking about it yesterday so i'm glad you started a new one

during labour for DD1, was sent home from hospital as arrived only 3cm and had a bath at home. DH had a kip! then came into me an hour or so later during which time i had been having MASSIVE contractions (found out later my waters broke in the bath) and dh says "oh, it hasn't been too bad so far has it?" grrrr

then when i called him at work to say labour had started with DD2, he says "oh, ok, i'll be back in an hour or so. just need to stop at the barbers on the way back" "why?" i ask... "so i look good in the photos" wtf!

Through out my labour I had huge pressure on my bowels and I kept screaming 'I'm going to poo, I'm going to poo myself' for about 3 hours. DH was convinced that the whole maternity ward could hear (FYI - DID NOT poo myself!)

....after having had a crap pregnancy, I had a wonderful quick , easy but very intense stage 1 (90 mins) and similar but hard work stage 2....TBH I was feeling on top of the world; A student midwife was present throughout. At stage 3 the midwife was explaining to student what was going to happen, I had my placental 'injection" (the one that speeds things up,) midwife asked me to "give a little push" which i did.....at which point my placenta shot out ....and hit her splat in the face . She stood absolutely motionless, wiped the gunk of her midwifery goggles, turned to the student mf and said as calmly as anything "...and that is why you should wear your goggles at all times throughout stage 3 of labour.." at which point DH and I burst into hysterical laughter . Apparently placenta shot out so quickly it turned itself inside out and is called a "dirty duncan"' when it does that.....to us it looked like something from an alien movie with her being attacked by a moving jellyfish........