Does anyone regret finding out the sex?

[RosiePosies]

Just that really - I wondered if anyone found out the sex of their baby, and then kind of wished they hadn't? I'm totally on the fence about it, and OH would love to know! 20 week scan is in 4 weeks so got ages yet to decide, but thought I'd ask the question : )

I can't share my experience but just wanted to say I was in the same boat as you and asked all my friends who have children the same question, most of them saying they wouldn't find out next time.

One of them described it as looking for your Christmas presents early and finding one! Your still extremely excited to get it on Christmas Day but you know that's what your going to get so the excitement when you open it isn't as big as if you didn't know!

I am loving buying neural stuff and planning how I can make things more girly/boyish when baby arrives. I love having people guess by looking at my scan too just to hear people opinions!

I always knew I would want to know. I get enjoying the suspense of a genuine surprise - a situation where you just can't know the answer - but I honestly can't see the point of not finding out something if it's there to be found out. I personally would feel a bit weird about anyone who scanned potentially knowing when I didn't know myself. But each to their own.

How could knowing the sex of your baby in advance possibly make actually meeting your baby any less exciting?

But then I don't mind knowing what I'm getting for Christmas in advance either

We found out with both pregnancies. I think most people assume those who find out have a preference for a particular sex, but not me and DH. We are just very nosy and impatient people.

With DD I was so exhausted after a loooooong labour that I didn’t give a shiny shit about anything once I knew baby was ok. It would have been a total anticlimax at that point if I hadn’t known the sex.

I was so busting to find out with this pregnancy, I paid for a scan at 16 weeks. I was finding this one much more difficult mentally and physically, and really struggling to connect with the idea of having another dc. Once we found out it was like a switch had been flicked- not because it was a boy, but because I knew who was in there and I could call him by his name.

Found out with all 4 of my DC and never regretted it. Knowing doesn’t take away from the absolute elation you experience when they arrive!

As a pp said, with dc1 it helped me feel more connected and make it feel real. I struggle a bit with change and it gave me time to adjust to the idea, of what I was having.
With dc3, I'm pleased I found out as I'd got it it to my head that I 'knew' before my scan. I was wrong so I'm glad I had that surprise before I went into labour not on a day that is already emotionally overwhelming.
For context, I l didn't have strong preferences either way for any of them.

I didn't want to know the sex beforehand, but I knew DS1 was a boy because it was obvious at the scan. I didn't find out with DS2 and tbh it was better that way. I didn't focus on the sex, I focussed on welcoming a new baby to into our family. It was lovely having everyone guess what it was going to be, people seem to love that kind of conversation. My MIL bought me some gorgeous neutral clothes. It was completely different and quite magical. As for the birth itself - there wasn't any difference at all. I was exhausted both times, it took me at least five minutes to look whether DS2 was a boy or a girl!

We didn’t find out so can’t comment on the regret but we absolutely no regrets about not knowing and as another poster said, the excitement from the staff we met during delivery because we didn’t know the sex was lovely! I also remember lying in theatre after (complications after vaginal delivery) thinking OMG I have a son that excitement carried me through for a while! X

I genuinely couldn’t care less how excited the staff are/were! I don’t remember them being particularly more excited with my first when I didn’t know the sex than with the second when I did. In fact the midwives seem to be disproportionately excited that I’m having a boy this time when I already have two girls... not sure why .

Can’t understand why anyone would say finding out spoils the surprise. We just got that surprise at the anomoly scan, rather than at birth.

There’s enough unknowns to carry me through. With DD I couldn’t wait to see if she had my dark hair, or blond like DH. Would she have my pointy nose, or his big lips? What will it be like holding my daughter for the first time? Will she be chilled out or shouty?

Now with DS, I’m looking forward to finding all that out again.

Their sex has so little to do with the excitement of meeting our babies.

Their sex has so little to do with the excitement of meeting our babies.

Absolutely!

The magic and excitement is getting to meet the little person you've been growing inside you, andthat "meeting" goes on for years and years.

Thanks everyone.

What did you regret about it can I ask @bumblebee39 ?

@Poppylizzyrose this is the exact feeling I'm worried about - just feeling a bit 'meh' or anti climatic if that makes sense? X

I think it would be really sad if anyone felt ‘meh’ or ‘anticlimatic’ at the birth of their child just because they knew it’s sex. Seems so odd to me. It’s such an amazing experience seeing your child for the first time, a whole new person.
We’re all different though.

I didn't on my first and did on my other three. I loved loved finding out. I felt I bonded better with my bump. The three times at the scan with my partner when we were told were very special. Lots of laughing snd tears. We got to savour the special moment and picked our names there and then.

The moments after labour can be crazy and intense. Two of my subsequent births were very difficult . I felt like death and had terrible afterbirthpains and the "its a boy or girl moment" would have went over my head.

For us we told nobody what we were having so there was still lots of excitement with our families and friends.

I find when you ask this question people who haven't found out give their usually very strong opinion on something they haven't experienced so it can be hard to get impartial advice.

DC1 had some pretty strong opinions about what the sex baby should be, so we decided to find out with DC2. It was the right thing to do as it made DC1 feel more secure and excited about the whole experience of waiting to meet their sibling. (Probably helped by the fact DC1 was correct re. baby's sex!)

what sex the baby should be

I found out on my first as I thought I would be under general anaesthetic for the birth. I wasn't afterwards but I still never regretted it. I instantly felt closer to my baby. It wasn't he or she anymore, It was he and he became so much more real. We told no one but it was so nice knowing ourselves. I also found out on my second, I had very difficult pregnancies so finding out gave me the boost I needed through hard times. Never regretted it and would do it again.

I was happy to know as we are terrible at choosing names, so it helped! We've also had some losses, and it made it feel more real. For our last two I wanted to know in advance as some relatives seemed so invested in me 'finally getting my girl' that I wanted to be able to declare joyfully in advance that we'd be having (yet) another boy, so they didn't feel pity when he arrived.

Im with Shutupanddance1: I found out because, well it’s not really a surprise, it’s a boy or a girl.. hardly likely it would turn out to be a seahorse

On the end it won't matter, so long as you don't end up being one of those terribly smug people who say they've found out but aren't telling(why?!?).
Congratulations!

I found out with my first 2 and didn’t regret it one bit.
For my 3rd baby we decided we would have a surprise. However, I was a bit further along than I thought at the 12 week scan, and he wasn’t a shy baby! It wasn’t confirmed until the 20 week scan but even the sonographer laughed and paused the screen/took an image for the notes.
Because I was 99% sure what I’d seen was a boy, I wanted to properly confirm at the 20 week scan. I didn’t have the surprise at the birth, but I was able to sort through and get rid of all the girls clothes stored in my loft. And honestly, the birth is still pretty special even when you know the sex!

I also think it’s odd when people say ‘it’s the only surprise you get in life’. I’ve been far more surprised by loads of other things that have happened in life than whether my child was a boy or girl (one of only two options after all!).

I didn’t find out and I’m so glad I didn’t. It was just the best feeling finding out when that little baby was placed on me.

Not at all. With my first we found out at a private scan at 16 weeks. It was a lovely exciting moment for me and my husband. The birth was complicated and traumatic for me. After he came out the doctors were all rushing round dealing with the complications I was having and one of them said ‘you did know it was a boy right?’ If that has been how I’d found out it would have been a huge anticlimax. I’m glad we had the special moment of finding out in a nice, relaxed setting and not in the middle of chaos in an operating theatre. I’m now expecting my second and also found out early on.

I couldn't resist finding out and don't regret it. Also, halfway through my pregnancy, I still hadn't decided on names and thought knowing the sex would make this easier.

Not finding out might have made the birth even more exciting, but it was still an amazing moment to meet DD and finally see what she looked like.

When I first moved overseas I lived with my boss and his wife. They had a 3 month old son and she had just stopped EBF hoping she could have another baby quickly so the siblings would be close. She became pregnant again when her DC1 was 7 months old and was thrilled. She was really keen for another son as she felt that brothers so close in age would be pals for life.

Fast forward to 20 wks and she found out at her scan that she was having a girl. She was devastated. She had scan after scan (this was over 20 years ago when they weren't as reliable as today and we lived in a country where money trumped common sense) and, when she didn't get the result she wanted, had an amniocentesis. When the result was confirmed she gave up on her pregnancy, started smoking and drinking and really behaved atrociously.
When her daughter was born (I'd moved out at this point but still worked for her husband) she came home within 6 hours of the birth and left the baby at the hospital until she was three days old. From then on the baby was left with the household help during the day, taken into her bedroom through the night and then put out in the morning in her moses basket with the dirty coffee cups. It was heartbreaking.
And that is why I never found out the sex of any of my 3 children. The very idea of being disappointed before you've even met your child is too sad to contemplate. I was thrilled with all of mine and tbh after labour and delivery I would have been just as thrilled if they were seahorses!