Feeling pressure to breastfeed

[lucy19977]

Hello, I'll try and get to the point as quickly as possible. I'm pregnant with my first baby due in January and I think I'm prepared (well as much as you can be for a small human who relies on you to survive😅) but one thing that's always mentioned and has annoyed me since my first midwife appointment at 9 weeks is wether to Breastfeed my son or to bottle feed.

I was always adamant that I wanted to bottle feed due to the fact that I personally would feel uncomfortable breastfeeding (I have NO issues what so ever with other women doing it - unsure if it's an age thing as I'm 21 and can be self conscious at times), I have a rather large chest 34GG before pregnancy and I would also like other people to be able to feed the baby mainly because I'm no longer with the father of the baby and I would like the baby to get used to staying with him for a period of time but might be difficult if I'm breastfeeding.

Recently I've felt more pressured into breastfeeding and I'm unsure what to do now as I obviously want to do the best for my baby and give him the best start.

I also planned on SMA milk if I bottle feed - is this type ok or is cow and gate or aptimil etc better?

Please advise what you think is best and if bottle feeding would be ok?

@Patienceofatoddler

It was more parents shouldn't feel they 'have' to do anything and I know there are parents who have no intention to breast feed but will say what they think the health professionals want to hear (people have said it themselves on this thread).*

Op doesn't have to do anything she doesn't want to. However if there is a particularly persistent midwife who is making her feel guilty for her choice she could say she is thinking about breastfeeding, even if she is not. Which is true anyway from the sounds of the original post.

That way put an end to the nagging and guilt tripping. We are well informed enough about the pros of breastfeeding vs ff. she doesn't need an over zealous midwife forcing it down her throat.

I felt really pressured too. To the point where I felt like an absolute failure when it didn’t work out last time due to having no milk after a complicated delivery.

My little boy did just fine on bottles. He’s a happy, healthy 16 month old. Bottlefeeding worked really well for us. I am expecting my second baby in a few weeks and will be bottle feeding from the start.

I haven’t felt the same pressure this time as whenever I’ve been asked how I’ll be feeding I have just said bottle feeding and that I’m not considering bf. I find it’s when you aren’t sure that they try to pressure you.

I’d advise using whatever formula is most readily available in the shops local to you. They are all pretty much the same. For the hospital I’d advise packing some of the little ready made bottles that you screw the teat onto. That way there’s no need to sterilise them. Once you are home I’d definitely recommend getting a prep machine. They are absolute lifesavers especially in the middle of the night.

It's obviously up to you to weigh up the pros and cons but if being uncomfortable and self conscious is an issue there are cover ups you can use.

Do whatever you like, as a pp said you'll be in the majority if you formula feed as most mums do so don't feel pressured if that's your choice. Personally I was far too lazy to formula feed, all the making up of bottles, sterilizing, remembering to take them out with you I cba with! Breastfeeding was easier, I could feed at night lying down next to her. Not fun when she was teething though!

Maybe just compromise and do it for a month or something like that. It is a lovely thing to do, for Mum as much as baby ❤️

When I had my first DD I was 22, like you I was put of the idea of breastfeeding because I was quite body concious. Was adamant it wouldn't be for me. But when I actually had DD the midwives were banging on about how colostrum (the stuff you produce for the first few days) was like liquid gold, and had so many health benefits for the baby etc etc, in the end I thought you know what, what's a few days? A few days turned into a month. I actually ended up enjoying breastfeeding so much I'm sorry I didn't keep it up for longer. But I'm glad I did it for even the short amount of time I did.

If you're 100% sure it isn't going to be for you then don't feel pressured. Do what works for you and your baby.

However I do think it's worth giving a go. If you feel it's not for you then you can always go onto bottles, but you can't go from bottle to breast once your milk has dried up.

I went onto bottles because like any new mum I was exhausted and I naively thought it would make my life a hell of a lot easier. And it did in ways as my mum/partner etc, was able to do the odd feed here and there, but OH was back at work by then so I was still doing the majority of the feeds, plus I had the added work of having to wash, sterilise, make up bottles, cool down bottles, warm up bottles, which was a real nightmare especially in the middle of the night, plus the added cost of formula! Needless to say, im 12 weeks pregnant now and planning to breastfeed this baby, partly to avoid all of that messing around!

Like I say, do what's best for you and your baby, it's your baby and 100% your decision, but I personally don't think there's any harm in giving it a try? Even if only for the first few days/weeks, it's unlikely your going to be leaving the house very much in the very early days so it's pretty unlikely you'll have to feed your baby in public, so no need to feel self concious about it. I only ever had to BF my DD twice in public in the entire first month, once at the doctors surgery and once when we went to register her, my boobs were a double F at the time, I just wore a vest top under a jumper, pulled one up, one down, and you couldn't see a thing! No one batted an eyelid!

Best of luck with everything! As long as your happy with whatever decision you make that's all that matters. A happy mum means a happy baby x

I’m a dyed in the wool formula feeder. I have two children. No desire to breastfeed at all, either time.

I must admit, I never, ever felt any pressure. I said from the off I was formula feeding and it was never questioned. When the babies came, they simply asked “which brand?” and away we went. They were excellent, actually.

Perfect Prep is a game changer. I can’t recommend it more.

We used SMA and had no issues with it but I believe they are all much of a muchness. We were told not to waste our money with follow on mills after a year and we gradually switched to cows milk after that point.

I have two happy, healthy, thriving girls (4 and 1) with barely a sniffle between them. No regrets here.

Good luck with it all. Just be assertive and decisive. This is your baby.

Oh and if you do choose to go ahead and formula feed, I'd reccomend cow and gate. We tried SMA and aptamil, DD never seemed settled on either, plus they're more expensive. But every baby is different. I'd definitely try the cheapest first, I think the only reason aptamil's the most expensive is because it's so heavily marketed.

Aptamil is more expensive just because it's considered the "premium" brand by the manufacturers. It's not because they market it more, it's just a deliberate choice to make it appeal to customers who like the idea of a "premium" product.

@Assasinatedbeauty ah right, I actually didn't know that. So making it more expensive is a funny way of making it more appealing? I have to say the people I know who have used aptamil are generally older/more well to do. But why spend more if you don't need to? Even if you have the money.

Oh and one more thing OP

Sorry to harp on 🙈 I've noticed a few PP have reccomended the perfect prep machine. I never had one, although I borrowed my SIL's for a week when we were staying with my inlaws overseas. It wasn't for me, but I know so many people that swear by them.

I can imagine if you're planning to make every bottle fresh they'd be a lifesaver. I'm probably going to get absolutely bashed for this but I rarely made bottles fresh I sterilised and made up all of my bottles for the day in the morning, stored them in the fridge, when DD needed a feed, I got a bottle out of the fridge and warmed it up by sticking it in a jug of boiled water for a minute, checked temp, then fed her. I was advised to do this by my mum, she did it with all of her children, my sister did it with her 3, we were all fine, in think it was maybe only 10ish years ago that the NHS changed the advice to make every bottle fresh? As long as you don't store the bottles for longer than 24 hours, and they're kept in the fridge. I found this a lot easier than the perfect prep machine personally, and DD never got sick? maybe I just didnt have time to get to grips with the pp machine in just the week I used it? But i totally get if you don't feel comfortable with this, as it does go against current NHS advice, just a tip

As long as the milk is made up with water that is greater than 70 degrees, it's ok to make them in advance, flash cool and then keep in the back of the fridge for up to 24 hours. It's the second best approach, it's not against guidelines, it's just slightly less ideal than making fresh each time.

I'm not sure giving 'tips' against medical advice is exactly helpful! Just because you've done it and it's been fine doesn't mean it doesn't have the potential to make babies very sick.

I have always exclusively bf both mine from the start, but I have friends who have been unable to and all the babies are equally happy and fed. The first one was about six weeks of real hell (tongue tie) but I got myself in a very stubborn mindset that I would not give her anything but BM (pfb!) this time I'm a lot more relaxed but so far it's been an absolute breeze.

It's not against medical advice. The WHO and UNICEF both advise that it's acceptable to make bottles in advance, flash cool and store in a fridge for up to 24 hours. The NHS website does actually mention it as a possibility if you need to make a feed in advance. It's just that making it fresh every time is the absolute ideal.

It's not the way you describe it assasinated but the 70 degrees and flash cooling are important aspects. Just making it up and sticking it in the fridge is not the same. I just can't feel it's a good idea to tell a new mum to be 'well the NHS say don't do x but my mum did and I'm alive so there's a tip'.

@MyKingdomForBrie the way @assasinated described it is the way I meant it. Sorry if it didn't come across that way. Id like to think the OP has the common sense to understand that I meant to make the bottle up by the manufacturers instruction (i.e making the formula up with freshly boiled water, in a clean sterile bottle) before 'sticking in the fridge' which is flash cooling in so many words.

My niece was born in 2006 and I recall my sister being very surprised that she was advised to make every bottle fresh, but wasn't advised to do so with her son who was born the previous year. So the NHS must have changed their stance on this roughly 12 years ago? So it's not just a case of 'my mum did it, I'm fine' I'm sure there are thousands of mothers that did this, and I'm sure I won't be the only person to give OP a similar 'tip'.

No one is suggesting not using > 70 degrees water, I described exactly that as well as the flash cooling. Just to be clear though, never use water that is less than 70 degrees to make up powdered formula.

@AssasinatedBeauty yes, totally agree. The water has to be hot enough to kill any bacteria in the formula. Use freshly boiled water every time!

@Mumtobe193 I think aptimal are just quite clever with their strategy, they seem to give the hospitals formula. With my first my milk didn't come in and the midwives advised I gave my baby formula, they started it in hospital and your not advised to change formula once your baby is on one. Anyway worked for him and he loved it. Plus I find the little 200ml travel bottles are more readily available in shops if you need a top up which for me was important.
I was advised not to use the hungry milk ever though

I felt the same but from family and acquaintances never from health professionals. If you know what you want to do just insist. It's hard though I was upset and stressed for most of my pregnancy due to horrible interfering people. Then my little girl arrived and it was all 1000 times easier than all those nasty people had said. We bottlefed and it worked for our family.

I EBF until 5 weeks and then introduced a bottle of formula a day so family could help out and give me a rest. Slowly introduced more formula over the months because I really didn’t like breastfeeding if I’m honest. It was a relief to finally give up altogether at 8 months.

We used aptamil to start but switched to cow and gate, it was cheaper and I realised it was all the same anyway. I decided against SMA only for the reason that their ready made cartons don’t have a lid on them, they’re just a tetrapack. The ready made milk can be kept for 24 hours once opened and my DD never drank a whole one in one go.

I’m pregnant with my second, think I’ll mix feed again - I didn’t like breastfeeding but it was so much more convenient. This time i refuse to feel guilty about my choices. I’m quite cross about the amount of pressure I got to breastfeed last time

It's entirely your choice, but do bear in mind you can do both and combi feed, so you can get a break from it. I think people assume it's one or the other.

I breastfed for a long time with first (I won't say how long) and it was definitely a 'journey' of ups and downs. I did feel weird at first, but you do get used to it, but I know some people who were more determined than I was and just couldn't manage to get a decent latch, so had to FF. All the children are fine! I would say my son is fairly good with colds and didn't get as ill as other kids in the early stages, but that's the only difference I notice. It was also great feeding in bed without getting up to make bottles at 3am for the 3rd time that night!

If you're unsure, give it a go to see if you get over the weirdness, but if your mind is made up go with that. You need to feel comfortable as it's hard enough in the early stages. People will always give unwanted advice in pregnancy and when the child is born. You just have to learn to ignore it.

As a 21 year old single mother id seriously be getting accurate figures on how much formula feeding actually costs a month.

That's simple it's just under a box a week, so £10 a week. If feeding at 220ml which is the biggest feed which is the largest feed.

I would also add my midwife recommended you buy ready mix for the first few weeks just to make sure the baby doesn't get any undisolved formula while they are very tiny.