Feeling pressure to breastfeed

[lucy19977]

Hello, I'll try and get to the point as quickly as possible. I'm pregnant with my first baby due in January and I think I'm prepared (well as much as you can be for a small human who relies on you to survive😅) but one thing that's always mentioned and has annoyed me since my first midwife appointment at 9 weeks is wether to Breastfeed my son or to bottle feed.

I was always adamant that I wanted to bottle feed due to the fact that I personally would feel uncomfortable breastfeeding (I have NO issues what so ever with other women doing it - unsure if it's an age thing as I'm 21 and can be self conscious at times), I have a rather large chest 34GG before pregnancy and I would also like other people to be able to feed the baby mainly because I'm no longer with the father of the baby and I would like the baby to get used to staying with him for a period of time but might be difficult if I'm breastfeeding.

Recently I've felt more pressured into breastfeeding and I'm unsure what to do now as I obviously want to do the best for my baby and give him the best start.

I also planned on SMA milk if I bottle feed - is this type ok or is cow and gate or aptimil etc better?

Please advise what you think is best and if bottle feeding would be ok?

I bottle fed both of mine. Don't ever let anyone tell you that you "should" breastfeed ( or anything else in fact). This is your baby, not theirs , and what you do is your business. If midwives etc are pressuring, practice saying " I'm going to bottle feed thanks" and then say it firmly whenever the subject of feeding comes up.

As to "what to use", they are all fine. Use whatever is readily available at your local shop. Nothing worse than running around trying to find a tin of some special formula which someone talked you into using !

Best wishes with your baby - you'll be fine !

One of mine was EBF the other mostly bottle fed and exclusively so after the first couple of weeks. Both had the colostrum (first milk) which is reccomend giving for the first few days as it does wonders for their gut and immune system. After that, breast is best but bottle is a great second. Don't feel pressured, do what's right for you, but if you can give them some colostrum for a few days that's the best start any baby could have.

Of course it's not nice to feel pressured, but I'm not sure midwives telling you breastfeeding is best (which medically/scientifically in general it is for babies) counts as pressure.

I BF mine but expressed and gave bottles when I went back to work. Honestly bottles are a hassle. Washing, sterilising, having to pack loads of gear just for a short trip out when they are little. It's so much easier to just stick baby on the breast.

I'm planning on bottle feeding, it was a decision both me and my OH made. He said he wanted to be able to feed her from birth. I want him to too, and I don't really selfishly want to worry about what I'm eating/drinking for another 9 months. The thought of expressing makes me feel weird.

However writing that down now I feel fine but when people ask 'why aren't you breastfeeding' I tend to just say 'I dunno'. Which annoys me. Didn't realise either how much breastfeeding is pressured

I agree that it is your choice so do what is best for you and your family. My lo was 10 weeks early so he was initially tube fed expressed breast milk, then bottle fed the same, then breast fed, then bottle and breast and finally was on prescription formula for cmpa. It's amazing how you face pressure no matter what your choice is! I stopped bf at 6 months, not actually through choice, he just refused the boob after that but right from the begining my dh's family pressured me to bottle feed. None of them had bf-d so it seemed strange to them; plus my mil wanted to look after ds over night (another pressure for another story!). Anyway, my point is, do what's right for you; babies are incredibly resilient wee things and can cope with a massive amount so bottle feeding over breast feeding will make little to no difference. What will make a difference is an incredibly stressed mum who is trying to do something very difficult that she doesn't have to or want to do. You do you x

italian you don't need to worry about what you eat/drink when breastfeeding, you can eat or drink anything!

It's a midwives job to give you the information you need about breastfeeding. I don't think it counts as pressure if they are simply asking you if you will and making sure you are aware of the health benefits for you and the baby.
Breastfeeding rates are low in this country and this is because women don't even give it a go for whatever the reasons are. Some of them aren't aware of the health benefits so it is the midwives job to try and educate people.
I breastfed 2 babies, I was older than you though, although I'm not sure Age really comes into it, but I wanted to do it and was able to.
I didn't feel pressured, I was advised that it was the best and easiest thing to do so I just went for it.

When choosing a formula might find the first steps nutrition website helpful, it gives an impartial breakdown of each formula milk"s ingredients.

I think midwives have quite a hard job, how you feed your baby is such an emotive issue, their job isnt to push you one way or the other but to make sure you have the information about the benefits and risks so that you can make your decision based on the facts.

There's a great app called 'baby buddy" which has info on both feeding methods. There's lots of choices to be made, some women combination feed, some express milk to bottle feed, some give the baby their colostrum for the first few days and then use formula, there are so many options.

All the best with your pregnancy and lovely baby :) xx

I don't really selfishly want to worry about what I'm eating/drinking for another 9 months.

I'm still BF my baby and drink coffee, wine, and eat anything! Only things I worry about are some medicines. It's unsafe to drink to excess with a newborn whether you BF or FF so not sure what other restrictions there would be. My first baby was gassy if I had broccoli or beans but that only lasted about 3 months. Second baby wasn't sensitive to anything.

I bf until dd was about 9 months when my milk dried.

So I've done both, far preferred bf as it was free, quick and easy especially middle of the night. Was painful and difficult to learn at first (it's a new skill, takes your body time to get used to it).

Bottle feeding was expensive, faffy (all that washing and sterilising), frustrating in middle of night having to wait for it to warm up. But it was convenient for others to feed baby and meant baby less reliant on me.

Generally speaking all formula the same but some babies have difficulty with certain ingredients/recipes.

My dd I tried several which she couldn't tolerate eventually aptamil proved to be ok BUT they've recently changed the formula which has seemed to badly affect a lot of babies, there's been a lot of complaints and Danone are investigating.

It is personal choice. But bf isn't just good for the health of the baby but also has benefits for mum too.

You're saying it's not for you but how do you know unless you try? There's no harm in trying you might find it does suit you. But if it doesn't you can switch to bottle or even mix feed.

There are new regulations and the midwives can not pressure you anymore. I was so pressured into it with ds1 I nearly ended up with pnd and he ended up on formula anyway, I was too much of a mess to produce enough milk. Ds2 I had this year and the hospital was a different place, no pressure at all, randomly have ended up breastfeeding.

You can combi I feed, with ds1 all worked out for the best in the end as I gave him bottles whenever I was out and breastfed at home.

It is your baby. Your choice! My son settled very well on HiPP Organic. It's gentle on his tummy as the other milks gave him acid reflux.

I’m from Australia where there’s a lot of emphasis on breast is best. I won’t be able to breastfeed as I’m on lithium which I can’t stop taking, I was really upset about it until my mum pointed out that really fed is best.

If you do decide to bottlefeed, buy MAM anti Colic bottles. They're amazing. We also use HiPP Organic and it's a great milk. Poos resemble breast fed babies and she's never had any issues on it. I buy it in bulk straight from the website (along with the ready made for night feeds/ days out)

Felt hugely pressured too. I tried my absolute bloody best - it wasn't to be. Baby had very shallow gape and facial palsy which meant she simply couldn't latch. Midwives all confirmed this. I expressed my breast milk for a while but as she got hungrier and hungrier I was spending more time on the pump than with my DD.

Next time, I will give breastfeeding a good go, but I will also buy bottles, a steriliser etc.

Do what feels right for you. I wanted to breastfeed and when I struggled still felt enormous pressure to carry on despite it affecting my mental health.

If midwives are giving u a hard time at your appointments just say you're going to breastfeed and that will shut them up. No one needs a lecture. It's your choice xxx

I agree it doesn't have to be one or the other. Feeding in the house and giving a bottle out and about works for many women. It's just you'll have to ebf for the first couple of months. And leaving it 6 weeks to introduce a teat doesn't work for many people so I'd advise you try at about 2-3 weeks.

The simple answer is breast feeding is of course the best nutrition for your baby. It's biologically correct for your baby unlike formula which is cows milk based.

I have formula fed (and then subsequently exclusively breast fed my second) and I have no issues in admitting that breast feeding is of course better than formula for baby.

BUT the reality is you do what's best for you / your situation / your family and most importantly what you want to do.

There's no point agreeing to breast feeding in hospital wasting your own time and that of BF support workers if your planning on formula feeding as soon as you are home.

The majority of woman bottle feed so you will be no means in the minority by a long stretch.

Do what’s right for you op. I like you really didn’t want to breastfeed. However, I gave it a shot partially down to pressure from others, partially self inflicted. I hated it. My bs y didn’t latch and I was attached to him 24/7. I dreaded every feed and it really made me quite depressed. I lasted 3 weeks mixing formula and breastfeeding. Eventually I was getting so upset I had to throw in the towel. It was actually a lovely male midwife that told me to give myself permission to do what works for me and I quit. It was the best decision. I now mix feed pumped breast milk and formula. Baby is 13 weeks. I will eventually cut out the pumping but I do feel good giving him a bit of breast milk.

I think there is far too much pressure to exclusively breast feed. Women would me more likely to try if it was deemed more acceptable to give a bottle or just breastfeed until you have had enough not the full 2 years!

At hospital I have to say no one ever pressured me.,it was health visitors after I. Found the worst. The last one tutted at me and told me god created babies to be breast fed. That was after I told her breastfeeding was making me feel depressed and I was crying myself to sleep at night!

There's no point agreeing to breast feeding in hospital wasting your own time and that of BF support workers if your planning on formula feeding as soon as you are home

I don't agree with this at all. Surely if a woman wants to give her baby colostrum in the hospital that's better than nothing? I think the attitude that it's either EBF for six months or there's no point is very off putting for many women as they feel anxious about the level of commitment when they would be better taking it one feed at a time.

I breastfed dd1 for 8 weeks & hated it. Pregnant again and will prob just give colostrum and then move to formula. I found the formulas the same and DD had no problem switching between them if the situation arose. They give all 3 at our hospital.

@MinisterforCheekyFuckery

It not one or the other though is it as you say.

The child I described as I formula fed was happily combi fed for best part of 4 months until I admitted defeat spending to long breast feeding then feeding formula anyway and was eventually exclusively formula fed.

It was more parents shouldn't feel they 'have' to do anything and I know there are parents who have no intention to breast feed but will say what they think the health professionals want to hear (people have said it themselves on this thread).

I'm a 36gg pre pregnancy and have breastfed all of mine, don't think that large boobs will make it less discreet- I find it more so as I don't have to lift my tops as high lol

Maybe pop along to your local breast feeding drop in - the mums there will be more than happy to display how much is actually visible and it's never as much as you might think.. they'll be more than helpful with any questions you might have.

Equally- formula feeding is great too so do what's best for you and your baby!

Xx

If you decide to formula feed, the health visitors round here were not allowed to recommend but steered me towards the one in the blue tub... Aptamil. And to stick to the newborn formula, no need to swap to follow on which is usually made with cheaper parts of the milk proteins.

HI, I'm 17-weeks and am getting a little bit of pressure to bf also, you see all these things breast is best etc and I am concerned like you that I will self conscious (I'm quote large chested at a 34F before pregnancy) and concerned that it will restrict me from going out and I will isolated at home.

My midwife gave me some excellent (I thought anyway) advice which was; please think about bf even if it is only for the first week - the 1st week holds all the colostrum and goodness that you can't buy, as long as you get that out then you can do what you want, bottle or BF both are good as long as your baby is fed and happy.

Both myself and the midwife have always spent a lot of time around farming people and see used the analogy of cows and sheep and I recall this when we have sick lambs, calves or foals we have had to bottle feed, we always try and get a least a few days or week of the mum first to get that goodness.

Based on that advice I have promised to consider doing at least a week and then have my bottles on standby!

Good luck but remember this is your choice, don't let anyone pressurise you into anything.

I absolutely understand where you're coming from here... I had the same problem when I was pregnant with my first.

I get that they have to encourage you but my midwives literally banged on about it constantly... they almost made me feel bad for not wanting to.

I stuck to my grounds though and to be honest, I have no regrets at all.