NHS not the best start

[JamDad]

So we’ve been having great fun so far...

We did our first meeting with the midwife and my wife’s medical records seemed to have become scrambled with someone else’s at their medical centre, which wasn’t the usual doctors surgery.

This midwife then tried to take my wife’s first blood test with the largest needle she could find. My wife already has a phobia of needles so I had to keep her calm and keep hold of her. Anyway after the sixth attempt the midwife had to give up, and said we’d have to book an appointment with our normal doctors so they could use a small needle which she wasn’t allowed to use.

We did this. The blood guy was very good and quickly filled all the bottles the midwife gave us with what he said was the correct needle to use for my wife who has small veins.

After a week or so my wife rang for the blood results and they’d apparently lost all the samples so no results.

On top of this, the letters for the hospital appointments never arrived even though my wife kept ringing the midwife who said she’d sent them.

Because this was a mess I decided to pay for a private NIPT scan which has all been done, and they were great.

My wife got the details for the NHS scan appointment through even though we’d said we’d chosen the private NIPT so thought she’d best still go in case they gave her a negative mark for not turning up. The hospital tried to turn her away because all her details were incorrect. My wife basically spent an hour and a half there and forced them to do it. Apparently they had only half her name and a completely different NHS number.

As you can imagine. My wife was incredibly upset, and that was supercharged by the extra pregnancy emotions.

So yesterday we went to the doctors to make sense of this disaster and the manager looked through all the details. Even though the midwife has denied all knowledge, she appears to have messed up the details and it’s spiralled. The manager seems to be a lovely lady who spoke to her and the hospital and is contacting NHS uk first thing Monday to sort out this mess and make sure everyone has the correct information and NHS number.

When we reach the 20 week scan I think I’ll pay for private again as I honestly don’t trust anything else NHS.

Is this normal, to have useless midwives? Or have we just got unlucky? Do they actually know what they’re doing?

Any other advise on things we can do ourselves is also much appreciated. I suppose we’ll have to use them when the baby is actually being born, but if there’s anything for me to be aware of that I can keep an eye on at the time, and keep them in check I’ll also be grateful for.

Naturally I shouldn’t need to do this, but I have to look out for my wife and future child.

Why don't you just pay for a private birth so you can control everything. You sound really over-invested. Is your wife one who just lets you take over everything?

It doesn’t sound like clinical issues but admin and all related to one problem - your wife’s NHS number and details don’t align (which may account for why blood results are ‘lost’ as not attributed to her). If those details are sorted all should go fine. To be honest also never heard of this type of admin error before. Private medicine full of land mines too and if your wife or baby have serious medical issues, will be referred back to NHS anyway. I would have thought it would be helpful if you could help your wife get over needle phobia. It’s entirely psychological and she is going to need more needles (and possibly more) during pregnancy, possibly delivery and of course later in life as we age! That’s one to conquer.

I think you were very unlucky. We had no problems like this with midwives, although we did have an x-ray go missing once.

It sounds like an admin issue of sorts rather than a Midwifery issue....

If you want to go private by all means go private.

Of course it's not normal to have 'useless midwives' and they are highly qualified people whom are under immense pressure to provide the best care possible. To ask if 'they actually know that they are doing?' Is somewhat a sweeping insult to a whole profession do you not think?

To be honest if your going into it with this attitude then go private then if you don't like someone / something you can change and I imagine youl feel more in control which certainly seems to be something your seeking.

How does your wife feel about it all?

It certainly sounds like you've had less than ideal treatment but I think your being over the top to suggest the whole profession is untrust worthy.

Maybe you wife will be less stressed if she goes to some appointments on her own? As it certainly seems to be quite a stressful experience for yourself.

Somewhere there has been an error, either something written down incorrectly or a computer error, and therefore you’re dismissing the entire nhs midwifery service as useless? What a ridiculous overreaction. Also everything there is ‘I’, does your wife have any say in her pregnancy ?

It sounds like the issue was with one individual/admin error and not the whole of the NHS though.

It sounds like admin problems, so calling the midwives useless and asking if they know what they're doing is focussing on the wrong area. It amazes me that you think health professionals in the private sector have superior knowledge, you do realise they're trained by the NHS in the same was as NHS workers? There is no advanced qualification to work privately. Additionally, if you go into labour armed with advice from the internet on how to keep professionals who have studied for many years 'in check' this is not the best way to form good relationships. Advocating is good, dictating is not.

These errors are admin.

NHS is by far the best provider of maternity care in the UK when it comes to clinical outcomes. I wouldn't go private.

Ignore nasty PP, OP. It's annoying, isn't it? All of my documents and appts so far have been in my husbands full name. I've been asked for ID at a scan as I gave a different name. How they even got my husbands name I'll never know. Yes it's probably an admin error but due to someone inputting stuff incorrectly - genuine human error but should be fixed once identified.

Agree with others that this seems like an admin problem. It is unusual for these things to go quite that wrong, but cock-ups do happen. Hopefully your GP practice manager has now been able to sort this.

Re needles: honestly, midwives take blood from all sorts of women all the time, they’re pretty well practiced at it. I have useless veins (have had three hospital nurses all trying and failing to get one needle in for an IV before!) but midwives have been able to get my bloods without much issue. It’s unfortunate your wife has a phobia of needles, but it’s not a sign that midwives don’t know what they’re doing.

Your wife has the right to refuse to see any medical staff from now on if she wants, but for hers and the baby’s health this would be a very bad idea. She will have a series of midwife appointments throughout pregnancy, most of them in second and third trimester. They will monitor her and the baby carefully at these to make sure all’s going okay. It really isn’t something you can do yourselves.

I have to say that the care I have received has been amazing but I did once receive another woman's smear results by post which was obviously an admin error. It does sound like you've had an unlucky experience as I think midwives are far from useless!

NHS care is generally very poor. Pay for a private birth if you can afford it.

Also depending on how the community midwife team is set up, she may be able to switch to another midwife in the same team if she really feels she can’t trust the first one. (I’ve had one midwife team where you got a ‘named midwife’ and saw the same right through, another where it was the luck of the draw who you got each appointment and it was a different one every time until near the birth.)

By the sounds of it there have been a few admin issues mix not helped by a possibly grumpy midwife.

No idea why the midwife said that she wasn't allowed to use a butterfly needle for bloods as I have definitely had the midwife use these. I also had to get the blood person but mostly due to small vein issues.

Can she use a different midwife at the centre if she's had some issues?

Vast majority of midwives are amazing like any profession there are one or two grumpy ones but they are also overstretched!

It's sounds like an administrative error that has caused big problems, but has now been sorted. And a slightly grumpy midwife. Maybe the trust she works in doesn't allow her to use /or train her with the smaller needles. Your wife just needs to go and see the specialist department for blood tests. All a bit annoying, but really not that bad!

As an aside maybe you could help find your wife therapy for her needle phobia. That's something that needs sorting, especially if she ends up with a complex pregnancy. I did and was treated like a pincushion.

You have come across quite snarky and controlling.

If you want to go private, go private, but know admin errors happen there too, just as frequently.

And labelling all midwifes as useless? What did you think would be the response? Yes OP, every single midwife is useless. Let's all slag them off.

Not everyone is trained in smaller needles and even the most experienced staff sometimes have trouble finding a suitable vein. There's been admin errors which isn't great but that's human error for you. You just sound like a knob.

I’m sure we’re just unlucky. Hopefully we can choose another midwife as my wife isn’t happy with her so far as you can imagine, and naturally as a caring supporting husband I don’t want her to be upset and frustrated enough for us both to completely lose trust in those we need to rely on for a safe journey to birth.

To answer the unsavoury element above. My wife is a very independent strong willed woman who would be quick to return fire on you. She’s asked me to go with her to every appointment and also for me to sort this mess out so she doesn’t explode as she just can’t cope with this right now. Naturally the pregnancy has intensified her emotions so I’m doing everything I can think of solutions to calm the situation.

Unfortunately she’s been in hospital twice before for other things so we haven’t exactly seen the NHS as a well run system yet. Thus a phobia of needles too from a couple of negative experiences.

Thanks for all the helpful posts.

On my third NHS led pregnancy and had fantastic care throughout, in 3 different areas. Sorry yours has been less than ideal.

Maybe they mistook your wife for a child because of you taking charge and that compounded an administrative problem.
Why on earth do you need to go Tom every appointment? Perhaps your presence undermines her and stops her communicating as an ordinary, healthy adult woman.

She's very strong willed but needs you at every appointment? Lol ok

Lol! I very much doubt that. I’m just following orders to keep the peace.

To answer the unsavoury element above.

We prefer nest of vipers. Do fuck off to dadsnet.

Also she asked me to come along so she doesn’t kick off, we seems likely at the minute.