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Pregnancy

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Original poster

Partner will be sent home overnight

58 replies

CathyandHeathcliff · 05/10/2018 19:29

I’m having a planned c section at Calderdale Royal hospital on the 17th.
I’ve been told my partner won’t be able to stay overnight and can only visit 8am-8pm.
I’m really scared as it’s my first baby and first c section (first surgery actually).
How will I lift the baby out and see to him?
I’ve also got severe anxiety. I’m getting really scared now.

OP posts:

Yelsgirl · 05/10/2018 19:30

My first section my partner had to leave at 8. It was fine- the midwives would pass me baby if I pressed my buzzer but generally I could drag the cot abit closer and got the hang of it. It was weird just me and a brand new baby but lots of bonding that first night I loved the cuddles

Plawmawss · 05/10/2018 19:35

My first was c section and I lay there like a lemon with baby in cot. I rang bell to no avail. Then I asked a young man stowed away in his partners bed would he help me get wipes to wipe my new baby’s backside which he did thankfully.
On another section I got sense and brought babs into bed with me. Although I know that’s not for everyone.

53rdWay · 05/10/2018 19:36

I had a c-section. For my first night and the midwives or the HCAs told me to buzz if I needed to lift the baby and they would pass her to me, and that was fine. By the next night I was fine to lift her out myself. I was also in a room with other women who'd had c-sections - I think postnatal wards often group together women who need a particular kind of care.

LittleMissFrumpy · 05/10/2018 19:36

Yes. This is how it should be. You’ll survive.

LittleMissFrumpy · 05/10/2018 19:37

I’ve had two c sections by the way. One emergency and one elective.

Newmum102 · 05/10/2018 19:41

Yeah my DH had to leave us about 10pm the day our son was born.
I’ve heard that our Maternity unit now allow partners stay, not sure how that will work unless your in a private room as the space is tiny.

Hoppinggreen · 05/10/2018 19:42

I had my 2 babies there (no c section)
There are individual rooms for labour and policy is for you to be in that room from when you arrive ( if Far enough along) until you leave where this is possible. When they made noises about moving me to the ward I said I would go home instead and got to stay there a bit longer - until I did leave
I know it will be different with a planned c section but if you are in one of these rooms they are a bit more flexible about kicking your DH out, with my first baby I stayed in one overnight and he didn’t get kicked out until almost midnight. However, if you are in the ward it’s right he shouldn’t be there after 8

Fraula · 05/10/2018 19:42

You'll get through it. You will probably be sitting up and able to get baby out of the cot by that time, as they get you up and about quickly. Ask for oramorph to keep the pain down so you can move more easily.

You may be able to pay for a side room (70ish) so your partner can stay. Call the hospital and ask. Explain that you have anxiety.

You'll probably be out after one night, so you'll only have that to get through.

You'll have a buzzer to ring for midwives/nurses' help, so don't be afraid to ask for help. Expect one midwife to be moody (there's always one!!) but the others will be nice :)

I've had 3 csections and much prefer partners not staying as it's nicer to be in a man-free environment overnight.

TheLandsWhereTheJumbliesLive · 05/10/2018 19:46

You have a call button for if you need the midwives to help you. Men shouldn't be staying overnight on a maternity ward IMO.

Lauren83 · 05/10/2018 19:47

I had my DS at 2pm and DP left at 8pm, I could lift him out and we went for a walk to the tea room with me pushing him in his crib at about midnight as I was starving and wanted a brew! They will help you if you need it but it's good to get moving quickly. Good luck!

Hoppinggreen · 05/10/2018 19:49

You can’t pay for a side room at that hospital

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 05/10/2018 20:05

This husbands staying is completely new. I had 3 c sections- the nurses and midwives are there to help you, like with any other hospital stay. I wouldn't have wanted other people's husbands there overnight, snoring and farting! Yuk.

surreygirl1987 · 05/10/2018 22:34

My husband is allowed to stay if he wants in my hospital but I'm intending to send him home so at least one of us has a reasonable night's sleep! Most women are in the same boat so I'm.sure you'll manage...

Starlight345 · 05/10/2018 22:39

My Ds had juandice so every 3 hours they had to get milk and wake me up at times .

Honestly men previously were never allowed on the wards mw are used to the needs. I had mw change nappies for me at times

Original poster

CathyandHeathcliff · 05/10/2018 22:41

I know I sound like a big baby. I do feel a bit silly. I’m sure I’ll be okay. Hopefully it’ll only be one night.

OP posts:

Starlight345 · 05/10/2018 22:46

We all had worries during pregnancy . Better to ask than continue to worry

Topseyt · 05/10/2018 22:47

I am very glad that men staying overnight on a maternity ward was not a thing when I had my babies, one of whom was a caesarean section.

Women often feel extremely vulnerable after having given birth. The mere thought of random males sleeping just a curtain's width away, possibly snoring, burping and farting would have made me very uncomfortable indeed.

I'm afraid you need to get over this. I think that men have no place on a maternity ward outside of visiting hours.

LondonLassInTheCountry · 05/10/2018 22:51

My sisters partner was allowed to say the night with her. It was 24 hours for 1 visitor only, partner or not...

Darkstar4855 · 05/10/2018 22:59

My local maternity unit allows partners to stay overnight but I wish they didn’t as I’d feel more comfortable feeding, getting changed etc. without strange men being there all night. I’m planning to send my partner home to get a decent rest (and so he doesn’t keep everyone else awake with his snoring! )

furryleopard · 05/10/2018 23:06

I had a CS there 3 weeks ago, you'll be in ward 1D after and the midwives and HCA are all lovely, promise! They will help you with the baby and focus on getting you up and about too (make sure you drink plenty of water). The first night they'll be in and out checking your obs, pain relief, bringing toast and helping you adjust. They genuinely don't mind you buzzing!

I had to stay 2 nights and honestly it's quite nice in the ward when the blokes go and they dim the lights, it is quiet just the noise of babies grizzling and the midwives in the corridors- just focus on you and your new baby it's such a special time.

reetgood · 05/10/2018 23:07

My partner went home after my emergency c section and slept in the next day! The midwives on the ward took my boy for a couple of hours in the middle of the night so I could get some sleep. The ward was pretty quiet though, I gather that’s not usual. I don’t remember belling them for anything. I think I managed to get him out of the crib ok on my own, because they had cots you could put right up against the bed. I made us both the same level and hauled him over as I recall. Or maybe I did bell them...I’d been awake a long time, I don’t remember that much :)

calderdalechange · 05/10/2018 23:10

@Hoppinggreen - how old are yours? I had DS there 2 years ago and was moved onto the postnatal (shared) ward after birth. I predict OP will be too?

OP the labour midwives were really lovely, I was there 5 days (induction and then emergency c section) I honestly literally hadn't slept more than an hour a night in 3 months before birth and it hit me like a train after. It was almost impossible to wake me and I was terrified of DH being sent home at 8pm. But actually it was ok, the staff looked after DS when I just honestly couldn't but the c section in itself was fine. I was up and in the shower about 4 hours afterwards. I could easily lift (my 10Ib) baby and move around. If you're worried have your DH put as much in reach as possible before he leaves.

Good luck

TheresALight · 05/10/2018 23:12

Hi OP. I've had 2 c- sections (emergency and planned), was in 3 nights with first baby, 1 night with second.
The hospital cots had a shelf underneath where the baby lays, so check if yours has this and then get your husband to put enough nappies, wetwipes, muslins, and a change of baby clothes on there to get you through the night and early morning and you should be able to reach them from the bed.
You'll be able to move the bed fron sitting to lying down position using a button, and you should also be able to move it up and down towards the floor. So once you know that you can walk, you can user the bed to help you get into sitting position, then put it as low to the floor as it will go before swinging your legs out slowly to get off. There will probably be side bars on the bed too which are good for grabbing into to help pull yourself upright before leaning over to get the baby.
You'll have a buzzer as well to get the midwives attention if needed. And they'll be coming around every 2-4 hours to get you and babies heart rate and temperature, and to help with breastfeeding.
Hopefully you will have surgery early in the day so you'll have a bit more energy back before your husband goes home.
If you want to talk through anything else that might help with your anxiety then I'm more than happy to answer any questions.

FoxgloveStar · 06/10/2018 05:08

There is a lot of negative comments about men on this thread.

I didn’t have a c section but was in hospital for 5 days and unable to get out of bed due to various injuries from labour. It was soul destroying to be left alone at night, with overworked midwives who didn’t respond to buzzer and a screaming baby only inches away that I could not lift out of the cot. Although my husband was able to arrive well rested each morning at 8am sharp, those long nights of be alone and incapacitated still haunt me now.

I’ll be paying for a side room this time around.

StarfishSandwich · 06/10/2018 13:41

I sent DH home at about 8 the day I had my emergency section as neither us had slept for days and he was far more useful to us well rested! I was out of bed by 5 and a half hours post surgery, pottering about and could care for DS independently overnight. Take the drugs they offer you and try to be mobile from early on if possible. You can always buzz for help if needed but it’s honestly not that difficult.

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