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Original poster

Partner will be sent home overnight

58 replies

CathyandHeathcliff · 05/10/2018 19:29

I’m having a planned c section at Calderdale Royal hospital on the 17th.
I’ve been told my partner won’t be able to stay overnight and can only visit 8am-8pm.
I’m really scared as it’s my first baby and first c section (first surgery actually).
How will I lift the baby out and see to him?
I’ve also got severe anxiety. I’m getting really scared now.

OP posts:
glintandglide · 06/10/2018 13:43

At my hospital midwives or HCP don’t do anything to help you overnight. Buzzers being responded to 40 minutes later wasnt unusual. I was refused help to get to the loo even though I couldn’t walk. Couldn’t have lifted baby in the first 2 days, the height/ shape of bed vs cot was all wrong.

Maybe that’s why they let husbands stay though, so they can look after you instead of the hospital staff

PoshPenny · 06/10/2018 13:46

You will be absolutely fine. Just make sure your buzzer is to hand and the baby close by. I'm in the fathers shouldn't stay overnight camp. Both of mine were emergency c sections.

blueskiesandforests · 06/10/2018 13:46

If you're on a 6 bed side ward you'll be glad partners are sent home.

It's noisy enough sharing with 5 other mothers and babies.

When I had dc1 I had an emergency section. I couldn't get up because of drains and IV lines and it was awful having other people's men snoring and arguing with their partners and putting their heads around my curtain into my bay to take my chairs or tell me to shut my baby up because they couldn't sleep.

Other adults are more trouble than your own baby.

However I wish English hospitals had the semi circle cosleeper cots as standard - with c sections 2 and 3 (abroad) they made reaching the baby when bed bound easier. I had to ring the bell with dc1 and eventually the nurse proped her in my bed. I couldn't sleep in hospital in England either way, because of all the people in the room all the time.

dreamyflower · 06/10/2018 20:05

I totally get why you are nervous op. My first birth was a very traumatic emergency c-section and I was in for 2 nights after. My DH was allowed to stay and he stayed both nights as he refused to leave me. In a way I wish he had gone home because I was worried about his comfort on a crappy arm chair but he was too scared to leave me. I'm due an elective with my second child next month and we are at a different hospital. There policy is no partners after 8pm and I'm glad because he can go home and look after our son and sleep and I can crack on with new bubba. You do recover quicker than you expect and the midwives will help if you need it.

laurenluke2017 · 06/10/2018 20:11

Press the button and the midwife will hand baby to you. As you know @CathyandHeathcliff I'm also having a planned caesarean, thankfully my partner is allowed to stay in the hospital overnight with me. They allow it at my hospital, don't worry though stay positive and think of the bonding time with your beautiful baby you can have. Once he is here all your worries will disappear. Smile

Daisy2990 · 06/10/2018 21:24

Just make sure you have your buzzer within reach, bearing in mind you can't twist to grab it from behind. I made this mistake and ended up sitting up all night holding baby because I couldn't reach it and the curtain was closed. Get them to drape it over the edge of the bed. I'm sure it'll be fine

LondonLassInTheCountry · 07/10/2018 21:27

My sister was induced. She had to stay at the hospital during that time, and she was even allowed someone to stay with her during the night then...

Luckily it was only one night.
The husband of the woman in the next bed was snoring and talking loudly most of the night.

Also allowed 1 person to stay over night on the ward once baby was born.

But was very strict with allowing only 2 visitors per bed during the day

PeasAreGreat · 08/10/2018 09:48

As a first time mum to be i don't want my partner to be sent home! hes actually got more experience with babies than i do, so i need him there to relax me. I think its terrible that we can't just get a sleeping bag for them and let them have a kip on the floor next to us.
They all want to encourage dads to be a part of the kids life as much as possible, but from day 1 they are sent away from their child, seems pretty ridiculous to me.

53rdWay · 08/10/2018 09:52

It’s because you’re sharing a ward with other patients, PeasAreGreat (unless you’re in a private room). I know my partner is lovely but yours is a stranger to me, as would mine be to you. And there’s very little space on a 4- or 6-bed ward as it is.

Don’t worry about not having experience with babies - staff are there to help, you shouldn’t be just left alone.

Waitingonasmiley42 · 08/10/2018 10:01

peasaregreat I would have hated men sleeping in the ward. The beds are so close and I was walking about covered in blood as I soaked through maternity pads, carrying a bag of bloody urine around as my catheter was still in, and with my breasts out as I fed my baby. Unless it’s a private room men shouid not be in overnight.

Op you’ll be fine! It’s uncomfortable to get baby out the cot yourself but manageable.

reetgood · 08/10/2018 10:03

@peasaregreat what the pp said. Your partner may be lovely, but oh my days the noise when you have full ward and partners during visiting hours. Curtains not being the greatest sound proofing ;). It’s more that if yours is there, so is everyone else’s (and everyone else’s may not be lovely or quiet). When I went into the ward it was New Years Day and there were just two beds being used, I got a shock the next day when the ward filled up!

BernardsarenotalwaysSaints · 08/10/2018 10:05

I think with things like this the anticipation is often worse than the reality. Tell the midwives your worries when you go in, I'm they'll reassure you that they'll help you if you need it. Good look with your birth & try & focus on all the brand new baby cuddles you'll be having Flowers

Moocoo · 08/10/2018 10:07

whilst I was still numbed from the epidural I lifted dd out of the crib and got her settled into bed with me. I kept her with me...i rang for midwife if she needed changing but otherwise we were feeding/sleeping.
You'll manage.

mouthkisses · 08/10/2018 10:07

By night 2 you'll be mobile and able to lift the baby yourself. Night 1 is crap. But that is what the nurses are for, to help you. Chances are your new baby won't want to sleep away from you anyway and if you are breastfeeding, my hospital tucked up up together. You'll see all the hours of that night regardless, you'll sleep when your other half comes at 8am!

8DaysAWeek · 08/10/2018 10:09

Yes it is daunting when they leave. Especially when you are exhausted, possibly been up for hours/days, have to manoeuvre a urinary catheter and bag to get out of bed to lift your child up etc, however... That first night DS did sleep a lot, and I'm not sure what DH could have really significantly contributed. I slept a lot too as I was knackered! I found it a lot more constructive that he went home and had a great night's rest and was fresh and ready the next day to start all the fatherly duties.

Can't imagine how uncomfortable sleeping on one of those chairs or even on the floor in a sleeping bag would be.

OutPinked · 08/10/2018 10:11

Partners staying is an entirely new concept. When I had DC1&2 they weren’t allowed and I remember with DC1 who was born at midnight, once I’d finished in the recovery room and was back on the ward my husband was sent home. I had traumatic deliveries the first and second time and was in a lot of pain, felt incredibly exhausted and weak. I had to buzz for the midwives a lot and it was a hideous experience, particularly after DC1. I cried for hours when H was sent home. With dc3 I actually discharged myself early because I didn’t want to be alone.

You will definitely survive but I agree, partners should be able to stay and I feel for you. Just make sure to call for the midwives as much as possible. Hopefully you won’t have a long hospital stay.

ThanksItHasPockets · 08/10/2018 11:02

It’s completely inappropriate to have partners, male or female, staying overnight on postnatal wards. When women are vulnerable and often immobile the only other people on the ward overnight should be HCPs and other patients.

Hospitals which do allow partners to stay are not motivated by a desire to keep families together, but in order that partners can do the basic care which midwives should have the capacity to do. Get angry about the fact that midwives are so stretched that they cannot provide proper care to mothers and babies overnight.

mostdays · 08/10/2018 11:12

If all maternity units were private rooms rather than horrendous wards this wouldn't be such an issue.

I don't really get feeling vulnerable if a man is there at 2am but OK if the same man is there at 2pm, but I do recognise that for many women it's an issue they really care about. I don't want them to feel scared or embarrassed or upset by there being men on the ward. But I do think the feelings of those of us who feel more scared and upset and vulnerable because our partners have had to leave are as valid as those of women who feel that way when partners are allowed to stay. With our current ward system (which is just awful for so many other reasons) I don't see much of a way to resolve it. Private rooms has to be the future for maternity units.

mouthkisses · 08/10/2018 12:24

I think the medical consensus is that private side rooms aren't safe post surgery.

mostdays · 08/10/2018 12:32

Why is that? Is it (another) issue that could be solved by having sufficient staff? I doubt that people who have c sections and other maternity related surgeries in private hospitals are then put on a ward rather than in a private room, so if they can do it safely, why not the NHS?

rightreckoner · 08/10/2018 12:38

Nobody thinks they should have a partner sleeping on the ward as they recover from some other surgery which leaves them equally incapacitated and vulnerable. We really need to take back control of maternity wards for women and babies.

I had a woman with her whole family - husband, kids, aunties, in the bay next to me - non stop chatting, talking, phoning, watching TV with no headphones till 11pm, husband staying all night and bellowing down the phone to his mates. I'm sure it was nice for her but it was shit for me and all the other women on the ward all of whom had new babies to care for too.

Hospitals are for patients.

rightreckoner · 08/10/2018 12:41

Sorry OP, this annoys me so much I didn't address your question/concern Blush

It is a daunting time for everyone so there's no harm in being scared. It would be odd if you weren't. But you will also be fine. I found both mine were surprisingly undemanding on the first day or two and were pretty quiet overnight and then burst into noisy yelling on day three.

BernardsarenotalwaysSaints · 08/10/2018 12:47

*luck. Not look. Also it's taken me an embarrassingly long time to notice that Blush

OneForTheRoadThen · 08/10/2018 13:33

I hated having partners staying over. I had to stay for 5 days with DS and 2 days with DD and got totally fed up hearing men snoring, queuing up for food, in the loo when I needed it. I had a catheter both times and felt really embarrassed carrying my bag of wee around the wards. Also I had to bring my clot to show a midwife and had to carry it through the ward filled with partners. That wasn't great.

Those cubicles are so thin that everyone can hear your medical conversations. At least other mums know the score but it is really embarrassing. I couldn't wait to leave.

I really think partners should be banned or those giving birth should be more considerate of other patients.

lifechangesforever · 08/10/2018 14:56

I would have absolutely hated DH having to go home but I'm sure I would have managed OK, although hand expressing with a syringe would have been impossible on my own. All partners are permitted to stay overnight at Leeds and everyone I saw on the ward had them there so I don't think it would have made anyone uncomfortable.

Nurses will come to you if you call for them and pass you the baby. Will be good that DH will be nice and refreshed each day for you to catch up on sleep whilst you're still in and when you go home.