In - Law advice. Uninvited daily visits after the birth!!

[cupcake78]

I am already dreading this and really need some advice on how you have coped.

I told them yesterday that once baby is born not to be suprised if the phone is taken off the hook and people are given times to come and visit for the first two weeks. I have a big family and this is the first baby for them so I am going to have to control it somehow as there has been mention of people coming while I am in hospital, YES DURING LABOUR!!!! I don't think so

The look on my MIL's face. You would think I had just told her we were moving away and not giving her a forwarding address. She was very very put out to say the least!!! and she really thinks I "have to be joking" and that " I am already an overprotective mother". She has been saying that she can't wait to come and take baby out every day. But it's my baby and what about all of my family.

I didn't think this to be unreasonable. Especially after she said she is going to look after her only grandaughter while her other DIL is having her baby and then they will be asked to leave once they are home. Which I completely understand and don't see anything wrong with it. Comments such as "My toothbrush will not have even been unpacked" etc etc. The difference is they live over 100 miles away so visits have to be planned etc.

She only lives 10 miles away from us!!

Am I being unreasonable???

No YANBU. I had this issue from MIL/FIL and have had it somewhat for 10 years+. MIL was annoyed that my mum would be at the birth, she came in every day for 5 days after my c section inc when my family were there and she took the baby right off me and ignored me. She didn't like my choice of name so called DD 'baby' for 6 months until reminded that she had a name. At home, she called round daily and it really got me down. DH asked her to ring first but she said 'I am not making an appointment to see my own son/GD'. I was so down once that the HV advised me she would ring to have a word with her but I declined. I got alot of advice about baby care and questioning my ability as a mum.

Once, a couple we met in town whom DH knew vaguely said to me, 'I believe you gave up breatfeeding?' MIL had been discussing it round town! I was abit embarassed when I barely knew the old man asking me!

MIL wanted to take DD abroad without us, turn up whenever she wanted and basically ignore me the whole time or be rude. Everytime we went out she said why hadn't we called in to see them as we were 'going past their house'. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

After the birth of DT's I had a bad PPH and she was only bothered about 'seeing the babies' not whether I had suvived or was OK. She turned up at the hosp even when DH said no when she asked if he wanted her to come in yet (about 1 hour after major life saving op after the c section) I was coming round and the nurse said 'oh your MIL is here' It was like a nightmare! I hadn't even seen my own mother yet (who is very respectful of our privacy'

Jellybeans - some MIL are a nightmare.

Mine is not as bad as yours yet, but given time I can see has the potential.

They are bad enough now and we don't have any kids yet. DH and I work long weeks and don't get home from work till 7.00+ most nights. They are round at least once a week sitting in the car outside our house waiting for us to come home AHHHHHHHH!!!

No help with tea, washing up just "what are you having? We haven't eaten yet." I can just see it happening.

My sister handled her outlaws well, when they turned up unannounced on the day she got home from hospital she refused to let them get in her way, when baby needed feeding, she went upstairs and fed him with the door shut, then burped and put him in bed, needless to say by the time they had sat around on their own for an hour or so and sis came back downstairs minus the baby, they got the message and called next time....visitors have to fit in with you for sure

This is a great thread, and really interesting to read so many points of view. DH and I are currently trying to decide how best to handle this situation when LO arrives in November. We live in Germany so it's a long way for my parents and MIL to travel, and it's not like we can say "ooh come for an afternoon". Both mothers want to be there straight away, and both mothers would be disappointed if we showed preference and let the other mother come over first but I CANNOT handle them both at once, especially not with a new baby too! Both mothers are quite practical and will be happy to clean / cook / help around the hosue but I'm worried I'll still feel like I have to look after them and entertain them if they are staying in our house.

Sorry if this hijacked the thread. No, YANBU and taking the baby out for a walk every day = taking over! Tell her no and the suggestion to nominate one day a week is a great solution as it gives MIL a dedicated time with her grandchild and gives you one day a week to yourself.

I think those of you that have been cleaning up for in-laws / visitors when you have a new baby certainly have significantly more energy / sleep than I had! Or maybe I'm just a slob?

Ther is definately compromises to be made in most of these situations and often people surprise you with how helpful they are (I was expecting a bit of a nightmare with my mil and actually she has been a star). However the bottom line is you do what you want and if people don't like it then tough!

That includes staying with you even for those with family who live away. They can stay in a hotel if that would make things easier for you and if they are not prepared to do that then they're clearly not as bothered about seeing lo as they are making out!

Good to hear it!

I had a friend who was in a similar situation where her exp kept promising to come and didn't show. She just took the attitude that she would never tell him he couldn't come (within reason that is!!) so when her ds grew up and wanted to know why his dad hadn't been around he couldn't blame her. Sounds like that might work well for you too! And win win all round! Take care and hope things continue to go well x

My mum has been great asn suggested taking baby into room with door shut. She said just say your feeding him and nobody will come upstairs with you.

She has also offered if I am being swallowed up!! to just turn up and pretend we had invited her. Take baby and give him to me and tell us all DH inc to go upstairs and rest with baby quietly while she will make a point of doing tea and house stuff etc and make them feel like they are in the way.

Believe me she is very very good at it.