Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

waiting for amnio results

81 replies

cloud9 · 08/06/2007 09:33

dear all, i'm 17 weeks, my triple test results showed my baby had a 1:3 chance of having downs, had amnio on wednesday and waiting for his results. i just wondered if anyone else had been in this situation, and was willing to share with me what they did and how they coped with a positive result for downs. i've been in bits all week thinking about what to do. already have ds(4) and dd(2). thanks

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

mindy · 12/06/2007 00:06

cloud9,
so sorry to hear what you have been going through, I also had a termination 6 years ago following a diagnosis of DS

If you want to talk about it please feel free to contact me....it is such a difficult decision to make and go through.
Thinking of you

Mindy x

pacinofan · 12/06/2007 08:44

Cloud 9, so sorry to read what you and your family are going through. I have not had to make the difficult decision you have made, but I did have an amnio last year and mentally, dh and myself prepared ourselves in case of a ds diagnosis and what decision we would make.

Tbh, i actually thought amnio itself was pretty traumatic, even though I went on to have a healthy daughter. It is part of the reason we have not gone on to have a third child because, frankly, I found the amnio too much.

The only advice I would give, is just for you and your dh to lean on one another for support, and take comfort from those close to you.

Thinking of you x

Original poster

cloud9 · 12/06/2007 09:01

i can't quite get past the guilt at the moment, today he's safe in my belly, and i feel like i'm about to abandon him, esp when i read the posts from the mn-ers who have children with ds. bit of a black hole today-sorry x

OP posts:

TaylorsMummy · 12/06/2007 10:27

cloud9, i had to post,not been in your situation but did go thru a scary few weeks in my pg when it was thought dd had a severe disability.i would have had no hesititation in making the same decision as you have done.

you are very brave and you are doing what you feel is best for you and your family.

RGPargy · 12/06/2007 10:52

Cloud9, so sorry to read what you're going through. No advice to offer as i've not been there myself, but you are in my thoughts.

dinosaur · 12/06/2007 10:53

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

bundle · 12/06/2007 11:02

cloud9, I'm sorry you're going through this. Only you can decide what's best for you and your family. I had an Edwards Syndrome scare with my 2nd pregnancy and would have opted for termination if it had been a positive result, even though it would have been very hard it would have been the right thing for us too. much love, xxxx

Glimmer · 12/06/2007 11:48

Hi cloud. I am so sorry you are having to take such a difficult decision. And 4 days doesn't seem much time for making such a decision, either. The decision is yours and only yours but I wonder if you could get some professional help/counselling so that you don't regret whichever decision you make. It seems you have made up your mind but even then somebody professional could help you cope with the consequences. I think of you and wish you a lot of strength.

Princesspowersparkle · 12/06/2007 11:51

Hi CLoud9- sorry you are in such a difficult situation. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.
PPS (34+4) XX

tiredmumov3 · 12/06/2007 11:59

wishin you strength to get through this difficult time youre in my thoughts take carex

Original poster

cloud9 · 12/06/2007 12:15

dear mn-ers, i don't know what to say, your kindness and thoughts have given me much strength over the last few days. thank you for sharing really personal experiences with me, i take solace in my wonderful children and realise how lucky i am despite all this x

OP posts:

Chooster · 12/06/2007 12:29

I'm so sorry you are dealing with all this Cloud9. There are a few of us on here who know exactly what you are going through and the guilt that you feel. I still remember those days well, after we'd made the decision to terminate and before the actual termination date. I would touch my bump and feel such overwhelming guilt that my baby was alive inside me, but only for a few more days. But please please dont torture yourself with thoughts of abandoning him. You are making an incredibly hard decision for the sake of your whole family. To help me, I wrote down all the things I was feeling and used to look back on it at times when I was over-come by guilt to remind myself of why we were terminating. Its really important for you to control any feelings of regret about your decision.

I think everyone tackles this in a different way and some of what I say next may be inappropriate, depending on how you view this pregnancy. I was keen to recognise this baby as a part of the family (if only to myself) so I named him and had photo's taken after the birth. We were unable to get hand and foot prints due to the condition he had, but I would have got those as well. The staff at the hospital were remarkably sensitive to everything as we spent 2 hours with him after his birth. As I said some of this may be inappropriate for you and I apologise if it is, but I know I find comfort from all these little keepsakes that we have.

I really hope I haven't offended you with any of this, and there is a lot more I could add about how we dealt with things after the event, but I wont go on here. If you do want to talk more then please do let me know.

You've probably already been recommended this, but ARC (Antenatal Results and Choices) are a very good source of information and help. There are many many ladies who've been in your exact position and I know it really helped me when I needed to know I wasn't alone.

Original poster

cloud9 · 12/06/2007 14:18

chooster, thank-you, none of what you have said is inappropriate at all, in fact it's all stuff i have to think about b4 thurs-hope you don't mind me asking but did u have any kind of service after? it's something we were asked at hospital-hadn't even considered that. stargazing, your post really moved me, can't imagine how i'd feel if this was my first-you are very strong, in fact you all are, going thru what you've been thru and being prepared to share it, it's honestly what's getting me thru today (somehow harder than yesterday) x

OP posts:

ELR · 12/06/2007 14:32

cloud9 you are very brave, i am in tears reading this, will be thinking of you on thurs, sometimes doing the right thing for you and your family is so hard but it will be ok in the end think of your 2 beautiful children and their future, this will keep you strong.

Chooster · 12/06/2007 16:25

Cloud9, So sorry today is harder - I guess its when it all starts sinking in isn't it

We were given 3 options after he was born. The hospital could handle the body in what they call a 'sensitive way' but I never really had the strength to ask what that meant. Or we could arrange a service privately, or we could arrange a service through the hospital using the hospital chaplain. We opted for the last one. The chaplain was fantastic and came to see us to discuss how we wanted the service to be run. He also came with books of prayers / poems that we could chose to incorporate in if we wanted to.

We chose just to have me and DH at the service as I didn't want it turning into a family affair but that was totally a personal choice and our fammilies repected that. They had to carry out a post mortem on our little boy, so his service was about 3 weeks after he was born. I asked for a teddy to be put in his coffin and he was cremated in January 2006. I dont think you are able to take any ashes (at least we couldn't) so we've got a little plaque at the crematorium.

My DH and I chose to read a poem each on the day and the chaplain was wonderful. I found it deeply upsetting and didn't think I'd be able to actually say my poem, but I managed it and am so glad I did.

I hope this isn't too detailed for you. Our approach to this may be more than others chose to do and there will be options for whichever approach you take. The only thing I would say is make sure you do the right thing for you and DH. If you choose not to have a service it doesn't mean you care any less or are affected by it any less, its just you will have a different way of coping. What we chose was right for us in our particular circumstance.

What struck me most was everyone's kindness at the hospital and at the crematorium. I hope you find similar kindness over the coming few weeks. xx

Blu · 12/06/2007 23:09

Cloud9 - No experience to share or advice to give, but i do wish you as much kindness and comfort as there is to be found. I hope you and your DH can look after each other.

Chooster · 13/06/2007 20:15

Cloud9 - I think you are going into hospital tomorrow - will be thinking of you xx

TaylorsMummy · 13/06/2007 21:44

my thoughts are with you cloud9 x

Stargazing · 14/06/2007 11:44

cloud9 I'm thinking of you and sending you lots of strength today.

We also chose to have a private service for our dd, with just my husband and myself in attendance. Because there was a post-mortem carried out on her body, we left it to the hospital to arrange transporting her to the funeral directors, but we met with them to choose her coffin and to give him items that we wanted placed within it. Since we'd named her, we made sure that he rname was on her coffin's nameplate, and that it was saved for us to keep. A teddy, a baby-gro that I'd already bought for her, a book, a blanket to wrap her in. We also each wrote her a letter and saved a photo copy of them - we re-read them each year on her anniversary. I had a separate teddy that I sat on her coffin while we listened to music in the chapel - I later took it home with me, and have slept with it every night since, yes a 34 year old woman sleeping with a teddy every night for over 2 years! We didn't have a minister in attendance, just the two of us and some music. A week or so later when we picked up her ashes, we took them to a special spot and read a poem and scattered them.

I hope this is not too much information. However you choose to honour your baby will be the right way for you.

Thinking of you
S.

RGPargy · 14/06/2007 12:02

Thinking of you today, Cloud9.

Much love to you and yours.

xxx

bundle · 14/06/2007 12:02

I'm thinking of you too cloud9, xxxx

toomuchtodo · 14/06/2007 12:07

thinking of you cloud9 and all your family

xxx

tiredmumov3 · 14/06/2007 13:46

thinkin of you and your loved ones today
xxx

Babylovesmuffins · 14/06/2007 14:41

Wishing you strength and peace Cloud9 xxx

MrsMcJnr · 14/06/2007 16:34

Thinking of you at this awful time Cloud9 x

Flip

1 2 3 4

Swipe left for the next trending thread