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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Talk to me about termination - support required

53 replies

ThrowThoseCurtainsWide · 02/09/2018 17:40

I'm pregnant. Realised yesterday that I was a week or two late and my boobs hurt like crazy. Confirmed it today with a test. I know when it happened. I usually keep good track of my dates and make sure we don't DTD on any fertile days. I've not been well lately and clearly I must've messed up.

I have two beautiful DCs (5 & 4). I'm in a stable relationship with DH. However I have significant mental health difficulties. I'm just about to go back to work after being signed off Since June. My disability benefits have been stopped thanks to the stupid PIP system which means that we are totally skint.

I think having another baby right now may actually kill me. I have severe antenatal & postnatal depression with both DCs and I was hospitalised when my youngest was around 16months old. It's not fair on my current DCs if this makes me that ill again as they are old enough for it to really affect them. Being pregnant would also mean a change in my medication, last time my meds changed I had to be hospitalised to be closely monitored. Again, not fair on my current DCs.

Logically I can't continue with this pregnancy, but the thought of a termination terrifies me. I have no idea how to go about it, who to contact, what to do. I'm scared.

I haven't told DH yet. He's also been struggling with his MH and I don't want to make him worse. I will tell him, but I think I should get the termination booked first and then tell him.

I would really appreciate some advice and reassurance right now from anyone in the same position.

OP posts:
EddieVeddersfoxymop · 02/09/2018 17:56

Go to your gp. They can and will help you.....I know this because I've been there! I suffered awfully with my mental health after my DD was born and terminated a subsequent pregnancy for this reason. You will be fine, it's a perfectly acceptable reason for you not to continue Flowers

Kez99xo · 02/09/2018 18:01

Honestly if it is that bad i think your dh will support your decision i would just tell him how u feel and say that you think a termination is best for you and his health. Theirs no point in bringing another baby into the world if your going through a hard time. Could make your mental health worse. If your decision is a termination call sandyford they'll get u appt asap x

Original poster
ThrowThoseCurtainsWide · 02/09/2018 18:13

Getting a GP appt is like hens teeth unfortunately, but I'll try to call on Monday. Who or what are Sandyford?

DH will support me. He doesn't want anymore DCs anyway. I just feel look I need to seem like I have a plan before I go to him as opposed to him having to figure it out as it will just stress him out more.

Eddie what was it like? What happens? How do you feel about it now? Flowers

OP posts:
Mumtosomerugrats · 02/09/2018 18:44

Before you decide totally speak to DH its his baby too. Having a termination can cause alot of PTSD and other hormonal issues and some people including myself couldn't get over the fact that i had one. I was 17 amd wanted to terminate but it was the torture i endured afterwards. The due date i was a mess. Every xmas every year of the month babys birthday would have been. Seeing babies everywhere then made me cry. I became depressed due to that and ended up on medication and PTSD. I couldnt forgive myself and had nightmares for years...which i wont go in to. I ended up pregnant at 18 because its the only way i could get over it. Ive had 4 babies now and want more and the more i have the more i get over it that bit more. That or i just wanted a big family i dont know.
You can stay on meds whilst PG so the mental health issues might not even come through.
Some people have a termination and are fine and never regret it.. but i wanted to share my experience in the hope that you think of what you might feel like afterwards as i wouldn't want anyone feeling the way i did. Absolute torture and guilt.
Maybe see a councillor before your termination date just so you know either way that you made the right desision.
I wish you luck...strength and love. Its not an easy desision.
Xxxxx

Original poster
ThrowThoseCurtainsWide · 02/09/2018 19:14

Thank you rugrats Flowers That's one of my fears on how it will affect me. I will definitely talk to DH before I go ahead with anything, but I want to have it booked and sorted first iyswim?

There's a Marie Stopes clinic not too far from me. I'm going to have to try and time it so it happens over a weekend, I can't take more time off work without having to have an occupational health review.

I know I'm going to regret having the abortion, but it's the only sensible thing

OP posts:
Gammeldragz · 02/09/2018 19:17

I had a termination a few years ago. Happily married and 3 DCs but I lost our 4th at 22 weeks and couldn't face another pregnancy.
Called BPAS direct. No gp appointment needed. Excellent telephone service then booked in and all sorted in one day visit. They were brilliant.

Gammeldragz · 02/09/2018 19:19

I had a surgical termination at 7 weeks, I opted for that over having medication to cause miscarriage and in glad I did. Didn't want to be passing blood/baby at home with kids around. I went back to work the next day, though I was told not to drive as I'd been sedated.

Rebecca36 · 02/09/2018 19:23

Your GP will refer you for a termination so do book an appointment even if it is a week or two hence. You're still early.

Alternatively the British Pregnancy Advisory Service are very good.

In the circumstances you are wise to take this course, imo. Please do make sure you don't become pregnant again. No-one likes doing something like this but one has to be pragmatic about it.

All the very best.

Kez99xo · 02/09/2018 19:35

Sandyford is a sexual health clinic in the uk. Its where i got my termination

CosmicCanary · 02/09/2018 19:37

Hi.
I have had 2.
1 medical 1 surgical.
I remember both vividly.
Both were the right choice and I stand by my decison. However they are a final choice. There is no going back.

25 years on I still remember 14th August. I am ok with it but at the same time it has never left me.

Flowers
Original poster
ThrowThoseCurtainsWide · 02/09/2018 19:57

Thank you for all of your replies. I will make all of the calls tomorrow I guess. I know I have to do this.

OP posts:
Hayles88 · 02/09/2018 20:01

Hi OP, I've had a termination, please feel free to ask any questions. It was a couple of years back and I was 9 weeks pregnant. I went directly through BPAS, no need for GP. You can just call and they arrange it all. I went for a consultation then 2 appointments a day apart for the pills and pessary etc. It was at a near by GUM clinic.
Everything was very professional and supportive. It wasn't pleasant physically but wasnt horrific for me, it was pain full but they prescribed codeine and I took that when I needed. I'm here for you if you need any advice or want to ask anything.

DarthVadersLightSide · 02/09/2018 20:03

I went direct to the clinic and skipped the GP as I wanted it done ASAP, ended up being about 6 weeks. I had a surgical termination so I wouldn’t have to go back twice, the clinic said there was a slightly higher risk of it being unsuccessful because it was so small, but the clinic was a long way from my house. The immediate aftermath was rough as my youngest wasn’t quite a year old and I was surrounded by babies and baby stuff, but it eased quickly.

Sometimes I feel sad that I was put in that position, but if it hadn’t happened I would have had three children I definitely couldn’t cope with, rather than two children and teetering on the edge. Now my children are older I am even more glad I don’t have three to manage. There is occasionally a wave of wistful ‘what might have been’ when I see a cute baby, some guilt and some sadness, but the relief has always been stronger.

Hayles88 · 02/09/2018 20:06

There is occasionally a wave of wistful ‘what might have been’ when I see a cute baby, some guilt and some sadness, but the relief has always been stronger.

I also feel this. Mine was due to being in an abusive relationship but this completely sums up how I feel to.

Flowers to all

Hayles88 · 02/09/2018 20:13

Also OP, the clinic I went to did evening appointments (6pm -8pm) as well as Saturdays, I remember as it was Halloween and I went after work for the first set of pills and all the kids were out. Went back Saturday Morning for the second. So you should be able to work round work, I worked the whole time but they do advise you to rest and I wish I did a bit more.

Original poster
ThrowThoseCurtainsWide · 03/09/2018 16:39

I spoke to my Early help worker today, she will support me. She agrees that there is no 'right' choice here and that there will be emotional fallout whatever happens.

I've also called my local Marie Stopes. I've got a telephone consultation between 4-5pm tomorrow. From there they'll book the treatment.

I'm going to talk to DH tonight. I have no idea how to start the conversation Sad

OP posts:
EddieVeddersfoxymop · 03/09/2018 18:50

Sorry for taking ages to reply OP. Honestly? My mental health was so battered that it was a blessed relief. I had a surgical procedure, not the most fun I've ever had and I sobbed through it.....but afterwards I felt like a weight was lifted.
There was no way I could continue.....I knew I couldn't survive another pregnancy so without being too dramatic I had to put my mental health and my DD before everything. I only just made it through her pregnancy in one piece so I knew I had no choice. I would say we had contraception failure and were just reeling from the shock. My DH didn't want to continue either- not because he wanted another child but because he knew I couldn't cope.
Feel free to keep chatting here, let us know how you go.

Original poster
ThrowThoseCurtainsWide · 03/09/2018 19:49

DCs are going to bed now. Once they're settled I guess we better have a conversation Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
ThrowThoseCurtainsWide · 03/09/2018 20:49

We've talked. We both agree what the right thing to do is. It's going to be shit, but we have to go ahead with the termination. Once we've got it sorted then we're going to figure out a more permanent form of contraception. One of us needs to get our tubes tied. But we'll cross that bridge when we get to in

OP posts:
LusaCole · 03/09/2018 20:57

Well done for having the conversation OP. Wishing you the very best of luck for your termination Flowers

EddieVeddersfoxymop · 03/09/2018 21:31

That sounds like you have a solid plan and your OH on your side. Hoping that you find release soon and feel better. Flowers

Original poster
ThrowThoseCurtainsWide · 03/09/2018 22:33

Thank you. I keep forgetting and then suddenly remembering again. I can't help becoming attached to this tiny thing inside me.

OP posts:
Original poster
ThrowThoseCurtainsWide · 04/09/2018 15:34

How strange would it be to name this foetus, even though I'm not going to continue with the pregnancy?

If I wasn't unwell then it would be a much loved and wanted baby. It still is a much wanted baby, but the risk to my health (albeit mental not physical) is too great to continue. It sucks. I'm not doing it because I dont want another baby, I'm doing it because I can't have another baby.

OP posts:
Original poster
ThrowThoseCurtainsWide · 04/09/2018 16:29

I'm sitting waiting for them to call. Very nervous. They said it would be a 20min call between 4pm& 5pm. So does that mean I'm likely to get the call in the next 10mins?

OP posts:
Original poster
ThrowThoseCurtainsWide · 04/09/2018 17:14

Ive had the call. . I'm going for the medical procedure. I'll take one set at the clinic and then I'll be given the second set to be taken vaginally

Now got to wait for a call from the booking team within 48hrs. There's a lot of waiting involved in this process, it's making me very anxious

OP posts:
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