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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Unplanned pregnancy!!! Help!!!!

67 replies

FreakingOut32 · 05/06/2018 08:05

Hi everyone...
After feeling a bit ill for a week or so I took the test...16 of them...they were positive!!! NO!!! My partner and I haven't even been together 6 months, I was on the pill, using condoms and even took morning after pills!! I am sure you can imagine my shock?
I immediately booked a doctors appointment which confirmed my worst fears! How am I supposed to decide what to do? How can such a new relationship get past this? I think I want a termination....

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

ReasonableLlama · 05/06/2018 09:24

If I were you I would consider the following:

how serious are you with your boyfriend/partner? I knew early on my husband was the one so we would have coped getting pregnant so early on in our relationship.

could you cope alone? If in the worst case scenario he doesn't want the baby now, or somewhere down the line, could you do it on your own?

There are plenty of relationships that survive a pregnancy this early on, similarly there are plenty of long term relationships which don't survive having a child.

No one can tell you what to do, you have to do what you want and what you feel you can cope with.

ichifanny · 05/06/2018 09:25

Just follow your heart , give yourself a couple of weeks to think it over , set ball moving to get counselling for a termination and meantime just think it all through . I had he same at 22 my partner and I were only 6 months into our relationship , we are still together and on baby number 4 . Only you know if you want to go ahead or not , it’s a very confusing time .

bluebell34567 · 05/06/2018 09:30

after all these precautions - pill and condom - you still got pregnant. i think this baby wants to come to the world, let her/him be .

dontbesillyhenry · 05/06/2018 09:31

Very unhelpful bluebell

Thesearmsofmine · 05/06/2018 09:35

Hi. My eldest dc was very unexpected, at the time me and DH weren’t even together as a couple.

An unplanned pregnancy can be terrifying. I would have a good think about the options, can you can provide for baby as a couple or alone? Don’t worry abouit anyone else’s opinions because at the end of the day you will be the one bringing the baby in to the world. If you feel a termination is the best option that is okay.

Original poster

FreakingOut32 · 05/06/2018 09:37

I absolutely adore my partner...i could see us being together forever...and if this was a year down the line it would be a different story! I can't afford to do it alone nor do I what to...he thinks we should just 'go for it's and we would be fine. I am so logical I am worrying about money, how well we know each other, how soon I could go back to work, how I can afford childcare and bills...if I end up doing this alone I worry I would lose my house!! I worked so hard to get a mortgage on my own...i can't lose it :( I don't know if I have it in me to 'parent'...

We are very serious, we already live together...he moved into my house shortly before this happened, we have good jobs, on paper it seems fine...i have a lot of debt though (the usual homeowner stuff like double glazing, carpet, bathroom etc)

One minute it's a great idea the next it's awful! I am so tired, hungry and sick...i just want to cry and save myself 😢 do I sound ridiculous?

OP posts:

LittleLoveXoxo · 05/06/2018 09:37

the time you've been together means nothing at all, seriously. i have family in my life who were together for 2 months before falling pregnant, 40 years later theyre still together and raised a happy family. My parents were together for 10 years before i was born, they divorced when i was 6.

You need to do some serious soul searching and speaking to close fam/friends if you can handle it, no one can make this decision for you, im sorry xx

Shmithecat · 05/06/2018 09:38

Do you want the baby? How does your partner feel? Could you emotionally, financially, logistically deal with being a single parent? Give yourself a few days to get your head around it. Thankfully women in most of the UK have a choice over continuing with a pregnancy or not. Be kind to yourself and put your wants and need a first. Having a baby is ok. Having a termination is also ok. And don't let anyone tell you any different.

Original poster

FreakingOut32 · 05/06/2018 09:39

I should add my partner has a child...he rarely sees her (not his choice at all) and I've been having tests as the doctors thought I was already menopausal...so I've spent a year coming to terms with not having a baby which was fine! And now this! I am literally freaking out :(

Everywhere I Google it seems no one survives this as a couple...its nice to read that some do ☺

OP posts:

ichifanny · 05/06/2018 09:42

Babies aren’t expensive at first and you always find a way with work / childcare etc it can be hard but doable if you want to have the baby , don’t let practical things sway you too much , would the relationship sustain if you terminated the pregnancy ? It’s a very real option though if you feel deep down you can’t go ahead , it takes a lot of thought and soul searching .

ichifanny · 05/06/2018 09:46

Some do and some don’t it’s impossible to tell which ones survive , all you can do is act on just now and how you feel about your partner . My partner and I decided to buy a house together once I found out so made a commitment to each other , we married after 9 years together and second child . I really didn’t know if it would work out or not to be honest .

Original poster

FreakingOut32 · 05/06/2018 09:47

I am not sure we could survive a termination or having a baby. Partner said he worries I will resent our relationship eventually if we have a termination especially if the doctors were right and I can't conceive in the future...what if this was a freak accident?

I could survive as a single parent but I don't want to...stay at home mum just isn't for me...i love my job and working and would go stir crazy at home. What if I resent the baby? What if I just can't do it!! I might be an awful mum...

This should be my time to have fun and enjoy life after a really awful past relationship...i still can't believe this has happened. I've known 3 weeks and I am more undecided every day

OP posts:

donutsarelife · 05/06/2018 09:49

I got pregnant after being with my boyfriend for 9 months. She is currently sitting her GCSE's a big sister to 2 and we are still together

Gottokondo · 05/06/2018 09:49

You sound in shock. I don't think that you should decide right now. Give yourself at least a week to let the dust settle.

Gottokondo · 05/06/2018 09:51

Oh. Just read ypur update.

Finances and relationship aside, do you want to have a child?

ichifanny · 05/06/2018 09:52

It’s a leap into the unknown , why not book the appointment and counselling session and just keep mind open for the few weeks it takes and you will probably make your own conclusion once the shock wears off . You might resent baby your relationship might not survive all these things are possible , parenthood isn’t for everyone but what you need to work out is it what you want to do , I knew deep down I wanted to go ahead but equally I prepared myself for what it would be like if I decided not to continue .

Original poster

FreakingOut32 · 05/06/2018 09:53

I want a child but not now...if it was 9 months on or ideally a year it would be different. I also want a child with my partner...not a single doubt there. I feel lost and like I have no control over my life right now :( does that make sense? I am 7w3d and the more time goes on the more I want to save myself...also the more pro baby partner gets...

OP posts:

ichifanny · 05/06/2018 09:54

In fact I’d never say I resented my son , ever no matter how hard it got would I ever regret having him once he was here .

Thesearmsofmine · 05/06/2018 09:54

Having a baby can be a huge strain on the most well established relationship.

I kept ds1 because I knew I would be ok even if I was on my own, I had good family support around me. I continued with the pregnancy, DH and I now also have two more children. It worked out well for us but it could easily have gone the other way.

Why does he not see his other child? I think that would concern me.

Original poster

FreakingOut32 · 05/06/2018 09:55

I've booked an appointment and it seems the wait isn't long at all...theyve given me tomorrow...freaking out even more...whatever I choose makes me really uncomfortable! I don't want to be in this situation!! I thought i couldn't have a baby!!!!!

OP posts:

ichifanny · 05/06/2018 09:56

It’s a counselling session before anything is decided so worthwhile going for the counselling , you will probably get a strong feeling either way once you are there .

Original poster

FreakingOut32 · 05/06/2018 09:57

He doesn't see his daughter because the mum is difficult and bitter...he left while she was pregnant (I understand the reasons)...shes only just started to be reasonable. He supports where he can and is allowed and has always financially helped...

OP posts:

Horsedogbird · 05/06/2018 09:57

I agree with the poster who said 'this baby definitely wants to come to this world'

jamoncrumpets · 05/06/2018 09:58

You don't have to keep this baby if you don't want to.

Or you could keep it and go back to work f/t, you don't have to be a SAHM.

You have to go with your gut feeling here, there is no right or wrong answer. Obviously your OH's feelings matter but it's not his body or his choice.

Flyingshame · 05/06/2018 09:59

Freakingout Single parent does not mean stay at home Mum. All the single parents I know work..

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