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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Unplanned pregnancy!!! Help!!!!

67 replies

FreakingOut32 · 05/06/2018 08:05

Hi everyone...
After feeling a bit ill for a week or so I took the test...16 of them...they were positive!!! NO!!! My partner and I haven't even been together 6 months, I was on the pill, using condoms and even took morning after pills!! I am sure you can imagine my shock?
I immediately booked a doctors appointment which confirmed my worst fears! How am I supposed to decide what to do? How can such a new relationship get past this? I think I want a termination....

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

bluebell34567 · 05/06/2018 13:24

I meant light hearted with that emoticon, but you took on fire.

Original poster

FreakingOut32 · 05/06/2018 13:51

I could happily not have children...I am pretty good at shutting things out and dealing with whatever life throws at me because I am a very logical person. This happening...well it's illogical!! Even the doctors said!! One ovary apparently doesn't work (turns out it was that one this time) and one is almost 'done', I have endometriosis and adenomyosis and took multiple types of birth control...this is completely illogical!! I know everyone worries about the unknown but I also have to consider the debt I have to pay...thats a big factor! But realistically it would take 3 years to pay and I don't want to wait that long if I were to have a family.

I feel lost...i don't feel like myself, and feeling so ill makes me unable to be myself. I feel like I am an outsider in my own life right now and I don't like it!!!

OP posts:

Addy2 · 05/06/2018 14:06

Unfortunately, no one can make this decision for you. Go to counselling, see what impact that has. Fwiw, I think lots of people panic when they get pregnant, even when it was planned. It's a big life change and it's scary.

ichifanny · 05/06/2018 14:17

Don’t let debt stop you it’s ok to feel ambivalent about having a baby too I’m on number 4 that was unplanned and went for counselling to terminate as didn’t think I’d cope with another but decided to go ahead and some days I still feel scared and unsure of what’s going to happen , it’s ok to not feel 100% at ease with having a baby , but ultimately your overriding feeling is no I don’t want to do this then you get to choose that also .

donutsarelife · 05/06/2018 16:42

Also on the flip side a close friend got pregnant early into her relationship. They decided on an abortion and then went on to marry and have more children. They didn't regret their decision

MoDip · 05/06/2018 18:00

You’ve said a couple of times you’d feel differently if it was 9-12 months down the line. Why is that? That is a relatively short time difference and so makes a relatively small difference to the impact having a baby will have. If you genuinely want this down the line, then I would continue with the pregnancy. On the other hand, Is this what it has taken to make you realise having children isn’t for you? Best of luck on either path

Original poster

FreakingOut32 · 05/06/2018 20:35

I can see how 9 to 12 months down the line doesn't seem long but to me it is...i wanted to get a second job and make a huge dent in the debt, I wanted to progress at work, I wanted a holiday with my partner as we haven't had one yet and I wanted to do a few other things that were on my list...i am also still renovating my house...to me a year would make a huge difference

OP posts:

Wallywobbles · 05/06/2018 20:49

I could survive as a single parent but I don't want to...stay at home mum just isn't for me...i love my job and working and would go stir crazy at home. What if I resent the baby? What if I just can't do it!! I might be an awful mum...

I live in France. Almost no one is a SAHM. Never occurred to me it was an option. We have a very helpful and generous system but it does mean 90%+ parents keep working.

Wallywobbles · 05/06/2018 20:59

Ok this is just my take. If I were you I'd assume this is your only chance. So if you really never want kids fair enough. But if you are just compartmentalising that'll likely come back and bite you on the arse big time. And if the debts you've got now are an issue, IVF will make them seem like peanuts.

There is NEVER a good time. But it's always (nearly) fine. Having a kid is 90% ace (10% torture).

13 weeks into my first surprise pregnancy exh said he wanted me to abort as we were only engaged. And we were doing the wrong way round. I was 33.

I was deeply pissed off initially by surprise number 2 but so glad now.

Original poster

FreakingOut32 · 06/06/2018 07:20

Thank you for all your experiences!

I genuinely don't know how to wade through my own thoughts...i keep hoping for a lightbulb moment but more and more confusion is all I get

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bunnyrabbit93 · 06/06/2018 09:08

Could you talk to someone about this ? I feel like, your probably panicking more than you need to. It's completely your choice but as PP have said there really isn't a perfect time there will always be a problem.
I was 21 and certainly not finically stable with a BF of 7 months and yes it was difficult but it's all worked out.
On the other hand my friend had her 1st baby at 37 and although finically stable she felt she had left it too late as her other friends all had children in yr 10 and had much more freedom in every day life
As well you have 9 months to plan

Original poster

FreakingOut32 · 06/06/2018 09:33

I've only told one friend and she's being very non committal as would be expected...i think that's why I told her. Anyone else would quite literally jump for joy ignore anything I say...i have now spoken to a counsellor and they just romanticized it all which has made me feel a bit silly for my worries...they still exist though...ive moved the follow up appointments to next weds and thurs so i have till then to decide.back to the drawing board x

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ichifanny · 06/06/2018 09:33

There probably won’t be a light bulb moment as such more the feeling that one of the directions isn’t an option for you .

jamoncrumpets · 06/06/2018 10:12

I think you might be waiting for a lightbulb moment that will never come. I'm 38 weeks pregnant and I still have my doubts about my ability to care for my unborn child!

Pushing back the appointment gives you space but how much is too much? Also, be aware that aborting a 7 week old pregnancy is less visceral/painful than aborting a 9/10 week old pregnancy - I'm talking about for you. So yes, take your time but be aware that the 'process' gets more difficult with each passing day.

Original poster

FreakingOut32 · 06/06/2018 12:47

My gut feeling is I don't want children...i like the idea of it but don't want the reality of it...but then is fear and shock driving that Thought??

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bunnyrabbit93 · 06/06/2018 13:15

Maybe write a list of the reasons why. So if the reasons for the termination are it's not the right time then maybe it is just fear of the unknown and shock but if it's having a child will make you unhappy maybe it's not based on that .What does you DP feel ? Because although it's not ultimately his decision for me personally my DP gave me a lot of reassurance that we were in it together regardless of our relationship status

Original poster

FreakingOut32 · 06/06/2018 18:07

I don't know how to figure out which it is!!

DP said he thinks we should keep it but ultimately it's my decision and he will support me 100% whatever I decide as he isn't going anywhere

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