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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Unplanned pregnancy!!! Help!!!!

67 replies

FreakingOut32 · 05/06/2018 08:05

Hi everyone...
After feeling a bit ill for a week or so I took the test...16 of them...they were positive!!! NO!!! My partner and I haven't even been together 6 months, I was on the pill, using condoms and even took morning after pills!! I am sure you can imagine my shock?
I immediately booked a doctors appointment which confirmed my worst fears! How am I supposed to decide what to do? How can such a new relationship get past this? I think I want a termination....

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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BlueBug45 · 05/06/2018 10:00

OP there are plenty of couples that do survive and there are those that have been together for years who get divorced a few years after having children. Among my siblings there are all 3 types.

The main thing for you to work out is do you want the child? Once you have worked that out you will get able to deal with the rest.

Btw just because your a single parent doesn't mean you can't work.

jamoncrumpets · 05/06/2018 10:01

Oh ffs Horsedogbird and bluebell, your comments are so loaded with antiabortion sentimental crap. The baby doesn't 'want' anything. It's smaller than a grape.

ichifanny · 05/06/2018 10:04

I agree jamoncrumpets I can’t stand people romantising pregnancy and making out the embryo has some greater plan , both choices are both valid equal ones and it will serve op well to consider all her options objectively . It’s such a hard decision , once the shock wears off it’s much easier to know how you feel .

bluebell34567 · 05/06/2018 10:14

of course op will make her own decision, she knows her situation better. i just gave my opinion and it wasnt meant to be a must. and i agree with: 'dont let practical things sway you, too much'.

jamoncrumpets · 05/06/2018 10:19

Don't feign ignorance bluebell, you clearly insinuated that the embryo - yep it's not even a foetus yet - has some higher destiny. And that is absolute bull crap.

LittleLoveXoxo · 05/06/2018 10:23

look, no one is truly ready for a baby, financially anyway, unless you have unlimited money. There are always going to be sacrifices, but you make it work, you'll figure it out! we dont even have our own place yet and are still in his parents home, but thats not stopping us from doing something we both have always wanted. xx

Original poster

FreakingOut32 · 05/06/2018 10:47

I know I could work but financially I couldn't afford to as a single parent. I could survive doing it alone but as a child from a single parent family I do not want to...my childhood was amazing but I do not want what my poor mum went through doing it alone...

At what point does the shock wear off? I wish I could think clearly :( being so hungry and tired and sick really isn't helping!!

It's not something I can really talk to anyone about...my friends all have children and I know they would be horrified if I said I was considering a termination...they have been when other friends have considered it...

My poor partner is trying to understand but how can he when I don't myself! I end up just repeating myself and going over the same points over and over again :(

OP posts:

kikibo · 05/06/2018 10:53

FWIW I had a termination 5 months into our relationship and we're still together 17 years on. We now have a DD who is 9 months and another on the way. So resentment will not necessarily be a factor.

HOWEVER our situation was thus: I was 19, boyfriend (now hubby) was 28. I had gone NC with my father mainly because he basically couldn't cope with me having a boyfriend for the first time ever. I'd quit uni because boyfriend didn't have a job. We could barely afford our own lives. And I didn't fancy ending up a single mum in poverty as my boyfriend had p*ssed off because he couldn't cope (he was immature really, as all men are at that age). Family was really no help due to my quarrel with DF. Friends were immature because they were as old as me and in uni or similar.

Let's say I hoped our relationship would last, but I didn't think it could take the extra strain. And I wasn't ready for the huge job of being a mum.

I think everything together was what made me decide to terminate. In your place, I'd wait to see if I still felt this way in a few weeks. Go to counselling etc. And then decide.

bunnyrabbit93 · 05/06/2018 10:54

Hi OP, you just have to think about what you truly want but only you can decide.
I will say I was with DP for 7 months when I became pregnant with our DD although it was hard work relationship/ financially wise we done it. Personally I never considered a termination. Now we are engaged and have 2 DD's

jamoncrumpets · 05/06/2018 10:58

Don't fall into the trap of thinking that you're recreating your own childhood here, OP. You're not. You're a completely different person to your DM. Your child will be different to you.

Original poster

FreakingOut32 · 05/06/2018 10:58

I love babies, I love kids...i love babysitting and seeing my friends and their kids. I have always looked and thought 'i want that' but in reality I think it's because I didn't think I could. I genuinely don't think I want a baby...but then again...i don't know. How will I? How am I supposed to decide?

OP posts:

jamoncrumpets · 05/06/2018 11:01

It's fucking hard OP and you have my sympathy. I don't think I could've done it before age 25, personally. But I know many that have, and have been very happy.

Original poster

FreakingOut32 · 05/06/2018 11:05

On paper it seems a no brainer...i don't understand why I can't decide!! My doctor even said 'you are 32 you arent exactly getting any younger are you'...not helpful :(

OP posts:

jamoncrumpets · 05/06/2018 11:08

I was 32 when I became pregnant with DC1. I knew I was ready. But that doesn't mean you have to be. And it doesn't mean that if you feel you aren't you still can't be a fantastic mum.

You honestly need to go with that primal tug in your gut, whichever way it's going.

Original poster

FreakingOut32 · 05/06/2018 11:11

My gut feeling is this can't be happening (the doctors didnt believe it either) and I want to run away!! I know I can't run away from this though...whatever I choose.

OP posts:

jamoncrumpets · 05/06/2018 11:14

Well you can 'run away', you can not have the baby. But yes, you would have to process the aftermath.

Cheesenacho123 · 05/06/2018 11:18

Maybe things happen for a reason. My pregnancy definitely wasn’t planned, heck we were living with parents still studying or working. It was hard and it took a while for the shock to pass us and pass through the family. We have a lovely son who I never regret having, despite what some family members may have said to me.

If you want a child this may be your only opportunity, would you be happy living your life without children? Or constantly wondering what if or what it would be like?. No one wants to be a single parent, but it’s the parents who’ve got to make it work for there child and for each other.

isambardo · 05/06/2018 11:19

My situation is similar to @kikibo.
I had an abortion about 9 months into my relationships with dh. We were living together but were still teens and neither of us were ready to be parents.
Roll on 20 years, we have two children and I’m pregnant with our third. It was a sad decision but the right one for us, we are massively more mature, settled, financially stable etc now.
However I had no fertility concerns which obviously adds more complication to an already tough question. If it was me I’d discuss with a consultant to get my head around whether this affects the diagnosis of early menopause and what your chances are of conceiving in the future.

Tartanwallpaper · 05/06/2018 11:21

So your reasons for keeping baby are : you want a baby at some point, you want a baby with this partner, you may not be able to conceive again, you are not young. Reasons against : fear of the unknown. It is unknown for everyone before theyve done it and its scary even when its planned. At 32 how much longer do you want to wait? More than three years and your risk increases if you get pregnant in the first place

isambardo · 05/06/2018 11:25

Op I didn’t realise you are in your 30’s, I assumed you were younger.
Even a person with ‘normal’ fertility would have to consider declining fertility by mid 30’s.

Havetothink · 05/06/2018 11:26

I think you should just do it (I'm not against termination) but you have a house and a man who is happy to have the baby, you may never have another chance (no-one can guarantee it difficulties or not), I seriously doubt you would regret it and waiting a year is unlikely to make much difference relationship wise. Yes, it will change your life but not for the worse. I moved in with my partner after three months and we've been together over 10 years, if you're in a good relationship don't wish it away worrying about what might happen.

FeralBeryl · 05/06/2018 11:28

You need some counselling ASAP.
This can only be your choice, you can listen to advice, stories from everyone, but this is your life.
What you need to separate is - is your fear and shock typical pregnancy shock, or is this really something you don't want.
Fwiw, my story to add, my 1st pregnancy with DP was planned, wanted - admittedly a lot earlier than I thought would happen, but wanted.
I was absolutely petrified.
I wanted more time with my DP, more freedom, my job was going strength to strength, not to feel so very ill.
But my choice was to crack on. I have no regrets. But that is my life, only you know yours sweets

Tartanwallpaper · 05/06/2018 11:35

Also, by keeping it you're not actually doing anything - you're not trying for a baby, its already happened and it could very possibly be your last chance at pregnancy .The decision isn't "have one in a year" because you can't guarantee , the decision is to end this pregnancy

basketofsoftkittens · 05/06/2018 11:55

I fell pregnant within 6 months of meeting my partner. I was also very young. 10 years down the line we are still together, I have completed a degree and have a very stable home life. I am now expecting DC2 and completely terrified due to the impact of change in our current life (have a very independent amazing DC1) so it is going to be a very big change.

Everyone has lots of different fears throughout pregnancy. It is life changing no matter who is experiencing it. Only you can decide what is right for you.

bluebell34567 · 05/06/2018 13:23

I put a smile emoticon jamoncrumpets if you noticed.

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