Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

He's engaged and just had a baby and now I am pregnant for him

83 replies

Saralaso · 02/06/2018 00:31

Really need some logical advice here. I'm so in my emotions I can't think straight. I have been in a relationship with my fiancé for a few years now and we love each other very much. But most recently things between us got so rough and I called it off and we split up. He still hasn't given up trying to be with me though. But I started a relationship with a coworker of mine. He's a good guy and treats me really well and it's been eight months with him so far and as a side note my fiancé still is perusing almost impatiently. My now bf coworker already has a fiancé too which I knew but what I didn't know was she was pregnant which he didn't tell me until a month before she was due because he says he "didn't want to lose me" and now his baby is born. I just found out I am pregnant for him and over this past month of finding out about his soon to be born baby.. I started talking to my ex again and our communication has improved. I feel so conflicted on who to be with. My fiancé is fine with still being with me if I choose but he is pressuring me for an answer and so is my bf coworker. I want my baby to have his real father and not a 'broken' family (not in a bad way) but I'm not sure I can deal with his separate woman and baby life. I want to feel like a priority but him having an outside baby and the mother being in our life for years and years... I don't think I can emotionally handle that. I can be very possessive in my relationships.. In the sense that I want what's mine to be only mine. That's what I pictured my future to be my whole life.

I'm so in my emotions that I don't know what is the best choice for my soon to be baby and me. And both guys wanting to be the one makes me feel more pressured and confused. I need advise. Desperately

OP posts:
Shrimpi · 02/06/2018 01:07

Okay, to be obvious "the boyfriend' lied to you for 8 months and he's still lying to the mother of his child who is also his fiance. You are not in a relationship with him, you are his piece on the side. Nor should you want a relationship with him because he's a serial liar and a cheat who has offered you precisely nothing. You probably aren't his only extra girl. He's not a good guy. If you think that then you're daft.

So if I had to say which one of these guys sounds like the better prospect it is obviously your ex. However, why did you break up? Why do you have to choose either one of these men? If your ex is the right guy for you, then why are you comparing him to your dirtbag co-worker and struggling to make a decision?

Maybe you should remain single.

BlueBug45 · 02/06/2018 01:08

OP time for you to grow up and stand on your own two feet.

If you decide to keep this baby then you need to do it alone, and if you don't then you need to terminate and make better choices in men.

Your current lover is not available as he is engaged to another woman. Dump him because he clearly cannot be trusted to be in a commited relationship with one person. He will do exactly the same to you as what he has done to her but it would be even worse as there are children involved.

Your ex-fiance isn't right for you as you would be still with him. If you actually like him then break off the engagement permanently, leave him well alone and out of this mess.

MrsArthurShappey · 02/06/2018 01:10

Yikes, what a mess!

PyongyangKipperbang · 02/06/2018 01:12

I would not dream of telling you what to do, but I can tell you what I would do.

Terminate, walk away and get some therapy to work out why I was prepared to accept being treated so badly.

You sound quite young, there will be other men who will be the father for your future children that you dream of. Neither of these men will be that.

Your "boyfriend" is such a shit father he shagged around during the pregnancy and is prepared to dump his newborn baby and its mother, but only if you will give him a sure thing to leave for. Your baby's brother or sister, and its mother, is stuck with this loser for ther rest of their lives, you dont have to be.

quizqueen · 02/06/2018 01:14

No morals from you or the other woman's finance. Why your original boyfriend/finance wants you back, I have no idea.

Original poster
Saralaso · 02/06/2018 01:17

Thanks to everyone who posted advice.Tbh I've thought about all of them and no I'm not stupid. Everyone makes mistakes. Some are just small and some are huge. All of the advice is totally what I needed to hear. Time to put me first for once and stop getting into stupid messes and make better decisions.

OP posts:
Dvg · 02/06/2018 01:18

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

SleepingStandingUp · 02/06/2018 01:20

So you're going to break up with them both and let the fiance know he's having unprotected sex with other women? And get yourself checked for STI's?

Original poster
Saralaso · 02/06/2018 01:20

To those who didn't give advice and just make mean comments about me without knowing me or all the details to my situation... Thanks but no thanks.

OP posts:
PyongyangKipperbang · 02/06/2018 01:22

Time to put me first for once

I have to be honest and say that, as the wife who was cheated on, this comes across as an appalling thing to say. If you were putting anyone else before yourself (such as his fiancee) then you wouldnt be in this mess would you?

However, I wholly agree with this.... and stop getting into stupid messes and make better decisions.

sadiesnakes · 02/06/2018 01:35

Time to put me first for once

Seems like you already have been putting yourself first. You sound very selfish, thoughtless and self absorbed. These are not small mistakes, they are huge.

Hmm
redshoeblueshoe · 02/06/2018 01:37

We all make mistakes. Do you have a friend who you can have a proper talk to ? I hope you are OK, sorry I have to go to bed now, but I'll check back in tomorrow Flowers

BabiesDontNeedDaddies · 02/06/2018 01:47

No it's not about you any more. It's about the kids.

Morphene · 02/06/2018 01:48

you could always ask JK. Sounds right up his street.

vodkaredbullgirl · 02/06/2018 01:59

oh dear not good at all

Littlechocola · 02/06/2018 02:38

Stay away from both. Get some respect and possibly tested for std’s.

Does the co-workers fiancé know about you?

Cosmoa · 02/06/2018 04:00

"I started a relationship with a coworker of mine. He's a good guy and treats me really well and it's been eight months with him so far"

No he's not a good guy! Stop kidding yourself. He has a fiancé, a new baby and is cheating on them with you and made you pregnant! Is this a joke? Are you aware of what you're saying?

GibbertyFlibbert · 02/06/2018 04:21

You shouldn't have got into this mess but these things happen.

If your fiancé, despite how badly you have treated him, still is willing to have you that counts for a lot. I think you need to sit down with him, talk through why you broke up, and discuss where you go from here.

The new guy has two-timed you. He hasn't been faithful to either you or his gf. Run a mile

reddingtn · 02/06/2018 04:32

you say you 'I'm not sure I can deal with his separate woman and baby life' yet you'd expect your fiance to deal with your separate man and baby life if you went back to him. that seems horribly selfish and unfair.

Ceebs85 · 02/06/2018 04:34

Neither man is worthy of bringing up children, nor is either a good enough partner.

Neither will make you happy, and I wonder why you feel the need to be with either of them.

Be single, a baby doesn't mean you have to be with either of them. AND this other man has a baby with another lady. Have some respect and leave them be.

Iwasjustabouttosaythat · 02/06/2018 04:48

No way would I have a baby in your situation.

You don’t have a good relationship with your ex and he is going to walk away when faced with the prospect of bringing up another man’s child, especially for a woman he doesn’t even get along with that well.

The other guy is not going to leave his fiancée and mother of his child for you. You’re just a bit of fun on the side and of course he told you he wants to be with you because you’re obviously very naive and kept sleeping with him as he knew you would.

Your options are to be a single mum, completely give up on having a man for years to come because the child would be your sole responsibility in life, sink all your time, money and career prospects into that child, and grow up very, very fast, or terminate and not have unprotected sex with men who are already in relationships.

I would do the latter.

Takfujuimoto · 02/06/2018 04:48

Is this a joke?

If not then I think the best option would be to have a termination, get a new job and finish things off with both of these men, one you've knowingly had an affair with and the other you seem to think off as a back up.

You need to step back wipe the slate clean (if that's possible) and grow up quite a bit.

BoomBoomsCousin · 02/06/2018 04:52

Listen to crunchtime.

daisychain01 · 02/06/2018 05:07

OP it's difficult to know where to start. When will you realise that a baby is a human being who you will be responsible for caring for. If you continue to set yourself up in a hectic environment like this with no boundaries, how will you be able give that baby the right opportunities.

You do need to put someone else first for a change, and the most important person is that poor vulnerable baby. You've either got to decide to keep the baby or end the pregnancy and sort out your life. Get counselling, get in control, but please do something.

mathanxiety · 02/06/2018 05:11

Your current BF, the father of your baby, is a liar and a cheat.

Dump him.
He will do the same to you that he has done to the mother of the baby that has just been born, in about 8 months. I am willing to bet money on this. He probably has someone in the pipeline even now.

Have you told the old fiance that you are pregnant with someone else's baby?

...he's not a good guy! Stop kidding yourself. He has a fiancé, a new baby and is cheating on them with you and made you pregnant! Is this a joke? Are you aware of what you're saying? Cosmoa
THIS^^
You have made several really stupid decisions so far.
What the heck were you thinking?

Swipe left for the next trending thread