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Original poster

Did you find out the sex?

80 replies

LeonieChi · 15/05/2018 20:34

Everyone I know who's having a baby at the moment is finding out the sex at the anomaly scan. I don't want to find out for a number of reasons (if people buy gifts we want gender neutral (though not expecting gifts at all of course!), would love DP to tell me the sex at the birth if possible, feel like it'll help me get through labour etc).

I understand why people do find out also and have definitely toyed with the idea. It's going to be hard to say 'no we don't want to know!'

Did you find out the sex of baby/babies? And why did/didn't you?

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thetriangleisarealinstrument · 16/05/2018 14:16

Yes I did. I wanted to bond with baby and thought if I chose a name for the baby then I could talk to it etc....
I like to prepare for big events psychologically... I dont think id deal well with it being a surprise lol
I had the DNA testing so I know for sure this time.

ThorsMistress · 16/05/2018 15:22

I found out with DS and also found out with this baby.

We’re choosing not to tell anyone boy/girl so everyone still gets that surprise. It’s hard though!

mumofmunchkin · 16/05/2018 16:30

I absolutely think each to their own on this, but I think 'it's better motivation in labour' is a bizarre argument. I haven't yet given birth so maybe I'm wrong, but is there really a widespread phenomenon of women getting halfway through labour and going 'you know what, fuck it, I can't be bothered with this, after all I already know what I'm having so no rush to meet the baby'?! From my understanding giving up during labour isn't actually an option, and most women are pretty damn motivated to get the baby out and have labour over with whether they're having a boy, a girl or a baby of yet to be determined sex!

Agree with this. I didn't know with my two, and during labour it wasn't something that crossed my mind. I was more preoccupied with "f* that hurts".

Original poster
LeonieChi · 16/05/2018 16:38

@mumofmunchkin my mum had 4 without knowing the sex and she said that finding out the sex is something that really kept her going. I presume that this is something some people think of in labour and some people don't. I'm sure I will as I'm really excited to find out!

OP posts:
gg5891 · 16/05/2018 16:42

Nope, I'm 38+4 now, and can't wait to meet my littler person. I was adamant I didn't want to know - it's one of the few true surprises left in life. I want that moment where you get through labour to find out what you've got, that moment where my DH can walk out and say to people 'it's a xxx' I love neutral stuff for babies, so many reasons but I'm so glad I don't know -my sister in law knows 7 people who are pregnant at the moment and some know rough size, Gender and the date the baby will be born. We are the odd ones out because we are the only ones who don't know the sex. It's so much more exciting.

TwittleBee · 16/05/2018 16:43

We found out - I was convinced I was having a boy and so was worried about how I would react if the little boy I had been talking to turned out to be a little girl. (It isn't that I wanted a boy over a girl, just would feel bad for calling baby "he"). We also wanted to get names sorted as we were finding we were disagreeing on a lot so by ruling out one gender we could narrow our focus. It was also lovely and super bonding to be able to call DS by his name throughout the rest of pregnancy and have it in my head throughout labour that I am finally going to meet my little [insert DS' name]

TwittleBee · 16/05/2018 16:45

And strangely out of my family and work colleagues we are only couple that did/are finding out the sex! Although it was a 50:50 split in all antenatal classes we attended

Mousefunky · 16/05/2018 17:14

I found out with my first two DC but decided to have a surprise with my third. I was convinced she was a boy and had a boys name set but not really a girls (had a few ideas but not a set name) so when she was born it was a huge shock. It obviously was by no means a bad thing but I struggled to accept she was a girl for a month or so and just referred to her as ‘baby’.

I have decided to find out this time around as a result. I mostly buy ‘gender neutral’ things anyway so it’s not about that, I just found I bonded easier when I didn’t have to say it and could say he/she.

MonicaGellerHyphenBing · 16/05/2018 17:22

We found out. Not sure why, we just really wanted to know! It was still a surprise to find out at 16 weeks, and trust me, I wanted labour to be over just as quickly as someone who didn't find out what they were having! It did not make her birth any less special.

I probably won't find out next time though, just to see what it's like on the other side of the fence!

MrsMonkey13 · 16/05/2018 18:34

We haven’t. Although I have three more growth scans booked so will have to remain strong haha.

I also would really like to hear my husband tell me who we’re taking home as a reward for my efforts on the big day haha.

Haven’t had any trouble getting lovely gender neutral pram/clothes etc

Colonelpopcorn · 16/05/2018 18:45

No. I’m due in 2 weeks and I’m so glad we waited. I’m so excited to meet my baby boy or baby girl and part of not knowing the sex is what’s keeping me sane when I think of childbirth.
I can’t wait to have baby in my arms after labour and finally know what sex it is.

shirleyschmidt1 · 16/05/2018 19:02

I didn't find out either time, I enjoy guessing. I sort of agree that from a pregnancy bonding perspective, I never felt I truly 'knew' the babies, which was fine. The truly great thing for us about not knowing, is it was a 'thing' my husband could have for himself. So much pregnancy focus is on the mother, but in those moments after the birth, when our families were desperate to finally know what we'd had, he got to be the one to go out and give that news.

motheroftwojedi · 16/05/2018 20:04

Didn’t find out first time because it didn’t matter and I wanted the surprise after labour and DH to shout ‘it’s a xxx’

Did find out the second time because DS1 has ASD and so thought it would be easier to prepare him (which it was). If it wasn’t for that though we wouldn’t have found out second time either.

KurlyWurly88 · 16/05/2018 21:21

To quote my sister, when I was umming and ahhing whether to find out/have a surprise

‘How is it a surprise? It’s going to be a girl or boy. If you gave birth to a zebra, THAT would be a surprise’

I found out I was having a daughter (my gut guess at the time). Now I’m in second pregnancy, and I don’t know what to do again! My inkling is another girl, however it might be fun to see whether I’m right at birth this time!

firy · 17/05/2018 05:29

We (well mainly me) didn’t want to find out. I was worried about gender stereotyped gifts - something we are very keen to avoid - and I felt that with every other piece of information these days being available instantly, it was nice to have to wait for something for once.

We were doing really well at that, considering that we were in for scans and tests every other week due to some complications, until our sonographer blurted out that we were having a boy and that kidney problems were more common in boys anyway! She was mortified when she realised and told us that was only the second time in her 30 year career that she’d given the sex away unintentionally!

At first we were a little shocked, but were mainly happy to be told our baby was healthy and now are looking forwards to meeting the little guy. I had been convinced we were having a girl too, so it’s given me a bit of time to get my head around the fact that we’re not! Not because I’m unhappy with having a boy, just that I wasn’t mentally prepared for it.

If we had another, I’d like to try and keep it a surprise though 🙂

Bonelessbanquet · 17/05/2018 06:10

1st time I was at uni so funds were tight, felt it was better to know so that I had a good while to get fully organised.

2nd I found out as it was a high risk pregnancy, I’d had a few losses in between and just wanted to know incase it went wrong, felt it was important to know as much as I could about him. Thankfully, he’s here and wonderful!

Shutupanddance1 · 17/05/2018 06:14

Found out as honestly - it’s not a surprise - it’s a boy or a girl, not a unicorn Grin

LisaSimpsonsbff · 17/05/2018 07:13

I always find it interesting that these threads skew mostly towards people not finding out, with most of the others being 'we didn't mind either way but did find out in the end', but the pregnancy board is stuffed full of (incredibly annoying) posts asking whether a 12 week scan shows a boy or a girl, and 'gender' scans are huge business, so there's obviously a big, big constituency out there who are invested in finding out asap. In my real life experience and from other threads (I think everyone who's far enough along to know in the pregnancy after miscarriage thread knows) most people do find out, but obviously I don't know how representative that is.

MarthasGinYard · 17/05/2018 07:15

Lisa

Quite

TwittleBee · 17/05/2018 07:47

Lisa my experience has been opposite - we were only people to actually find out of friends/family/colleagues! But it is interesting the point you raise in regards to just MN posts and how gender scans are big business - they offer them from 16 weeks around here!

Peanut91 · 17/05/2018 09:45

I have my 20 week scan next week and we have decided not to find out. I always thought I would want to know but I am looking forward to having a surprise

FASH84 · 17/05/2018 12:12

I'm not far enough along yet to find out sex, but I will. I'm not someone who loves surprises generally, I like as much info as possible (this may be work related, or the reason I chose my profession...) I know I'll be indecisive about name too so the more time to think the better. DH didn't have a name for over a week because his mum couldn't decide and his aunt ended up choosing his name! I also don't like the pink/blue thing but people around me know this anyway.

happymummy12345 · 17/05/2018 12:20

We didn't. I'd never ever find out until the birth. I think it's one of the nicest surprises you can have. I think it's much nicer to find out when your baby is born and in the room with you. Rather than find out at the scan and all you have is a picture to take home.
I knew 100% that I didn't want to know, and for me it was very easy to say no.

riddles26 · 17/05/2018 12:22

We didn't first time round for very similar reasons to you - wanted everything gender neutral as always hoped we would have subsequent children and I wanted husband to tell me once she was born. Despite having a great labour and birth (or at least as great as it could be!), he was too in shock when I delivered to even register the baby had a gender so it was me that noticed first!

We are now expecting our second and have decided not to find out again. Temptation is definitely more this time round, would also be convenient as I would know whether to bother washing the girly stuff (all received as gifts!) from last time but I love finding out when baby comes so we are staying strong!

I can certainly see the convenience of knowing but I don't feel it makes any difference to bonding. Baby is growing inside me, I'm feeling all the kicks and looking out for each development, I feel as bonded (and excited!) as we can be. Whether baby is a he or a she makes no difference to how I feel or how much I want them.

LisaSimpsonsbff · 17/05/2018 12:29

I think it's much nicer to find out when your baby is born and in the room with you. Rather than find out at the scan and all you have is a picture to take home.

But you can no more know that than I, or anyone else who found at a scan, can know what it feels like to find out at the birth? I can completely understand why people have their own preferences on this, but find it a bit irritating that so many people on this thread are insisting that it is objectively superior to not find out.

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