When to tell kids...

[CaraDeanna]

Ok, so I started a thread earlier about telling DSD I'm pregnant after the 12 week scan and was met with a few 'wait until you're 20 weeks' comments. Not a bad thing and completely understand this rationale.

My question... I'm worried that if I wait until this long that she will notice me getting bigger (I'm 12 weeks so possible I will start showing properly soon). I'm also worried that she will find out from someone else: DP and his ex share mutual friends and I would hate for her mum to be the one to share our news first (as much as I have no issue with her, this would upset me). If I hide it from DSD until 20 weeks, I have to hide it from the world and I don't think I can.

My question? When did you tell your child/children? What were your reasons for telling when you did? Am I silly to want to tell after the 12 week scan?

Never done this before and would like to do it in the most sensible, sensitive way possible...

Your are not silly for wanting to tell after the 12 week scan, majority of people want to do this so it's totally natural especially as it's your first and you're excited. My friend recently kept a pregnancy from her dc until she was 29 weeks gone, had a visible bump but just constantly wore baggy dressing gowns in the house, the reason for this was that she had lost two previous babies and didn't want her dc to go through the heartache if the same thing happened again. I think the rationale for the other answers of wait til 20 weeks is actually for the sake of the child not having to wait for ages for the birth so it really depends on the age of ur step daughter and if she could handle the 6 month wait. Otherwise you could or dp could specifically message dsd mum and tell her the news and ask her not to tell dsd as you both wish to wait a while. Or you can go ahead and tell her after 12 weeks if that's what you actually want to do.

Thanks @Nogodsnomasters - she's 6 years old however we don't have her all the time so don't think the wait would be too much of an issue. I just want to do the right thing and am completely torn re what to do... I'm not in a rush but am just scared of someone telling her first. Her mother is the type of woman that might just take it upon herself to accidentally mention it...

If her mum is generally unreasonable and might blab on purpose then I'd go ahead and tell her myself so as not to ruin the experience. And congratulations btw! X

At 6 defo 12 weeks. I'd only wait until later with a young child who couldn't bear to wait for 6 months! You don't need to hide away.

I told my 9 year old at 13 weeks. It's always a risk but that should give him some time to get his head around it all I figured

First time round DS was 2- I think I was 24 weeks when we told him. This time we told DC(9&7) at 12 weeks. I would have preferred to wait till after 20 weeks but was getting harder to hide at work, and was worried news would spread and somebody else would end up spilling the beans!