Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Colleague jealous of my pregnancy

74 replies

Alicia870 · 10/04/2018 12:10

I announced my pregnant at work a couple of weeks ago. One of the girls there has always been off with me in general. Like around the time of my wedding she refused to ever acknowledge it, ask me how I was getting on, ask how it went etc even though I showed polite interest in hers. I’ve always had the impression there is a bit of weird resentment from her towards me.

The day I announced, she was right there and kept her head down and said nothing. We bumped into each other in the toilets while drying hands and she still never mentioned it. we have the same hair dresser and when I went in last week the hair dresser congratulated me and told me my colleague had told her I was pregnant. Thought this was weird considering not her news to tell but also that she would tell her when she hadn’t even acknowledged it towards me. She said the first thing she said after was ‘I want a baby’

Today I’ve been told by another friend in work that when they said to her ‘did you hear alicia is pregnant’, she said ‘yea I’m jealous’

Now if this was to do with fertility I would totally get it it. But it’s nothing to do with that as she is recently married too and has told others that her husband wants to save more money before having a child. I just think it is so rude and uncalled for. Sure, he jealous behind closed doors but can’t you be a decent person and just say congrats? Makes me feel really really awkward and like I can’t be happy knowing someone else is so obviously unhappy about my news

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

RepealMay25th · 10/04/2018 12:11

You don't know she is jealous, you're listening to gossip. Sounds like she just doesn't particularly like you, and since she is a colleague not a friend, she doesn't have to.

Original poster

Alicia870 · 10/04/2018 12:15

How do I now know she’s jealous when she’s said she is?

OP posts:

RepealMay25th · 10/04/2018 12:15

She hasn't said to you she is, so no you do not know. As I said, you are listening to gossip.

purplemunkey · 10/04/2018 12:15

Agree with PP. Also, you don't about her fertility as fact - she could well be struggling. The 'DH wants to save' could just be something she says when people ask about babies to shut down the conversation.

I'm not sure what you want from her.

OurMiracle1106 · 10/04/2018 12:17

Maybe the “my husband wants to save before we have a baby” is just a excuse as everyone is likely to be asking now their married “when you gonna have a baby”

NiceViper · 10/04/2018 12:17

Don't listen yo tour gossiping 'friend'. There's a shit stirrer in every office, and paying attention to what they say nearly all ends in tears.

You have -no real idea why this colleague hasn't congratulated you. Don't invent reasons for that, or listen to gossip about that.

Just continue to be professional and courteous to everyone in your workplace.

When you have your DC, your urge to regulate good manners will be fulfilled in spades, because teaching your child is important. You would be wrong to even make the attempt with an adult.

Original poster

Alicia870 · 10/04/2018 12:20

Thanks all - I disagree that it’s gossip. The person who told me is a very good friend and wouldn’t lie to me about that. But appreciate without knowing the full context of the office environment it could come across that way in the post.

OP posts:

NoParticularPattern · 10/04/2018 12:24

Like others have said you don’t actually know the real reason behind any of it. Have you actually ever asked her or shown an interest in her and her life? Or did you just expect her to be interested in yours just because you are?

And don’t just assume that things aren’t fertility related. If you’d asked me a year ago when we were having kids I’d have brushed you off with a “oh we want to get married first” or “oh we ant to save some money up and really spoil them” etc etc. In actual fact I’d already lost a couple of babies and I had just been told that I was no longer ovulating as a result. But people don’t know what to say when you say things like that, so you brush them off and pretend like it’s all in the plan. I too would have been (and was!) extremely jealous of all the women around me having babies- and believe me when I say it seems like the whole world is pregnant just because you aren’t.

If you’ve never actually asked her then I’m afraid you’ll never know the real reason. That and the fact that pretty much no one is interested in your pregnancy but you- people act like they are but really, they’re just being polite.

booandbumpp · 10/04/2018 12:25

Even if it is jealousy theres really nothing you can do about it! Leave her to it and count the congratulations and well wishes that matter.
If you want to, remember her reaction the next time she tells you good news and react accordingly!
congrats op

ForeverHopeful21 · 10/04/2018 12:49

As someone who had struggled to have a baby for 4 years - I used to always lie about why we didn't have kids yet. We never told anyone that we were struggling as it was far too upsetting so instead we used to say that we weren't ready or that we were saving to buy a house first (complete lies!).

But regardless of the reason for her attitude, not everyone has to be happy for you. You clearly aren't close friends, so don't let it bother you.

Original poster

Alicia870 · 10/04/2018 12:52

Yea I’ve already said I’ve shown an interest in her life above. I always politely asked about her wedding plans, honeymoon, how did the big day go. She has always been so rude and blunt towards me. She has never asked about my wedding even though I showed interest in hers. i get that people will say you don’t know the real reason but I know due to religious reasons she would not have wanted a child before marriage as she’s said this many times and it’s totally consistent with her background. We are both only married a matter of months so hardly long enough to suggest severe fertility problems. I just think it’s rude behaviour and it’s not nice to feel other people are uncomfortable with you over something you have no control over. ill just try to shake it off and move on

OP posts:

Darkstar4855 · 10/04/2018 12:52

Agree with others that just because she hasn’t disclosed any fertility issues to you doesn’t mean she isn’t having them.

If you’re desperate for a baby and can’t concieve or aren’t at a point in your life where you’re able to try then hearing someone else announce a pregnancy is a bit like being skint and hearing someone announce they’ve won the lottery. It can be INCREDIBLY hard.

Just let her handle your news in whatever way she wants to and leave her to it.

Original poster

Alicia870 · 10/04/2018 12:54

I understand that if this was due to fertility of course I wouldn’t even bring it up. I know lots of people who are very close to this girl and know that that is not the reason

OP posts:

Original poster

Alicia870 · 10/04/2018 12:57

just want to acknowledge that if I had any possible doubt that This could be fertility related I would not have posted.

OP posts:

BangPippleGo · 10/04/2018 13:03

You cannot know without a doubt that it isn't fertility related. How ridiculous and arrogant to assume you know the functionality of the reproductive organs of a person who barely speaks to you and her partner.

BangPippleGo · 10/04/2018 13:04

Also just because she has only been married a few months so wouldn't have been trying long enough to diagnose fertility issues - again ridiculous. There are many health problems that can impact fertility that a person can be aware of long before TTC.

mcdog · 10/04/2018 13:07

Are you for real???

QforCucumber · 10/04/2018 13:09

oh to be blunt - so what?

Does it really affect your day to day life if she IS jealous of your pregnancy? You are experiencing something which she wants, it's affecting her and she's dealing with it by not acknowledging it.

JediStoleMyBike · 10/04/2018 13:09

You are either being really ignorant or naive OP.

Nixen · 10/04/2018 13:11

Why do you care? Just enjoy your pregnancy, you clearly don’t like this woman so I don’t see why you’d give a shit what she thinks?

RuskBaby · 10/04/2018 13:11

I told people different things to hide our failure to conceive. Even my mum and closest friends didn’t know. Enjoy your pregnancy and leave her be.

Greenhouseonthehill · 10/04/2018 13:11

If she’s rude to you, don’t chit chat with her. Say hello, and leave it at that.

TheHodgeoftheHedge · 10/04/2018 13:14

What does it actually matter?!

mellowyellow2018 · 10/04/2018 13:15

You don’t need everyone to be overjoyed at this. Get on with your life. Stop worrying about what other people think.

athingthateveryoneneeds · 10/04/2018 13:16

Sorry op but you sound like the gossip here and it's likely she's avoiding you as a result.

Flip

1 2 3