Active discussions

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Colleague jealous of my pregnancy

74 replies

Alicia870 · 10/04/2018 12:10

I announced my pregnant at work a couple of weeks ago. One of the girls there has always been off with me in general. Like around the time of my wedding she refused to ever acknowledge it, ask me how I was getting on, ask how it went etc even though I showed polite interest in hers. I’ve always had the impression there is a bit of weird resentment from her towards me.

The day I announced, she was right there and kept her head down and said nothing. We bumped into each other in the toilets while drying hands and she still never mentioned it. we have the same hair dresser and when I went in last week the hair dresser congratulated me and told me my colleague had told her I was pregnant. Thought this was weird considering not her news to tell but also that she would tell her when she hadn’t even acknowledged it towards me. She said the first thing she said after was ‘I want a baby’

Today I’ve been told by another friend in work that when they said to her ‘did you hear alicia is pregnant’, she said ‘yea I’m jealous’

Now if this was to do with fertility I would totally get it it. But it’s nothing to do with that as she is recently married too and has told others that her husband wants to save more money before having a child. I just think it is so rude and uncalled for. Sure, he jealous behind closed doors but can’t you be a decent person and just say congrats? Makes me feel really really awkward and like I can’t be happy knowing someone else is so obviously unhappy about my news

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
Original poster
Alicia870 · 10/04/2018 13:16

Thank you all, comments noted. Moving on.

OP posts:
1sttimeunicorn · 10/04/2018 13:21

I lost three pregnancies at work and watched several colleagues go off on mat leave. It was very hard and I admit finding it very difficult to make nice about it. People are very private about fertility and also pregnancy loss.

ReasonableLlama · 10/04/2018 13:27

Just because she's not in a position to have a baby doesn't automatically mean there are fertility issues. She said that her DH wants to save, that doesn't mean her desire to have a baby isn't there.

You said you barely speak to her, so why is it so important she acknowledges your baby? I agree it's strange but there could be a number of things going on behind the scenes.

Just let it go and move on. Concentrate on yourself and your baby

HeadingForSunshine · 10/04/2018 13:29

I think you are confusing work relationships/colleagues with friends

How pg are you and why did your pg have to be announced at work? You made it everyone's news and can't complain your mutual hairdresser was told your news.

You all sound like hard work. It's work, go in and work, be pleasant and socially cautious, go home.

thenallofasudden · 10/04/2018 13:32

Congratulations on your pregnancy OP. ThanksUnfortunately there will always be people in life who dislike you for one reason or another. I get the impression from your post that you like your colleague and obviously have a few things in common like work place/recently married that would be nice to chat and be friendly about.
For some reason unknown to you your colleague isn't interested. This doesn't necessarily mean she dislikes you but may have other things going on in her life - none of us will know.
This is one of life lessons that you have to chalk up and move on from. Not everyone is able to be polite, courteous and respectful of others. Try not to take it to heart.

ClaryFray · 10/04/2018 13:33

Just because she isn't trying and having fertility issues doesn't mean she isn't sad that she can't have a baby now. There are more than one way you be sad to not have a child.

Personally, I think you expect her too care about what your up too a little too much.

lookingforaline18 · 10/04/2018 13:36

She hasn't actually said anything bad about you. She's just not shown any excitement or enthusiasm about your pregnancy like you want her to. She might be feeling really fed up and every pregnancy announced is like rubbing salt in the wound for her. I'm sure nothing personal against you and you have plenty of people who are excited for you. Just leave her be!

IfYouDontImagineNothingHappens · 10/04/2018 13:36

Your at work, she's not your friend. She doesn't need to show interest in your personal life.

You have no idea why she isn't pregnant herself so leave her alone.

Darkstar4855 · 10/04/2018 13:37

When we were having trouble conceiving NONE of my close friends or family knew. It’s an incredibly personal thing and one that lots of couples don’t talk about. You cannot “know without any possible doubt”.

reddressblueshoes · 10/04/2018 13:38

I find it weird you expected her to chat to you about your wedding.

I had a colleague whose wedding took up a year of my life. I could hear her talking about it through the day, she had her Pinterest board up all the time - I assume you weren't like that, but I tried not to talk about mine at all unless anyone asked, and then to shut it down a bit, because most people find other people's weddings/pregnancies etc to be boring to them.

If you were someone I didn't particularly like, but worked with, and you asked lots of questions about my wedding and didn't take the hint when I didn't reply, I might avoid saying anything to you about your pregnancy in case it started getting me updates. But really - I've told people in work about mine, and colleagues I work with outside the office if its come up (for project planning into the future) and yes, everyone generally says 'ooh congratulations' and then we immediately move on because I'm not exactly the first woman in the world to have a baby.

Saying 'oh I'm jealous' isn't generally a thing you say seriously, either. I've said it to people going on holiday places I don't want to go because - well, you need to fill a space.

I think you're overthinking it a bit. I'd just continue to be polite to her and not worry too much.

mellowyellow2018 · 10/04/2018 14:44

I have to say I find all this ‘announcing pregnacy’ crap in poor taste. We aren’t all Beyonce, most people don’t care if you’re pregnant except for you and immediate family/friends. And all it achieves is making woman who struggle or who have lost babies feel like shit.

Original poster
Alicia870 · 10/04/2018 14:47

When I say announced, I mean I said ‘I’m pregnant’. I was 14 weeks. I didn’t sit on a throne and ask for adulation. I just said it because it’s a fact.

OP posts:
mellowyellow2018 · 10/04/2018 15:01

Alicia870 That’s great but it’s the expectations people have of everyone falling over with happiness because they are pregnant. I only told people in work if they asked (with the exception of HR) because most people don’t care and just want to get on with their work, they don’t want to listen to me droning on about getting knocked up... plus my colleague recently had a stillborn and I didn’t want to make her feel like shit.

Original poster
Alicia870 · 10/04/2018 15:07

Obviously I would hardly be droning on about being pregnant if my colleague had a stillborn. There are people in work who have had miscarriages and I haven’t said anything to them and wouldn’t. Someone asked how are you and my friend said she has some news, so I said ‘I’m pregnant’. I didn’t think that telling people I am having a baby would mean that I am selfish and careless and don’t care about others who have had a loss. I don’t expect anyone to fall over happy for me. That’s not what the post was about.

OP posts:
Ginorchoc · 10/04/2018 15:10

So you’re upset she is not giving you attention or recognition on unrelated work matters?

Congratulations though.

Original poster
Alicia870 · 10/04/2018 15:15

I guess I just feel uncomfortable that she has outwardly said she’s jealous. There are two sides to every story. It feels like everyone seems to be assuming she has fertility issues and not giving g any consideration to the fact that may not actually be the case. I just wasn’t sure how to deal with someone sitting there every day while I get more pregnant who has said she is jealous. But I’ve read the comments saying to keep my head down and get on with it. Advice is noted.

OP posts:
ILikeMyChickenFried · 10/04/2018 15:17

I think I'd feel sorry for her. Jealousy isn't a nice emotion to experience. We don't know why she's feeling jealous but she isn't being nasty to you, just avoiding the issue. I think you'd be better to just gloss over it rather than potentially causing her more pain.

BabloHoney · 10/04/2018 15:19

Please be gentle with her.. pregnancy news can bring sadness for people for all sorts of reasons, even if they aren't currently trying for a baby, and it might not be something she is comfortable talking about at work.

Congratulations on your pregnancy x

Original poster
Alicia870 · 10/04/2018 15:20

I think the whole point of this post is coming from a place where I don’t like making others feel uncomfortable or awkward. I don’t want to hurt anyone. I don’t know how I would be causing her more pain as I never suggested saying anything. I didn’t mean to cause pain in the first place just by being pregnant.

OP posts:
FranticallyPeaceful · 10/04/2018 15:22

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ILikeMyChickenFried · 10/04/2018 15:23

That's not how the whole point comes across in your OP x

FranticallyPeaceful · 10/04/2018 15:23

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

DontDrinkDontSmoke · 10/04/2018 15:26

She’s a colleague... she doesn’t have to give a flying fuck about any of your life events.

PersianCatLady · 10/04/2018 15:27

Perhaps you and your life is not as important to other people as you think it should be??

PersianCatLady · 10/04/2018 15:29

Obviously I would hardly be droning on about being pregnant if my colleague had a stillborn
But it is OK to drone on about it otherwise??

Seriously, other people's kids and pregnancies are BORING to non family and friends.