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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Colleague jealous of my pregnancy

74 replies

Alicia870 · 10/04/2018 12:10

I announced my pregnant at work a couple of weeks ago. One of the girls there has always been off with me in general. Like around the time of my wedding she refused to ever acknowledge it, ask me how I was getting on, ask how it went etc even though I showed polite interest in hers. I’ve always had the impression there is a bit of weird resentment from her towards me.

The day I announced, she was right there and kept her head down and said nothing. We bumped into each other in the toilets while drying hands and she still never mentioned it. we have the same hair dresser and when I went in last week the hair dresser congratulated me and told me my colleague had told her I was pregnant. Thought this was weird considering not her news to tell but also that she would tell her when she hadn’t even acknowledged it towards me. She said the first thing she said after was ‘I want a baby’

Today I’ve been told by another friend in work that when they said to her ‘did you hear alicia is pregnant’, she said ‘yea I’m jealous’

Now if this was to do with fertility I would totally get it it. But it’s nothing to do with that as she is recently married too and has told others that her husband wants to save more money before having a child. I just think it is so rude and uncalled for. Sure, he jealous behind closed doors but can’t you be a decent person and just say congrats? Makes me feel really really awkward and like I can’t be happy knowing someone else is so obviously unhappy about my news

OP posts:
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JuJu2017 · 10/04/2018 15:32

What do you want her to do? She’s your colleague not your friend or relative. Why should she be happy for you and talk to you about your stuff? If you don’t like it and don’t think she’s polite or reciprocal, stay out of her way and don’t ask her how she is. And don’t listen to what other people say, gossip is horrible, petty and childish in the workplace.

TinLizzy · 10/04/2018 15:41

Wow frantically, are you serious? Op sounds nowhere near the 'arse' end of the scale. Weird of you to say so in such an aggressive manner tbh.
Op, you know she envies you. You could make all sorts of adjustments trying to accommodate her feelings, but seeing as she doesn't care about yours.....I'd carry on as normal pregnant women do.

Mostly, eating ALL THE THINGS and groaning when getting up/sitting down.

PretABoire · 10/04/2018 15:41

You had some sex and now your body is doing a biological reproductive function that a huge percentage of the other mammals on earth can do. I don't really understand 'congratulating' people on their fruitful shagging, I won't lie

I am also a bit jealous of people with bumps or tiny babs but that doesn't mean I have to take any interest or run around patting pregnant women on the head saying "well done, well done, how productive your sex has been, you must be so proud of your cervix"

RepealMay25th · 10/04/2018 15:45

Thanks all - I disagree that it’s gossip

It's literally the definition of gossip.

She's just not that into you. Stop being so self absorbed and you'll probably be happier, and nicer.

FranticallyPeaceful · 10/04/2018 16:02

@PretABoire Grin perfect.

@TinLizzy yeah, good idea. That’ll make her interested. Hopefully OP can talk about her fruitful shagging some more and really force her to care

Graphista · 10/04/2018 16:03

"There are many health problems that can impact fertility that a person can be aware of long before TTC."

Not only gynae conditions like endo , pcos, fibroids but also thyroid conditions, surgical mishaps, ovarian torsion, poor ovulation, premature menopause, certain medications for other conditions, cancer treatment...

Also entirely possible without your knowledge that in "just a few months" she has already experienced a loss.

If you got married around the same time and both been ttc even without her having reason for concerns re her fertility it can still be annoying that you got pregnant first. Not only do you not know for a fact she said she was jealous even IF she said it you don't know the tone. It could have been lighthearted - as in "I can't wait to get pregnant myself" or sarcastic as in "so what".

She may even "just" be struggling with feeling really broody and her husband not yet feeling ready.

It doesn't sound like you know her hardly at all so no way you'd know and even the people who know her better may not know if they're struggling to conceive (a lot of people keep such info to immediate family and even just between them and their partner!) or they're not telling you cos it's none of your business.

Quite honestly you're coming over as self absorbed and arrogant.

You're colleagues not friends. I also find it a bit weird that you "announced" your pregnancy. When I was pregnant I told my boss and gradually others as it became more obvious, didn't feel the need to "announce" it at all. - ah see you're backtracking on that info. Plus telling only those that haven't had losses is very poor handling too. They'll still find out but not from you. But then maybe that's your aim.

I'd had a mc when I'd not long been working at one job, one of the other ladies had struggled for many years and was undergoing ivf, was successful - know what she did? Brought me a cuppa and told me second privately so if it was upsetting I wasn't upset in front of others or caught out by hearing the news. Perfect choice in my opinion. She did similar with another colleague who'd had a stillbirth, told her first, who also appreciated her sensitive handling of a difficult situation.

Your pregnancy. While lovely happy news for you is not the sun, the world, even your workplace does not revolve around it.

I'm guessing you're fairly young, it IS gossip discussing other colleagues especially in a negative way and it's wise not to indulge. For several reasons:

If someone is gossiping TO you chances are they're gossiping ABOUT you too - for all you know your "good friend" is going to this colleague and saying "op thinks you're a cow for not congratulating her on her pregnancy and that you're jealous" - I learnt this lesson the hard way when younger

If you repeat anything without absolutely verifying it, YOU become a gossip

If your bosses/clients hear about it, it looks (because it is) deeply unprofessional, a distraction from your work, can even open you up to accusations of bullying/harassment in the workplace - I've seen it happen.

Pinkvoid · 10/04/2018 16:07

Following my miscarriages, I would have been jealous too. I found it impossible to be near pregnant women or newborn babies, it was so bad at one stage I cried walking past the baby clothes section in the supermarket. I don’t know if your colleague has suffered from miscarriages and tbh, neither do you. You can surmise she hasn’t but I never told anyone after my last miscarriage and was back at work two days after my surgery. If I had been faced with a pregnant colleague I have no idea how I would have reacted but I suspect I may have run away for some alone time to cry...

I also agree with the PP’s explaining that other people’s pregnancies really aren’t that exciting. You have reproduced as millions do every year. It is exciting to you, your OH and your family but your colleagues? Not so much. I suspect she just wants to get on with her work day.

PinkCalluna · 10/04/2018 16:15

I know lots of people who are very close to this girl and know that that is not the reason

We tried to conceive for 6 years before being successful.

No one knew. not our parents, not our siblings, not our best friends.

I didn’t even tell work when I took time off for fertility tests and treatment.

We deflected questions about why we didn’t have kids or outright lied.

I wouldn’t have walked up to you full of smiles about your pregnancy on the day you announced it either, although I wouldn’t have been rude.

Maybe she just doesn’t like you.

What should you do about it? Nothing at all. Be polite and get on with your job.

Best wishes with your pregnancy. Flowers

permalice · 10/04/2018 16:15

"she has outwardly said she’s jealous"

You do not know this as fact
You want to believe the gossiper who told you this. But just because you like someone does not mean they are not also a stirrer. And what they have done here is poisonous to nobody's benefit,

"I don’t like making others feel uncomfortable or awkward"

Then stop giving time to gossip just because you like the gossiper, and treat all hearsay as highly suspect

"I didn’t sit on a throne and ask for adulation"

Good. I suspect this isn't to becaus eif it were you might not have paid so much attention to who said what. But if it is your intention that it should be true, letting go of the whole damn drama is probably the best thing.

IfYouDontImagineNothingHappens · 10/04/2018 16:47

You are allowed to be happy with your pregnancy and enjoy yourself.

She is allowed to feel bad, its not like she wants your baby, she wants her own.

Many many of my friends were pregnant whilst I struggled to have my first, many many have been pregnant whilst I deal with not being able to have more children. Yes it hurts but it's not about the other persons pregnancy.

Papplewapplewoo · 10/04/2018 16:55

Honestly
It sounds to me like it’s likelg fertility related
I regularly tell people I don’t want kids.
I’m bloody desperate to conceive but my first pregnancy took us over 2 years to fall, and I didn’t carry to term, and it was disastrous- that was over a year ago. And I still make out like I never want kids. It’s easier to pretend it’s not important when colleagues and friends are on their 2nd or 3rd successful pg and you spend your evenings weeping to your partner, you cry everytime you come on.

headinhands · 10/04/2018 16:56

I'm not hat hyper-vigilant. People have to be properly mean before I'd even notice. And while I have friends at work I can promise I haven't always remembered to feign the sort of interest you require.

Just leave it be. You're obviously not going to ever be best of pals.

mellowyellow2018 · 10/04/2018 17:19

*You had some sex and now your body is doing a biological reproductive function that a huge percentage of the other mammals on earth can do. I don't really understand 'congratulating' people on their fruitful shagging, I won't lie

I am also a bit jealous of people with bumps or tiny babs but that doesn't mean I have to take any interest or run around patting pregnant women on the head saying "well done, well done, how productive your sex has been, you must be so proud of your cervix"* perfectly put!

Tropicana123 · 10/04/2018 17:54

Must be one of these people in every work place. Some people just can't see past their own nose. I wouldn't ever acknowledge anything of hers from now on. Fed up of people like that. Can u tell I'm in pretty much the same position Hmm

Enjoy ur pregnancy and never mind her issues not ur problem Grin

surreygirl1987 · 10/04/2018 21:14

It might be fertility related or it might not be. She might be jealous or she might not be. She might dislike you or she might not.

But... who cares? Does it actually matter? Get on with your life!

RepealMay25th · 10/04/2018 21:21

Must be one of these people in every work place. Some people just can't see past their own nose
OP you mean? I know!

Tropicana123 · 11/04/2018 02:00

Ahh unfortunately not. I'm with op on this one

A lot of assumptions that it's fertility related. A simple congrats was all that was needed from her.

Mamaryllis · 11/04/2018 03:06

We have a wedding bore currently Grin she’s trying to pass off her work to me now as she won’t be at work for a month in Sept/Oct because they are going on a month long honeymoon blah blah. I just smile thinly and laugh and say she can brief me the week before she goes. I’m already doing two portfolios because she whined about what she wanted (which wasn’t an existing portfolio at all, so they made it up for her and gave me the entire workload she should have been doing on top of my own. And an additional project.) Given that we all already know her pregnancy plans, we are pretty much covering for her for the next two years. So that’ll be three portfolios then.
I can’t say her wedding or planned pregnancy interests me beyond how it will affect my workload tbh...
Nevertheless, I smile wanly and murmur vague interest Every. single. Time. She brings it up.
Despite having to do three people’s work, I’m quite looking forward to her going so I don’t have to feign interest any more...

Flyingchimps · 11/04/2018 03:19

@PretABoire I 100% agree, I have said numerous times to DH I find it weird how people congratulate us for doing the deed... especially grandparents, and I was recently a bridesmaid and we both had strangers congratulate us.

Op I’d just ignore her, you’ll be on mat leave before you know it, hopefully she will get pregnant whilst you’re off and you won’t have to see her for a good while!

TheDogAndDogAtCrutchley · 11/04/2018 04:51

Are you sure she’s jealous? I couldn’t give a flying fuck if someone gets pregnant. It’s your life your womb etc. No one else is that invested

WellAndTrulyCurbed · 11/04/2018 05:08

she has outwardly said she’s jealous

NOT TO YOU. FFS OP, you are just not listening are you? You've decided the only reason she shows no interest in you is because she is jealous. She clearly doesn't like you much. She doesn't have to. I don't get why you feel she needs to fall at your feet?

"my friend said" "has told others" makes it pretty clear you are gossiping. Stop.

NiceViper · 11/04/2018 06:15

OP likes the gossips, and she's one of them. Telling her to stop doesn't seem to have gained traction.

She doesn't really know the first thing about the woman she and her workfriend/s have made their target in this. All I can see - from what OP says - is that the other person doesn't bring her private life to work and hasn't displayed interest in OP's pregnancy, and that a colleague/friend has gossiped about her. It's not a nice dynamic.

Saz1995 · 11/04/2018 06:29

Congratulations 🌺

PersianCatLady · 11/04/2018 11:15

To be honest, you aren't listening to anything anyone here is saying so perhaps you are harder to talk to than you think and this woman just can't be bothered with it??

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