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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Contemplating not going to 12 week scan next week

70 replies

CathyandHeathcliff · 07/04/2018 12:13

Scan is on Wednesday morning at 9am. I already know they won't find a heartbeat.
I have very bad anxiety anyway and my levels are currently unmanageably through the roof.

I keep thinking I'll have a panic attack at the hospital.
People didn't used to have scans and they just waited to see what happened.

I know this all sounds crazy to most of you. But I can't help how I feel.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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MissBax · 07/04/2018 12:15

Why do you think they won't find a heartbeat? Most women feel nervous about the 12 week scan, is it 1St baby? Could you speak to your GP about your anxiety?

forgettingnames · 07/04/2018 12:16

I had appalling anxiety in first trimester of all my pregnancies due to hormones. Could this be a factor for you?

Whatever the reason, speaking to your midwife about your anxiety may help, or are there any local pregnancy support groups / centres.

If you are suffering with anxiety, that is perhaps the real issue to seek help with regardless of whether you go to the scan or not.

CoolGirlsNeverGetAngry · 07/04/2018 12:17

Sorry, do you mean you “know” like you know you’ve lost the pregnancy or you are worried that is what will happen? It is perfectly normal to feel that way. I went from scan to scan feeling that way.
But, you should probably speak to your midwife about these feelings. It is ok for you to not have the scans and that is your choice but it is advised so they can check the health of the baby (and know things like whether you have more than one in there etc).
Please get speak to someone!

Original poster

CathyandHeathcliff · 07/04/2018 12:19

They've already said they're getting the specialist mental health midwife to support me throughout.
And consultant led.
It's crippling anxiety that I've had my whole life. Medical and health things are a big trigger for me.

I had some red bleeding early on after sex and some spotting on & off. I spoke to my GP as I wasn't assigned to a midwife then, he seemed to think it wasn't anything to worry about so early on and could be late implantation bleeding, an irritated cervix or leftover blood from my previous period.

OP posts:

Original poster

CathyandHeathcliff · 07/04/2018 12:20

@forgettingnames I've had anxiety long term, GAD, OCD, health anxiety and panic attacks. But I think hormones are probably exacerbating things. I always felt much worse before a period.

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LynetteScavo · 07/04/2018 12:21

Would you be going on your own?

I think you should talk to your midwife, if you can to let them know how you feel.

I also thought there would be no heartbeat. What's the worst that can happen once you think that? Knowing for sure can't be worse than the torment of not knowing.

I did actually hyperventilate when there was a heartbeat.

Have you done a pregnancy test recently? Maybe that would give you some reassurance.

Talith · 07/04/2018 12:23

Its an important scan for your health. If there are problems it will help you get the right care.

Having said that, it is your body and I don't expect it's mandatory to attend but I'd suggest you notify the doctor or hospital that you won't be keeping the appointment so someone else can have it.

You sound very low and anxious so hope you are getting some support. Pregnancy is disorienting as we are out of control about a lot of aspects but keep talking here if it helps, lots of people have been in the same position.

CuppaTeaAndAJammieDodger · 07/04/2018 12:24

Your rational mind knows that some slight bleeding does not mean the pregnancy is at an end. There are tonnes of examples just on mumsnet that prove that.

This is your anxiety speaking - and it is a bitch, I’ve suffered from it for years and it is utterly horrid. Who is going with you? Can you speak to your midwife/the scanning dept and ask you go straight in and not wait outside to be called? It may help as sitting waiting will be no help at all with your anxiety.

Original poster

CathyandHeathcliff · 07/04/2018 12:26

My partner is going with me. I'm probably the first appointment as it says arrive for 8:30am on the letter.

OP posts:

usercantsleep · 07/04/2018 12:27

Is this you and your partners first? X

Original poster

CathyandHeathcliff · 07/04/2018 12:28

@LynetteScavo My partner is going to be with me.
I took a pregnancy test today, still a strong line that came up fast but I had to dilute my urine with water because of the hook affect that I read up about. I've read that with MMC you can still get a positive line and symptoms though I never even knew it existed. I just thought a miscarriage meant bleeding and pain. It seems so common. Even my SIL has had a MMC.

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Original poster

CathyandHeathcliff · 07/04/2018 12:29

@usercantsleep it is our first. My first pregnancy too. We were trying for 6 months before it happened.

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MrsAukerman · 07/04/2018 12:29

Please attend. What if there is a complication spotted at the scan which if left untreated could be dangerous to you?

igglewhat · 07/04/2018 12:32

I was the same OP. I didn't sleep for about a month I was so worried about it. I went for the scan and saw a very wriggley baby as soon as they put the ultrasound probe on my belly - he was so wriggley they couldn't pin him down to do measurements. I burst into tears with the relief. I was also further along which was a nice surprise.

It's such a long wait leading up to it, but it will be worth it x

usercantsleep · 07/04/2018 12:33

I hear what your reasons are for not wanting to go but what about how your partner feels?! Does the impact you're having on them not totally take away any kind of excitement for them? !

Original poster

CathyandHeathcliff · 07/04/2018 12:33

Thank you for all your kind comments, I'm overweight too and think I have a tilted uterus so think that might make things more difficult. I'll struggle to keep a full bladder as I have a very weak one usually.

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Talith · 07/04/2018 12:34

If you're one of the first appointments then you'll be seen much more quickly than those later on. It's a good slot to have!

Original poster

CathyandHeathcliff · 07/04/2018 12:35

@usercantsleep He wants me to go, I know I'm being selfish but anxiety takes no prisoners and is a selfish disease. Yes, I see it as a disease. He thinks it'll all be okay and the odds are that there will be a baby in there with a heartbeat. He's much more rational than me.

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Sparklesdontshine · 07/04/2018 12:37

Can you do a private scan today for reassurance?

Emma198 · 07/04/2018 12:38

I'm struggling in a similar way. Had a small amount of bleeding yesterday, also got history of GAD although it's really been under control recently. Was inconsolable at this blood and went for a scan yesterday afternoon, according to my LMP at six weeks. Scan measured me at 5 weeks to 5 and a half and no heartbeat. They said it's normal not to see a heartbeat, and normal to be up to a week less along than I thought. Got another scan next week and feel physically ill at the thought.

Go for the scan though - knowledge is our best weapon against anxiety. Knowing either way will help but I'm sure everything will be lovely for you.

FancyNewBeesly · 07/04/2018 12:38

I suffered so badly with anxiety when I was pregnant. I went into my 12 week scan convinced there’d be no heartbeat (had been told for years I couldn’t have children and I got pregnant very easily so I figured it was “too easy” and a cruel trick - it seemed logical at the time).

Lay on the table waiting to be told there was no baby, hysterical pregnancy, MMC etc...

Then saw not one but two babies, strong heartbeats etc. They’re 18 months now.

After the first trimester and that scan I mostly stopped worrying about their health (I moved on to the birth instead).

It’s so important that you go - if it is a MMC you may need medical help. Most likely though, you will see your baby and find out all is well.

Hang in there.

usercantsleep · 07/04/2018 12:38

I understand about anxiety I really do.......
Are you on any medication? Does your gp know how you feel?

babydreamer1 · 07/04/2018 12:51

Poor you OP, pregnancy is such a worrying time for us all even without anxiety. Please understand that bleeding in pregnancy can be completely normal for some women throughout and it definitely does not mean that your baby won't have a heartbeat.

I'm not normally a worrier at all but was so anxious that I had to have a scan at 7 weeks. That little heartbeat was the best thing I've ever heard, I still felt slightly nervous going in to my 12 week but was so happy to see our little one kicking away! I'm 14 weeks today and still have the occasional worry but also very excited.

MMC are actually very rare, but in the very unlikely event that the worst has happened, you need to know so that you can be looked after both mentally and physically, not going will only prolong your anxiety.

Yes people didn't used to have scans but now they do. Baby needs to be checked, you need your bloods and urine done and your next scan needs to be booked in. This way you can both receive any care you need for a healthy pregnancy. Call the unit in advance, tell them how you feel and ask if you can be seen first for your scan to avoid waiting around building anxiety.

Just imagine the relief knowing all is well. Best of luck and let us know how you get on.

HH1982 · 07/04/2018 12:56

You poor thing OP, I so relate. I felt the same, I had to be almost be carried into my scan because I was so anxious for the same reasons and was sobbing, I couldn't handle what I was certain I was going to hear, absolutely convinced.

He's 3 now. My anxiety did lessen towards the end a bit but it was always something. The specialist midwife will help you - I was referred to and it did really help.

Original poster

CathyandHeathcliff · 07/04/2018 13:43

Thanks for all your comments. I just feel so out of my depth.

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