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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Contemplating not going to 12 week scan next week

70 replies

CathyandHeathcliff · 07/04/2018 12:13

Scan is on Wednesday morning at 9am. I already know they won't find a heartbeat.
I have very bad anxiety anyway and my levels are currently unmanageably through the roof.

I keep thinking I'll have a panic attack at the hospital.
People didn't used to have scans and they just waited to see what happened.

I know this all sounds crazy to most of you. But I can't help how I feel.

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Bluebirdsky · 07/04/2018 14:25

Sorry you are feeling this way, could you or your partner contact the specialist mental health midwife team and explain to them how you are feeling? Perhaps they could arrange for one of them to meet you at the scan to support you through the process.

ems137 · 07/04/2018 18:13

I almost did exactly the same tbh. I even refused to attend a booking in appt with the midwife in case it was just going to be bad news!

In the end I decided that I would rather know for certain than carry on for weeks or months torturing myself and managed to get to the scan. When I saw the heartbeat I cried my eyes out, that feeling of relief and happiness still brings a tear to my eye now!

pastabest · 07/04/2018 18:28

A tilted uterus won't change a thing. I have one and I'm on my third pregnancy and there has never been an issue with scans. The only time it has ever even been mentioned was when I had a miscarriage with my first pregnancy and it was noted as a pure observation rather than anything to be concerned about.

The fact that the bleeding was after sex is actually a good thing, you have a cause for the bleeding in those circumstances rather than it just being random and worrying. It's almost certainly been caused by your cervix being more tender now you are pregnant. I've had bleeding throughout both my two successful pregnancies. The only time I had bleeding with my other pregnancy was when my miscarriage started, and although it started like spotting it never really stopped and continued to being heavier as the days went on.

So I would see on off spotting in the early days and it not getting any worse as a good sign too!

I think it would have been helpful given your anxiety for your GP to refer you to the early pregnancy unit for a scan weeks ago rather than making you wait until 12 weeks. I'm really sorry that wasn't an given as an option for you for whatever reason.

SVRT19674 · 07/04/2018 18:29

OP I had light bleeding for a week and a half, then nothing. I am now 20 weeks pregnant. I was also apprehensive when I went for mi 12th week scan, and I do not suffer from anxiety. I am logical. OP, they found the heartbeat immediately and seeing it and the wriggly baby was one of the most beautiful moments of my life. You won't be able to peel your eyes from the screen. I am not anxious in the same way for the 20th week scan because I can feel her all the time! Be kind to yourself and accept your partners support.

DextroDependant · 07/04/2018 18:40

I was worried for weeks before my first scans every time. I thought the had been a mistake and there wouldn't be a baby.

It's natural to have worries and I am glad you are getting help with your anxiety. Please go to your scan.

Foggymist · 07/04/2018 18:41

Why do you say you know they won't find a heartbeat?

WhatsGoingOnEh · 07/04/2018 18:46

I completely understand how you feel. I had to go for an endoscopy last week and I really wanted to cancel it as I just knew they would find a cancerous tumour down my throat. I just felt so certain.

I went. I had it done. There's no tumour, everything is 100% fine.

Please go. You'll feel so much better if you go. You'll actually despise yourself if you don't.

I think it's hormonal, I was very anxious through both my (lovely! Normal!) pregnancies, and I had a panic attack during my last period.

You can't not go. You're a mum now, your baby needs you to go and see they're ok.

Original poster

CathyandHeathcliff · 07/04/2018 22:39

I will most probably go, but I'm feeling like I'm not going to even be able to make my legs move to walk me in there.

OP posts:

Papillion86 · 07/04/2018 22:45

@CathyandHeathcliff I could have written your post myself. I was adamant all the way through my pregnancy something would happen that there was no point in attending scans or appointments because there wouldn't be a baby. Even as I was lying in theatre having a csection I didn't believe they would deliver a healthy baby but they did. I panic about everything and get myself so worked up worrying so I completely understand how you are feeling. All I will say is go to the scans because they will make you feel more positive and talk to your midwife as it will help. Also do not google, you will always find the negative answers and it will make you feel worse. Good luck

Daisy92 · 07/04/2018 22:47

Oh, honey. :(
I felt like this before my 12 week scan, as I'd had three miscarriages previously and I didn't realise until my scans on all three occasions. This time, however, the baby was fine, and I cried my eyes out with joy! He's due in three weeks now.

Be brave, and make sure you take someone for moral support. You've got this!

Dozer · 07/04/2018 22:48

Very sorry you’re going through this, suggest seeking advice from the MH service.

Even if it’s the worst possible news at the scan it’s important to find out for your own physical and mental health.

NameChange30 · 07/04/2018 22:53

Have you seen the mental health midwife yet? Could you request an urgent appointment?

Are you on medication? Getting any CBT or counselling?

If your anxiety is severe (and it sounds like is) I suggest you ask your GP to refer you to a perinatal psychiatrist, as they can advise on medication that you can take during pregnancy.

This isn’t really about the scan (although it’s obviously important that you attend) - it’s about getting the right support for your anxiety ASAP.

NameChange30 · 07/04/2018 22:58

You could also call the PANDAS helpline or email them www.pandasfoundation.org.uk/how-we-can-help/

Original poster

CathyandHeathcliff · 07/04/2018 23:47

@NameChange30
Thank you. I see a private counseller and have been for around two years. So long before all this. She helps me a lot.

I'm not on medication and don't wish to be, I've never been on meds for my MH and have managed it through talking therapies and CBT mainly. I also attend a local peer support group in the area for anxiety and depression run by a mental health charity.

I'm due to see the mental health midwife, but I doubt I'll get to see her before Wednesday.

Thank you for the link, I'll have a look.

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usercantsleep · 08/04/2018 12:41

If it has got to this stage......I would definitely consider meds......! Why put yourself through all this complete mindfuck if there are things that could help?! X

Original poster

CathyandHeathcliff · 08/04/2018 14:28

@usercantsleep It's just a personal choice. I've never taken meds and have been much worse than this in the past. I just got through it with counselling and natural/holistic remedies.

OP posts:

Dozer · 08/04/2018 14:31

Thing is, if the anxiety is causing you a lot of problems day to day, eg considering missing essential healthcare appointments, you may need to consider more or different treatment.

Wolfiefan · 08/04/2018 14:33

You need to go to the scan.
You're NOT managing it with whatever you're doing right now. You need to do something more or different. Please seek help ASAP.

Original poster

CathyandHeathcliff · 08/04/2018 14:50

I am going to the scan. I'm just not sure how I'm going to be when I'm there (crying, hysterical, panic attack etc).
I have my usual counselling session on Friday, which is after the scan, so at least I'll have my counseller to talk to.

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Original poster

CathyandHeathcliff · 08/04/2018 14:57

The problem with anxiety is thinking the worst possible case scenario, which is what I'm doing right now
I just like to mentally prepare myself for the worst possible outcome. Since I've been suffering with health anxiety for many years, I'm used to this sort of 'irrational' thinking.
I've diagnosed myself with a brain tumour, breast cancer, HIV, a terminal heart condition and epilepsy (among others) over the years.
I had very similar feelings of wanting to cancel and feeling the worst was coming when I was due to go for an ECG.

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Wolfiefan · 08/04/2018 15:07

Honestly? The counselling alone clearly isn't cutting it. You need to consult a GP.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 08/04/2018 15:09

I agree with the last couple of posts.

Don't rule out medication or other treatments which can manage your extreme anxiety. Whatever strategies you are using now are not working. Your are catastrophising because your anxiety is not under control.

Keep an open mind to using medication. It will be awful if this continues or worsens when baby is here as your health anxiety will likely then shift focus to your child.

I hope you find the strength to attend your scan

NameChange30 · 08/04/2018 15:10

I understand not wanting to take medication when anxiety or depression is mild, but when it’s severe you often need the medication to lift you out of the worst of it so that you’re able to engage with counselling/CBT and all the self-care measures that help.

Please be aware that although you’ve always had anxiety, it can be different during pregnancy and after giving birth, because of all the hormonal changes and fluctuations - not to mention the impact of having a baby (lack of sleep and time for yourself). Those factors are likely to make it worse and might make it advisable for you to consider medication, primarily for your own sake but also for the sake of your baby and your bond with them.

There’s nothing wrong with taking medication if it’s needed. I think it’s a bit like antibiotics, you wouldn’t take them for a mild infection that cleared up after a few days, but you would take them for a serious infection that wasn’t clearing up.

Original poster

CathyandHeathcliff · 08/04/2018 15:13

@Wolfiefan I've tried that, they've been very dismissive of me because it's all over my notes (anxiety).

The problem is, I can still function; I go to work everyday, I see friends, I keep myself clean and presentable etc etc. If you suffer with high functioning anxiety, as I and many others do, you are overlooked by the system. I also attend a peer support group run by a local mental health charity once a fortnight.

OP posts:

Original poster

CathyandHeathcliff · 08/04/2018 15:15

It's not that I think there's anything wrong with meds, it's just a personal choice.

Of course, if I couldn't function and it was very severe, I would have to take them.

I'm hoping and praying I won't get PND or anything similar.

OP posts:

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