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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Am I too young??

82 replies

Amcg22 · 21/03/2018 21:56

Hi all,

I’m 22 years old and I really want to start a family. I’ve been with my other half for 3 years, we are in a stable relationship and we both have good jobs. I’ve been feeling the need to start a family for a few months now but I only discussed this with my parter this week (he is 26). We definitely want to start a family and he is also keen to start trying at some point this year.

This may sound ridiculous but I’m worried other people think we are too young. To be honest, I don’t feel we are too young as years ago it would be normal to have a family at our age, it just seems our current society has made it a big issue in the past decade.

Would appreciate advice or peoples own experiences in having children in their early 20s xx

OP posts:

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Sushirolls · 21/03/2018 21:58

Evening x

I think it's a very personal decision.

I had my eldest when hubbie and I were 19! We've been together since we were 17yrs and now have 4 children, and I'm going to be a nanny in September 🎉

I think you have to do what is right for you xo

Sushirolls · 21/03/2018 21:59

Btw, I had 3 under 5 by the time I was 24! X

Stacey186 · 21/03/2018 21:59

My advice would be to ignore everyone else! Opinions are like arseholes chick, everyone has one! It's your life, your finances, your body and nobody elses business. If you and your partner are ready and think you can handle all the challenges and joys that pregnancy and being a parent brings then go for it and enjoy it! Xx

Praisebe · 21/03/2018 22:00

Younger is better so long as your financially stable etc. I feel sorry for babies born to parents in their late 30s and early 40s they get so little time with them before they die it's not fair on the children

Aprilmightmemynewname · 21/03/2018 22:03

I had 2x dc at 20!!

CobaltRose · 21/03/2018 22:06

I'm 21 and pregnant with my first, will be 22 when bubba is born. A friend of mine is 22 and has three children! She's a wonderful mother.

Ignore all the negative opinions and naysayers, it's your life!

notallowedanopinion · 21/03/2018 22:08

I had ds at 20. Planned, same position as you, stable relationship, good jobs etc.

I'm pleased I made that decision. I'll only be 48 when hes 18 which I like.

PerfectlyDone · 21/03/2018 22:10

There is no 'right' age to start a family, there's just a right age for you.

There are good and bad young parents, and good and bad more mature ones.

Do what's right for you and sod what anybody else thinks

colditz · 21/03/2018 22:11

Absolutely not.

You may be too POOR, but you certainly aren't too young.

I loved being a parent in my 20s. Lots of energy, no drive to go out and do teenaged things, and best of all, you get your life back while you're still young enough to enjoy it! Whereas my mum had my sister at 36 (considered normal now) but she was on her knees when my sister was 15 and my mum was 51.

I did get a lot of flack - mainly from my parents who I can only assume were complete idiots at 22 and assumed I would be too - but they were very wrong. I regret having a baby while I was poor, I don't regret having a baby at 22.

Greenyogagirl · 21/03/2018 22:14

What’s it got to do with other people? I had my son at 22, I wish I’d have waited until my mid thirties. However he has disabilities and is home educated so I feel I’ve missed out on a lot.
My friend had her first at 14, she’s 24 now and has three kids and is very happy in life.
It really depends on you and what you want to do

Kittypillar · 21/03/2018 22:21

Imo, the answer depends on why you're really posting on here.

If you're asking this because you have doubts, then I'd hold fire for at least for a bit. It's important that you feel conviction in your decision. But if you're asking because it genuinely is only that you're worried about what other people think, then you should go for it - no one else can make that decision for you and the most important thing is that it's what you really want and you feel that you're both ready :)

TheBlindspot · 21/03/2018 22:34

@notallowedanopinion You'll be 38 when he's 18 if you were 20 when you had him, not 48 won't you?

From the other perspective, I was 31 when I had my first and will be 34 when I have my second (and last) later this year. I am really, really glad we waited until I was in my
30s (OH is a year older than me). We spent our early twenties working, having fun with friends, going to gigs/festivals/holidays etc before settling down in our mid-twenties, working our ways up to well paid jobs, travelling together and buying our family home. We earned and saved well, and it's that working hard, saving and buying the house when we did that's enabled me stop working for a few years and be a SAHM. We can afford for me be at home with our children until they are at school, and neither of us feel like we're missing out on anything because we did lots of living in our twenties. I feel like I, personally, am a better parent now than I could have been ten years ago.

That's not to say there is anything wrong with having children young, or working parents, or people who do/did it differently to us. But for me, I have no regrets.

It's a real personal decision. Only you know how you feel and what our life plans are. But it's the biggest decision you'll ever make and it's irreversible. So be really sure before it go ahead.

Whoever said they feel sad for children born to parents in their thirties and early forties because it's not long until the parents die, don't be so flaming ridiculous. You could get hit by a bus at age 21 and be a parent! And most (fortunate) people live well into their eighties these days, so is forty years of your parents - minimum - such a short amount? I've never heard such nonsense.

LovingLola · 21/03/2018 22:36

I feel sorry for babies born to parents in their late 30s and early 40s they get so little time with them before they die it's not fair on the children

Really???????

NFATR · 21/03/2018 22:38

I feel sorry for babies born to parents in their late 30s and early 40s they get so little time with them before they die it's not fair on the children

Is that a joke? I was 38 when my DD was born, I could live another 50 years easily! Or you could keel over tomorrow.

Shaunieh95 · 21/03/2018 22:48

I'm 22 and due in a few weeks with my first, I wouldn't let the views of anyone else effect you, in fact I was told today that I actually am not really classed as a 'young' first timer mum these days!! I'm apparently quite a good age.

If it's what you and you're partner want then don't let anybody stand in your way!

crunchtime · 21/03/2018 22:48

Get married first . Children test the strongest of relationships and people seem to think kids are less of a commitment than marriage. Once you have children you're tied to that person forever, even if you split up.

notallowedanopinion · 21/03/2018 22:52

Yes sorru blind typo!

CobaltRose · 21/03/2018 22:55

Just think, when our grandparents were our age it was very normal, even expected, to have children in your early 20s. In fact, apparently my grandma was considered an 'older' first time mum when she had her first child at 29! This was back in '62.

I'm not saying the normalising of older first time mums is wrong. There are benefits to waiting to have children, just like there are negatives. I just think it's so weird that things can change so quickly in such a relatively short space of time.

In any case, like I said in my previous comment, it's your life. Age is largely irrelevant when it comes to how good of a mother you'll be. Unfortunately, society seems very quick to judge mothers in general, regardless of age.

zaalitje · 22/03/2018 02:32

praisebe thanks for making me feel like shit.
Several chappy things happened in my life that have meant I've been unable to have kids till my early 40s (still don't have them but this (7 months) is the furthest I've got in pregnancy). But nice to know I'm being judged and people pity my child before its born!

Faintlinesquints · 22/03/2018 02:37

I was pregnant with my 3rd at 22.. married, own home, good job.

I do sometimes wish I'd had them older tbh, furthered my career, travelled etc first but I'm just doing it the other way around. A lot of my friends are only now having children late 30s/40s and mine are getting older so I'm having more free time and loving spending it with their DC!

Honestly there is no ideal time, it really is just personal preference.

omBreROSE · 22/03/2018 02:46

praisebe
Are you on the gin?

Keepingupwiththejonesys · 22/03/2018 02:51

I had my first age 21 (pregnant age 20) then 2nd at 23 and 3rd at 25. All planned. Been with dh since I was 17 and we knew we were ready.

adayatthebeach · 22/03/2018 03:24

No reason to be touchy about age people die at all ages. praisebe was just voicing a thought.

DuggeeHugs · 22/03/2018 06:54

Women have a 25-30 year fertility window and it comes with no guarantees. You choose to try at the time which suits you. Age is only one factor which will affect conception, pregnancy and parenting; finances, relationship stability, support network, etc., all matter too.

The fact you've begun this thread thinking you're too young, and one poster has made a ridiculous statement about older mothers, shows you will never be right in some folks eyes.

Do what's right for you (and consider marriage too for the financial protection it will give you should you need it)

zaalitje · 22/03/2018 07:10

Aday they might have been voicing a thought but it was done in a mean way.

I might be an older mum, but this baby, if the pregnancy continues to be ok, will be wanted and loved and provided for with happy stable parents. Yet they'd pity it because I'm older, because I might die sooner. I hopefully have at least 30-50 years left, it's hardly like I'll pop my clogs whilst baby is still an infant!
Maybe they'd have felt it better for me to have a child at an age they approved of, say 15 years ago when I was 25, I was in a nasty, controlling relationship but at least I'd have been around to see the child into their 50s!

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