What is a delayed miscarriage?

[Hannie123]

On my diagnostics letter it says I’ve had a delayed miscarriage, is that different from a silent miscarriage? What does this exactly mean as I haven’t found much online. Thank you.

Hugs to you all this morning xxx

@Laney79 Sorry I didn't see your message, was up too as ever, I didn't sleep the night before my pregnancy test as I was so scared and excited about the results. Used to wake up in the middle of the night and think about everything, how I'll look after the baby, what I will or won't do. Since finding out the baby has died, I haven't slept. The first three nights was the longest of my life. Now I sleep for 3/4 hours but wake up anxious. I often end up moving or crying in my sleep and begin to move around so much hubby has to wake me and calm me down. This has happened several times since Sunday. Hope you're doing okay today, I've had no blood/symptoms at all now. Everything's just come to a standstill. How are you doing today?

And to you @brianodriscoll

Not had a good night. Couldn't sleep and my brain is just torturing me. Ended up in floods of tears. Just feel like I'm stuck, I can't try and move on until bean has left my body.

My poor other half isn't well and he's trying to cope with me. He's getting frustrated because he can see I'm torturing myself but I can't help it. I just can't stop thinking about it. I'm grieving but also waiting in limbo and hoping that the inevitable happens very soon.

Had more consistent cramping last night before bed and the slightest tinge of red, and was so hopeful it was happening, but this morning back to small amounts of brown sludge. I'm petrified it won't happen, and I'm going to be in this hellish place for weeks.

I hate myself right now. Hate my body for what it is and isn't doing to me, hate my brain for torturing me, hate how I'm behaving because my other half has lost bean too and I'm being so selfish. I just want it to end. What did I do to deserve this?

@Daydreamdelay thank you for your words. Everyone will heal in their on way and I feel I can't fully do so, until the psychical aspect passes. But me and hubby had a baby fund we started we threw in all our spare change when we found out we was pregnant. We've decided to donate a tree to a charity, a fruit tree that will help a poor community or family. You can put a name down and we'll probably go for the family name as we didn't know the gender yet. I'm also hoping once this is all done I'll send off white balloons with messages to the sky. This will be for the family too as my mum and sisters and little brother are all grieving too. Thank you for your message and yes, this isn't about anyone else or what they think x

@Hannie123 Not so good. This never ending waiting is making it harder. I just need it to be over.

Sleep wise, as I said I'd been waking early when I still thought all was ok, and put it down to pregnancy insomnia. But since the scan on Saturday most I've slept is 5 hours. Sat night barely anything, and since then I fall asleep then wake very early and my brain goes into overdrive. Been coming downstairs to try and distract myself with tv shows on Netflix...not really working.

Other half has a mate who's a counsellor. He's Going to speak to him today.

I just can't handle the fact this could go on for weeks yet. It's not getting easier. It's getting harder.

What are you doing today? I feel I need to distract myself so I'm going to have to do or go somewhere. I'm spiralling and need to stop it.

Huge hugs xxx

@Laney79 it sounds like you are having a rough day. And there isn't anything I can say that will make it better. We've lost something we love and off course everything you are saying, feeling and experiencing is all normal and okay. Don't torture yourself and feel guilty, your a mother who lost her baby, you are allowed to feel this way and it is okay.

I too feel let down by my body, I first couldn't give it a home to my baby and now it's not doing what it's supposed too. As hard as it is, we do just have to wait. I am so so so scared of medical intervention. I keep having nightmares about it, it's my biggest fear. But I see my husband and how distraught he gets when he sees me like this and I know he has lost something too. I said to him last night if he'd like me to go for it and call up the hospital and go a different route, I will do that for him, for us. But he said no that he knows I can do it and he's there no matter what, 100%. He wouldn't put me through anything I don't want and he understands. I'm sure your partner is just the same, keep communication open. And if he isn't feeling too good, if you are able too, take care of him. Even if it's just a cup of tea. Keep him in the loop of your emotions and words. He is a part of this too and nobody knows your loss like he will.

Take care of yourself today and I hope your day picks up. Remain positive and hopeful, things will get better. Rest up and be kind to yourself, you have too be. All the love. Xxx

@Laney79 not sure if you saw my previous message but just read above this one x

As for what I'm doing today I honestly don't know. I try be productive some days is worse than others. Today feels like a bad day. I'm hoping to cook hubby a nice meal, but first we will go to his dad's grave as he died about 2 months ago. I'm telling hubby to be productive and positive but I can barely do it myself. Haven't washed my face yet as I just can't bring myself to it. Stupid I know.

I think that if by Monday I don't see any signs, I may opt for the pills. Although I'm dreading that, I don't know what else to do. Feel like I'm going mad.

Ugh girls I’m having a rubbish day too.

Don’t want to leave the house. Poor little doggie we’ve no dog food left and I know I need to go out but the idea is filling me with dread. I just sit and watch tv all day and night.

Hope everyone’s ok xxx

@rosemcn not a good one today for any of us. I'm just sitting around, praying hoping and avoiding going bathroom as I just disappointed. Have zero motivation to get up and do anything. Hope your day picks up and you manage to get some dog food! Xx

Well I've been out. Walked the dog twice and been to do the shopping with my fella. But I feel like a zombie. All I can think of is my bean, and how gut wrenchingly painful it is to know he's gone, but equally to know he's still inside my body.

Desperately hoping the brown/black turns to red and I can say goodbye.

@rosemcn what sort of doggie do you have? My big boy Lenny is a lurcher-he's been snuggling in lots more than usual bless him. That said he is 5.5 stone so he's a bit of a lump at times.

@Hannie123 totally get the going mad feeling. I just can't move on until this bit is over. I want to focus on positive things, on the future but I can't until I'm out of limbo. Understand about considering the pills too. I'm desperate for it to happen naturally partially due to my phobia but also because at my age (I'll be 39 in July) I need to be as gentle on my body as I can, especially as I now know I really want to be a mom. Hope your Hubbie is ok and your dinner goes well.

@Laney79 I'm glad you was out today and being productive Laney, I had my little brother over he's 14 and just made a pie for dinner, him and hubby are playing ridiculous video games but I'm glad he's being his usual happy self. I was busy in the kitchen and felt almost normal as I was doing all that. I'm still bleeding the same nothing more than the whole week. Just want it naturally too.

Keep staying productive and be kind to your body. Thinking of you x

How are you this morning ladies?

I managed to sleep till 5am. Very bad day yesterday. Just feel like it's getting worse every day it goes on with no actual miscarriage. I desperately want to move on but I'm stuck in Groundhog Day. Brain is my enemy.

It's so tough on my fella too-he hates seeing me like this, and is getting frustrated because I can't stop going over and over it. I really really want to but I can't until the physical side is done. I feel so guilty for putting him through this. I've got another week and a half until my next appt, and there's absolutely sod all I can do until then. And if we do get to that point and still no miscarriage the decisions I have to face are terrifying. Not sure how I'm going to get through it. It's just so hard.

Also does anyone know if you haven't miscarried but the baby has died does the sac keep growing? My scan pic says 8wks 6 days -so would be a week on from that now-just been reading stuff about how far along you are and how it effects things.

Today is going to be tough too. This time last week I was drinking water to make sure we could see bean clearly on the private scan, so excited and full of joy and hope. Little did I realise what would happen.

Sorry to be so doom and gloom ladies. Just finding this so very hard.

@Laney79 I’m sorry you’re feeling so rubbish today. Do not feel guilty about this situations, your partner will understand, it’s one of the toughest things to go through together. I’m so scared of potential decisions we will have to make as well but I’m just going to do what they recommend for my body, there’s no right or wrong.

I’m feeling a little better just because I’m out at work so my mind is distracted. However, when I went to the toilet a couple of hours ago I had blood when I wiped. Sorry for being graphic. It’s very bright but very very light and can only see it when I wipe. Luckily I have some pads with me as I was worried this might happen. Haven’t got any cramps or anything so I’m not sure anything susbstantial will happen at the minute but I’ve got a weird mix of relief that something is happening and sadness that this means the baby definitely won’t be happening.

I just want to go home and climb into bed with my pup (who is a little scruff called Blossom, a jack Russell crossed with a Lucas terrier). But I know being out and about is better for me. I just wish I could see into the future and know when something is going to happen. My husband asked me to go into Glasgow with him on Monday and I said no because I didn’t want to go so far away from home when I don’t know if I might suddenly miscarry.

I’m so fearful every time I go to the toilet that I’ll see something upsetting. I don’t know what to expect. I’m over 10 weeks, but I don’t know when the baby stopped growing.

I’m secretly praying something happens before my final scan on Tuesday because I’m absolutely dreading it. It will be my third scan where I come out devastated again after lying there looking at the technicians face and knowing that the baby’s not going to survive.

Feel better xxx

@Laney79 @rosemcn hi ladies, hope you're doing well.

@Laney79 I'm sorry you're feeling rough. I know it just feels endless now and it's hard to see the end of the tunnel. Especially when you literally have no idea what is to come. I'm in the same boat and it feels daunting and exhausting.

I went to sleep and woke up feeling quite lost as hubby and I have quite a few problems were dealing with. Our housing situation isn't good at the moment as well as jobs etc. We was both on a transition period adjusting to new big changes but having a miscarriage makes the risks you took feel frightening not exciting. But such is life at times.

I have begun to accept what is happening, not the loss of my baby or miscarrying but the wait. I'm not or least not trying to beat myself up about it. Hubby this morning took me for a breakfast, a long walk and then some evening shopping. It kept me occupied and even at times felt normal. I did burst out crying while talking to my sister. So everything is still very raw.

In terms of blood, I've been bleeding for a week now the same. No big changes yet. Still waiting I guess.

Hope you ladies are feeling okay and everything comes our way. Let's try remain positive that it will happen naturally. Praying for us all. All the best and lots of love xxx

@Hannie123 I’m so glad you and your husband are leaning on each other to get through this. My husband is wonderful but he’s working all the time so we haven’t seen each other apart from bed time since Monday. That’s difficult as it means I’m alone with the dog (thank god for her!) most of the time. I live in Scotland and all my family and friends are in London. The one friend I have made up here is pregnant, and whilst she’s been really supportive, I can’t bring myself to see her at the moment.

Work is providing me with some good distraction though. I care for the elderly and they always cheer me up and make me day better. Although at the minute I feel like I’m dragging myself out of the house, it’s worth it once I’m out.

Bleeding hasn’t increased at all, so I feel like it’s going to be a slow process. I really want it to happen naturally as you said.

Hope everyone is feeling ok tonight and sending love out to you all xxx

@rosemcn husband is fast asleep now and I'm tossing and turning. Feel absolutely horrible and alone and want to scream and cry. Called my mum and she spoke about random things and I hanged up quickly. I'm not ready to do the normal chit chat yet. I just want to hold my baby. Today is going to be a long and hard night.

I'm sorry your husband is away and you don't get to see him much. I hope that you do get that emotional support and somehow you can find the time to be there with one another. Feeling alone with a pregnant friend at the moment isn't the most ideal situation. But you're not alone, you have us :)

I was busy the whole day, or tried to be. Did little errands to fix things up but sadly at night it all comes crashing down. I've just seen the time change for the summer and I hate the idea I have an extra hour now to spend with people. Ridiculous I know but I'm not quite ready to face the world and reality yet.

Hope you all have a good night and some sleep. Hopefully it gets better by the morning. Good night if you manage to sleep. Think I'll be watching the sun rise today! Xx

@Hannie123 I totally get the nighttime feeling. I'm waking in the early hours every day needing a wee (so my body obv still is holding onto the pregnancy) then I'm up for the rest of the night. I can't stop this awful feeling of loss -I just want my baby, but then guilt for being disappointed that everytime I go to the loo nothing changes. I've been having (TMI but...) black/brown discharge since Tuesday. Can't really even call it bleeding as it's barely enough for a panty liner. Once or twice there have been more reddy tinges and ive got my hopes up only for it to fade back to black/nothing at all.

I tried so hard yesterday, but I'm stuck in quicksand. I want to try and move on-but I can't even properly grieve until this physical part is over. I'm also scared about what's going on inside-if my body thinks it is still pregnant does thT mean it's still growing the sac? Lining the uterus? So scared that everyday it doesn't happen means it's going to be physically hard with bigger/more tissue to pass when it does.

I spent the morning yesterday sobbing, my poor fella was really struggling with me and getting frustrated, so I felt like he was angry with me (I feel like I'm stuck on a loop of no control so the only thing I can do is think about the what ifs-of the past, present and future which is so hard for us both) which upset us both even more. I'm ashamed to say I walked away and left him downstairs whilst I went to the bedroom. Eventually I got myself showered and dressed. He went outside and took his anger out on the garden-he spent hours cutting back bushes etc-two wheelie bins full-and he used a sledgehammer to get everything in. I pottered and tried to sort stuff out-laundry etc and then we both walked the dog.

I've tried to be positive and look ahead-I've bought some ovulation tests so we can maximise our chances of conceiving again, and researched the hell out of it so I have a huge list of q's to ask (I need to do everything I can to stop this ever happening again) but ultimately I just want THIS baby, and if I can't have it I just want my body to stop being so cruel and let it go.

Not sure how I'm going to handle another week and a half until my next scan (which in itself is petrifying-I really must've been a horrible person for this to happen with my phobia) and the possible consequences of the outcome of it.

Really pleased you managed to get out @Hannie123 - it's so hard but you are right, distraction is important. As for bursting into tears, I think that's just what happens. Not only are we going through hell but our hormones are also giving us a kicking. Sorry to hear about the upheaval too -so much on your plate.

@rosemcn I'm in awe Rose-I can't even contemplate going to work at the moment, you are a very strong woman and I totally salute you. Especially as you're on your own with hubby at work. Don't think idve coped in your situation. Totally get the being thankful for doggy though-They bring such comfort-and help keep you moving as they rely on you for food, walks and love. And Scotland is stunning for walks.

When are you both due to go back to the EPAU? My next appt is weds 4th at 9.30am. Dreading it.

Anyway-I better stop my early hours ramble. Here's hoping that we all can get through this physical bit as naturally and as quickly as possible.

Hugs to you both xxx

@Laney79 I'm having the same sort of discharge as you. (sorry for the overload of details... ) Since last Saturday it's been like this we're I'm bleeding dark brown almost black like you. It's not a lot. Then yesterday was quite a bit, and I was quite surprised to see it. I put it down to the fact I went for a walk and was very active in the morning. It has since calmed down. The thing I don't understand is when I wipe I tend to have red blood sometimes it's dark, but usually it's red blood with small clots. But only if I wipe, it doesn't go down to the pad but it's always there, red and at times clotty. It feels like this blood is stopping the overall bleed but obviously that's me just assuming. I may call EGU tomorrow and speak to them about my bleed and ask, but I know what they'll say, that it's not the miscarriage yet. My next appointment is Tuesday 3rd April 10 am. I am dreading it.

Hubby and I have sorted some of things out and we are trying to progress forward. I'm really hoping that by May we would have sorted everything and we'll be in a much better place overall. I'm still at uni in my final year, I'm training to become an educational psychologist. I have deadlines in 3 weeks but have applied for extensions. I was quite upset about this as I'm aiming for a 1st and was predicted the highest in my campus. Today I'm going to attempt to finish some work and meet tomorrow with my tutor. He knows the situation and has been very helpful.

I hope you and hubby are okay. I know it's hard on you both and you may snap or take things out on him. But he does understand and he doesn't love you less any because of any of this.

Still praying for all of us and hoping this happens soon. Lots of love xx

Hello ladies. How are you doing? I've had an angry day today. Angry at myself (who'dve thought you could hate yourself and your body so much) angry at the world, angry that I can't shake this limbo feeling off, Angry that I can't move on until the physical part is over. Just frankly F**ked off with the world.

Went for two longish dog walks today and Sunday lunch at my parents house-feel awful though as I'm just not nice to be around and I can see the concern on their faces.

@Hannie123 how did the Uni work go? I can understand why the timing is upsetting. I'm expecting a big story to break this week-it's one I've been working on for over a year and am the expert on - but I won't be there to see it through. Wouldn't feel this way if my bean was still alive, wouldn't give a damn -well you know what I mean. Good that you and hubs have started to sort things to get you more sorted.

My discharge (feel a fraud calling it bleeding) is the same, if anything a little lighter, although my Tum does feel a bit odd this eve-low down, not pain perse-just different.

Our appointments are a day apart then. I'll be thinking of you.

@rosemcn how are you today? Has your pup been loving you up? My lurcher has been snuggling into my feet-and trying to lick my face when I cry. They know.

Anyway-time for cuddles and no doubt more sobbing with the fella. Hugs ladies. Let me know how you are. Feel comforted knowing you are there xxx

@Laney79 Hi laney, hope you're okay and you've snuggled up and getting some rest now. I'm glad you're active by walking your dog and I'm sure your pregnant understand, their concern is natural. My mum tends to show she's not concern to me but cries when she's alone. It's tough on everyone in their own way. I'm sorry to hear about your job, I'm sure you've worked hard towards that and I completely get that you wouldn't care if you still had your bean. I used to be a model student with a scholarship and said the moment I found out I'm pregnant, that none of that matters. I still sometimes think, what am I going to do in October. That's when I was due, it'll feel weird if I'm working as I was planning on becoming a mum.

Hopefully the week is kind to us and things begin to progress for us all.

@rosemcn How are you? Haven't heard from you lately. Hope you're doing well.

It's such a comfort knowing that you're all here as silly as it may sound to others. Nobody quite understands like you do and I guess being in the same situation allows us to connect even if it is in the saddest way. Hope you get plenty of rest now and some sleep. Look after and be kind to yourself. All the love xxx

Hi ladies. I’ve been working this weekend and been so knackered when I get home I’ve been straight to bed. Although I don’t sleep well. Still up for the loo half the night and restless the other half.

Feel like all my pregnancy symptoms have gone now, apart from needing the loo more, which is sad. The loo thing just reminds me that there’s what would have been my baby in my womb.

I don’t know any discharge or anything at the moment, just when I wipe I have bright red blood. I thought earlier that it had started to get more heavy and I felt weirdly relieved. But no, just there when I wipe.

I’m so grateful for you girls. I don’t know what I would have done without talking to you and sharing what I’m going through. It has helped me more than you’ll ever know. I feel like, as much as people can empathise, it’s impossible for even my husband to understand what I’m going through.

I got really upset yesterday because I realised that onto of the sadness one of the biggest emotions I’m feeling at the moment is shame. I’m embarrassed this has happened to you. Im ashamed that I couldn’t keep my baby. I’m embarrassed the tell people and see the looks on their faces. I don’t want to see the pity. A part of me just wishes I could rub it all out and rewind.

I’m on the sofa with hubby and puppy tonight which is making me feel much happier.

@Laney79 and @Hannie123 you should both be so proud of your achievements, and just because you’ve got a hurdle to get over at the moment, it doesn’t change anything, things will get better and when you’re ready that career and that degree will still be there waiting for you.

I hope you’re ok tonight and taking care of yourselves. I actually think I’m starting to get poorly from eating rubbish and lack of sleep and fresh air and exercise. I need to take better care of myself but I just can’t seem to at the moment.

All my love to you xxxx

How have you been today?

Lots more tears today from me, just can't stop. Tried to be useful-walked the dog again with my man this morning and did some sorting in the loft, before second dog walk this arvo then went to see a good friend to tell him what's happened. He was lovely-just cuddled me-no crappy platitudes just an agreement that it's s**t and very unfair. Then a text this eve from another close friend who's little boy is 7 months old-our paths cross through work too and he asked why I was off...cue more sobs.

Sadly no real sign of things progressing either-the browny black stuff seems to be stopping. I had one wipe with a bit of red blood-but other than that nothing. No real cramps or pains, if anything the only thing I'm feeling is akin to the stretching and bubbly feeling I had in the first few days/week. So scared the sac/lining is still growing. Just so desperate to pass bean naturally, I'm so close to the edge I'm not sure how much longer I can cope psychologically. And if they say I need intervention next week I think I may just break down completely.

@rosemcn totally understand the ashamed feeling. I feel so guilty. Guilty I couldn't look after my bean, for letting my wonderful man down, for being like this, for not even being able to miscarry properly...just feel horrid. As for eating-I'm doing almost the opposite. I can't face it at all. My other half is making me eat a meal at night but most days that's all I'm eating. It's partially because I don't feel like it, but I think the rest is my neuroses over control kicking in. I'm completely out of control in this situation, and that makes me so anxious so I suspect the good thing is my subconscious trying to control something.

@Hannie123 I guess we were all due October time-I was given two due dates -17th oct and 24th October. I'm not sure how I'll get through it to be honest. I really don't think I'll be able to function. I just hope I'm successfully pregnant by then-it won't replace bean but I need to feel that joy again, and time is no friend of mine.

I'm thinking of buying a ring or necklace with a bean on it so I can keep the memory close. What do you ladies think?

I hope your days have been ok. Hugs xxx

HI @Laney79 I’m sorry you’ve had a rubbish day. It’s so good you got out and saw people though. Me and my husband went to a shopping centre and out for some lunch. It actually felt so lovely to be out and acting normal and having fun with each other. But I couldn’t help noticing there were people with babies EVERYWHERE. It felt so unfair. I had the same due date as you, 17th October. I don’t want to start trying again until around then, as I want a little break, but I’m thinking of booking a mini break when I was due to take my mind off of it all. Been focusing on booking a holiday for me and hubby in May as something to look forward to and distract us.

I have my scan tomorrow. Dreading it! I know what they’re going to say and I just want it over with. Been talking to my husband today about how much we want it to happen naturally, as surely that’s the best thing for your body?? What do you think?

We both have a few tattoos so I have decided To get a little one for the baby that we’re losing. Hubby wants a balloon but I think I’ll just get a little heart within a heart. The necklace idea sounds lovely. It’s good to do something to commemorate this.

@Hannie123 hope you are ok

Take care of yourselves xxx

Hi ladies I had a missed miscarriage Summer 2016. I say Summer as my body clung on for months, it just didn't want to say goodbye to that baby. I ended up having a D&C in the October. By the December I was pregnant again and currently have a 7 month old beautiful boy. Life was a blur for months, but it does get easier, I promise. x

@DaisyChainsForever thank you so much for sharing. Sorry to be stupid but what’s a D&C? I don’t know whether to wait for it to happen naturally or not, but I don’t think I could handle months of waiting...!