Things no-one tells you

[Paie]

Nobody told me that it is possible to have morning sickness 24/7, right up until actually giving birth thankfully this pregnancy is smoother!

This time it's hurting loads to sneeze or cough- which is apparently normal!

Tell me yours

I absolutely adored being pregnant apart from the bleeding gums, nosebleeds, the excessive discharge that made damp patches on my clothes and finally, in the last couple of weeks tinnitus which I thought would drive me mad. Had no idea all these things were part of pregnancy.

After birth the afterpains and haemorrhoids (which I still have 2.5 years on) were horrendous.

Pregnancy acne. It's a thing and it doesn't necessarily go away after baby is born.

Literally drowning in my own slobber at night, i have dribble rash all down my neck!

Spending a months wages on frigging pantyliners so i dont have to wash my underwear two hours after putting them on thanks to (my new favourite term) swamp minge.

Baby hiccups are awful and not cute and very disturbing when you've just got to sleep.

Having to do a 3 point turn to roll over in bed because its so painful.

Fanny daggers can absolutely kiss my arse, they've been the bain of my life and now i want to go into labour i dont get them at all.

Excessive snoring, dp wakes me up to tell me im snoring. WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO ABOUT IT?! and also thanks for waking me to tell me that when its just taken me 3 hours to fall asleep.

I've not even had an awful pregnancy, no HG/SPD etc so been lucky but god its still shit.
And i haven't even given birth yet...

I’m surprised no one has mentioned poo during labour... I had an unplanned homebirth a lot of crap (some literal) came out all over my bed.

Also, it’s technically after pregnancy - but the 3rd day comedically huge engorged boobs which feel like they will explode. Awful!

Oh Naomilj don't... Pooing through labour is one of my worst fears, and im planning on a water birth

@trevthecat I have turned into a dribbler too!! 😂

@Twitchett22 you nailed it 😂😂😂😂

@Twitchett22 - if it’s in hospital they’ll scoop it out before you see it - that’s what my midwife told me anyway!

SciFiRocker

"Basically... pregnancy sucks!!!"

I have said more than once that the only good thing about pregnancy is that you get a baby out of it. Also that I really wish babies were delivered by storks.

Not being able to make it up a flight of stairs without taking a break. With the next kid I am going to make sure I am slim and fit before I get pregnant, because this is pure shite.

“Having to do a 3 point turn to roll over in bed because its so painful.”

My entire night is spent doing this, thanks to pregnancy sore ear syndrome and needing to pee and hoping if I budge on the other side it will elevate pressure on my bladder and I’ll fall back asleep... which never happens

The placenta coming out felt like a jellyfish sailing through, it was such immediate and unexpected (albeit temporary) relief.

The hair loss! Wasn’t prepared for it at all. Very noticeable at my temples particularly. Looked like horns if not tamed when growing back.

Long term adult acne cleared up completely after the first trimester and skin has generally been much better since (DS is 2.5)

So many weird dreams!

Farmer Giles.
👩‍🌾 Never known a pain like it. Feel like my insides are cutting me open every time I do a poo.

... and oh yeah the heart burn, and yes to the middle of the night insomnia, that's good fun too. Spd has been a new feature of joy in this pregnancy. I won't be doing this again!!

Also, I really missed my little ‘mate on the inside’, despite all the painful jostling, and it took me ages to properly associate the occupant of my bump with my real life baby on the outside. Almost an odd lonely feeling that we were no longer connected.

Oh god, the drooling at night.

The fact I'd have to breathe through my mouth when I slept and now have a sore bloody split inside my lip if I forget to put vaseline on before bed.

That I'd miss having a proper pee. You know when you're bursting and you go for like 45 seconds and it's like a tiny orgasm... now bursting and it's barely a trickle :(

That I'd lose my balance standing still doing nothing.

That my boobs would feel like someone else's boobs.

That putting socks on becomes a daily battle.

The sleep drool. Never had this last time. And the ligament pain, when you move suddenly and it's agony. I also had a section last time and no one mentioned I would end up with a weird second belly below my bump. Apparently completely normal.

The night sweats and the flu-ey feeling for the week or so after birth. I thought something was seriously amiss!

You know how every pregnancy tracker says week 13/ 2nd tri—“The morning sickness and fatigue will start to wear off, and you’l feel a renewed glow of energy “???
Well, nope. I didn’t have morning sickness and in felt pretty good/ energetic in my 1st tri—both probably due to steroids—but was progressively more knackered during my 2nd tri.

Having to do a 3 point turn to roll over in bed because its so painful.

When I was 34 weeks, I decided to go bivying (sandwiched between 2 days walking 10 miles each).
I worried about whether I’d still fit in my sleeping bag, so tested it out before I went.
What I didnt take into account was that turning over with the bevy bag__which goes over the sleeping bag and is difficult to move in at the best of times—would be horrendously awkward. You know those wildlife documentaries where the snake has swallowed a cow? Yes, that.

When you have a leg amputated for the first few months your stump hurts when you have a poo 😲

Sorry thought this was in chat 😳 was wondering why everyone was talking babies and pregnancy 🤣

Your DP letting slip a little fart and it making you sick as a bloody pig.

@Deckthehallswithjammydodgers 😂 you had me completely confused

@Loonyluna16 my farts smell like peperami for no reason, but if OH does a smelly fart it’s like starting ww3. Absolutely cannot stand it