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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Pregnant outside of wedlock

78 replies

ChantelleKKK · 03/03/2018 11:11

How'd your family react if you got pregnant and weren't married to your partner?
My friend is concerned about her mum's reaction (she's 30 and dating her boyfriend). They are saving to marry and buy their own place
Any recommendations to deal with it.

OP posts:

Fidgety31 · 03/03/2018 11:12

At age 30 - it’s none of her parents business !

ineedamoreadultieradult · 03/03/2018 11:14

I honestly didn't think anyone would be bothered about this anymore!

SandysMam · 03/03/2018 11:14

Tell her the 1950’s called and want their opinions back

MyBrilliantDisguise · 03/03/2018 11:15

My parents were very elderly, very Catholic and very old fashioned, but even they wouldn't really bat an eyelid at this now.

Does she live with her boyfriend now?

Figgygal · 03/03/2018 11:15

In 2018 I'd be surprised if anyone cared!!

Tamingoftheglue · 03/03/2018 11:16

Unmarried mothers face no judgement anymore. Its none of her families business.

treaclesoda · 03/03/2018 11:17

This would still be a huge deal to my family and to a lot of people I know.

But hopefully your friend will be pleasantly surprised by her parents reaction and they will be thrilled with her happy news.

Schoolchoicesucks · 03/03/2018 11:17

Shocked that anyone cares, other than out of concern to make sure they take steps to sort out finances and legalities.

fruityb · 03/03/2018 11:19

My dad used to be quite old fashioned which I think was more influenced by my mum. She died twenty years ago.

I told my dad I was pregnant two years before we were due to get married. He burst into tears and said it was the best news he’d heard in years.

I was 33 at the time. It’s not really any of their business but by the same token I would have been hurt if he’d said anything about it negatively: he didn’t.

Fruitcocktail6 · 03/03/2018 11:20

I'm pregnant out of wedlock too. Hadn't crossed my mind that anyone would care in this day and age.

MrsJayy · 03/03/2018 11:23

Well my mum said I was a disgrace this was 20odd years ago but still ..

Didntcomeheretofuckspiders · 03/03/2018 11:24

Another sinful unmarried mother here

We will be married before the baby is born (moved the wedding forward as it was planned for three weeks after EDD) but only because we’ll never get around to it if we leave it until after!

Justwaitingforaline · 03/03/2018 11:25

I was a sinful unmarried mother!

Now I’m married.

Not to DD’s father.

Noone gave a toss

Wuffleflump · 03/03/2018 11:38

I'm not married to babies' father: no-one has even mentioned it. Though some people assume we are married. My family certainly know we aren't, and not so much as a suggestion that we should consider it.

MaidenMotherCrone · 03/03/2018 11:58

Wedlock? Who even uses that term in 2018.
Obviously she should be ashamed of herself and pop along to the local asylum or Catholic laundry.

Wedlock and sins?

Christian oppression still at it then.

I'd advise her to become Pagan, we love and honour pregnancy, as it should be!

Anya1981 · 03/03/2018 11:58

I’ve been with my partner 7 years, we’re not married though we are engaged. Few years ago my mum, desperate for grandchildren, said to me “You know you don’t have to be married to have a baby, don’t you?”
I thought that was quite funny. Hopefully your friend’s mother will think the same. But I echo what the other’s have said - it’s really none of her parent’s business, unless maybe she relies on them to provide for the family? Even then you’d think they would be pleased for her.

BookHelpPlease · 03/03/2018 12:00

I'd think she'd be better off being married before giving birth just for the protection it can offer.

IShouldReallyNamechange · 03/03/2018 12:07

My parents didn't give a toss. But then they didn't get married until I was 2.

ClareB83 · 03/03/2018 12:33

We got engaged. Then found out we were pregnant. So told family that a few weeks later. No one seemed annoyed that I was pregnant on my wedding day.

One relative even suggested delaying the wedding so I could buy a dress without worrying about a bump.

ThorsMistress · 03/03/2018 12:34

I wasn’t married to DS’s dad and no one said anything.

In fact I’m currently pg with DC2 and engaged to its dad who isn’t DS’s dad!

tinyradish · 03/03/2018 12:36

Bloody hell, it's 2018!

Thunderthunderthundercatshooo · 03/03/2018 13:01

We got pregnant (planned) with our first child before we got married, we were in a similar position. We were 32/33 and had been saving for years for our first home and our wedding. We sat down and decided if we bought the house, had the wedding then had a child it'd be another 2 years before we would of had a baby. We wanted 3 children so we weren't keen on waiting.

We were very lucky and got pregnant straight away, we were thrilled but knew we had 8 months to sort out a house, plenty of time! Anyway we told the in laws who are quite religious and let's just say the reaction was not good. My mother in law said "well it isn't going to have a very good start in life" "how did this happen?" Well mil...

We completed on our house a month before the baby arrived and got married when our daughter was 7 months old. It all worked out perfect.

The reaction/comments from the in laws about the pregnancy soured the relationship if I'm honest. They made us feel like we were 15 and had had a silly accident, not 2 people who had been together over 10 years, engaged and wanting to start a family. I even questioned if we should go through with the pregnancy after their reaction (early pregnancy feeling ) I'm so angry they made me feel that way. All because of how it'd look when they told their church friends!!

We had another child 18 months after the first and they said zip when we told them, no terrible start in life etc all because we were now married and it was acceptable to them.

Hurricanelily · 03/03/2018 13:07

Seriously?!
I’m 34, have been with my partner for 12 years and am currently pregnant.
We are engaged, have bought a house together and are really happy and settled.
Both families are delighted for us.
I really don’t think that I’m this day and age it matters. It may be different if I was 18 and had been with my partner for 2 weeks however all that matters is that baby will be brought up in a loving and happy environment. A piece of paper is irrelevant.

BiscayTrafalgarFitzroy · 03/03/2018 13:40

Wedlock - sorry, have I somehow ended up in 1953?

BiscayTrafalgarFitzroy · 03/03/2018 13:44

Btw - I am currently pregnant out of wedlock and both families are delighted because we (hopefully) aren't in 1953 anymore and the only people who care about these things are the people's whose opinions I wouldn't give two shits about.

Tell your friend it's her parents who will have to 'deal with it' not her. And congratulations to her too!

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