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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Dating when pregnant?

22 replies

Pumpkinpie449 · 07/02/2018 01:26

Help me out please ladies. I was with my bf for 2 years, found out 3 months ago that I’m pregnant, it wasn’t planned (I was on the pill) but I’ve always wanted kids so I was happy but completely shocked. Bf didn’t take it so well he totally blamed me and said I did it on purpose then moved to Ireland to live with his grandparents. Anyway I’m now 4 months pregnant and have been asked to go on a date with a really sweet guy, we have been friends for a couple of years but he told me he’s always liked me as more than a friend but didn’t say anything as I was already with someone. I told him that I’m pregnant but he said he doesn’t mind and loves children he even offered to bring the baby up as his own but I said I didn’t think it would be fair on him but he still wants us to date. If I wasn’t pregnant I would have probably agreed to go out with him I’ve never thought of him like that before but we do have a lot of fun together. Any thoughts?

OP posts:

Gannicusthemannicus · 07/02/2018 01:38

Firstly, I'm sorry about your ex. It's horrible what he did, running off like that.
I would be very careful about a new relationship. For one thing, his offer to raise the baby as his own suggests he is much too invested already, especially as you have only begun to think of him in a romantic light.
Do you think maybe you might be feeling unsure about going through pregnancy and parenthood without a partner, and so new man suddenly seems a great idea? That would be very understandable but not great for you or your child in the long run, if so.

Cavender · 07/02/2018 01:43

he doesn’t mind and loves children he even offered to bring the baby up as his own

Be very careful. Grand declarations of love early on in a relationship can be a red flag.

Taking on responsibility for a baby that isn’t your own is a huge decision. Not to be taken lightly or without thought.

Anyone who is offering that without even having been in a date with you...

Just make sure you aren’t being taken advantage of while you are vulnerable.

Original poster

Pumpkinpie449 · 07/02/2018 02:04

Thanks guys, I don’t think he would take advantage as we are quite close friends already, I think I’ll leave it until after I’ve had the baby and see if he still feels the same, I don’t really think I know what I’m doing yet or how I actually feel.

OP posts:

NewYearNiki · 07/02/2018 02:20

I dont know. Being with the baby from birth will be a hell of a lot easier than introducing a step parent later. The baby wont remember him not being there.

But yes be cautious. Dont get involved until after baby born at least.

Cavender · 07/02/2018 04:01

Very sensible Pumpkin If it is true love then he’ll wait.

Argeles · 07/02/2018 04:10

I think he sounds like a fantastic catch, and it’d be well worth your while dating him for a bit.

At least then if he sees you when you’re possibly not feeling or looking 100%, or he’s putting up with your moods/vomiting/wind/swollen ankles etc, then this would be a very good indication as to his character and his feelings for you.

I’ve heard of many similar things happening during and after WW2, and the families living happily ever after. Perhaps this could happen for you?

Addy2 · 07/02/2018 05:20

I dunno. In my experience, actions speak louder than words and the ones who can and do make lovely sweet statements like that often fail to back them up. Also, did he ask you out before or after he found out you were pregnant? I'd be wary if it was afterwards... Suddenly interested after knowing you for years because you're pregnant? I personally would worry about motive.

Diana2018 · 07/02/2018 06:56

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

RosaBaby2 · 07/02/2018 07:20

I’m single and pregnant, I think I would date if the opportunity arose HOWEVER as pp’s have said I would be wary about him already saying he’ll bring the baby up - it’s easy to say the right thing, doing the right thing is something else though. Take care

AnnaT45 · 07/02/2018 07:40

I know someone who started dating a pregnant woman. They are now married with other children and he raised that baby as his own, so it can work out.

However I think the fact he's saying he'd raise it as his own before you've been on a date is a bit strong! Unless he's trying to reassure you. I'd go on the date and not think about being pregnant or baby etc. Figure out if you like him first.

Pittcuecothecookbook · 07/02/2018 07:46

Diana2018 - wtf? You'd "encourage her" not to have an abortion because she had accidentally conceived naturally??

mamahanji · 07/02/2018 07:52

*Diana2018
*
What a fucking weird message. 'Congratulations on conceiving naturally'. What a load of spiteful bollocks.

Op I would be wary of his intentions. When I was pregnant with my first, the inappropriate attention I got was sickening. Some people get really turned on by pregnant women. (Which is fine if they are your partner!)

Also other things which don't need saying, but a sudden invested interest in your unborn baby. It would send red flags up to me.

But I am a cynical cow.

zaalitje · 07/02/2018 08:15

Huge red flags flying OP, his sweeping in as a knight in shining armor can be a sign of controlling behaviour.

I know you say you've known him for years, but that's as a friend, not a partner.

Just be careful, you're at your most vulnerable right now, concentrate on you and baby, that has to be your priority.

Hoppinggreen · 07/02/2018 08:21

diana is probably a bot writing a keyword article for SEO purposes.
I’ve written them myself ( not on forums but in publications) so I recognise them. Often companies farm them out to Asia Azmits cheaper and you get poor quality ones like that.
Anyway OP, take it very slowly with this man . There are 3 possibilities
He’s genuine
He thinks he’s genuine but will leg it once the baby is here and he panics
He’s a weirdo
Take the time to find out which one he is and focus on your baby’s for now

ClareB83 · 07/02/2018 09:11

I'd date him but take it slowly and be cautious. If it gets too weird then ask to put things on ice until after baby is born and you've settled in.

Maatsuyker · 07/02/2018 09:21

If you've been friends for years having a drink or a lunch won't do any harm. I would be cautious though in taking it forward. Be very very sure of his intentions and reasons before you ever move in together. But, having someone who cares for you might be nice during these months and after such a bad break up. Just take it slowly. And also be sure of yourself if you really like him or if he just fits the family picture. You deserve love and so does he.

Peanutbuttercheese · 07/02/2018 09:34

I don't like the knight in shining armour stuff and really strong declarations. I remember over hearing some men talking about pg women and joking at least you cant get them pg because they already are. It was a long time ago I remember thinking what scum they were.

Don't date, stay friends it feels suspiciously opportunistic to me.

Juststrugglingabit · 07/02/2018 09:55

I don't see why you can't date him, but take it really slowly. It's difficult to know what he said and exactly how he said it from your post, so it could come across either that he is a nutter or taking advantage, or he could be a genuine guy who is trying to reassure you that your pregnancy is not a barrier to any potential relationship.

I think you have to decide for yourself what the deal is, but if I was in that situation and I thought he was genuine, I'd go out with him a couple of times (to let him see that I really was indeed pg and will have a baby soon) and then if it's going well have a serious conversation about the impact a baby will have on your lives if they become joint.

grobagsforever · 07/02/2018 10:08

Jesus Christ no!! Mumsnet what's wrong with you today??? A man offering to raise a baby that's not his and not even born yet? OP if you get into this relationship and it fails once the baby is born (which it probably will once this man realises the reality of dating a post partum woman who has no interest in sex and or indeed, talking, because she hasn't slept for weeks!) you'll be dealing with a break up on top of a new baby!!!

Say no. Stay friends. Have the baby and learn to be a lone parent before you date.

MrsXx4 · 07/02/2018 10:14

My mum was pregnant with me when she met the man I have always called dad. He started dating my mum and was even at my birth, he was the first to hold me as mum had a C-section with me and was very poorly. I have never met my biological dad and am into my thirties now so I am past the point of wanting to know anything about him anyway.

Even though my 'dad' isn't my biological father he is the only dad I have ever known and I have never been without! I have a younger siblings and no one would ever know we were any differently made!

It can happen and can work. I have been very lucky and very loved all my life.

ClareB83 · 07/02/2018 11:45

Quite @MrsXx4 - my aunt and uncle have four kids. The eldest is my aunt's ex husband's who was sent to prison while she was pregnant for assaulting her. They treated them all the same and she considers my uncle her Dad.

ClareB83 · 07/02/2018 11:46

Oh I missed the main point there - my aunt and uncle got together while my aunt was pregnant with the eldest.

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