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Original poster

Meddling mother in laws!

63 replies

toxitears181 · 09/01/2018 08:38

Hey ladies I'm 12 weeks pregnant and going for my dating scan tomorrow, my mother in law has been buying baby things like prams, cots etc even though I've told her I want to make sure baby is ok first ! But she won't listen and she's texting me constantly asking what about this do you want me buy you that and it's got to the point were I have nothing left to buy my little one. I am grateful don't get me wrong but surely there is a line were enough is enough? Also my mum feels left out as she's not had a single chance to. buy anything because my mother in law has brought it all already 😫 am I overreacting? Would love to know others opinions. No hate please x x

OP posts:
ememem84 · 09/01/2018 08:40

Not over reacting. I didn’t want anything bought until after the 12 week scan.

Does mil live close to you? Could she keep those things at her house so when you visit you don’t have to take them with you? Then you can buy your own.

Trytrytry2018 · 09/01/2018 08:45

Oh I understand how you both must feel, but I bet she’s just excited 😊 why not reply to her text and just let her know what your mum is buying and what you will be buying so that way she knows what not to get. It can be a nice text and say thanks for everything 😊

Nikki2ol6 · 09/01/2018 08:46

Is this her first grandchild? She sounds very excited. Mine was the same and it was an amazing help, I didn’t have too much left to buy either

Original poster
toxitears181 · 09/01/2018 09:30

This would be her sixth grandchild but my first 😊👶🏻 xxx

OP posts:
Figrollsnotfatrolls · 09/01/2018 09:33

All her stuff stays at her house. Simple.
Except the cot or she will expect a baby to go on it!!

molifly · 09/01/2018 09:34

Not over reacting at all - i won't buy anything until 30 weeks

Bobbiepin · 09/01/2018 09:48

Take it from my experience, set out boundaries early or you'll be stuck with her being overbearing for some time! I agree with PP about that stuff staying at hers and you get your own. Good luck for the scan.

acornsandnuts · 09/01/2018 09:52

Just ask if she had the receipts. as For being excited, well yes, as will be OPs mum. However most people have a smidgen if self awareness and realize that it’s not all about them.

Firm boundaries right now. Help is always appreciated but it can always be declined which if course works both ways.

Original poster
toxitears181 · 09/01/2018 10:03

Thankyou ladies will update you about my scan tomorrow 😊 xxx

OP posts:
harrietm87 · 09/01/2018 10:15

I love my MIL but she's been quite similar - kitting out a full nursery at her house complete with cot even though we've said we will want the baby in our room with us when we go stay there (cot is massive so won't fit in the guest rm). She's also suggested that the baby calls her mama rather than granny or nana?! No thanks!

It's her first grandchild so just overexcited I guess. No real advice just to say I sympathise! I've let her do what she wants before baby is here, but once it is I'm going to be firm with my choices.

Bobbiepin · 09/01/2018 10:17

She's also suggested that the baby calls her mama rather than granny or nana?! No thanks!

My god! Nip that in the bud quickly! I thought my MIL was bad referring to DD (before she was born) as "my baby".

BigBaboonBum · 09/01/2018 10:17

You’re being unreasonable Imo. She’s excited, and chances are she thinks she’s doing this for you too as it’s your first and first babies usually get this kind of treatment. My OHs mother is the same and I leave her to it, if she asks me what I want/need I say absolutely nothing I’m all set.
I don’t really understand the boundaries comments, it’s not like she’s interfering, she’s just buying stuff Hmm

BigBaboonBum · 09/01/2018 10:18

Although the mama thing is REALLY weird ^^^^

harrietm87 · 09/01/2018 10:43

Yeah I know! When she said that I laughed it off and said obviously that's what the baby will call me ha ha. She hasn't mentioned it again!

It's fine (and actually really kind and generous) to buy stuff, it's only an issue when it feels like that's being used as a way to control things? Depends on the dynamics of the individuals I guess. I'm personally very grateful, but also feel a bit sad that they're kind of wasting their money - eg my MIL has also bought loads of boys and girls clothes as we don't know what we're having - so 50% will be wasted (it's like full on outfits - little suits and frilly dresses, so not neutral), and by the time the baby is here (April) it will be too late to return them! Up to her though, it's her money.

Figrollsnotfatrolls · 09/01/2018 10:50

Would like to ask you to try and appreciate the not so nuts mils - apparently years before dh and I got together my mil told him that she never wanted to be a dgm.
She stayed true to her word and met ds 3 times before walking away. Absolutely no back story, she was full of praise about how happy I had made dh etc etc. She just didn't want to be a dgm. Her loss but it would have been nice to have had her enjoy ds as much as we do!!

Randomlywondering · 09/01/2018 10:51

She's also suggested that the baby calls her mama rather than granny or nana?! No thanks!

Is she Chinese? Excuse the random question but my husband calls his grandmother Ah mah or mama more affectionately. My children call his mother Ah Mah too. I had to say no to the mama as that's what they call me but to her or wasn't try g to steal my name, just a normal title for a grandmother.

harrietm87 · 09/01/2018 11:01

@Randomlywondering no she's from Yorkshire!!

Randomlywondering · 09/01/2018 11:37

Ha ok then. That's very odd

gryffen · 09/01/2018 11:39

Nip it in was quixkly.

My MIL is very controlling and I'm wrong all the time and making my kids development go backwards etc. Can you guess how that discussion went? She threatened to take me to court for custody if I stopped DD seeing her.

Set boundaries, tell her thanks but not right now and then relax.

There is excitement but I can bet you since this is her 6th GC she will try and be bossy.

ClareB83 · 09/01/2018 11:47

How on earth is she buying pranks and pushchairs? How does she know what kind you want? What if it's twins?

I banned any purchases before 12 weeks and nothing expensive before 20.

You need to get firmer now.

bringmesunshine7 · 09/01/2018 11:47

She sounds excited.

Bellamuerte · 09/01/2018 17:20

I wouldn't be happy if my MIL did this, mostly because I'd like to choose my own pram and cot etc! Having said that, it's nice for her to offer to pay for things as long as she's letting you choose. My MIL has bought NOTHING and the only gift she gave to her other grandchild was an outfit when he was born. I'm not expecting anything from my MIL anyway; she didn't even bother to give us a wedding present or card when we got married.

monkey1978 · 09/01/2018 18:54

My mum is also excited about being a granny but asked me what I would like her to buy, she didn't just go and buy loads of stuff. And certainly not so early in my pregnancy.

babyitscoldoutsideX · 09/01/2018 19:12

I don't have a MIL but would be furious if FIL did this, especially for my first. Everyone is excited but the best thing about being pregnant is being able to buy all the babies firsts. Of course allow other people to help but not with the big special things (if you can afford to get them anyway).

Original poster
toxitears181 · 09/01/2018 22:12

When I mention it to my other half he gets all funny about it and starts saying I'm ungrateful and should be happy that she's buying all this stuff baring in mind she's brought my pram and Moses basket and I've not been able to pick as it's just been brought for me. I then try to explain that I wanna make sure everything is okay at scan and then he says I understand but I can't really start offending my mum as it will hurt her. I am deffo in the middle and feel like I cannot say anything without my head getting ripped off 😫

OP posts:
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